Anhedonia

"I'm leaving on...a...server?..."

2005-10-06T13:55:00.000-04:00

"I swear the check is in the mail!"

O.K. folks when next you look I won't be here. I'm going to "actually" move to blogsome. As opposed to just setting up the joint and dragging my lazy ass back here every morning to post. Hit me over yonder starting Friday. I actually didn't get evicted...I swear...for real...no jokes...besides I would move out before I ever got evicted...that's not what happened here...really...

Thou shalt not Judge...please

2005-10-06T09:41:00.000-04:00

"This whole damn legal system is out of order!"

The other day Humanity Critic posted about some criminal activities he was involved in and it made me think about my experiences with the law. While I will not at this point in time divulge some of the things I've done, I will get into the worse two feelings in the world. Getting locked up and going to court. First of all I'm sure every black man has something going on whenever he has to talk to the police, but knowing that they are about to arrest you is a real bitch. I don't know about where you're from, but Centeral Bookings here sucks ass. Beyond the "procedure" that you go through, you sit in a stone cell with a bunch of other dudes. They take most of your stuff meaning under shirts and things and then they start blasting the A.C. (the goddamned A.C.). Sitting on a concrete slab in January with the air conditioner going S-U-C-K-S. Then to make it more fun, you're going to sit in this cell for hours. When I say hours I mean get locked up at noon and you might be out after midnight...maybe. Then you see the commisioner who says what's what and then you go sit in another cell for I don't know how long. The second cell is worse cause you know when they let you out you're going home and it takes forever. So you finally get to go home (carrying your shit in a clear plastic bag minus lighters or nicotine products) luckily in Bmore nothings far so I was able to walk home at 3a.m. really pissed off and cold. But it doesn't stop there boys and girls, the real fun has not yet begun. You still have a court date. Nothing like having your fate in the hands of a tempermental person who is basically running shit. Better hope the judge is having a good day. So your summons says arrive at 8:30, but so did everyones. So you sit in a wooden bench anticipating your name being called and when they do your damn heart is in your throat. Now I know what charges usually yield what sentence, but nothing is worse than not having control when your freedom is on the line. In one of my court appearances the judge actually laughed at the description of what we were said to possess. Didn't make me feel any better. The worse thing about it is I'm the type of person who has argued with cops so that natural resistance is still present, it's just the thought that the judge is passing a sentence tempers it. However since I never really got caught doing much I was able to feel one of the best feelings in the world. Leaving court knowing you're done. Pay my fine and leave. Ready to cause havok once again amongst the populace. At least when you get several blocks from the court house. I would recommend to my readers that if you have to get arrested, do it in the city. Counties take things more serious and have more time to deal with you. Especially whatever county it is in Virgina where Kings Dominion is...bastards. Counties like to penalize you more monetarily than cities. Why the hell you arrest someone for having weed and then conduct an analysis to see what it is. I think knowing what it was facilitated the charge. Damn $250.00 testing fee. Did I mention to hell with Kings Dominion? Have fun and party safe kids!

Hey Ma! Revisited

2005-10-05T09:00:00.000-04:00

"If I get up out of this bed!"

A while back I wrote a post about my mother, hoping to shed more light on the sickness of my mind. I would be remiss to follow up on this segment. Darth Vader is the representation cause she introduced me to Star Wars and is one of the main people I can get into a geek conversation about it with. Plus she's the Darth Vader in my life and the only living person I still have some fear of.

Dealing with Children - I mentioned before that my mother always taught me to speak to children like adults. Since they are learning from you, if you talk baby talk that's what they will learn. Well, my mother had some other unique ideas about dealing with the youth. When she was younger my cousin was going through a biting phase. She bit people what can I say, I never did it. My mother kept saying, "ya'll need to curb that now." Well one day my mother had to take something from my cousin and my cousin bit her...so my mother bit her back. My cousin stood there stupefied for a minute and really didn't know how to react. My mother walked way and said,"Hurts don't it?"

Dealing with Me - My mother believes in the pecking order. I have been informed at various ages that "I will always be her baby/child." There fore I always have to stay with her when we are out. When I was little she held my hand and walked at my pace. Now, she grabs my arm and makes me walk at hers. She briefed me on the positions I am required to take when walking with her or any other woman. Between people and her purse and between her and cars. When she first told me about the car thing I asked what was the use. My concern was that it would just mean that if a car is coming I'm sure to be hit. "Exactly" she said, "I raised a good shield, didn't I?".

On another hand my mother is very understanding during the years when I was a viable target for police and couldn't catch a cab (wait, I still can't) she held me down. I have seen her fuss at police on my behalf and when we needed to catch a cab she made me stand back while she hailed them down. Gotta love it.

Dealing with People - This is one reason my mother still causes some fear in me. My aunt used to have a boyfriend named Curtis. Well one day the four of us are sitting in the living room and Curtis is playing around with my aunt. I can't even remember what the hell he was doing, but my aunt kept telling him to stop. All of a sudden I hear this loud ass thud. I look up, my mother is sitting back down and Curtis is clutching his chest trying to catch his breath. As soon as he could speak he told my mother, "I was just playing" my mothers response (from behind the T.V. guide), "I don't like when people play with my sister like that." I figured then I don't want my mother seriously mad at me ever in my life.

Dealing with Drama - I used to have a lot of issues...I don't mean Psychological, those came along later in life. I mean asthma and a large number of injuries (I was clumsy and curious). I must say that the only time I ever saw her running and slightly out of sorts was when I got hit by a car...good story in itself. So I get hit by a car, my mother comes running out out the house. I blacked out so I didn't know what was going on. I ask my mother, "What happened did someone get hit by a car?" - her response. "shut up and stay on the ground boy!"

Or how about during a sleep walking episode, I wake up downstairs scared unsure about what was going on. I start yelling for my mother. She wakes up and says, "You was sleep walking, come on up here and go back to sleep." I swear my mother telling me to do something cuts through any fear.

How about my mothers favorite quote for your sob story. You whine and complain and my mother says look {index finger and thumb rubbing together} you ask what's that...she says the smallest violin in the world and it's playing for you. Every now and then my mother calls me a wise ass and I let her know it's genetic.

That's what I get

2005-10-04T11:53:00.000-04:00

"Pain don't hurt"

I am of a mind that pain does not really hurt. I mean it hurts, but...let me explain. Pain is your bodies method of letting you know that something is wrong. Once you know whats wrong you have to correct the situation. When I recognize the problem I can ignore the pain...in most cases. Right now I am not in pain...I am a little sore though. This can all be traced to the fact that I did not go running all summer like I usually do. This combined with the fact that I ran a mile and then hit the weights afterwards has left a brother a little sore. This is not the bad part. The thing is I'm targeting my legs more than anything so this is where I am most sore. To the delight of anyone who wants to laugh at me my stiffness is only visable when I walk down steps or first begin walking. I look like an old man. I knew I should have ran this summer. The weights thing is never an issue, it's like riding a bike you might not start where you were, but you can get back there. With running it just sucks to run out of breath at a place where you know you would have been going strong in the past. So I am now petitioning for a female massuere willing to work in exchange for humorous comments and unique insights. I haven't had any takers yet. Now I'm about to buy me some ankle weights to keep on throughout the day to help keep up the progression. It sucks starting out, but its good to know what I'm doing....ahhh, getting back on point.

The mother of invention

2005-09-30T12:57:00.000-04:00

"I'm financially embarassed at the moment"

I'm broke...not meaning I have no money, I'm responsible adult broke. Basically I have money and all of it has to go somewhere. I remember being little and seeing my mother with money I'd ask her for some and she'd say it wasn't actually her money, it belonged to bill collectors and they just hadn't got it yet. I understand now. I am familiar with that feeling of how much money you'll really get on payday. Luckily due to hook-ups and the like I can not only survive, but still have fun during this time. This is a guy who (pre-bills) was unemployed for a whole summer and kept the same $40 in my pocket. I still managed to have ridiculous fun though. I left town, went to clubs, drank and lived it up and it wasn't until the end of august that I even broke a twenty. I know how to live it up while poor. I will say that as the responsibilities of adulthood loom over me more it's sometimes harder. I don't for instance need to blow $50 at a club, but the things I want do cost more these days. It's always at times like this that I think back to my last few luxury purchases and hang my head in regret. Not for long, however, I figure if I had the money now I'd probably spend on something I wanted anyway. I'm the type of person who doesn't enjoy having money as much as spending it. It feels good to have a knot in my pocket, but that's because I'm thinking of the things I can blow it on. Just like I'm only really good at saving money when I have something in mind to eventually spend it on. At times like this I start running down the unread books and doorman hook ups I have. Plus I'm running on Sunday and then it's football so that will kill some time. I find that during any period of broke pockets the most important thing is to get through as fast as you can. I cook some of my best meals when I'm broke. I believe that all presidential candidates should have to live for two months without money...rather any substantial money. The world would be a better place. So off I go to have fun with minimum funds.

Dead End

2005-09-29T12:14:00.000-04:00

"Le comédie est fini"

Over the last few days it has become very clear that I will not be at this job long. Right now I just don't know which shoe will fall first. On one hand we have things that have gone wrong that my boss could write me up for to make herself look good. We have a disput with the funder over a move that we don't want to happen, so actually it's one director vs. another both of whom are over my immediate boss. If one isn't happy the contract can be pulled. If the other is happy than we aren't. Basically there are alot of things going around that could all bode ill for my employment status here, or rather the existance of this place. Than if I get a response from the resumes I'm about to send out I'll probably just bounce. While I have concerns about new employment, bills and what will happen to my clients - I otherwise don't care. It's like a bad friend who threatens to not speak to you anymore. You just kind of shrug and pray they keep that promise. The funniest part of all is that I kind of don't care. I'm not afraid of being out of work. I don't care even if I should get fired. I'm just tired of dealing with this whole place. I actually looked up the price of a plane ticket to brazil (for my new career as gigilo and lounge singer). The only thing that bothers me is that it seems no one is considering our purpose in this whole thing. I feel like a soccer mom,"Won't someone please think of the children!!!". Anywho, the thrill is gone here it's anhedonia when I cross the door step in the morning. Nothing new, except for stupid ideas and suggestions. I'm tired. Smell ya later.

It's been coming

2005-09-28T13:28:00.000-04:00

"Dammit Jim I'm a doctor not a fuel gauge!"

Soooo....today I was running late. This always happens cause when I wake up and for some reason assume I can lay in bed for a few minutes before I get up. So I get here and I have to take some youth to an orientation. This means I have to get the "Hulking Behemoth"...the van. I hate, I hate, I hate this damn van. It's old, you can't lock the doors, it smells and it goes through gas like it's leaking. The other perpetual problem is since we don't often use it alot of times we get it and it needs gas. The final nail in the coffin is that I always end up driving it. This is another downside to being the only man in the office. There are alot of things that I end up having to be the one to do. It would be alright, but it's not just physical labor. I swear making yourself required may bring some security, but it makes you the number 1 candidate to do things. Now I have been waiting for this mobile junk pile to run out of gas on me and today was the day. I looked at the gauge and I knew it was low, I knew it wouldn't make the two trips they wanted me too. So I grab the youts and head up MLK. If any of you know anything about Baltimore MLK is large but its not a very long street. So about 4 (longer) blocks up I notice that it's not responding as much when I hit the gas. My heart sank as plunged the pedal further down, the van sputtering and gagging. I made it up one more block and I knew I had to get off MLK cause them kids wasn't going to help me push that shyt. I turned a corner and made it another block before I pulled over and cut her off. Now pay attention cause this is where Capt. Dumbcomment comes in. I call tell them whats up. Here go the stupid comments: try to make it to the gas station. Dammit this big rusty bitch got around that last corner on fumes and prayer and that took 2 1/2 minutes! Yes 2 1/2 minutes to turn a corner, you shoulda seen the dirty looks I got. Then people are trying to convince me to get to a gas station. I almost said something like, "fuck off, ass clowns". Ain't no way I'ma be stuck on the Howard st. bridge in a stalled out van. I hate that van like Capt. Hook hates Peter Pan. I'm not allowing people to speak to me for the rest of the day.

Behind the Blog: The Early Years

2005-09-27T11:34:00.000-04:00

"I don't think about risks much. I just do what I want to do. If you gotta go, you gotta go."
Lillian Carter

Now, lets take some time to look at the steps that have brought the Anhedonic cat you've all grown to know and love (or just laugh at) to where he is in his life. While I do think things through, it's because of experience and wisdom more than knowledge. Let's just say having blisters all over the palm of my hand is the way I learned the iron gets hot. So now let us take a stroll through recollection and see some of the things that has shaped me into the twisted individual I am.

1 year + When we lived in an apartment in Texas I once knocked out the screen in the window and climbed outside. Me and my trusty Dukes of Hazzard car were going for a walk. This is actually one of my first memories. So after a brisk jaunt through the complex I went home. The problem being that all those doors looked alike and I didn't know numbers and letters. So I picked up a newspaper wrapped in plastic inserted my car into it and started banging on a door Eventually my mother picked my up from behind and whisked me home. Ahh...exploration.

2 years + In the middle of our apartment complex there was a nice sized swimming pool. One day as I walked my mother to do the wash. I made up my mind to impress her with my swimming ability. With a quick shout of "Look Ma!" I made a beeline for the pool and jumped in the deep end. Of course I had never swam in my life. Thankfully my mother was a champion swimmer in the Airforce. This was also when I learned that your mother shouting the word "Boy" can function as cursing.

4 years After moving to Bmore My family quickly learned that I was an unusual child. For one thing I was very literal. Telling me to do things like, "Throw this glass in the sink" resulted in alot of broken glasses and a policy change in how I was given instructions. This might be the reason my grandmother still details every step of what she is asking me to do even though I'm an adult. I also used to run with my head down until I hit the porch doors so maybe she thinks I rattled something.

5 - 6 years Most of the fights in my life have been with people larger than myself (Bully issuess). Well one time I was saved from fighting. There was some teenager (asshole) who thought it was funny to stick his air rifle in the ground and shoot a clod of dirt in my face. I did not see the humor. I didn't consider that this kid was almost twice my size I was just mad. So He promptly got a punch into the best place I could reach. No not the nuts, but the place I find most fun. The diaphragm. Luckily my aunt realized that it was best to pull me on in the house while dude stood there trying to get his breath.

9 - 10 years I have mentioned this before, but...look I really used to like the movie "A Christmas Story" and during that time we had an old refrigerator with coils at the top. One morning as the movie was on before I had to leave for school, I happened to be looking in the fridge and I got to wonder...you know the pole scene and all. Well lets just say I sounded just like that kid as I called for help (except for the crying and screaming) I was saved and my mother made me go to school anyway. For the record I was not really thinking, it was an impulse...shut up.

21 years This is a big forward, but it's a good illustration. One fine payday I walk to this club spot that has been many things but was at this time (and still is today) called Gordon's. Someone I know was having something and I had no plans so I went. The event was o.k. but I really wasn't in the mood and there weren't that many people. So I end up chilling at the bar and kickin it with the two female bartenders. So I'm ordering drinks and I realize I should have something different. So I started asking them to suggest things. Since most of the people were upstairs I was able to hold their attention and they started getting into it. They would suggest I would give a thumbs down or try the suggestion. Before anyone thinks that I was getting suckered by the cute bartender, I paid for about $30 in drinks that night, I easily drank $60 or more worth of booze. The bartenders really got into it and started thinking up drinks to see if I had tasted them before. They even made up a drink and named it after me. Don't ask me what was in it. As I stumbled my ass home I knew it was a bad idea...but it sure was fun.

Horizon

2005-09-23T00:39:00.000-04:00

"It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day"
Johnny Nash

I feel...good. For the first time in a while I'm starting to feel good about what's coming. Don't mistake me. Alot of things still suck, but my overall feeling about the future is lovely. I'm getting up with good people. I have some projects on the horizon. I'm starting to get moving on the music tip and my boyish charm is holding up. What more could I ask for. Besides unlimited funds, a vacation with the woman of my choice and the Ravens in the playoffs...alright forget that it'll throw off the idea I'm trying to convey. Now, if you can assist with any of it than by any means do so. I love this feeling. It's further down on the list than knowing when you get off a woman you want to see is expecting you. It's not as good as realzing that your whole life is about to change, but it's great. Within this anticipation is the possibility for all of those things. Personally I have always loved the moments before. The cruddy part of me wants to compare it to waiting for a practical joke to come to fruition. Knowing whats coming and savoring each moment before. As I like to say, "I'm rolling it around in my mouth." and I love the taste. It's almost as good as the moments after. I find anticipation and realization two of the most intoxicating (and on the flip side sobering) feelings one can experience. I have things that I could bitch about (in abundance), but for this moment I don't even feel like it. I'm going to enjoy my little sugar high. I just need for the Bengals (as much as I'm enjoying them) and the Steelers to lose, give my Ravens a chance. Everyone enjoy your weekend.

Working with Youth for Dummies

2005-09-22T12:18:00.000-04:00

"Youth is not wasted on the young. The young know how truly dreadful youth can be. Their youth is wasted on everyone else, that’s the horror. The young have no authority, no respect. "
Anne Rice

Ah yes the wonders of working under a federal grant...it sucks pretty bad. The worst part about my job is that I help youth and I work under adults who always try to "cool" things up. Just look at the name of the program. These are some of the worst experiences you can have. and I'll go into some of my pain with you all.

Club Night - This seemed like a good idea at the time. I, knowing what clubs in Baltimore are like knew I would hate this. I spent the entire night like a priest at a catholic school dance seperating people, "Leave room for the lord". The difference is that these aren't kids dancing close and grabbing ass. This is dry humping on the floor. After the first two I refused to go to anymore. Since I have heard tales of sex in the bathroom. Dudes having asthma attacks and other patrons basically like, "fuck him!". The funny thing is the people who's idea it was weren't there.
Slang on flyers - This is a horrible idea. If you are older than 35 than do not attempt to use slang that you don't know about. This has ended up in mispellings like for one dance "Shake your boddie". I know what it should say, but for real just give it up. You may have been hip at one point in time, but no longer. Even I at 26 (almost 27) don't try that nonsense. I mean I am from the age group that had D.L. taken from them so I can't even trust the slang I do know.
Poetry Slams - Look for certain segments of the community poetry is cool. However don't think just because Def Jam has a show on HBO that all the kids love it...they don't. Hell they won't really come to a hip-hop event cause we won't let them in high or drunk. Plus I don't like to play bullshit...but hey what do you want?
The R.V. - This is a rarely working machine that is used for recruiting young folks. The theory is that if we pull up in it and blast "music the kids like" then they'll come in droves. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Just because you play some Tupac don't mean kids will want to get their G.E.D. Plus they know what you're trying to do and they don't think you're cool.
Naming Ceremony - Everytime it's time to have an event someone tries to come up with some "cool" name. For some reason they think if it sounds cool that kids won't figure out they're coming to learn something. They are not fooled by titles. The worse part is that these names end up sounding like some Japanese show -"The super happy fun time Job readiness class".

Adults suck.

Celebrity Amber Alert

2005-09-21T01:42:00.000-04:00

"Like Behind the Music for Magicians"

Harry Potter, amazing tales of wizardry? No my friends, a story of child abuse. Think of it this way: an evil wizard kills your parents and scars you physically. So what do those protecting you do...send your infant ass to abusive family members who never liked your parents and take it out on you your entire life. Your "chosen" ass lives in a closet under the stairs, washes and cleans like an indentured servant and are constantly reminded how lucky you are that they took your orpan ass in. Then what happens, but you find out that you are accepted into wizard school. Not only that, but that you have a fortune in some wild bank run by goblins and everyone is treating you like a celebrity...but no one really wants to tell you why. It seems like every thing is going well, you've made new friends and you're doing things you like. Then drama starts to occur and it seems like it's all centered around you...and you have no idea why. It seems like someone wants to kill you and no one will tell you straight up whats going on. So you manage to reveal the culprit and find that you are a target of the same person who killed your parents...and it seems like he can't be killed and will come for you again. Then you go home again to abuse and downtalk. So you return to school the following year and here we go again. People are getting paralyzed, you're turning up with special powers and now people are suspecting you. So you work through the situation and and find out...it's the same dead guy that killed your parents trying to kill your ass again. You knock him out the box almost dying in the process, but you make it through. Of course no one has told you anything straight up. People keep dropping hints and shit. So you go back home...again. This time you're older and when another family member tries to rip on you and your family you snap and blow her ass up. Of course you face serious trouble for this, but things work out. Then you find out that someone has broke out of jail and is trying to kill you, again. Then you almost get killed on the way to school. You go around for another school year with no one telling what the hell is going on and knowing your life is in danger. On top of that your fame still can't get you on the field trips to town...sumumabitch! Then you find out the person who broke out played a part in your parents death. Now you're pissed off. You make up your mind that you are going to kick some ass this time. You track down the culprit and find out...he is the only person left that knows something is willing to tell you and he didn't do anything to your parents. Of course you save his life, but you can't prove he isn't guilty so he has to take off. Leaving you in a place where someone always wants to kill you and no one will tell you what the hell is going on. This cat needs child protective services or something. He is obviously part of a cycle of abuse that will continue. Help him if you see him.

Knots...Landing

2005-09-20T13:13:00.000-04:00

"Still tied up..."

Here is the breakdown from yesterday's post.

The unimportant thing now is that the Ravens lost this weekend...it just sets the tone.

Sunday night I was drifting off to sleep after 11:00pm and I had the sense of a presence, I couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not when I saw a figure standing in my room. When I realized that I was actually awake I jumped out of bed with my fist cocked about to deck this "intruder"...that's when my cousin announced himself. I assume "the guy in the basement" let him in because my cousin (his sister) was asleep. He talked for a few minutes, but I didn't hear much cause I was still steaming and considering whether or not I should hit him anyway. He was my "locked up" cousin for the last few years and he got out about a month ago. We talked alot while he was in jail and I know he has been waiting to see me. He could have picked a better time and method though.

I got up and was on time and everything. I got in and things did not seem right I was concerned, but I let it go. Mistake, when I came in this morning the place had been broken into and ravaged. The DVD was gone and a "borrowed digital camera". The worst part of it all is that all fingers point to "The Brats". The really messed up part of it is I had talked to the local cop and he was trying to get the oldest of them registered as he was going to turn 16 soon. I suspected it was his crew and someone came past while the officer was taking the report and said they saw some kids throwing things off of the roof. It sucks cause just the other day I was thinking about how I could reach shorty and help him out. Now cause he has a record his prints will probably show up and he'll go down again. I really wanted to help shorty out too. This is not the first time that my place of employment has been broken into...it really sucks to be hit by those you exist to serve.

Knots...(and not Don)

2005-09-19T09:55:00.000-04:00

"(Insert pacing figure)"

Weekend was good...Ravens lost...almost punched someone sunday night from out of my sleep...got up early...dressed....in the office early....something is different...things are moved...spideysense tingling...something is gone...something borrowed...something costly...something that should have been returned already...who will catch blame?...why couldn't I have been on vacation?...Sucks...not a new thing...if I close my eyes I can be standing in the sun...too bad I need to see...They come in battalions...I'd prefer a single spy...dammit, dammit, sonofabitch...going to sit for about 10 minutes...then I'll start moving...I hate today already...

Selling on Out

2005-09-15T16:31:00.000-04:00

"George Bush Loves Black People!"

Hopefully my readers won't hate me and Humanity Critic won't throat chop me...I'm doing it for the money! I have a plan to get rich and famous. I'm going to become Bush's black friend. I'll go to meetings, dinners and things with him. I'll be seen with an arm around him and my hand on Condi's ass. I'll denounce Kanye West (while secretly hiding his C.D.) for his outburst. Just being his friend means I'm sure to get some high ranking position that I'm not qualified for and all types of inside investment tips and things. The downside is, I'll lose all of my friends, my current readers and I won't be able to show up anywhere that I think is cool to be. White republicans will probably buy me drinks, though. I won't be able to go to any more concerts of artists I like. I'll get all the Toby Keith tickets I can stand (which is one, but I digress). Just think about the possibilities, I'll find out all types of secrets and good stuff. If someone tries to discredit me and dig up something from my past, they'll find some arrests, non-profit work, and an HBCU. I'm the perfect spokesman. I'm the type of black person they said to dislike. I'll go on the talk show circut and become more loved by mainstream america than Wayne Brady.

That being said I can only do so much before my true colors shine through. So, after I stack a nice bankroll, I'll quit and repent. I'll go on talkshows again and say that it was all a lie, Condi said she wanted to scream my name and then Bush pulled me in! They offered me money! All of my friends will come back saying they knew it couldn't have been true. I'll give an exclusive to H.C. talking about how Bush violated his guide to having black friends. I'll knock off every famous beautiful woman who hates Bush. I'll tell Larry King that he laughed and said "Fuck the National Guard!" before regailing me with tales of his A.W.O.L. activities. So, to all of you out there try not to hate me too much, I'm doing it for the money and the chance to show him up later on. B.T.W. I'll be going by R.J. during this period.

Solo

2005-09-14T16:53:00.000-04:00

"The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself."
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

So I'm alone...a solo artist...the lone ranger. My boss has been out and may come in on friday. My other co-worker leaves early on tuesday and works in another building on thursday. Not to mention that I also have to take on the responsibilities of my boss, but every damn thing broke, the copier/fax, my computer and I'm compelled to strangle...someone. I almost want to go raw and buy a beer and sit at my desk in my boxers drinking. Perhaps that's a bit extreme, I'll just undo my pants and take my shirt off. Now it may seem like a momentary disruption to have my computer down, well it's not. If I lost my job today I might have to spend the next day saving things to disks and what not. I get a lot of things done on my computer at work, mostly personal things. I'm floating through these days. Being alone means I can't leave out to get certain things done, basically if a phone call or email won't do it - than I can't do it. I'm broke, but that doesn't matter cause I couldn't go out to get lunch anyway. I'm depressed cause of some turmoil in my life (translation: the Ravens lost on sunday night). I'm sitting and looking out of the window at the usual goings on some of which I covered in this post. I am reminded that I don't want to be like one of these old dudes out here. These cat's are sitting on the same steps everyday, drinking beer and ch-ch-chillin'. No work, no jobs, and I can't say that any of them have a real "family". Everyday these dudes are out here, kicking it. These dudes I can't really respect on the other hand another variation of these dudes are what I call the supermarket playas. You may have some of these old men in your city. These cat's are all retired and basically chill outside of the supermarket getting money from old and young ladies to ride them and their groceries home. All most all of these dudes drive cadillacs...it's like Crenshaw for the retired. They throw on some slacks a shirt and and a hat, park their caddy and kick it with their homies. I can respect that. Besides I plan to sit on my porch in my twilight years and tell young people how they messing up and young wanna be playas what they doing wrong. Think of the old dudes in the barbershop from Coming to America. "He whopped ~~Joe Louis'~~ Bernard Hopkins' ass!"

Anyway I can't front I'm not comfortable with myself right now. I'm not happy with my job. I'm not happy with my money, I'm not happy being single, I'm not happy with the world. On top of all that I'm stuck at my job by myself. However when I go home tonight I really have nothing to do and that pisses me off more than anything. I remember I used to have no free time. Having a whole bunch of free time just sucks. I'm about to write out my life and start coming up with things to do. Things to push me further. Right now I feel like those dudes chilling on the steps and it's driving me crazy. Perhaps if large groups of people didn't irritate me so much I could just go out and be happy. I can't though. Someone alway ends up saying or doing something that reminds me why I stay home most of the time. I wrote on someone's blog that I was going to start picking women up at Barnes & Nobles to drink coffee and read books for free. If none of this goes right then I'll plot my world takeover. Just in case I'm accepting applications for generals in my army...my secretary of pain position is reserved for the jello enthusiast.

Dammit

2005-09-14T13:59:00.000-04:00

"Ha HA"

I did a whole long winded post about things that I need and want on the sane side of my brain. and I try to post it and lost the whole thing. This is Nelson Muntz, he represents my whole interaction with computers this week. Not to mention the fact that my boss is out so I had to assume her responsibilities and I have been basically solo in the office all week. Yeah, I know bitch, gripe, complain. I guess it's easier when I talk about the world and everyone can relate instead of when I just yap about my own issues. Dammit.

Les Enfants Terribles

2005-09-13T11:47:00.000-04:00

"Children may or may not be blessing, but to create them and then fail them was surely a damnation"

Lois McMaster Bujold, "Barrayar", 1991

The above image is from City of God, basically showing a younger boy being initiated into the "gang". What you don't see are the two people he has infront of him, of which he has to shoot one. Those two were children, one his age the other younger. It's those children that I want to talk about. While drugs were being sold and a gang war was going on there was a group of young children who were basically living lawless. Raiding stores, robbing people and commiting any type of crime that they could. I have found a variation of them in the blocks surrounding my job. Two of them are the younger cousins of some of my clients. In regards to their family they are the ones everyone is waiting to see killed or arrested. The mother of those two (she has a total of 4 children) had a nervous breakdown not long ago. The situation is not unique and this is the problem. I see these boys all the time when they should be in school. I hear from their cousins and a friend of mine in the area their exploits. A rash of cars broken into. Homes broken into (a brand new Glock stolen from one), grown men beat down. All I can think is these are the children of the 90's. Families who don't know what to do with them. Schools that can't wait until they turn 16 so they can be dropped from roll. Cops building cases so the first time they are caught for a crime of circumstance they can be charged as adults and sent away. I have already posed the question what will the children of double aught buck be like ('00 don't mind my old miner terminology). I'm not sure I want to find out. I myself walk a thin line with these boys. I see them enough that we speak, but I don't trust them and would be willing to lay one out if it came to it. That's not really even my style, however, with each passing year it's not the rawness of young people that increase - it's the number of young people who are raw. I knew someone like them growing up, I didn't know 10...not until late middle/early high school. I used Les enfants terribles not because of the play or movie but from a video game. In Metal Gear Solid the phrase was coined from two clones produced from a great soldier who were taught to be the best. I wonder if in a sense it isn't almost the same type of situation. These cats are more advanced in several ways. They are willing to do more and have been through more than most people I knew coming up. They have less fear and less support. More people are willing to accept that they will be killed or go to jail. I can't help but believe that we are creating these "enfants terribles". They are in the proper environment to grow up into criminals and killers. They will probably end up having children as well, children who will be a step ahead in the same game. As we ponder our progress I see more regression. What's sad is that though I work in a field that's created to "help them", none of them are old enough for me to do anything for them. I have to wait a year for the oldest and 4 for the youngest. I can't help but think what difference a year will make.

Soooooo.....

2005-09-12T10:12:00.000-04:00

"Stop laughing at me!!"

Me and my computer here at work are having some issues. So much so that I'm not even on it while I type this. First of all it just seems dirty to type a post on another computer. Something about do it on the computer that's provided for me to do work on is just soothing. So if I should get the problem taken care of today I'll post something, if not I'll be like the dudes from Office Space taking the Fax machine out into a field.

More Helpful Hints for Dudes Who Suck

2005-09-08T16:30:00.000-04:00

"The Art of Easing"

Having already produced three other entries in this series I was inspired by MidLife Crisis to forge on in my journey to improve the quality of dudes for the ladies. Plus, watching you fumble around makes my beer taste bad.

Nosce te ipsum - Know Thyself - To quote a friend of mine, "he can't beat me at being me". Simply explained - don't try to out do other people in an effort to win attention, that's like placing a bet against the mob...the fight is already fixed. Do you. Whatever that is. True, not all the ladies will be interested, but such is life. By trying to out perform someone in their own arena you serve to set yourself up to look stupid.

You Must Learn - Nothing comes across better than knowing. The name of the person who said that quote. What type of wine goes with this meal. Who performed the original version of that song. That shirt is a cotten/linen blend right? Whatever it is knowing is helpful. Knowing what to do about that car trouble she is having. Knowing where she can get that information from. Most importantly, know that you don't know. Nothing is worse than someone stretching beyond what they know. Once again you're setting yourself up to look stupid. The wise man knows he knows nothing at all. Roll with your strengths.

Down the Rabbit Hole - So many dudes try to create a false experience. Knowing that women like to hear shit. I love you. I've never felt this way before. Blah, Blah, Blah. Avoid this bullshit in the end it brings you nothing but drama. Of course we must recall a guiding principle...women talk to each other. Not all of them, but more than we do. Someone will see through your non-experience and realize that all you are is a dick and talk. Some won't care, quality ones will.

Omitting and Lying - A true man does not have to lie. O.K. unless your girl is a police detective and you are planning a surprise party then maybe. In that instance though she's even harder to lie to. Make things known. If this is how you roll make it known. Firstly lying is hard to keep up with anyway. Second of all most people lie from fear. Don't be a pussy. Say what you feel. She either has to take it or leave it. After being tossed around the majority of the ladies will appreciate knowing where they stand. It's one thing to not mention something, however, an angry lady will not respect the subtle distinction. I find the take it or leave it attitude works best.

Know your level - If you prefer chicken wings to an actual meal than ignore all of this. Know the level of woman you are seeking out. Just because your woman of choice is not sitting on some steps in the middle of the hood doesn't mean she is not the main ingredient in a Chicken Box. Bell Biv Devoe said it best "Never trust a big butt and a smile". Do some investigation. One of the best methods (unless your target has been reading MidLife's recent posts) is to let them talk. The average person can't stand silence and will reveal intimate details about themselves if you only give them a chance.

Cavet Emptor -Let the buyer beware - Seek out more than ass! Getting ass is easy and can be done. The thing is something always comes along with it. Some type of drama can easily be imported into your life when you casually accept all the ass that you can get. Pick and Choose my friend. Actually try not to shop in the bargin bin at all. I used to tell my clients if you were to get a girl pregnant and would then be upset that SHE, in particular, is pregnant don't sleep with her. Condoms and clean bills of health do not protect you from the wrath of a woman. Much less the wrath of a crazy woman. Yeah she'll be just as passionate when she watches to see where your car is parked with that aluminum bat clenched in her fists...I hope you don't have any pets. I had a co-worker who was a player and could pull the ladies with ease. His choices however caused his car to spend a lot of time in the shop. The only good thing about getting involved like this is that friends like me can laugh at you when you ask me to call you in five minutes and say I need a ride...."who is this?"

In the Aftermath

2005-09-06T03:36:00.000-04:00

"When sorrows come they come not in single spies, but in battalions."
Shakespeare

Over the past few days we have seen all types of pictures of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Beyond lost lives and property another thing has been lost. Perspective. The way people view the government, the way the world views America. All of these things will come to affect us in the future. One positive thing to come out of all of this that I hope will remain is the attitude of the media. The media has been very critical and unforgiving towards the government in it's handling of this situation. Wolf Blitzer even mentioned that the majority of the people we are seeing are "so poor and so black". On Real Time with Bill Maher it was mentioned (well alot was mentioned) that money that would have gone directly to helping preparing the Gulf Coast for incidents such as this had been cut. The most profound perspective is that of the rest of the world. Right now America looks weak and impotent. The greatest country in the world unable to properly help it's own...before or after the fact. Hell, atheletes got into the region to help before the government did. On that note, for the uninitiated I just have to mention my utter distrust of the Red Cross. Not to mention that there are several smaller organizations that aren't getting much support...or press. Not only in the direct area but in the cities that some of the evacuees have been shipped to. I hope that more people will start asking critical questions about the lack of proaction and the slow reaction to this situation. I hope that people will consider that the national guard should have been in the country to assist with evacuations beforehand instead of sending people who aren't full-time soldiers into a war. I hope people realize that most of the people who were still in the area and didn't evacuate were too poor to do so. I hope people will not just get through this and after things are rebuilt and consider it a strong moment in our history. I hope that people will learn to look towards the future. Where are we vulnerable? What are we doing in the world that may cause backlash? I hope that people will become involved in their lives on all levels.

Consuming Us

2005-09-01T00:48:00.000-04:00

"Yes, we marched on the Federal building. Five hundred of us, young brothers, full of outrage...They were hiring that day. The brothers came with outrage; they left with jobs."

-Kalinga (I'm Gonna Git You Sucka!)

I constantly think about, well the current status of things. Like with gas prices soaring why are people not kirking out and siphoning off of city trucks...hmmmmmmm...not a bad idea. They say that money is the root or evil, but I'm wondering if it doesn't also produce complacency. I just think on a personal level, how many times have I been pleased just thinking of a recent purchase. How often has the ability to buy something made me feel content with myself. Even when I look at the place of black people in America. How many of us think things are cool cause we can work, own and purchase things. Have we truly become a part of the pre-Fight Club mentality? My life will be complete when I buy the couch with pea green stipe pattern! The sad truth is we all have to spend most of our time doing something we hate just to finance living...even if it's not comfortably. So my thought is, how do we upgrade ourselves? I know we need to. This doesn't even come from watching the masses. When I look at those who I know to be intellectual people despite any wisdom they may offer many of them maintain a morose undercurrent. As if in another time they would have taken up a sword, rallied the village and deposed the ruler of the land. Now there doesn't seem to be that sort of immediate satisfaction at hand. We have become desensitized to protests. Even when they make the news. It may seem sad, but even extreme violence doesn't affect us quite the same. When was the last time something horrible happened and your whole neighborhood was ready to just up and go somewhere to do something. Our modern day tragedies and calamities are usually good water cooler talk. Something we can debate about. Even our government seems lethargic in it's responses. As a whole our greatest solution seems to be to throw money at something. This may be helpful in terms of resources, but it still removes us from the situation. For instance I need my brakes done (two weeks ago for real!) so I'm about to go pay someone to do them. I should have all the tools and knowledge and just do it my damn self. The same holds true for many things thought. I have a problem call the cops, something happened get a lawyer. We can't even settle a difference or defend ourselves without worrying about getting sued or locked up. What plenty of rich people have learned is that money may take care of many things, but it still won't fill you. It doesn't make you better, smarter or more good looking. You can get women, but you know you're really buying them in essence. I think my point is all of this outside reliance and validation is dulling the human spirit. Those who may ponder such things are slowly going mad because of it. Those who don't are softened just the same. They may not realize it until it's thrown in their face. I guess the challenge now is how to use our intellect to force change in the world. Should we employ and army of hackers and investment bankers. Should we all become corporate take-over specialists. Why not, I can filter my need for bloodshed to Playstation2. In the meantime my and my army of hackers will be waiting.

In Response

2005-08-31T11:50:00.000-04:00

"What the problem is"

I had a comment to my "Three Finger Point Back" post that I felt compelled to answer...not calling anyone out, but I'm not sure I ever addressed those questions in such a way here.

My first suggestion for improving this country is accountability. If we would hold people accountable they would be hesitant to act as they please. This means that despite the fact that a president is treated like royalty we have to realize he's a public servant. I think one of the problems is that our system doesn't provide a proper check and balance. If candidates didn't have to raise so much money to campaign would they be so easily swayed by contributers? If laws were written in more simple (and short) terms wouldn't congressman bother to read them in full? My friend we ARE in an elite fucked up status. Think of it like reparations, Japanese victims of Internment camps got them...Native Americans are getting them, yet the people who were the free labor for an entire country haven't? Companies exist and families are rich still because of slavery. The country as a whole became so great because of it...a land built on free labor. I don't care if people don't know what to do with them, if I'm wrong I'll apologize even if the person I'm apologizing to is too angry to accept it. The main problem with America is that we won't acknowledge our faults and we hide behind the "greatness" of the country. Americans as a whole never openly admit that we did something wrong. As in some of the cases I pointed and you asked if we should be the worlds benefactor - my philosophical answer would be why not. What happens in other places will effect us. We get involved when we know it may hurt us. We get involved when something conflicts with our interest. Helping to improve conditions all over is in our interest. I think about John Nash from A Beautiful Mind...if we do what's best for the group we can all win. America, instead has been chasing the blonde forever. If we had been proactive on several fronts we wouldn't have spent as much money or sacrificed as many of our own lives to restore order later on. The intellectual answer would be - we don't have to, however, we shouldn't use others for our benefit, especially since alot of those we have used in the past are now bigger problems (Iraq, Osama, etc.) in the present. Right now America is caught up in issues of Morals, but we think about what's on T.V. and in video games as opposed to what we are doing in the world and how it will impact us later...if anything we should be selfish in that manner. I'd like to make the world better on principle...but I know that if it isn't than any children I have will exist under a more serious version of the threats all of us face now. America used those we see as terrorists now to serve our needs then. The result: we trained, funded and armed people then created the conditions for them to hate us. We got what we wanted cause it caused Russia to collapse...as a result people the world over can more easily acquire weapons - from guns to Plutonium. I remember my Teachers, when I wouldn't stand for the anthem, would ask where else in the world I would live...doesn't matter cause America has effect the world over. On top of that my family still lives here and I couldn't abandon them. We're talking about a country that would love to arrest Bobby Fisher cause he went to a country we had a problem with to play chess.

You mentioned that people the world over risk life and limb to come here...well citizens who have found a means have also left here because of the nature of this country. Despite the fact that only one of the smallest minorities are truly from "here" alot of those people who try won't be allowed in. If your a cute little cuban boy we might spend tax dollars and protest for you, but don't be a boat full of Haitians. This is the most arrogant, self-centered and egotistical country in the world...from top to bottom. We consider 9/11 one of the worse tragedies in history when most countries all over the world have had to deal with "terrorism" for decades. The P.L.O., The I.R.A. how many terrorist organizations have existed in the world. How many have we funded because their current agenda suited our needs or wants at that moment. We are the Supreme elite fucked up status. When the rest of the world told us not to go to an ill-advised and unsubstantiated war we flipped them the bird and went. When Hitler was tearing Europe a new asshole we didn't do anything until something happened to us. Worse than what we do the world over is probably what we do to our own citizens. Children getting life sentences, Tobacco, a known killer, is not illegal while weed which has medical uses is. We deny people rights in court because the system is backed up. We place quotas on how many people should be arrested each month but not how many need to graduate from school. We are scared of our own children, which means we fear our future. Our president the lowest approval rating of any since WWII (save Nixon during Watergate) and he is still doing as he pleases...at our expense. I could call this the worst country in the world because we have the potential to be so much better than we are. We just don't because of our own greed and ignorance, than we look at the rest of the world as if from some higher position to judge them when in truth we can't even control ourselves.

Tainted Love

2005-08-30T11:35:00.000-04:00

"The higher up, the Berry tree the sweeter grow the berries, the more you hug and kiss the girl, the more she wants to marry."

Ahh yes due to the overwhelming response of the last post, I figured that even more deserving of it's post than me giving my aunt the finger on Christmas eve would be Valentines. The day that makes more people question their self worth than any other. The day that is Stereo Surround sound for loneliness. In my life, if I leave out those elementary school valentines, I have celebrated and been with someone ONCE (Uno, for valentines...and we broke up a few months later. If you think valentines sucks try being a hopeless romantic on such a day. I would watch dudes give the same old gifts over and over. Despite my wonderful ideas, I never had the chance to put them into action. While I'm speaking of the same old let me go into some history of Valentines. You may wonder what the pic above has to do with this holiday...so glad you asked.

This little fellow is THE poster boy for shotgun weddings. If shotgun weddings were a file on your computer cupid is the appropriate icon. First of all I'll state the turning of angels into babies is a load because they were they messengers of GOD. That's like turning the burning bush into a honeysuckle. It just doesn't pack the same punch. So why is it appropriate for cupid to be a baby. Because in the day there was no "Child Support Enforcement" and it would bring shame on a family to have an unwed mother. Cupid is basically like saying you got got punk! In a shotgun wedding the father usually wields the tool until the tie is bound. Cupid represented the pregnancy that would force a young couple to marry. His arrow is like the shotgun pointing at the man who has been targeted and put into an "actionable" position. Cupid is old school child support! I'm sure that behind him is the angry father with his hand on the hilt of a sword, eager to discuss the nuptials. Keeping this in mind he seems like a bad icon for a holiday based on love. "You gon' buy them roses punk!"

Suffice it to say that at this point in time Valentines means nothing to me. Holidays may have their own meaning, but to us they are built off of our memories. So if your old man gave you the business end of a lit cigarette for X-mas every year than it would make sense that it's not a popular day for you. I had taken to the mantra of making everyday Valentines, however, that was just a denial of the fact that I usually wouldn't be with someone on that day. I actually used to take bets with myself to see what would happen to end a relationship I had going before valentines. I have broken up with people within days of valentines. Now it's at the point that if I am with someone and they celebrate the day I'll have to make conscious reminders to myself to do something. I already know that I will not (NOT) buy any roses, but thats a personal issue between me and roses. Also I can't stand helium ballons, unless I can suck out the Helium and talk to people, especially answering phones. My thing is I love to give gifts, but I want it to be something that when people see it they know I gave that gift. I love to get people the thing they love but can't find. I once went to a street fair with a girlfriend and she remarked how she love this certain ring. We went to her place and I promptly made an excuse ran out and put some money down on that joint. I can't remember how much time passed before I gave it to her, but she remembered it...and thanked me well. I have bought my mother movies that she loved but couldn't find or think of on DVD. I got her a native american looking anger in Mexico and it stands out among her collection. I hate giving a gift that anyone would have given. Which is why I often scowl at young lovers in the hallmark section on St. V's. No my lad get some parchment and write a poem or a note or re-rewrite someone elses poem. Here's a quote for you,"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." see that was easy. Much better than roses are red and violets are blue. So to bring this to a close here is an excerpt from a joint I wrote which I think is fitting to the topic.

"Muscles tense he released and caught me
Cupid marked me, he shot me and scarred me
with a lethal hit and the pleasure of it
was like a warm death and I couldn't resist
But time brings change, nothing stays the same
as the arrow was removed pleasure became pain..."

Happy Valentines!!!!

Tainted

2005-08-26T00:14:00.000-04:00

"All I want for Christmas is booze."

I have an issue with just about every holiday. Sometimes justified, sometimes selfish, regardless there are issues. Come tip-toe through the disfunction.

Christmas - Alright I have some historical and factual issues with Christmas, but the biggest problem I had was Santa Claus. See, being that I lived in a relative "hood" I had a lot of questions...
1) We don't have a chimney so how does he get in?
He comes in through the Keyhole.
2) Where do the Reindeer go?
They park in the alley.
3) Is Santa Black or White?
Depends on the family.
4) Then what's up with those presents in the closet?
Shut up and go to bed.

My main problem with Santa Claus was the fact that despite how good I was, I didn't always get everything I wanted. The issue with this was the fact that I understood when my mother would say that she couldn't afford to buy me something but, Santa was magic right? Why wouldn't he get me what I wanted? Eventually I found out that there was no Santa Claus and this is where my it fell apart. I felt like crap...all that time my mother was buying me all these toys and I know she was scraping and just making it, yet I had been complaining about not getting what I wanted. She should have been getting all the thanks and praise, but I was pissed at some fat man who dressed like a Biohazard trash bag cause I didn't get all that I wanted. I would have never felt like that had I known she was providing my gifts. At that point I swore that I could never tell my children that lie. I don't want them to be the ones that ruin Christmas for their classmates, but I can't lie to them.

Thanksgiving- Perhaps I should pre-empt this by saying that my birthday is Nov. 29th, this means that I'm usually a few days after Thanksgiving. Just consider trying to celebrate when everyone is still in a Tryptophan induced coma from left-over turkey sandwiches. Plus people have just come over for a holiday so they tend to forget that my birthday is coming up. Add to this that my Grandmother's birthday is the 27th and it's easy for me to be forgotten about by family in general. Now I like it cause I don't care as much if people remember my birthday and it's a sure good meal. My other problem was that I noticed how hard Christmas got marketed. Before we could thaw out the turkey people were already on to Christmas. I used to want to yell at advertising firms, "Calm down and take it one holiday at a time." I mean give people some time to eat their turkey and praise the day of my birth before we start showing It's a Wonderful Life.

July 4th - My issue as a child was my family didn't want me playing with fireworks. My issue now is that people set of fireworks from May until the end of July. Alllllllll damnnnnnnnn nighttttttttt. I want to run outside and shove all their firecrackers into an undisclosed location and light them. I'm sure I'd be able to sleep over the sounds of pain. I did used to enjoy going to the harbor for the Fireworks display. I wouldn't watch them though. I'd watch people set off firecrackers and get pulled out and locked up by the cops. Good times. I think next year I'll get a Air rifle and a directional mic to deal with all those who want to use up their goods after midnight. The directional mic is so I'm sure to hear the results of my shot.

Halloween- Besides that fact that Micheal Jackson's situation has ruined Thriller for me. I NEVER got to trick or treat. See, my grandmother watched the news alot and the whole poison candy thing ruined it for me. This is also the reason why I never had a Starter Jacket...she was nervous when I got a leather. Now the other thing that compounded this was the fact that because of this she didn't want to give out candy either so we became "that" house on Halloween. If only to pour salt in my wounds by the time I was old enought to not want to dress up or trick or treat...they wanted to give out candy and they wanted me to do it. I damn near had a fit when those words were first spoken. "You want me to WHAT?!?!?!" Let's just say that while I'm a polite son and grandson this episode did not last long. That's like asking a Death Row inmate to give a stand-up comedy performance. I'll tell you this those first few Tricker Treaters got real lucky cause I was tossing away candy like a senators son at a strip club.

Damn Holidays.

"Three fingers point back"

2005-08-24T11:42:00.000-04:00

"This is the greatest country in the world"
Random Redneck

Before I start I will say that though I plan to be more interesting than Chris Rock on Bill Maher friday night...this is all motivated by gas prices. I remember when I got my ride in '02 it cost $20 bucks to fill it up. Now it costs me over $30 with gas already in the tank! Perhaps it's just my general displeasure of the situation, but I swear gas doesn't last as long anymore. I feel like I'm buying coke and I'm getting mostly cut...but I digress.

Being that America is always right and is the best thing since bloodletting, I figured I'd go over some high points in our history.

1763 - 1775 Here's a fun fact since people love to talk about how terrorists fight dirty...did you know that we (as a nation) pioneered guerilla tactics. For centuries throughout history when nations went to war on land the two sides would meet up on a field, hurl some projectiles and then the armies would go at it. When Americans fought the "Red Coats" they said the hell with that. While the british were lined up and marching single file, American troops hid in the foliage and took them out. The British found it quite unsporting.

1692 During the salem Witch trials the founders of this great land became afraid of witches. During this time many people were killed. The thing is they were killed in the most ignorant fashion..."We're going to hold you under water, if you die it's cause you're a witch, if you're not than God will save you." I'm not sure if I would call that sporting.

1492 - 1895 (or so) I'll just say that in 1492 there were about 12 Million Natives in this land, 4 centuries later 237 thousand. I was really hoping that the Shinnecocks would get to take the summer homes of the rich and famous...

Too far back for you, then here...

1979 - 1989 The C.I.A. invests $2.1 Billion dollars to support the Anti-Soviet Resistance in Afghanistan. We trained what Regan called, "the valiant and courageous Afghan freedom fighters." We taught them how to use guerilla tactics against a larger, well armed force. Of course our purpose was to help facilitate the fall of the U.S.S.R. Now boys and girls guess who was apart of those freedom fighters.

1980's America backs Saddam and Iraq against Iran. We gave this cat money, information and (Drumroll please) weapons. I find it rather weird that just about everyone we give weapons and money to ends up using them against us. Did I mention that even though we helped Saddam we still gave weapons to Iran hoping they would release Western Hostages.

I find it interesting that we still can't admit to our participation in events around the world and the way that they have come back to bite us. Saddam originally wanted to control the oil in the Middle East, when we helped him his actions served our interest. Once he did something that we didn't like we brought up the history of what he did to Iranians and his own people...we don't mention the fact that he did this while we supported him.

Bin Laden and those that fight with him were trained and funded by us when it served our purpose. When we were done we left them with a war torn land that couldn't be farmed. They figured, "We have weapons and training" and became a nomadic force fighting anywhere people of the islamic faith were fighting. Imagine if we invested some interest in these people after we got what we wanted from them. If we had spent a portion of what we did to aid their land post-conflict, would there be such a massive force in the world right now?

Too bad this great nation not only lacks the balls to admit to it's past, but it won't even challenge a public servant who is screwing up all over the world. I just think, people were going to impeach Clinton for lying about a blow-job. We should just support the current prez in a continually failing military operation based on a lie. What a country.

Hand Holding

2005-08-23T10:26:00.000-04:00

"One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor"

So as you may or may not know I think the majority of Americans are pussified, lazy people who can't rely on themselves. Not to mention that we want to do as we please and be free of all consequences. Some of these things are shown in simple ways while others cover important areas of our lives. I already chronicled my disdain for Viagra and the other "get right" pills on the market, however, these are just a drop in the bucket.

Yes the ultimate cop-out pill my friends...Chaser. This little dandy will allow you to drink like every day is a night in Vegas without worrying about the residual effects in the morning. I'd like to thank the makers of this product for sparing drunk assholes everywhere their God given punishment for living it up the night before. I may not be the average person, but not only have I never had hangover...I don't drink like I'm trying to get one. I mean when you need one of these I don't think most people are thinking about having a few cocktails. This is "who's dick is this?" type of drinking. I don't want to even start thinking about people running around with this, some x and a couple viagras. I may never be able to go to a club again. Every night will be like an episode of the "Real World". Things are meant to have consequences. I hate fat free things cause, hell, you shouldn't be stuffing your mug with a whole bunch or garbage in the first place. I hate Chaser with a passion cause we need balance, I don't want that stupid drunk from last night walking around the next day like nothing happened. Hangovers are the type of things that make people say, "Damn, I need to slow down." What am I left with, will I have to take a Video Camera around documenting the stupidity of their previous nights actions as the only consequence. I forgot, drinking is already a crutch for acting stupid. They say that fear checks the angry spirit or in other words knowing there are consequences makes us consider our actions. Well what happens when we wipe away consequences? I figure that even if you don't drink like you just lost your job, house, wife and got beat down by your children...having a hangover is your body telling you something ain't right. I had a bartender explain to me that your better off drinking straight booze than any drink that has sugar in it. I know for a fact that if you're at the bar that person that keeps ordering sweet drinks is most likely to dumb-out before the night is over. When you put straight booze to your mouth the smell of it will hit your stomach and let you know you need to chill. At this point I don't know what will be the next consequence taken away, but I'm already afraid to hear about it. Since I'm usually optimistic I'll look at it this way: there wil be alot of drunk people telling me they love me and I can probably put my drinks on their tab, plus in the morning they won't feel like crap so they probably won't be as pissed about it.

Bad, Bad Things

2005-08-22T11:04:00.000-04:00

"Run everybody he's got a Playstation2 and he'll use it!"

So once again I have a beef about something. My general concern is that old white politicians should not be allowed to do anything with my entertainment...in any form. As I'm sure some of you know Mrs. Clinton and others are now attacking the video game industry because of the Hot Coffee mod that allows you to play a sex mini-game. Now while I don't think that children should be playing such a thing, I also don't think that the company should be attacked for having it. Technically they only had the ability for the mini-game and someone unlocked it and put the mod(ification) online for others to download. So heres my rant...all of these people should be beaten with a bag of silver dollars. For anything of this nature I think parents should know what the deal is. As a young lad I remember asking my mother to buy me things all of the time. I can never think of one instance where she just up and purchased something without knowing anything about it. Keeping in mind that as a young man I may have gotten ahold of something my mother wouldn't want me to have but, nothing that cost $50. You could always get liquor by pulling the wino move. I guess perhaps you could find a junkie or someone and pay them to get you a game, but it's still kind of wild for me to think that someone who is too young to purchase the game has enough money to cover the cost and then pay someone to get it for them. Perhaps I'm just old though. I do know this it sure is a lot easier to blame someone who makes video games than it is to take on the porn and gun manufacturing industries.

My other beef is this, I own that game. I think people forget that it's not just a whole bunch of 10 year olds sitting around playing video games nowadays. I grew up on video games like 50 year old white men did baseball. I was getting thumb blisters from Mike Tyson Punch Out! before I had a wet dream. When I go to the store there may be some underage people there, but there are even more grown ass men buying video games. While I don't play or purchase like I would have when I was 18, (well actually when I was 18 I was running the street so much I didn't own a system at that point) I still do play and Pacman won't cut it anymore. I want to come home sometimes and kill some fictional characters that I will imagine to be my executive director. I want to prove that the Ravens just need to change their play selection and they could score more on offense. I used to be thrilled with Super Mario Bros. but playing those games now would be like restricting my self to the Disney movie library...which by the way is getting more risque so that parents aren't bored out of their skull when they take the kiddies.

I ask all of you to donate your silver dollars to my bag so that I can proceed to beat down politicians and parent groups (who should probably be at home kicking it with their children anyway). Do something about the increased cursing on Daytime Soap Operas. Do something about gun manufacturing. Hell if you want to see how easy it is for children to come up on something inappropriate without spending a dime; go to Google do an image search for "Couple" and look at the first entry that comes up. That's not child friendly. Hell I find more garbage by accident than on purpose. Well...it didn't take me long to find the Janet superbowl nipple shot. However, I'm tired of watching people expend all their energy towards easy targets instead of doing something about the actual causes of violence and depravity in the world. My biggest thing is there is a rating system meaning that it's illegal to sell people under certain ages certain games...so why are people blaming companies..."It's Havard Law's fault I got sued that's were the lawyer of the guy I beat up went to!" It's a sad day when pimple faced teenagers on the internet who want the cheerleaders in Madden '06 to have bigger breasts approach the situation more logically than a Senator. Hell, there's a stable of kids who wouldn't spend dime one on the game because they don't think it's advanced beyond the first installment! These cats want more content. If this is how things are going to be then I'm suing the President...you heard me. All those unintelligible statments have lowered my I.Q. and I deserve retribution...furthermore he should be banned from talking ever again. I also have plans to sue any t.v. network or station and written publication or digital media that features: Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Alan Keyes, Puffy, Lil' Kim, Anyone hosting a show on B.E.T. or M.T.V. and anyone who says the confederate flag is all about Heritage and has nothing to do with hate.

Adeo

2005-08-19T09:00:00.000-04:00

"I'm having a mid-life crisis at 26...well almost 27."

So I have been thinking more andmore about myself as of late. Myself and my future. I'm almost in the middle of the day as opposed to the twilight or dawn of my life. I do feel old though. I know I've had lot's of experiences and been through various stages of my life, yet I understand that I'm really at the begining of things. I'm unmarried, have no children and actually don't own anything. I'm a clean slate...technically. I have my accumulated wisdom, my imagination and my artistic sense. I have principles, a sense of chivalry and an overall gallant nature. This is not getting me anywhere as far as my employment is concerned. I am an upstanding dignified low-paid human services worker. This post is not meant to be a rally for an increase in wages of people in my field...they should though. I am somewhat depressed by the fact that I can't use any of my good qualities to improve my standing. I could be an asshole and go to school and improve my status but my nature can't do much for me. I can build and friends and that is a great thing. I can establish a family around myself but, society in general won't recognize my character. Maybe after I die people will say I was a nice person, but for now it just doesn't get me anywhere. And it's not just me, it's anyone of a pleasant nature. I know plenty of people who are just amazing and that's not going to get them anywhere. What I'm saying is reputation seems to not mean much anymore. I've been told that I have a good reputation and it made me wonder what does that mean to me? Where will it get me. Even if I don't want to use it in such a manner I couldn't. There was a time when a good reputation could carry you a ways in life. Now it can make you a mark for someone to try and take advantage of. I would like to live in a world where my word means something to more than just me. I want to do something great that will be recognized. The only new horizons seem to be bogged down in politics. I don't want to have to deal with all of that. I know that we must all endure trials, but some of these assholes will make me famous for murder. I want to affect a change that will echo throughout the world. The type of change that makes people evaluate their own lives. Not the type that they show on the news after ten stories about killing. I don't want to be the "collecting shoes for Iraqi children" story. I want to express my worth in the world...in an effective way. I want people to feel what I know can radiate off of me even when they hear about what I did...or do. I hate the fact that I can think of several horrible things to do and become infamous or well known than I can positive things to bring about change. So I open it up to you...my avid readers what great thing is there left to be done? Keep in mind I don't like the Prez enough to teach him how to speak and read (cause I'm sure he can't read well).

A late twenty-something love

2005-08-18T11:00:00.000-04:00

"We fittin' to make a change up in here!"

So my cousin got married this sunday. When I say my cousin I don't mean someone in my family that I don't know. This is the cat I played G.I. Joes with and took several beatings together. It meant alot to me because of the history and the fact that he is only 3 months older than me. I learned alot sunday and I will share with all of you.

My mother can be brainwashed. We started talking about my cousins and myself. Four of us (handsome young brothers) were born in 1978. One has a child and one is now married. The subject of age came up and we argued for like 15 minutes about how old I was. It seems that my Grandmother thought we would all be 28 this year and she conviced my mother of this. After about ten minutes they had me doubting my own age. Then finally I got through to them (with a calculator) that I would turn 27 this year. My mother maintains that granny convinced her. I say she was there and she should know.
My Cousin is THE MAN. This dude did not have a conventional wedding at all. It looked like it would be but this cat came down the aisle dancing and not just that they came out to "All I need" by Method Man and Mary J. Blige. I almost let of a shot from my seat. Not only that but all the groomsman danced over to the bridesmaids. The cherry on top is the fact that this cat was introduced into the reception while "I'd rather be with You" by Bootsy Collins played! This cat is related to me for sure.
Don't park in the lot by Pier 5 Hotel. I paid 21 bucks to park for about 4 hours! That is ri-goddamned-diculous.
Children love me. My younger cousin has two children. I had yet to see the youngest and someone put her on my lap during the ceremony. She was with me the rest of the day. No matter what happened she gravitated back to me. I don't know what it is about me but the kids love me. I have dubbed her "Krumbsnatcher".
My mother wants me to get married and have kids. It's becoming evident. I told her not until I'm 30. She asked if I had prospects and I gave her a smirk and asked "what type of prospects?".
I love weddings. I haven't seen Wedding Crashers but I understand the principle. To my regret I had to leave early cause of an early work day the next day. It sucks worse because I was earning mad points with my cousins daughter following me around all day. I coulda been knee deep in bridesmaids dammit!

Fire Good!

2005-08-17T10:10:00.000-04:00

"Somethings wrong with the Flux Capacitor!"

Too my EXTREME dismay. Our internet is down at the office. I am back in the dark ages. I keep getting the urge to call someone on my cell so that I know the world still exists. I had to go to our parent organization to post this (in between pretending that I was working, I think this desk is by the directors office for a reason). I feel like I'm back in the dark ages again. So while I attempt to make fire you guys enjoy an old post...or not...I don't know, not having internet access makes me confused.

2.23.2005
Off the back of the lorry
I am stealing english slang. I love slang of all types but I have a special place in my heart for the limeys. I have taken to saying crikey (sp) in lieu of cursing. It's just a good word. I also have the urge to burst out at work and say something like " These geezers treat me like a tosser, holding up me reddies. Old bill can't get in on this one, guv. The blokes make me wanna get tooled up and leave em with claret all over their knickers, wearing a Chelsea smile. I thought about this cause this comedian was talking about getting robbed in a place your not from and slang making it hard to understand. "Word is bond kid, run them Jew-els for the ion start spitting and turn your cabbage into coleslaw." I recall when I was at Morgan (MSU) people couldn't tell where I was from because my love of hip-hop and my grasp of the english languge had seasoned my speach. In fact they only figured out where I was from when I kept saying yo. I didn't realize it was such a "Baltimore" term. I am aware that we can have a whole conversation just using yo and a few other terms. "Yo, you know son from up the joint that run with the lil' yo's, not yo from down the hill, money that used to mess with shorty - the stallion." Because I can speak properly I have a greater appreciation for slang. Similar to foreign languages, slang words can speak a whole sentence. The best example is the word "What". Commonly a question, it can be a threat an expression of surprise or disbelief and truly more things than I can think of now. I used to get into debates with people who would say that their use of proper english made other black kids tease them. Their point was you shouldn't be teased for speaking properly. My problem is they would refer to slang as improper speach. Slang is as old as speach. When people developed words other people would shorten or create new words that gave a more ready description. In fact slang definitions of words make their way into the dictionary after some periods of usage. For instance the meaning of cool that pertains to me (and What!) as opposed to the one that is a measurment of temperature are both in the dictionary. When cool was first used in this manner it wasn't accepted. It would have been considered improper. Welcome the slang. Except for the word "hot" it sounds like a sleazy agent from the 80's or something. "You're hot babe!....sniff"

Another Workday Fun Post!

2005-08-15T14:47:00.000-04:00

"I'm taking a meeting."

As it grows closer to football season (excuse # 504) I find myself less and less interested in the goings ons of the place that pays my salary. So here are some things I have done in the past to make my work day speed by.

Dishwasher

Old Country Buffet

This was fun, while I recommend that you don't eat there it was safe for me cause I got to know who to trust. Plus my man who got me the job eventually became a cook so we would place special orders...more cheese in the macaroni sir! In order to pass the time at this job we did all of the following:

Used our free food privilege to make sundays and shakes with special additives like Kahlua and Bailey's.
Indulged in less, how do I say it...oh yeah - legal activities when taking out trash.
Spray the girls who worked the floor with our hose.
Shut down the equipment to have a battle (lyrically speaking).
Stare down customers who came to tell us about a mess their child had made.

Group Home Tutor

SAFE Managment

This job was okay but I didn't like the lack of uniformity about how they dealt with the clients. I always dig working with young cats though. The thing is the oldest residents were 17 and didn't know I was 18. Another thing if you work with inner city youth that hate math...convert it to drugs or dice, muhfukkas can add, subtract, divide and multiply real quick on that note.

Apply sleeper hold to the residents (they liked it what can I say?).
Show the residents they did not corner the market on insults and snappy comebacks.
Ask who did one thing and find out every bad thing that happened all week (snitches!)
Let them crack on each other until I got bored with listening.

After School Program Staff

House of Mercy

I loved this job 5 - 10 year olds. All I had to do was help them with their homework and keep them busy. This was one of the most fun jobs I ever had in my life. Plus some of the teachers at the school where I picked them up from were fine so I enjoyed that aspect of the job as well.

In the winter I would pull the childrens scully down over the face as I let them in the door. After a month there would be a line of 25 children with their hands clutching their hats as they entered.
Dodgeball! Before you think I'm cruddy, I didn't throw it that hard it's just that most of them didn't have the foresight to consider my ricochet skills. If you think I'm mean than I'd like to implicate my accomplice at the time seen here (the taller cat - BTW he steals prom keychains and candy from young people).
Wrestling once again. With the girls I just talk to them and get them to do their homework. The boys always wanted to play or just DO something so I'd promise to "L" them out after they finished their homework. The funny thing is they would run off, do their homework, I'd "L" them out, then they' go get their friends and come back like - "Mr. Rahsaan do him too." - "Yeah, do me!" Gotta love the kids.
One of my favorite, yet most draining, activities was making children dizzy. Grab them by the ankle and wrist spin them around and around, then put them down and watch them try to keep their balance. I remember this girl named Dawn would always ask me to let her go so she could fly. I explained to her everyday that if I let her go she wouldn't fly - for long anyway. She had too much faith in my ability to believe that. She would try to convince me everyday that if I let go she would fly and that was that. I never did let her go, but I enjoyed the debate.

I'm Lazy so Bush does the Talking

2005-08-12T21:00:00.000-04:00

"One ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One ring to....One ring to rule them, one to bind...Look there's one ring o.k. America."

Ahh yes what better way to end the week by poking fun at the nations leader! Honestly this is something that's actually too easy. Despite the fact that he has reeked havoc in the lives of people all over the world, he's no Sauron, or Darth Vader, hell he's not even a whiney Anakin. He's like a Dark Helmet or something. George Bush: The Accidental Apocalypse. Well here are some wonderful moments from Fearless leader. Enjoy my lazy ass copy and paste skills!!! (if you you think this sucks well I'm suffering through a staff meeting so that's punishment enough.)

There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, it's probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on ... shame on you...It...fool me... We can't get fooled again." --- George W. Bush, Oct. 8, 2002

"The senator has got to understand if he's going to have -- he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road." --George W. Bush, Feb. 17, 2000

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." --George W. Bush, Sept. 29, 2000

"The woman who knew that I had dyslexia -- I never interviewed her." --George W. Bush, denying a magazine article's claim that he suffers from dyslexia, Sept. 15, 2000

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." --George W. Bush, Feb. 21, 2001

"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case." --George W. Bush, Jan. 30, 2000

"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?" --George W. Bush, Jan. 29, 2000

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." --George W. Bush, May 14, 2001

"If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign." --George W. Bush, Feb. 16, 2000

"I've coined new words, like, misunderstanding and Hispanically." --George W. Bush, March 29, 2001

"Actually, I -- this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about -- when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me." --George W. Bush, May 31, 2000

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" —George W. Bush, in Jan. 2000

"The relations with, uhh — Europe are important relations, and they've, uhh — because, we do share values. And, they're universal values, they're not American values or, you know — European values, they're universal values. And those values — uhh — being universal, ought to be applied everywhere." —George W. Bush, at a press conference with European Union dignitaries, Washington, D.C., June 20, 2005

"I think younger workers — first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government — promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 4, 2005

"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the Mother in me." —George W. Bush, Washington D.C., April 14, 2005

"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table." —George W. Bush, Brussels, Belgium, Feb. 22, 2005

You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

I have a record in office, as well. And all Americans have seen that record. September the 4th, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I will never forget." —George W. Bush, Marlton, New Jersey, Oct. 18, 2004

Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —George W. Bush, Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (Go here and listen to this one -listen to audio)

But there is nothing that I get more pleasure from and nothing that sums up Bush more than this:

I think there should be a special new phrase made up for the look on his face.

Pardon me while I Geek Out

2005-08-11T09:30:00.000-04:00

"Being a good fiend is like being a good photographer. You have to search for the right moment." -- Vegeta

Brother Omi mentioned Dragon Ball Z a few days ago and I surpressed my geek urges, but after admitting them monday (and the fact that the uncensored episodes have been airing) I don't have to hold back anymore. This is the greatest animated series ever! O.K., there I said it. Judge me if you will. Rain down insults upon my head, I care not! This is the only series (that made it to America) where people grew up, had babies, died and so forth. This is the only series where people grew and changed. Where the bad guy could eventually become a valued friend. Not to mention people get their ass kicked. One of my favorite things about this show was despite the hero being generally heroic...he was as dumb as a bag of rocks. His first master had a thing for porn and his wife was a nag.

This series has brought forth one of my favorite bad guys of all time Vegeta (who's name means, I believe, Vegetable in Japenese). This cat was royalty, hella strong and had a Napolean complex. Killer of his partner, beating up on kids even trying to take out the only other of his kind left in the universe. Vegeta is *ahem* Hella bad. Forever dogged by the fact that someone who was supposed to be inferior could surpass him. Eventually he puts all his schemes of domination aside to just try and out do the hero. This is a cocky son of a bitch. Even when he became a semi-friend to the "good guys" he would still get on their asses on a regular basis. He married one of the ladies, had a son and still remained an arrogant prick who couldn't wait to show up the hero. He's like your asshole friend, you need him to get things done but he'll rip you in a second. Despite most animated series in the end he admitted that he was never as good as his rival because he wasn't selfless.

Nothing like watching animated characters experience growth.

Akira Toriyama put some weird things in here. The main Characters name means Cloud, his son's name is Rice. One families name all has to do with underwear. The name I love most though is that of an attack, one of the strongest and heavily trusted...The Kamehameha...if you don't know you gotta do a Google search on that.
The other thing I got from watching Dragon Ball Z was that Americans are pussies...So much crap was cut out or changed to make it T.V. friendly.

No blood, no cursing and nothing dealing with sex but also dumb things like:
A character named Mr. Satan was changed to Hercule
Instead of calling the underworld Hell they changed it to H.F.I.L. Home for Infinite Losers (Which is kinda funny).

While we cringe at all these "horrible" things...the Japenese don't have all the issues on as large a scale as we do. As a matter I think we have the sheltered girl syndrome: Y'know what I mean the girl that was never allowed to do anything and couldn't hang out or have a boyfriend...that's the one dudes targeted on those half days off from school. Then all of the sudden she's got like 5 kids and everybody knows her name. When I think about it you see more in regular T.V. from around the world than you do here. We cut out violence yet have the most murders. We restrict sexual material yet there's mad pregnant children. It's a wonder how all of our protection just doesn't work...See look how thought provoking DBZ is.

Now having gotten that out of my system we may continue with the regularly scheduled program...unless someone brings up Metal Gear Solid then I'll geek out again.

Burning Questions

2005-08-10T09:34:00.000-04:00

"There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots."."

Seeing as how I have always been curious and Google can't solve everything (I'm not ready to admit that it may not be worthy of deification yet). I pose these question to the general blogging public.

Why do I need I.D. to get I.D.? (If I had I.D. I wouldn't need I.D. - Mos Def)
Who thought it was a good idea for Pras to have a solo album?
What the hell is a Holla back girl?
Do any of Michael Jackson's people ever say, "Yo, you tripping now dude."?
What's up with Bubbles?
Why is Jermaine so greasy?
Why do guys honk at women and keep driving?
Why am I more attractive when I have a girlfriend?
Why are all these young girls built like that? (is it Similac?)
If you're not gay or metrosexual...what's left?
Does the staff of G.W. Bush admit to themselves he's a dumbass?
Why am I fixated with the word bi-aaaaatch!!!?
Voulez vous couchez avec moi?
Why can't I get insurance money back if I never have an accident?
Why doesn't sprint just hire pimps instead of customer service reps?
How can gas STILL be so high?
When Bush has that dazed look on his face what is he thinking?
What good is Aquaman?
Why can one of the Wonder Twins only turn into water?
Do white dudes really think flat butts are sexy?

Rock Out

2005-08-09T21:42:00.000-04:00

"I love Rock and Roll, put another dime in the Jukebox baby!"

I have professed my love for Rock n' Roll before on this blog. In addition I have gone over the fact that Chuck Berry and Jimi Hendrix are the easiest reasons why people should never call it "White" music. So I now present some of my favorite songs in the genre.
*Disclaimer, don't bash me and ask how come I didn't put on a certain song...this list is really infinite and no one wants to read all that.

"Castles made of Sand" Jimi Hendrix
This is a good song and a great message, while the majority of the songs seems to be from a negative standpoint and have people losing out, the last verse flips it around. It's like saying what's reality will always win out, good or bad. (I wanted to keep it to one but I gotta mention "Angel")
"And so castles made of sand, fall in the sea, eventually..."

"Mouth" Bush
This song speaks to something I've known all my life, a womans tongue can be the sharpest sword. Something many men have come to learn and even studies on child behavior confirm. Boys hit each other, girls strike for the heart without even yelling.
"All your mental armor drags me down/we can't breathe when you come around/all your mental armor drags me down/nothing hurts like your mouth"

"Welcome to the Jungle" Guns and Roses
This is one of the best It's-crazy-around-here-so-watch-your-back-songs. I love it in GTA: San Andreas, however, the best placement of this song has to be in "Lean on Me" Fair Eastside had some issues and you knew it as soon as you heard this song in the beginning. Pretty good description of any hood. (gotta mention November Rain)
"If you got a hunger for what you see/You'll take it eventually/You can have anything you want/But you better not take it from me"

"Fortunate Son" Creedance Clearwater Revival
This song has been misused as some sort of patriotic anthem when it's nothing close. It talks about how all those patriotic people are usually "privledged". Most of us can identify with this song. I know I have a great mother, but in the sense of this song, "I ain't no fortunate son".
"It ain't me, it ain't me/I ain't no senator's son/It ain't me, it ain't me/I ain't no fortunate one"

"Summer" Alien Ant Farm
Great song about not being able to work it out. You messed up and despite your good intentions it's over.
"Tried to give you summer, but I’m winter/Wish I could make you spring, but I fall so hard"

"Under the Bridge" Red Hot Chili Peppers
This song is the one that even the people who called Rock music "white people music" liked this song. This was the one that people in the hood knew about. I'd be surprised if anyone that reads this has not heard this song.
"I don't ever want to feel, like I did that day/Take me to the place I love, take me all the way"

"The Warmth" Incubus
This is the "there-are-bright-spots-song" I'll let it speak for itself...
"So don't let the world bring you down/Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold/Remember why you came and while you're alive/Experience the warmth before you grow old."

"Bullet with Butterfly Wings" Smashing Pumpkins
It was hard for me not to put Disarm on here, but this song has one of my favorite titles. It describes quite well what this song is all about. This is a song I speed to, this joint I want to mosh to. If my life is a movie, when this comes up in the soundtrack I'll be breaking things...then I'll break down.
"Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved/Despite all my rage I’m still just a rat in a cage"

"Whatsername" Greenday
I am a sucker for ballads and songs that put me in a certain moment or state of mind. I have found myself thinking about an old flame and wondering what was going on with them at the moment. This song takes me there.
"I made a point to burn all of the photographs/She went away and then I took a different path/I remember the face, but I can't recall the name/Now I wonder how whatsername has been"

"Jeremy" Pearl Jam
I always credit this song with documenting Columbine before it happened. This is a good example of how elders don't listen to what youth are saying until something happens. This was the warning.
"Clearly I remember pickin’ on the boy/Seemed a harmless little fuck/Ooh, but we unleashed a lion..."

"Dream On" Aerosmith
As I tell my clients no that's not ~~"Eminem's song"~~ he sampled a great band. While Aerosmith has a lot of good songs (Sweet Emotions, Love in an Elevator, Janie's got a Gun, etc.), but this one was always one of my favorites (besides Walk this Way for obvious reasons).
"Sing with me, sing for the year/ Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears /Sing with me, if it's just for today /Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away"

"Iron Man" Black Sabbath
How could I forget Ozzy. This is a sick story...I love it. A hero sacrifices himself for humanity is subsequently ignored and then...well peep it...
"Now the time is here for ironman to spread fear/Vengeance from the grave kills the people he once saved"

"We will Rock You" Queen
Though people look at me funny when I say I'm listening to Queen, or ask what "she" sings...everyone one knows at least the beat and chorus to this song. Used in a million stadiums and by me at open mics without bands. This in the top 10 list of "That was a great idea!" for simple yet killer songs. Stomp, Stomp, Clap. (many great songs, but I love to mention "Fat Bottomed Girls")
"You got mud on yo’ face/You big disgrace/Kickin’ your can all over the place"

What's a song that has to be on your list?

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

2005-08-08T09:51:00.000-04:00

"No one's really gonna to be free until nerd persecution ends"
Gilbert Lowe (Revenge of the Nerds)

I've already flown my freak flag, but now it's time to put up the geek flag. Despite the cool demeanor and slick wardrobe...under it all lies a geek. I partially blame my mother, because of whom I have seen more black and white/science fiction movies than anyone my age should have.

*This should be a point on the list but in case a geek should come across this: the quote from revenge of the nerds is appropriate because even though all geeks are not nerds...the interests of nerds 99.9% of the time qualify them as geeks. BTW

1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d!

I have been in the theatre for every Star Wars movie (even though they are almost a year older than me), this includes the Special Edition re-releases. I can also identify every update, extra scene and revision in these films.
All of these terms make sense to me: FPS, NPC, 42, pwn3d, All your base are belong to us, l33t, trolling, YHBT.
I have a definitive post on why the Alien is better than the Predator.
It is a viable option for me to quit my job and earn money on a spree of gameshows...including Jeopardy, right Myisha? (ask her about my dominance)
I can name at least 10 creatures that fought Godzilla and I know who Godzuki is.
I know The creators ofMighty Morphin Power Rangers are just biting out of Voltron and Ultraman.
I know that in Army of Darkness the phrase Ash was supposed to say was "Klaatu Verata Nikto", I also know it comes from "The Day the Earth Stood Still", I also know the reason it was said in that movie.
I can sing at least 3 songs from the animated versions of The Hobbit and Return of the King. I also know that The Lord of the Rings anime was done by Zaentz Prod. and Ralph Bakshi whereas the others were Rankin Bass.
I think Rankin Bass kicks ass.
I can tell you that Leslie Nielson was the Commander in "The Forbidden Planet".
...and the guy who made the Robby the Robot in that movie was hired to make the Robot for the Lost in Space T.V. Show.
I know that Clint Howard (Ron Howards older brother was in an episode (The Corbomite Manuever) of Star Trek. He was also in five episodes of The Andy Griffith Show.
I can do the hand gesture Spock does when he says "Live long and prosper."
When people ask me to do things I can't or don't want to do I say, "Damn it Jim I'm a doctor not a..."
My Grandmother knows Eric Braeden as Victor from "As the World Turns" but I know him as Dr. Charles Forbin.
I think that Artificial Intelligence will led to the destruction of Mankind...Colossus: The Forbin Project, I, Robot, The Terminator, and The Matrix agree with me.
I hate that Imhotep is "The Mummy" in those movies.
I like Mighty Joe Young more than King Kong.
The place from Deep Impact where the lottery winners got to go would in real life be Mt. Weather. It's all about whats beneath the surface.
No one believes me about capturing pieces en passant, but it's helped me win some chess matches.
I think the T-shirts here are cool.
I never liked AOL.
Ctrl+Alt+Del is my equivalent of going nuclear.
Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z is the best animated series ever.
I built one of these when I was in the 4th grade, but not at or for school.

Bringing People Together

2005-08-05T11:14:00.000-04:00

This T-shirt worn by my man Abdul got praise from Thugs, Homosexuals, White, Black, Lower, middle, to upperclass and any other group of people you can think of. It brought a tear to my eye.

Top 10 Hip-Hop Moments

2005-08-05T11:10:00.000-04:00

"...cause who I'm talking bout ya'll is Hip-Hop."
Common

Being a longtime fan of Hip-Hop and an Emcee since my teen years I have several moments in my life that stand out because of Hip-Hop some good, some bad. Here is my personal top ten list of memorable Hip-Hop moments.

10) Virgin - I had written rhymes before and recited them, but the first time I freestyled was bourne from frustration. We would cut school to blaze and three cats could beatbox, but only my current wingman would freestyle, one day after he stopped I just jumped in thinking if I messed up at least I tried. Well, I went on a 4 minute rip across a distance of more than 200 yards. Somebody said I reminded them of Blackthought and figured...I had to be o.k. then.

9) FAB - 5 - When I attended Morgan I quickly realized that most of the people there were from N.Y. and Conneticut with a few Southerners thrown in and very few Baltimore natives. On top of that most of the cat's there hated Bmore. So FAB - 5 (Heltah Skeltah and O.G.C.) came to perform one year and I go down with my crew. At first I'm pissed cause there's all these Morgan heads acting like it's an Opera and not a Hip-Hop Show...then I notice all of these cats in the front are pumped and going crazy. I get up there to find about 15 dudes that I grew up with and I mean dudes who lived two and three homes down from me. It made me glad to be from here.

8) Harbor Circle - If you are at least my age and you rhymed in Bmore you should know about the Harbor Circle Cipher. A spot where pan flute bands and clowns entertain tourists in the day this used to be a place where every weekend you could catch some of the best in Bmore. After it had died down (when I was really getting good), me and some friends are downtown and end up rhyming at the circle. Some dudes who were well known at the time join in and eventually we notice their rhymes turn towards the battle side of things. One by one we shred these cats and when we were done they just dapped us up and left. This was when I knew me and my peoples could rhyme.

7) Bohagers - I went to see The Roots, Common, Buckshot and Evil Dee Perfrom at this club on S. Broadway and when I got in I not only got in the front but, out of 200 people I found I knew 50 in the main area. We had a massive cypher before the show started and the show itself was murder. Hearing all those cats rock to the Clones beat was the joint.

6) BEEF - One of my big issues with Hip-Hop is there aren't as many real lessons in it anymore. I remember picking up Edutainment in high school, knowing it was one joint I had to own (and managed to keep to this day). Well when I heard the song Beef made me think about meat in a way never had. Since I had gave up pork a year or two prior...dropping beef became real easy after that song.

5) Tupac "Tribute" - I was going to this club on Friday, Sept. 13th, 1996 and as I passed by the 7-11 on the corner me and my friends were told that Tupac had died. We were shocked by it especially cause it seemed like bullets couldn't kill him. We go into the club and after a few minutes the D.J. announces the news. Then he says here's a "Tribute" to Tupac and this asshole plays 10 Biggie songs in a row. I never thought I would see something that cruddy.

4) Artscape - I have already had my Artscape post but, it ranks up there in my Hip-Hop moments cause it's the first time I got to see Tribe and while it's the third time I got to see Biz it was the first time I got to see him really rip on the tables.

3) Breaking In - Me and my crew went to Morgan one year to see K.R.S. and Common perform. They ripped and we got to speak with them afterwards. Not only was it a good show but it was the first time I got chill with some cats I respected after a show and they were very cool...this is the bridge to my #1 moment.

2) Beat Box - I go to the Harbor with about 5 cats from around my way and through associations we end up about 50 deep. There was some concert going on and we saw the Mayor of Rap City - Chris Thomas. Then who to our wandering eye should appear but Biz Markie...dudes rushed him and he ended up sitting down in front of the Gallery to chill for a minute. People tried to get him to rhyme but he wouldn't, he did offer to beat box if someone else wanted to rhyme. So Biz and a local cat are going back and forth on the beat and dudes are rhyming. I'm in the back and when my peoples realize this the start pushing me to the front. I'm getting pissed cause all these dudes start claiming various parts of N.Y. (For the uninitiated due to the drug trade running through N.Y. and Bmore used to have some beef issues, plus I hate when dudes can't accept where they come from and want to claim another city). So I jump in just as the beat switches to Biz and straight murder with a Bmore reference laden rhyme. I can't even remember what I said but I know I had a line that made Biz's eyes light up. I will never forget that day.

1) Tramps - As a result of meeting K.R.S. and Common me and my crew got put on for the Temple of Hip-Hop show at Tramps. Not only did we get to perform but I got to meet and see, K.R.S. and Common (again), Big Daddy Kane, The Cold Crush Brothers, Biz Markie and in the crowd I meet Black Thought and Jeru the Damaja. The only down side was because of the combination of Bidi, cig, and weed smoke, I eventually got too dizzy (I fought for a while) and had to leave. This was the greatest Hip-Hop show that I have ever seen in my life.

Any personally memorable Hip-Hop Moments?

Sports Rant

2005-08-04T13:42:00.000-04:00

"That's Ri-goddamn-diculous!"

As a sports fans and an intellectual type person (I could read) I have a several issues with the current state of sports and the reporting that goes along with it. Before I get into that, I will say Stephen A. Smith (above) and Stuart Scott should rebel and create their own sports network...clearly two of the blackest black men in the field...I'd call it the B.S.N.B.!!! (Black Sports Network- Bi-yatch!!!)

I'm with T.O. I don't care about all the angry fans who when I hear them say shut up and play it sounds like "Nigga be glad we letting you do something." I have two words to say to all those who say he's under contract. Troy Brown. This man not only put is body at risk, but he was the ultimate team player by going both ways last year. He also didn't get to make some incentive bonuses because he was splitting time. Then they dropped him just to pick him up later with a smaller contract. I say go for yours T.O., I hear alot of working class people complain and they usually reference, "He's making millions of dollars...". So the hell what, let your job not give you a $1.00 an hour raise you think you deserve and we'll see if you just "Shut up and work!". Besides, he makes millions, but how much money do they make off of him? (Doing the Ray Lewis dance was messed up though, son.)
I like Ricky Williams - I don't care why he left, it's his life...the majority of people that are mad are fans, teammates and old sportscaster who can't play anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't be mad at a man who has realized that he wants to control his life and took steps to do so. I've quit a job so I could sleep late. Then for those who say he's only coming back for the money...Hell Yeah, if he had found a job where he could make $8.6 million he'd be fighting you, me and everyone you know for an application

Sports media is like the kid who used to instigate fights in school...Examples:

1) Keyshawn Johnson (while with the Bucks) is asked who is the best coach he ever played for...he says Bill Parcells. Media says, "Oooh, he's dissing Jon Gruden!"...meanwhile Bill Parcells is recognized as one of the greatest coaches ever.

2) Randy Moss is asked who is the better quarterback his current (Kerry Collins) or his former (Daunte Culpepper). He says that Daunte is more mobile and physically gifted, but in the end (like a real teammate) he says he'll take Kerry Collins. Media says, "Ooooh, he's ripping on Daunte, no way Kerry is better!" meanwhile the unwritten rule is stand by your man.

3) Stephen A. Smith asks Donovan McNabb his opinion on Brett Farves comments about Javon Walker...he says it was unprofessional and he wouldn't have done it. For the next few days media says,"Ooooh, Donovan attacked Favre!" No he didn't he answered a question about his opinion...and another pro-sports rule is you don't talk about teammates contract.

Sports media needs to man up or something, then they cry when people do anything to them.

I love touchdown celebrations. I think if you work that hard to score you should get to do a damn dance if you want to. My problem is guys who do it are called showoffs and all types of names by the media and the only or main reasons I know about "The Fun Bunch, The Ickey Shuffle and Billy "White Shoes" Johnson...is because I've seen them a million times on Sports Center. They always say just shut up and play and you'll be recognized, well tell that to Marvin Harrison, Torry Holt or Jon Ogden who has been to the Probowl for close to a decade and only gets local Geico Commercials.
People who gripe about the size of contracts...especially NFL ones. The important phrase in an NFL contract is "Guaranteed Money". An NFL contract works like this...you get signed, you get a bonus which is money you earn upfront every year and then what you are paid throughout the season. The first year is always the least amount and the last is the most. If you play every game, make every practice, training camp and workout; you could make all of the money. The only thing is since teams have to make other moves they usually come and ask players to renegotiate their contracts to make cap space. This means your salary goes down. So in actuality those gigantic contracts that we hear about almost never pay out in full. The most enlightening aspect is that at anytime your team can break your contract and drop you.

Just an Example

2005-08-03T16:50:00.000-04:00

"From the master or for office niggas is sick of running..."
Talib Kweli

Since he just got out of a halfway house here's a rant about my man and the law....

Jamal Lewis is my man...not because I'm a Ravens fan. Not because he's gone over the 2000 yard mark or set the single game record. Not even because his first name is my middle name (it means beauty BTW). But because he is the perfect example of a charge that scoops up lots of black males...Conspiracy to (fill in the blank). Before I get into the ramifications of the charge itself, as a Ravens Fan and a black man that was some bullshit. Hit a brother with a 4 year old charge for basically saying "yeah" on a cell phone...anyway. A conspiracy charge itself requires the least proof of any form of charge. There don't have to be written documents or a lot of physical evidence. Best believe that most of the people reading this could get caught up in some kind of conspiracy charge. This is ever present in my mind as I work with young people and some of them hustle. This type of charge really only has to show that you had the means and possible intention to commit a crime. In his case it's crap because the crime didn't actually happen (four years ago) and because the "witness" was in jail...if you from the hood you know what it means when the witness is in jail...someone wants their sentence shortened. These two factors already piss me off, then I would hear people talking about how if he wasn't rich or famous he would already be in jail...hey stupid if he wasn't rich or famous they wouldn't have brought the charges up 4 years later...notice it was right after he earned the rushing title. Anyway...I know people who were legitimate criminals and because they couldn't be caught with enough evidence to put them away for their crimes they were hit with (drumroll please)...consipiracy charges. It's like hitting gangsters with Tax evasion except you don't have to have any money. Then (I usually get pissed when I hear about public opinion) people are saying that he shouldn't have plead guilty if he didn't do anything. Obviously these folks have never heard of "Cop or rock". Basically you cop a plea or face the full penalty that can be imposed if found guilty. I actually have a client that took an attempted murder charge (something he didn't do) the difference was he sat in jail for over a year waiting to have a trial (postponed 4 times) and was told that if he plead guilty he would get out in three months...so he plead guilty. My issue with Lewis' charge is that it was acknowledged that no drug deal ever went down! He was charged with trying to help his friend set up a drug deal...for years ago. If they pursued these types of charges on every level I would be in jail for 500 counts of conspiracy to commit assault. I don't understand the rationale of putting a person in jail for "almost" commiting a crime. Then of course they add on all types of other charges; using a cell phone to set up a drug deal and blah, blah, blah...just like my aforementioned client who they not only hit with attempted murder but also shooting a handgun in the city, possession of a handgun, and about 5 other charges. It was like they had a handful of darts and just threw them all at once like something was bound to stick. The real thing is that alot of people without his financial resources or support system (he is a cash cow) get hit with these types of charges all the time...some are doing things, some are just in the position to get hit with them. They don't have the money to fignt the charges or a lawyer who can work out a good deal. I'm happy that the brother is out and that he'll be running all over your favorite team this year. Conspiracy charges suck.

Shut up!

2005-08-02T16:04:00.000-04:00

"You're lips are moving, but I don't know what you're saying."

Here are some things that I am tired of hearing. They are just stupid comments, questions or things of the like that I feel when said should entitle people with the right to physically assault the speaker, enjoy!

When homeless people ask for change why do people tell them to "get-a-job". I know people who don't stink, aren't dirty and have a phone number and address who have trouble finding work. If the same guy walked into their establishment these people would not hire them. Stop saying that. Try something original like "go to a soup kitchen", or just be rude and say "Fuck off". Something that makes sense. Think of it this way even sweat shops go hire immigrants instead of rounding up homeless people.

Commercials using the wrong songs...I mentioned once before about how they used 16 - tons for a coal intiative commercial. I remember when Wrangler had a commercial showing all these American flags and they play the opening lines of "Fortunate Son" by Creedance Clearwater Revival...
Some folks are born made to wave the flag
,ooh, they're red, white and blue.
And when the band plays "Hail To The Chief",oh,
they point the cannon at you, Lord,

What they fail to play are the next lines...
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no senator's son,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no

Stop using these songs for the wrong damn themes...if you have to write a jingle or something.

At my job we help young people find employment, ages 16 - 21 (and up really). The executive director keeps griping about why these young people can't hold jobs longer than 12 and 18 months. Why...they're young...I used to quit jobs on principle at that age. I, at more than one job have either been at lunch or at a desk and realized I didn't want to work there anymore. If I was at lunch I wouldn't go back and if I was at my desk I would get up and leave. I've done the Harlem Nights move to a job, "Yeah, I ain't never coming in to work no more, take it easy." I think the problem is most of them aren't even 20 and they don't have bills to pay...a tragic syndrome of youth (enjoy kids!).

Did you buy anything in Mexico? This statement is asked at several borders, replacing Mexico with whatever country, but no one ever tells. Most people only go to buy things and no one starts admitting at the border. Yes officer I have several cigars, some tequila and a mexican immigrant in my trunk, no it's right next to the weed and the coke...from what I saw alot of californians almost don't answer the question. This is one that should be greeted with a long..."hey stupid" kind of stare.

On the D.L. is pissing me off recently, see this is what happens when uninformed older/white people hear a phrase and run with it. D.L. or down low meant you are sneaking...how it strictly means that a black man is having a gay affair behind his wifes back is beyond me but it pisses me off. I can't listen to the song from the Pharcydes first album anymore, I can't say it and thats hard. I came up through the 80's but I got my speech patterns in the 90's On the Down Low is part of that and they took it away...I don't think dude was trying to re-coin the phrase when he wrote his book either.

I've covered hatin' in an earlier post...but to re-emphasize I "HATE" the phrase, yes I'm a hater...Piss off you stupid blighter (english accent)!

Is ______ There? No even though you called their cell phone they are not here as a matter of fact you're imagining this whole conversation. I actually have started telling people who ask me this, "No I'm not here, do you want to leave a message for me?" If you know the person, know that you have their cell number...why call with unsurety..for real if you're not the person why are you on the phone attempting to engage in a dialog?

"Do ya'll mind..." I do a lot of open mics and I hate when people ask the crowd is it all right or do they mind if they do something...even when I want crowd participation I'll pick someone I know get them to do whatever it is and suggest that the crowd join in (people don't perform well under pressure). I have an urge the next time someone says one of these phrases to stand up and yell, "Hell yeah I mind!" If I ever see someone follow my urge they'll be my new best friend.

Stuff that used to work...

2005-08-01T11:00:00.000-04:00

"Let me hold the ball lil' man, I ain't gonna take it."

I was just thinking about things we used to do that would get you punched in the grill these days. As bad as somethings may have been we at least knew hot to follow rules...most of the time.

Snatch Pops - Remember this you'd have something like some chips or something and someone would take them and and yell snatch pops. Meaning that them taking them was all good and you really couldn't do anything...definite punch in the mug today.

Line jumping - Honestly this move didn't always work. You're in line and your man wants to get in so you let him jump in front of you and then out of courtesy he lets you jump in front of him. At one point in time this used to seem logical but, the older we get it was less so.

Letter B - This used to be my favorite game. Everyone one bet in and then if you say a word that begins with the letter B any participants get to hit you until you say "letter B". My favorite thing to do was to wait until the end of the day when everyone forgot we were playing and get my hits in. One time I had a well placed shot to the diaphram on this "tough guy". That's one place that will produce tears. Can't play this game anymore.

"My Cousin..." - For some reason in Baltimore back in the day, everytime someone wanted to jump somebody or take something from you they always brought up their cousin like so..."Yo, you look like the dude that beat up my cousin" or "Somebody took my cousins shoes and they was about that size." This only worked for a little while...by the time I was eleven and a stranger started talking about their cousin you either ran or started swinging...depending on the odds.

"Taking the Loss" - The cruel cousin of Snatch Pops, this is where you have some food in your hand and someone smacks your hand and makes you drop it. I have seen some fights over this but mostly people just waited to get revenge.

"Fag Tag" - This only happened when I was in middle school with a lot of white kids, but if you recall some shirts have what looks like a horizontal belt loop on the back. These were called fag tags and promptly ripped off of your shirt. Would not work today.

"Bus Co-Op" - I kind of miss this one, but I remember back in the day when the bus was crowded and no one was into the gentlemanly practice of giving the ladies a seat, girls would just sit on your lap...some of the finest times of my childhood.

"Slow grabbing" - This one is hard to do cause of lack of opportunity, really dudes usually have their sites set higher now. Those wonderful school dances were a coming of age. When the D.J. would slow things down and you'd find that special girl and ask her to dance...then you'd spend the rest of the dance seeing where you could get away with putting your hands. The last time I did this I had a full two-handed grab going and didn't know it until a third party came and moved my hands. I guess it was a muscle memory thing.

"Trading" - Oh how I miss this, when people would trade lunch, toys or whatever else there was. The only downside was when your mother got pissed cause you weren't concerned with the cash value of what you traded away.

"Truth or Dare" - Now people may still do this, but it's a whole different level nowadays or rather at this age. This used to be the ultimate "let's get it started" game. I used to always be so nonchalant and so amped for this one. I did have a list ready in my mind though. I wouldn't bring this game up if I had a gun pointed to my head now. For one I keep my business out of the street. Two, I'm not a horny young boy anymore, I'm a horny young man and we use different tactics.

Mediocrity...The New Dope

2005-07-29T16:40:00.000-04:00

"me·di·oc·ri·ty - 1 a : the quality or state of being mediocre b : moderate ability or value
2 : a mediocre person"

I caught up with my man Abdul this past weekend (I gotta remember to post a pic of the t-shirt he had on) and as we discussed why so many things that suck are popular, He coined the phrase for me..."Mediocrity is the new dope." I see it in everything. For instance I like Kanye...but, he is just a marginal lyricist...his ability to bring a song together is great. However, he is still (in terms of the mainstream) one of the best out right now. I see it all over the place. Mediocrity...In Government - and if I hear one more person say that Bush is a great leader I'm going to suplex them off a national monument. Nothing this man has done is great, good, or even o.k. he has generally sucked...it's his modus operandi. To think most people voted for him because they thought "he would protect the country". If I thought the president was going to "protect us" I would vote for a mob boss...they can get things done. Maybe that can be Mike Tyson's new job, we'll send him to settle all beefs and if the treaty isn't signed we give him a liter of gin and 3 redbulls and tell him they said he was a punk. If I walked into a bar fight I wouldn't want Bush to be the one that had my back...to borrow a quote, "I'd rather be turked by a syphillitic bear." Even in our displeasure with people like Bush we have fallen to mediocrity. Demonstrations were good a few decades ago, especially when people would go somewhere they weren't allowed and protest. Now I think we're desensitized to it like violence on T.V. How about a new form of protest like putting a burner on Air Force One or taking a dump on the White House lawn...I don't know something different. The point was these protests used to shock people, now they just divert traffic...a little. Even in schools I remember when they lowered the passing grade to 60-69 and mad people ended up with 50's on their report cards. This country needs an enema of some sort. My favorite advocate of mediocrity is the term "hatin". I can't even say I don't like something much less that it sucks ass with out someone calling me a hater. One of the few emcees I still like said, "If I don't like, I don't like it that don't mean that I'm hating." I mean damn, let me get this straight...nothing sucks? Is this what I'm hearing. Everything can't be good. That's like those self-esteem building teachers that say "you're all winners." Bullshit, I grew up with a lot of losers and they held form throughout life. Explain them, unless we give out prizes for who can suck the most they aren't winners. Let's dispel some myths...we are not all winners, all children are not cute (and some of them are stupid) and Bush is not a great leader. What's another one...Pregnant women are not sexy...a pregnant woman my be beautiful but, it's not sexy. Let's get our terms together: Sexy - 1 : sexually suggestive or stimulating : EROTIC 2 : generally attractive or interesting : APPEALING. I would not ascribe this trait to a pregnant woman. Matter of fact I'm disgusted with those who do. When I see a pregnant woman I don't want to have sex with her! What the hell is being promoted here! She looked sexy a few months ago thus facilitating her current status. It's this type of make sure everyone feels good type of crap that kills me. Like anyone who says something has to come out and apologize to anyone who might decide they were offended by it. Like Kellen Winslow II apologized for saying he's a soldier. We have become a pussified nation and it's pissing me off. You can't even use metaphors anymore! I have made up my mind to become famous just so I can say things and not apologize. We love to bring up freedom of speech until someone says something we don't like. I hope the country is happy with this mediocre limbo that we are stuck in. Things like this will drive me to world domination just so I can enjoy myself again. I'm about to espouse a new form of P.C. - personal choice. I've made this decision and I don't care what you think, offended...tough noogies. Along with the freedom of speech you have the freedom to feel how you want, use it and leave other people the hell alone. I have to apologize for how I feel now? I would never ask that of someone. Don't feel bad that you offended me...thanks for letting me know where you stand on things.

Burnout

2005-07-29T09:00:00.000-04:00

"It's a five O'clock world when the whistle blows and no one owns a piece of my time.."
The Vogues

I am officially burned out. The realization came not when I was late three days in a row and didn't care. The realization didn't hit when I figured that I put more effort into my blog than my job. I understood this when I began to miss an old job. When I was with child support my job was so mundane and repetitive that I could wear headphones all day while doing it. I almost didn't have to talk to anyone. This job did not require thought, I would just do. Now I have to talk to people, hunt people down and so forth. It's one thing to hunt someone down...it's another when I'm tracking you down to convice you to go to an interview or to get your GED. I need a personality stipend. I'll just hang around and be cool and at the end of the week I'll get a check. Bonuses for wearing a snazzy outfit or giving some good advice about something. I want to go back to school so I can do something else but the fact remains that I'd still have to work. While I don't live lavish I can't take any type of downgrade in pay...it goes against my principles. At the moment though 5 o'clock just looks so good. I get excited at 4:00. I've had a variation of this feeling but, it was cause I was going to see my girl or I was going out. Now I get excited to be leaving the office in general. The decrease in staff has not been good for me at all. Now we have to leave our building and move into our parent center that deals with adults which will not be good at all. They might as well have sucked the atmosphere out of this building and let us suffocate. Large difference in working with Youth and Adults and the two vibes don't mix well. I WANT OUT. I have considered that I don't know enough spanish to sell my things and move to Mexico. A friend also pointed out that I'd have to learn portugese to move to Brazil and become a lounge singer. Finally the whole Sade/arm candy thing hasn't come through yet either. This is the longest I've kept a job (4 years) and working for alot of stupid people doesn't help. I do a hard job that doesn't pay enough and it sucks. Not just cause I don't make enough but, because people in positions like mine don't in general. It's a constant reminder of where the priorities of the world lie (more importantly where they don't). Living on a farm seems like a viable option right now. I'll get up early, do physical work and sit on the porch in the afternoon drinking beer...of course I'd have less chances to wear my cuff links. I could go to harvest dances and have actual rolls in the hay! This farm shit is starting to sound alright. I could swim in a pond and go "into town" when I need stuff. I could sneak into the neighboring farms and get it on with farmer's daughters (does anyone know where there are alot of black farmers, indian even?) Anyway...I feel like the guy from Office Space more and more. Humph, that sounds appealing cause right now I can't take a bat to the fax machine...lousy piece of crap.

There's no crying in Football!

2005-07-28T15:00:00.000-04:00

"Rookie defensive tackle Manny Wright leaves the field in tears after being yelled at by coach Nick Saban."

Come on...come the hell on. Yo I thought I was going to die when I saw this wednesday! I kept hearing Tom Hanks in my mind..."There's no crying in Baseball!" This guy had better become a hell of a football player. You can't be remembered as the guy who was crying at training camp. I mean Ricky Williams has been getting negative press galore, Jason Taylor even dressed up like him on Halloween and I don't see Ricky crying. Coaches yell son, that's what they do. How in the hell he proposes to live this down is beyond me. I will say that after I finished laughing I felt a little sorry for dude...a little. What can I say I had a bad day yesterday. Plus I was just thinking no one is going to run over and hug dude. There is no consolation. Especially when it's on the net, ESPN and every sports show in the nation. To quote Souls of Mischief..."What a way to go out, out like a sucka!" Plus you're on defense...What would Ray Lewis say? The last time I cried someone died...how the hell do you cry on a field full of grown ass men...grown ass men that may be trying to hit you later?!?!? Now this guy is young..21 but at 21 you weren't going to catch me somewhere crying. Even if my mother yelled at me, which by then she wasn't, I wouldn't be crying. Hell at 16 I would have died of shame to cry cause I got yelled at. I can only imagine what dude will have to go through if he makes this team.

My Corrupt Education

2005-07-28T10:18:00.000-04:00

"I showed up early everyday...to gather my friends and cut the hell out."

I was doing image searches on google and I came across this pic of my high school. It's funny, but I thought how you really can't see how much it looks like a jail in this picture...or even how big it really is. I'm tripping off the fact that it's actually got a listing in Wikipedia...and how they mention the rumor that it's sinking! People who graduated from other schools always try to rip on us about that. Wikipedia (or whoever posted this) is wrong about the fire...it happened in 95-96. I remember cause we had a week off after a big blizzard then the school caught fire the weekend before we would have returned, when I found out...I rolled over and went back to sleep. There were several parts of the building that were never in usage...except by enterprising students with illegal activities in mind. That sign is the place where I used to gather up my fellow cutters in the morning. Optimal smoking places were the train tracks to the south, Clifton Park, the depths of the gym, the bleachers, the music room...let's say there was no lack of opportunity. Actually Lake presented no lack of opportunity to do anything cruddy. I always talk with my man about how all the worst things I ever saw happened at that school. I saw a dude get his ass whopped at that sign and as soon as he managed to stand up security came and threw him in a sleeper hold.

I have seen more good fights (one on ones), bankings, beatdowns and rumbles here than at any time in my life. I remember the word would go out across the school to let you know which end of St. Lo Drive the fights would take place at, however some things were worse (or more entertaining) than a fight:

Slam Contest - This comes to us courtesy of the thugs who hung out on Harford Rd. and The Alameda. Basically these cats pick out a small guy (most likely a freshman) and see who can pick him up and slam him on the ground the hardest. The messed up part is it would become more about the contest than about trying hurt the person (though the prior facilitated the latter). Dudes would even have do-overs saying, "Nah yo, I know I can do better than that."
Dead Birds - I don't know who started this, but one day someone put a dead bird on one of the bridges then people started trying to top them. Let's just say it sucks to cross the bridge and have to avoid 5 dead birds...the only thing worse than that was when they put a dead dog on one of the heaters...my savage ass peers.
Snatch and Grab - An invention during my senior year this involved a boy/girl duo who would go around targeting cats. The guy would sneak up and throw him in the sleeper-hold then the girl would hit his pockets. The unlucky victim gets slammed to the ground without a cent to his name. I saw this happen once and it was not pretty especially cause the victim thought it was a friend playing around at first.
Sex in the Corner - I had some freaky classmates. Let's just say there were alot of staircases and on the lowest levels there was an area you could go behind the steps. I know a few people who have claimed to use this area for a mid-day quickee. I know for a FACT that lot's of people got suspended for being caught doing it. The Cand D stairs were the favorite spots.
Disrespecting a Senator - Nathaniel McFadden used to work at our school. I knew he was involved in politics when I was a freshman and we thought he probably demanded respect...WRONG. The seniors let us know as everytime he walked down the hall you would hear chants of "Mr.McFaggy!". They did him worse than Rodney Dangerfield.
Freshman vs. Senior - Everyone thinks that their class is the best/toughest or whatever. Our class was out to prove it. Seniors used to love coming by a classroom and yelling stuff like, "Freshmeat" or "Damn it smells fresh in here". My classmates responded with such things as, "Suck my Dick", "Fuck you whore"...I think you get the message. Suffice it to say my freshman year there were a lot of fights and most of them were between seniors and freshmen.
Blackeye for Teacher - I actually know the cat who started this trend. My man Eggy from around 20th street got into it with a teacher and basically popped him. After this about 5 teachers ended up with blackeyes...I swear at my school things would happen and people would just be like..."Oh you can do that, word!"
Hair Removal- I'm sure this happened in plenty places...girls get into a fight and any fake hair is summarily snatched out and cast aside. I remember one time in particular as we were walking down St. Lo one girl seemed to be moving a little too fast then when noticed the crowd behind her picking up speed. Shorty breaks and the crowd gives chase. She even get's to her porch but when she knocks no one opens the door. About 15 girls descend on her and give her the ass-whopping of a lifetime. They then leave with people twirling her tracks in the air like trophies. The really messed up part is, after she has had her ass removed and handed back to her someone comes and opens the door for her. I kept thinking whoever showed up late to open the door might have caught the wrath of my beat down. You couldn't grab a frying pan or something and help me out!

Despite all of these things it's sad to think that my High School is worse now than it was then. Save the children.

A hit, a palpable hit...or tag

2005-07-27T23:25:00.000-04:00

"The suspect is dangerous when confronted with American Beer."

R.P.M. tagged me...I'm not sure if I'm being tracked but, just in case I'll follow orders...

Ten years ago: I was somewhere smoking a blunt and anticipating my senior year of high school, perfecting my tag, rhyming and spouting revolutionary slogans...and buying camoflauge gear, it was cool at the time! Oh yeah...my bike was my main means of transpo so I was more cut then.

Five years ago: I was working with elementary school children and the biggest stress of my day was when someone started crying during dodgeball. Of course, they'd be mad if I didn't play the next day. I had a cell phone that I hated but gave me the best service out of any I'd ever have again. I was going out about 3-4 times a week during the week. Which is why I can't go out all the time now. I also was having relations with women I may deny now...for personality reasons.

One year ago: My wing man was in South Africa and I was had no one to joke with. I didn't know if I would still have this job (funding issues) and I had just got my car back after that "girl" hit me in the drivers side...luckily my cool lean saved me from injury.

Yesterday: I was coming down off my Artscape high...work sucks! Plus I was searching for a good picture of Rudy from Fat Albert...somethings should just be there...y'know.

Today: I pimped myself out to get a speaker for my job. I was the "elected driver" to take staff to a meeting...so since I prefer the breeze I didn't turn on the air conditioning...HA! I also started searching for the new version of the expense report, I want my money back.

Tomorrow: I'll still be rounding up folks for this gifting joint...it's not a scam! Plus I'll be trying to make sure my boss stays in her office so I can complete my blog rounds.

5 snacks I enjoy: Pico De Gallo chips...when I can find them, Ginger Snaps, Things you can dip in Guacamole, Carribean Ice (for real), and Coffee (trust me).

5 bands that I know the lyrics of most of their songs: Sade/Sweetback, Incubus, BlackStar, Alien Ant Farm, and Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five/Melle-Mel.

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: Purchase home, property (private), bar, club, hall, properties (group home), 69' Mustang (convertible black, chrome trim and pedals, mag wheels), tailored wardrobe, all equipment required for music (I'm talking pressing records here kids!), Trust funds for future children, give my mama something and let her get the house of her choice.

5 locations I’d like to runaway to: Amsterdam, Brazil, London, Trinidad and Africa.

5 bad habits I have: My friendship with Nick (otine), procrastination, thinking everyone will do what they said, writing on my pants (I hate that), and oversleeping.

5 things I like doing: Blogging, Performing, Speeding, linking with old friends, and missing work.

5 things I would never wear: That 50 cent Tank Top, Rayon, tight pants, Non-Adidas tennis, and Slingshots.

5 TV shows I like: South Park, The Daily Show, Seinfeld ("You'll never meet someone who likes Seinfeld and Wu-Tang!"), Pardon the Interruption, and Real Time w/Bill Maher.

5 movies I like: Love Actually, Hero, City of God, Star Wars Episode III (I have the upper ground), and Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

5 famous people I’d like to meet: Sarita Choudry (to disscuss our future), Bill Maher, Jay Z (to discuss business), Sade (to apply to be her arm candy), and G.W. Bush sans Secret Service.

5 biggest joys at the moment: Flirting, Blogging, Having a full tank of gas, traveling, the 5:00 world.
5 favorite toys: My imagination, a Microphone, Xbox, a 'puter, and an executive directors nerves.

5 people to tag: Luke Cage, Beloved, The Keeper of Jello, Goldie (in hopes that she'll post soon), and Jdid.

Best Bop

2005-07-26T10:31:00.000-04:00

"I walk with a bop that make the cops shine flashlights..."
Tash of "The Alkaholiks"

When I say bop I'm not talking about the Hanson song...

It has been said that my bop is so strong that from blocks away you can tell it's me. The average person expects me to be wearing headphones when I'm walking. I used to tell people one leg is longer than the other or it's the soul trying to break out of me. Best of all it's not premeditated...it just natural at any speed. So I thought I'd dedicate some time to other people who have a viscious bop. I automatically think about Fat Albert's gang who had a mean collective bop. The best one of all though was....

Rudy - This cat not only had his bop working on the low end but, he had the head action to go along with it. I remember we used practice Rudy's bop like it would save our lives one day. His bop spoke a little of his arrogance but, it was still fly. I remember how is head used to go down and come back up...I didn't even think about his arm motions his head was going so hard.

Fly Guy - Now, a small portion of his bop may have been inspired by the platforms but, that slow drag was all him. You know what I mean...foot down pause...next foot forward. Throwing glances from side to side. A cane may accentuate your bop but it also requires you to maintain a certain level of flyness...similar to me.

Shaggy - Some people may disagree but, I think this cat from Scooby Doo had a cool bop. This cat looked like a breeze was blowing at him all the time. I can't identify if Scooby has one cause of the four legs, but I'm watching him. Shaggy has the traditional laid back bop going on. He's cool just not pressed about it.

For the uneducated, some important thoughts on bopping...
It has to be natural, an artificial bop is worse than a stiff walk. It should be able to convert into a dance almost. An effortless set of motions that produce their own beat. I remember in High school me and my man Ike said a girl had a real butt if it kept time to the Fat Albert beat. A bop is kind of like that. Even if you increase speed it looks like it can flow to music. I swear that bopping makes walking anywhere more fun than it would be. It's confidence inspiring even. (Pardon the snagglepuss there)

Any memorable bops you can think of?

Aftermath

2005-07-25T10:00:00.000-04:00

"How many of us have them?"

Another Artscape in the books and all is right with the world. Well, I'm still not the undisputed leader but, I can let that go...for today. This was easily one of the best times I've had at Artscape in years. I saw several people I haven't seen in years and easily put about 30 numbers in my phone. We had this discussion for two nights about how these are the times that you are a part of something yet you don't think about it until it's over. I wish I didn't have to be at work to day, but the weekend I had was good enough to carry me for a while. So...

Highlights:

Not sweating the Q-tip show then finding out it was the entire Tribe halfway through and still getting to the front row at a crowded show...see I told ya'll last time I know how to get up to the front. Dope show...I was just in the crowd and I almost lost my voice.
Seeing everybody...though this is the first year I didn't see my cousin I caught up with a lot of other cats.
Carribean Ice...If they tell me there's crack in this I'll accept it and order another one.
Not getting home until early in the morning a few nights in a row...you know something is good when you just have to hang around for a few more hours.
Mad invites to clubs and parties...loving it.
Hand dancing with Melani while Craig Alston (supastar) conducted the Eubie Blake Legacy Band.
Huge cups of lemonade.
Finding out there is a dope spot on Charles st. next to Jay's and Orioles (I need to get out more).
Biz Markie on the 1 and 2's!
Breakers
Freestyling at 1:00 in the morning with around brothers and sisters who are the age I was when I started this.
Mad pounds and Hugs.
Lovely Women.
Running into Curtis who does the dope T-Shirts www.substanceone.com check him out. I gotta get another elevate joint.
Mad people on a peace vibe.
Chilling with Old school Bmore heads and Live D.C. cats...it's all good and until the Ravens play the Redskins.
Sundresses....ahhhhhhh.
Hooking up on the production tip...I may complete an album through the cats I saw this weekend.
Realizing what I'm part of while it's still going on.

Downside

Mayor O'Malley butchering "Time of your Life" my favorite Green Day song.

The Weekend

2005-07-22T09:57:00.000-04:00

"Once again to relieve me of my boredom and some cash..."

Every year at the end of July I look forward to the best event Baltimore has to offer...hands down. Live performances (national and local), vendors, art exhibits, women, and every single person I know in the city. Artscape. I have never missed artscape. No matter where I lived or what was going on. Even when I've had to leave town for conferences it seems like I get back by the first day. This is lovely for several reasons. First of all it's all inclusive so whoever the person is they can enjoy themselves. Second, it's surely the largest event we have here. Third, there are usually good performances (last I year was the first time I got to see De La Soul Live plus they had Dres from Black Sheep and they brough a Hip-Hop Pioneer (I don't want to name him cause of the following) out on stage...later I found out that Pioneer had been selling weed on the east side of town for a while which kind of messed with me). Fifth, Microbrews...now we know that I'm some what of a snob on the beer tip. Since this is a large event and I won't be harassed for drinking a beer outside, a microbrew will do in this case. Most of all...I will literally see just about everyone I know at Artscape. Friends, family, people I don't like, and women I should know. While I don't think that there will be as many great performances as in past years, there's still Vivan Green and some sista I want to check out named Danielia Cotton. However, I do not require the performances (even though I know how to get to the front of the stage at will. All I need is the scene. Truth be told we often have to employ the running back technique to get through the crowd - Biggest man in front like a line man, followed up by the full back and the last man is the ball carrier. There is always something worthwhile to purchase or just stand around and look at. If you have to go to an event in Baltimore, Artscape is the one. Unfortunatley, despite the fact that they were supposed to have broken up...Mayor O'Malley's PUNK ASS BAND will be playing again this year. Taking a show from a band that could use the time. Go pass a law or something!!!! Three days of sunshine and music to make me feel like every weekend should be 5 days long...damn work on monday.

Reverse Racism

2005-07-21T22:44:00.000-04:00

"You have shown me a whole new way."

I have a new favorite movie. If you can't tell from the pic it's Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. Is this the most hilarious movie ever....no. Am I amazed at how side splittingly funny it is...no. Do I laugh...yes.

I'm sure you are wondering, what the hell is the big deal? Why is this my current favorite movie. As I assumed from it's release it's a basic "friends a on mission have wacky things ensue" type of flick. This is the reason I have only just seen it. What I did not notice was the total saturation of ethnic groups and the sterotyping of...white people. I've seen several movies where one or more groups of people are sterotyped, but never have I seen one where the "majority" is the sterotype and a wide spectrum of minorities is represented.

Main characters: A Korean and an Indian guy.

Love interest: A latina.

Other memorable characters: Jewish stoners, Two educated black men, a host of Asians and Indians.

Sterotypical Characters:

White racist cops over excited about performing their duty (especially inreference to black men.

Young white extreme sports nuts and all around jerks.

Neil Patrick Harris - Hollywood actor under influence of drugs who kirks out.

Young white executives partying and leaving their work for the responsible employee.

Young white stoner hippie...need I say more.

Now I would be remiss to mention that Anthony Anderson does play a sterotypical role, but it's not because of race. He is the apathetic fast food worker, gladly willing to tell you not to patronize his place of employment while harboring desires to burn the fucker down. I can't find fault with this because of my dishwashing days. BTW - do NOT eat the rolls at Old Country Buffet! Besides, every person I have known who worked at a fast food place would either tell me don't eat there or give me guidelines for doing so.

I also love how the sterotypical roles of just about all the ethnic groups involved were brought up at one point or another during the film. I can't say this is the best movie of any genre but I am growing to love it. Besides I love to see a film where the main characters are minorities anyway. So enjoy this film via my issues with casting and have a fine time with a retort to all the indian convience store workers, thickly accented asians, ignorant black people, and oy gevaulting jews normally seen in movies.

Dreams to Remember

2005-07-20T11:42:00.000-04:00

"Nobody knows what I feel inside, all I know was I walked away and cried..."
Otis Redding

First I'll try not be too amused that I had a dream the feelings of which make me think about this song by Mr. Redding. I always did love that song. It's one of the consumate damn that hurts, but I gotta go on anyway.

I dreamt about the person that made me feel like that last night. It appeals to my sick sense of humor that she is the woman who I never was with. I think "unrequited love" is one of the worse feelings. You can't say you squandered the situation cause it was something that was only on the brink of happening. The other thing is in a way it's harder to resolve as that sense of "what if?" tends to linger a little longer.

I was inside of a building on St. Paul in the midst of some sort of preparations, I do remember it was a good day. I felt like I was in living at the time and that things were on my horizon. I was wearing one of my favorite sweaters and the winter vest I love to rock cause of how the colors accent each other. I'm a sucker for earth tones. Then I started to get hot so I took off my sweater and threw my vest back on. It was cold outside and my arms were bare, but I didn't feel it, when the wind blew I just ignored it. Then I saw her pull up in her car. I was trying to be cool and time my walk so that I could meet her and not seem like I was sitting and waiting. She looked beautiful. She hugged me without a second thought and it felt good. I remembered the ease with which they used to come and I started to feel cold. As we went caught up with each other I put my sweater back on...all of the sudden it seemed silly to have taken it off. Then she dropped the unexpected on me. "I got married last night." I didn't know what to say, at all. I tried to congratulate her, but I couldn't. I wanted to ask about him but that's not what I wanted to know. I was at a loss for words. She asked me what if something happens down the road, what if they break up. I got choked up as I told her that I things like that seem to have been the problem. There was always something in the way. We ran hot and cold and I was never sure where I stood. How could I invest myself in something I'm unsure of. I was getting upset that I was so sad. I even felt on the verge of tears and that pissed me off more. I said I can't live for that tomorrow when this is what has happened today. I pulled her close to me so she couldn't see the sadness in my face. I said you know I always wanted you and I always cared, but how can I exist in such a state? What kind of man would I be? I do care but I can't sit and wait on a what if. The she pulled away from me, looked me in my eyes and said,"Well, my bop will be harder than yours." I got a little mad and I thought to myself, my bop is pretty damn cool and people know that.

Rules of Beef

2005-07-19T02:16:00.000-04:00

I once expressed my desire to have beef be expressed like in The Warriors...my wish has not come true..

The CityPaper has a new feature called Murder Ink. Basically they give a brief review of all the murders that have occurred over the last week. In the last 5 weeks I've known people (clients) who have been included in the tally. Tomorrow I will pick up the paper and read about a brother I know personally. It's not just messed up that he's dead but the whole circumstance is coming into one of those cycles.

Basically dude A is sitting in his house with his girl...Crew 1 walks in makes him strip, pistol whips him and robs the place. Dude A...runs out jumps on his dirtbike (still naked) and chases them down. He hits one with the bike and paralyzes him. He is now in jail with an attempted murder charge.

The young brother I know (father of two), runs across the remnants of Crew A and basically challenges them, tells them they're punks and he'll beat all of their asses right there. Crew A backs down and leaves. Later that night the young man is coming out of his house and Crew A shows up to solve the situation via gunplay. My man loses his life. We are called up, as in the past to speak to his younger brother about not going for vengance. It appears that another member of Crew A has already been killed. A conversation too late.

Now another member of my man's crew has been killed as well.

As simple as it sounds if things could be like the Warriors or The Outsiders where we see each other set the terms and then fight it out and when it's over we get up and leave.

The Uninvited

2005-07-18T00:42:00.000-04:00

"What's the opposite of the Welcome Back Kotter Song?"

For those who have read my blog for a moment you may know that I have people living with me one of them (my cousin is cool). She's not there alot and she always kicks out cash towards the house the other is a different story. As the ING account grows and I plot my escape, here are some reasons why dude sucks.

Gimme da loot - He's slow on the cash tip. I'm sure everyone understands this but of course it ties into several of the following reasons.
Anti-Gremlin - Dude needs lights. This is the anithesis to my existance. I HATE false light. What's worse is he leaves and I notice that he has left lights on. For me this is doubly worse. Something I hate in constant use and costing me money (see #1). That deserves a gut-shot.
Stupid comments - Think of it this way I have been around cable for the past at least 8 years (with one breif break). I really don't need constant updates on what is on television. Especially when EVERYTHING he tries to tell me about is something I have seen or actually own. Plus they have this thing called the Guide which allows me to see what will be on for two days in advance. Stop telling me what's on.
Bad Phrases - Young'n, Nephew, Son Son...when you haven't kicked out any money to the house you live in these are not ways you should address the main stock holder (me). Yes that is a look of contempt I'm giving you. I'm about to "son" dude until...(see #1)
Get Yours - The fact that I have expressed my desire to have my food and beverages seemed to sink in. Expect for the fact that my water mysteriously doesn't last as long. It's getting beyond the realm of polite notices.
Stupid Questions - I leave some clothes in the dryer and we have a operating theory that if someones clothes are in the dryer and you need to use it put them into the empty basket. I go downstairs grab my clothes out of the basket. As I'm going upstairs he asks, "Did you get your clothes out of that basket?" No I left them there...I actually have a spindle and a sewing machine hidden downstairs I used them to make these. I don't like stupid questions.
Air Conditioning - This is an old house so there are window units. Perhaps it's just a crazy quirk but I don't like leaving them running if no one is there. Even in my room, when I leave it goes off. I'd rather be warm for the 5 minutes it takes to cool down the room than pay for it cooling an empty one all day. I am Jack's seething temper when I walk into the empty room to find it left on.(see #1)
Patronizing comments - I rock some collection of 60's music. "What you know about that." I was reading the Portrait of Dorian Gray. "I didn't think you'd be reading that." For some reason he has assumed I'm an ignorant person - despite the fact that he does not know me. Perhaps he didn't notice all the Classic Literature and Indie Films or the Barry White Boxed set, or the entire Sade Catalog. Hell I owned the Lord of the Rings in book form before the movies were thought of!
Noises - This is a repeat, but damn. Hacking, coughing, yawning - and I don't mean I'm sitting next to him. I'm upstairs in my room door closed and it sounds like he's outside of the door directing the noises. Damn...sound like sick ward up in this mug.
Tone of Voice - I mentioned once that two grown men shouldn't live together and here's an example why. It doesn't matter what is being said it should all be said in a questioning tone. Any comment that sounds like I'm being told what to do will not be received well. Doesn't matter. Ask don't tell. If I feel like I'm being "told" whatever it is won't happen. I'll walk away laughing and as emasculating as that may seem it would be worse if I stand there and address you. Take all of the bass out of your voice, matter of fact any tone that doesn't sound like a gentle question or a comment from Mickey Mouse will be met with a loud annoyed (and almost threatening - "What?!?!?")

So boys and girls as I continue feeding the ING account and search through the tax lein homes and government auctions. I keep telling myself that if I lose it and steal on dude I'll probably hurt him...I mean he's almost 50 (half the reason I'm pissed by all of the above). Besides no matter if he deserves it I know that me looming over an over the hill guy who I just popped will not make me feel better. Cussing him out might, but any response to that besides humility will result in the aforementioned "looming". I need to learn a peaceful chant...or just black out and thus not be liable in court for my actions.

The Line up

2005-07-15T21:31:00.000-04:00

Since Christopher Williams and Al B. Sure...the light skinned man has not been in, at least that's what I'm told. I was one of the cat's when people started saying, "The Blacker the Berry the Sweeter the Juice", I was in the back mumbling "My juice sweet too." That being said, every cat that achieves some fame who is not darkskinned and has locks is the person I am compared to at the moment. Here is the line-up of famous (to one degree or another)people I am contstantly told I remind people of.

Damien Marley
This is just the representative, to the general populace I have at one time or another been compared to whatever son of Bob Marley people could name. Hell when I was in Mexico they were calling me Bob Marley. Years compared: 1997 - Present

John Forte
While I didn't mind this comparison as much (his verse on "Cowboys" was sweet)....his solo album not so much. Years compared: 1997 to 2001

Lil' Jon
So this one is the most recent comparison, enhanced by the fact that I wear my shades alot but I never really thought about it until...

One evening upon returning from a festival in D.C. it's almost 2 in the morning and have ended the last day of a seven day bath (Akan ritual). Suffice it to say there's some fasting involved during the seven days and even when you can eat you can't have sugar or salt and that cut's out alot of things. When I did eat I basially had unsalted peanuts, eggs and oranges. So this was the last day and I can now eat. I'm riding from the eastside to my house on the west and because of the time nothing is really open. So while passing Loyola I realize there's a Royal Farms a block down and they have...some kind of "food". I stop in and as I walk to the back to get something to drink I hear someone say, "Yeah!" I thought it was unusual but I was hungry and thirsty so I keep moving. As I'm looking through the beverages I hear, "What?!". I don't know if Lil' Jon and Dave Chappelle were wiped totally from my mind or something but it just didn't register with me. I mean I hadn't really had any food in a couple of days give me a break. So every few minutes I hear one or the other, "What?!, Yeah!". Finally I order my (crappy) fried chicken and move to the checkout when another "Yeah!" comes from the backround. Just then I look down at the reflective glass infront of me and it hit's me...Lil' Jon. They think I look like Lil' Jon. I almost snapped to a degree cause I hate that instant lightskinned-locks association, but plus cause I mean hell I looked like this before he ever came out. I actually went through a whole debate about the situation in my mind as I grilled down one of the offenders. Years compared: 2004 - Present.

At work, in the streets, I'm destined to be compared to X-lightskinned-dude-with-locks. The worst part of all is I look at these dudes and I don't think I look like any of them...at all...in the least.

Breaking In

2005-07-14T10:26:00.000-04:00

"Disturbing the Peace...and Rocking the hell out...Rites of Passage"

I was inspired by this post from Humanity Critic. I have never been thrown out of spots, but me and my friends have forced our way into a few.

Just for some backround, the pic above is of the main 5 members of our group. We easily had 20 different people who have been involved but these were there from the start til the last show. At the time all of us were not 21 or even 18. In fact one of the most vicious cats (not pictured) was like 14 or 15 when we first got together. Beyond lyrics our strongest attribute was the energy that we brought to our performances. We brought it up like Ray Lewis before a game and never came down until we went to sleep that night. So here we have the combination of good shows and younger people which did present a conflict of interest for club owners.

J.R.'s
There was a group of brothers doing poetry called Sons of Robeson. A good group of brothers in all and one night one of them invited us to come down to this spot called J.R.'s to get on the open mic. We arrive and as we would experience several more times all of us could not get in. Three people were under 18 and one wasn't even 16. So at the front door we were denied. We keep trying to explain that we were invited. NO DEAL. Our thought is we were invited and that means ALL of us. We come together and say do we want to go home or break out. We want to stay. So my man breaks out the djembe and starts beating out a rhythm. All 20 of us start chanting, "We was invited, your authority we'll fight it, we was invited, your authority we'll fight it!" The doorman is looking like he doesn't know what the hell to do. I don't think many doorman had to face a circumstance of this nature. Eventually another cat comes out and they talk out the situation. We are going to be let in. Now comes the issue of the cover charge. We never paid full price per person. We would always work out a group rate on the spot (we were young, broke and intelligent). So group rate taken care of we enter and watch some people perform. When our time comes to rock we do just that. Energy is up and we are so pumped on the second floor that the glasses behind the bar downstairs are shaking. We killed the show. So much so that one of the gentleman from the door comes on the mic afterwards and announces that this will forever be our spot and we are always welcome. This did nothing for our ego, it did give us a blueprint for the future.

Larry Stewart's
The whole age thing continued but we would explain that our younger members would not drink or do anything to put the club's status in jeopardy. People never felt that until they say what type of draw we could be. So at this one spot as I recall the owner just wasn't feeling letting us all in. Don't forget that we roll really deep. So we feign compliance, work out our group rate but as we enter the spot we put the younger people in the middle of the group. They were trying to check us out but we moved around and even passed back I.D. cards to those who were too young so if they got caught they had something to show. Anyway once we get into the spot we just start shredding the mic. The last people that we had to go on were the younger cats who totally murdered the set. I used to wish I had been as nice as they were at that age. So afterwards we make it known to the host that these cats are part of our group and as talented as they are they need to be let in, in the future. He agreed.

Eventually to stop all of the front door beef we would approach them as two groups (the youngest cats were their own group before we came together). It would just be a double billing...Rites of Passage and Last Prophecy. The fact that we would always rip the shows and network so heavily meant that we ended up with a strong rep very quickly. This cut down on the nonsense but I miss those days of young rebellion and defiance. Unlike we went clubbing and had to leave anyone underage behind, the open mic/hip-hop scene got rawed out by us. Our whole mentality was, "Yo, you NEED us in there ripping it."

I really miss...that!?!?!?

2005-07-13T09:00:00.000-04:00

It's amazing when I look back at what I miss...Ohla ohla...

If you have bust your ass trying to jump over your leg raise your hand. If you have broken down in a party and started doing the dance from House Party, raise your hand. If at one time you had a high top fade and wished it was as tall as Kid's raise your hand. I had to keep my hand up for all of these. In the spectrum of Hip-Hop Kid 'N Play may not be the greatest Emcees of all time, but they represent something important to me. They are part of that time where the guy who could danced wasn't considered a punk. The time when everyone tried to dance at least a little. It wasn't all good as dudes still had beef with each other and fights broke out, but people were more concerned with having fun than looking tough - in general. I think about all of this because I caught one of their flicks the other day. Despite the movies they had we all know that the first "House Party" is the one. I realize that these two helped to launch alot of peoples careers or at least bring them into the spotlight (Robin Harris, the entire cast of Martin, etc.). I remember remarking to someone a few years back that Method and Redman were the first cats in years who had bothered to just be funny in their songs and videos. The difference is they had already established street cred first. I went on to say that I don't think that anyone could achieve fame if they came out with a Kid 'N Play type of act today. What trips me out even more is that alot of "hardcore" cats KNOW that they watched and liked House Party and tried those dances. Not only that they were in clubs doing the Roger Rabbit, the Running Man and whole other slew of dances. I may be a glutton for punishment looking back at this time as people are so "hard" now...for instance I remember being in a club and this cat is standing in the middle of the dance floor. I'm looking at him, cause hell we're all dancing, when my man steps on his shoe or something. Dude gets pissed and I notice another friend of mine observing the situation. Dude is mad (which was stupid cause standing in the middle of the dance floor is no way to protect your kicks) and my friends are mugging him down and still dancing. After about 10 seconds they actually get into the same rhythm, heads moving together while staring this dude down. I thought that's what I'm saying keep on dancing. It made me want to start chanting the roof is on fire! That's the time I loved, when people knew that they would have to go work or school or something so they just wanted to enjoy that time at a party as much as possible. Yes, people were trying to get some ass and yes there were fights. However, now it's more of the latter two. "I'm going to look hard and talk shit." I remember when people knew they weren't hard, but they could dance...so they did. I will forever call this the Kid 'N Play era. Kid 'N Play never filled my need for depth or intricate thought. They did help to round things out. I wouldn't have as much of a problem with alot of things that I hear if I didn't hear it all the time from everyone. I loved when some cat's always talked about partying, some cat's were dropping knowledge and some were hardcore. Since I miss these varied elements, Kid 'N Play have come to help represent that lighthearted party aspect of things. I miss Kid 'N Play....ain't that something.

The Best Ever

2005-07-12T09:38:00.000-04:00

Everytime I play this joint I feel like I'm doing something really life affirming...

In this time of bling when I am most critical of the artform that meant the most to me I find it important to look back on what I really loved. I find it hard to imagine that one of the most socially/politically relevant songs was released in 1984. I figure most people remember "The Message" which also bears that distinction, but I'm talking about the song from "Beat Street". Or moreso the last verse from that song. I always said that the when I listen to "The Message" I can walk outside and see all of those things still happening. It's the same with the song the only difference being I see this on the street and on B.B.C. Everytime I listen to this song I find it hard to believe that we as a generation could be so caught up in nonsense...most of us were alive when this song was out. The number of cats with a record deal who had yet to be born is miniscule. Everytime I hear this it reminds me why I write and why I don't want to give up on Hip-Hop. Not to mention the movie that it was featured in gave what I feel is the most tangible sense of the "vibe" that Hip-Hop culture first had. The vibe that it's often missing today. In addtion I also think that Melle Mel is continually overlooked on those lists of greatest Emcees of all time and if he's on the list he needs to be higher. So enjoy and tell me what you think.

A newspaper burns in the sand, and the headlines say ‘Man destroys Man!’
Extra! Extra! Read all the bad news on the war for peace that everybody would lose
The rise and fall, the last great empire, the sound of the whole world caught on fire
The ruthless struggle, the desperate gamble
The game that left the whole world in shambles
The cheats, the lies, the alibis
And the foolish attempt to conquer the skies
Lost in space, and what is it worth, huh?
The president just forgot about Earth
Spending multi billions, and maybe even trillions
The cost of weapons ran into zillions
There’s gold in the street, and diamonds under feet
And the children in Africa don’t even eat
Flies on their faces, they’re living like mice
And the houses even make the ghetto look nice, Huh!
The water tastes funny, it’s forever too sunny
And they work all month and don’t make no money
A fight for power, a nuclear shower
And people shout out in the darkest hour
Of sights unseen and voices unheard
And finally the bomb gets the last word
Christians killed Muslims, and Germans killed Jews
And everybody’s bodies are used and abused, Huh!
Minds are poisoned and souls are polluted
Superiority complex is deep rooted
Leeches and lice’s, and people got prices
Egomaniacs control the self-righteous
Nothing is sacred and nothing is pure
So the revelation of death is our cure
Hitler and Caesar, Custer and Reagan
Napoleon, Castro, Mussolini and Begin
Ghengis Khan and the Shah of Iran
Man spill the blood of the weaker man
The peoples in terror, the leaders made the error
And now they can’t even look in the mirror
‘Cause we gotta suffer while things get rougher
And that’s the reason why we got to get tougher
To learn from the past and work for the future
And don’t be a slave to no computer
‘Cause the Children of Man inherits the land
And the future of the world is in your hands
So just throw your hands in the air
And wave ‘em like you just don’t care
And if you believe that you’re the future
Scream it out and say ‘Oh yeah!’ (‘Oh yeah!’)
‘Oh yeah!’ (‘Oh yeah!’)
Raah!

Melle Mel - "Beat Street"

It Broke out....

2005-07-11T11:04:00.000-04:00

I missed my friends......plus there was salmon on the grill!

It started out simply enough. Friday I called up the wingman to see if he wanted to take in a flick. So we head on up to White Marsh (which is out of character) to see Batman Begins (I know it's been out...I'm always like this with movies). We walk into the theatre and it looks like they are giving away free cars or something. I may not have mentioned that I hate going to a crowded movie theater...so this looked like hell for me. However, I forgot that no one wanted to see Batman, everyone was there for Fantastic 4. So there was only about 20 people in my particular theater. What I hated was at the end when people started clapping. As a rule I only clap if the director and the actors are in the movie with me. Afterwards we come outside to a scene that looks like a car show. I tell my man let's wait til it dies down to leave. Twenty (20) minutes at least...his youngest sister hops out of a car to speak to us and we go through a whole convo about how when we were 15 none of our friends had cars. We were going downtown to the movies cause we had to catch the bus. Sucked. Anyway amdist our conversation I remarked that we needed to have a big (private) event somewhere. He went into the rented beachhouse and the Excursion (likes big trucks) plus some other details. I quietly remarked I was missing my friends. Skip to the next day...Our man Trey's father was having a cookout on the field behind his house. I had been invited before, but I don't remember ever making it...MISTAKE! This thing was huge. I always joke that his father is the man and dude can back it up. He had MAD, I repeat, MAAAAAAAAD people out there. I'm expecting to see Trey, his brother Kwofi and my man Ogun, but there were so many cats I hadn't seen in forever. Several conversations started with..."I haven't seen you in years". There was so much food out there and my favorite of all...Salmon on the grill. Many of you may not know my history, but I am a strong proponent of grilling Salmon. It begs for it, give salmon a chance, thank you. Anway cat's got into battles, drank guiness, cracked old jokes and talk about plans for now and the future. I had another reminder of my age in the fact that everyone's little brother has full beards now. It was a hell of a good day. I saw roughly 7 people I hadn't seen in two years or more. I really needed that. I looked around and realized how old we were and how we were changing. There were certain things that would have had to happen had this been 4 and 5 years ago. It was a good crowd. A long beautiful day (grilled salmon), lots of wonderful people (grilled salmon), good friends (grilled salmon) and the food was pretty good too. I realize how much time really changes things, I used to spend at least 5 days out of a week with these cats now I hardly see them and when I do it's usually one or two. I'm going to marinate in my good feelings for the rest of the day and tomorrow I'll be back with something of substance.

Along the Way

2005-07-08T21:38:00.000-04:00

"Something in your eyes was so inviting, Something in you smile was so exciting..."
Frank Sinatra, Strangers in the Night

I can only think of the phrase that is the title of the above painting..."Two ships passing in the night".

So yesterday I hit the local Safeway to get some before-I-make-market-goodies (it's really not local since I cross into Pikesville to shop cause of the better selection and price difference-damn you city supermarkets!). Anyway I'm picking up things and plotting for my post-payday return. So I stop by the Odwalla's and out of the produce section comes this sista who looks familiar. She's on a cell phone chatting away, but when she noticed me the look on her face must have been just like mine. Then as we gave the hesitant hello I realized why she was familiar. I had sex with her...well almost. I almost burst out laughing when I remembered the whole story. I can't even remember her name but ces't la vie.

So I'm chilling in Azebs (which became 5 Season, which then moved). I'm living it up cause I had a good rep with the bartender. It's a slower night and the only person there that I might roll with is my wingman's sister. I'm kicking it and these two cuties sit at the bar and I get into a conversation with one of them. Dialog is nice (plus I'm drunk), I get her number and they leave. My man's sister (also my ex) sits down next to me and we start cracking jokes on random people in the room - she was always one of my favorite people. Then she asks, "Where do you know them dykes from". Exsqueeze me, baking powder? She reinerated...those two girls were gay. I thinkg back through my glassy-eyed memory and I can see it. So this sista gives me a call and we kick it some. It becomes clear this will be a sexual situation. She's older than me and I've always liked that. She lived downtown, which meant easy access as I was not driving at the time. So we work out a day and time for me to come over. Before I get into it this was a weird experience and I can't believe I forgot about it...it reminds me that I need to keep better track of my "encounters".

The Event

So I go over to her apartment. I think I had gone to this poetry spot beforehand which used to be in a black owned restaurant. The spot closed and we met down at a Gazebo by the Harbor and the joint picked up steam. So I'm coming from this spot which means I was live for a few hours and amongst my people. We are kicking it and drinking wine or something...when I woke up. I mean to say we were chilling in the living room drinking and talking and I feel asleep. I can't say I was really bored, but back then I had more regular interaction with the ladies so I would be alot more cavalier about those situaitons plus I was drunk and had been out and about for a while that day and in the evening. So I wake up and find out (partially from feeling and partially from her verbal admission) that she had been playing with my fuck stick! I didn't know whether to feel cocky or used...I ended up with a subtle mix of the two. So I'm ready to roll out (told you I was cavalier) when she indicates a yearnin'. I decide to oblige her and we go at it. About this time the whole lesbian thing really comes to the forefront. We are getting into it and she isn't quite...verbally she indicated that she wanted to, but her body is not responding. Deserts have more moisture than her crotch did. Then the lesbian thing REALLY comes to the forefront or rather her lack of interaction with men did. I couldn't fit. I tried, but she was just to tight and the dryness was not aiding in the situation at all. To quote Mr. Orange from Reservoir Dogs, "I'm fucking dying here!" We work out that this thing is just not going to go down and I...roll over and pass right the hell out again. I wake up in the morning and roll my ass out. We did talk on the phone after that, but the funny thing is this...before "The Event" I saw her out at an event talking to a guy I know. The next week he's talking about how you know someone and have been involved with them only to see them later and find out they're now gay, He just couldn't see it. I can confirm that one money. It started to sink in that I was this lesbians fooray back into the world of heterosexual sex gone wrong. It struck me as so odd to have had such an interaction with someone and then run across them and have forgotten the whole thing. I came home from the market and made a list of all my sexual encounters, sustained or otherwise. The worse thing was I had to think back and recall to make sure the list was complete. It kind of sucks to make a list like that and have more than one, "Oh Yeah!" moment. Damn the forgetful vigorous young man I was.

Lost Arts

2005-07-07T10:51:00.000-04:00

Is your name Yemaya? Oh hell nah, it's got to be Oshun...

Before I begin this semi-rant/request/plead, I will say that most men will not deserve this. Most men will not know what to do with it and think women are stuck up. Forget them, focus in on the deserving ones...besides the rest will learn to love it.

What's my beef. What could I possibly be going on about (again). It's the ladies, not all of them but a large number of them. Not the ladies themselves but the presentation. I remember watching movies and actresses would have these lines and give these looks that make a man say, "God Damned, that's a woman." They wouldn't show a lot of cleavage or skin in general but their mannerisms made you want to get that woman. They made you want to make them succumb to you, it seemed like a challenge to win their interest. Not even wealth and power alone could win their fancy. Now I realize that these were movies, but I have seen some examples of this in life and I would like to request that the women who still carry themselves as such please pass on your skills to those in your vicinity. As of late when a woman has had interest in me the presentation has kind of been like, "I'm a woman in this mug, come holla."

Case in point: I'm chilling out at a First Thursday event...wonderful music, I get to initiate dancing and women are all around. I'm talking with two of my peoples and I notice this sista checking the scene. I notify my comrades that someone is getting looks. They check out the situation and clarify that it's me. So I'm checking the horizon and the sista approaches. She knows one of the guys I'm with and starts whispering in his ear. He starts giving me eyes like, "Yo you need to rap to her." I instantly lose all interest. Tell your man to holla at me. Tell your man to holla at me. For real she could have turned to me and asked if I thought the sky would be green tomorrow and a conversation would have sparked. "Tell your man to holla at me" just took me back in time to the school cafeteria and it left my interest there. She was making more progress throwing glances. That sense of potential interest was much more alluring than, "Tell your man to holla at me." I've had this happen several times in the last few years, "Tell your man to holla at me." Hell nah, that's about as subtle as hitting me in the face with a hammer. You might as well jump up on the table lift your skirt and shout,"Come and get it." Perhaps I'm blowing it out of proportion, but I appreciate those subtle things. In regards to male/female relations that's the type of game I like to play...it allows me to have to be creative in my approach. Is she checking me out, if not can I still say something that will make her fight to not break out into a smile that expose all 32 pearls? Yet another instance. I'm doing home visits for work and since it's in the area (and gas is ridiculous) I decide to walk. I'm rolling with the black suit, white shirt, black and sliver cuff links and bright red tie, check it. I'm doing it. As I walk down the street I peep the eyes in cars as they pass by and then I hear this lady yell, "Damn baby you sexy wus yo name?!?! Ruined my day. That was not (here comes the snob) sexy. My name is unimportant, it's where I'm going - the hell away from you. I mean that shyt ain't cool when dudes do it. It's ten times less so when a woman does it. These may seem tame, that's because I can't even bring myself to type how the younger sistas come off at me...scary.

You know what I liked, that drop the hanky thing. A lady sees a gent of interest and drops her hanky, which provides him a chance to be gentlemanly and return it also opening an for conversation. Let's play around a little bit. Sometimes I feel like many women have lost all sense of seduction and allure. What happened to the enchanting eyes and suggestive looks. Now I keep getting ass in a styrofoam container. I want the mystique back. Advance and withdraw or something. Make me be more clever than asking what your name is. I think more women should spend time reading about Oshun with Dorothy Dandridge movies and Sade playing in the backround. Imagine if young girls went from Lil' Kim to Carmen (without the whole destroying a man's life thing). I just want some mystery again. I consider it the difference between daisy dukes and a sundress. Daisy Dukes leave absolutley nothing to the imagination, a sundress only clings to the form briefly. Leave something to my imagination...give me something to chase. So if you ladies that have it will work with the rest and create a manual or a DVD for the younger ones then I'll work on the menfolk, deal?

M.C. Mortgage Payment

2005-07-06T09:29:00.000-04:00

"....when we perform it's Coffee shop Chicks and White dudes."
Common

This is the lament of a closing-in-on-30-Emcee who can't listen to most of whats out. What's a man to do? Consider further the fact that I still like to perform and am in the process of recording. Add to the equation that from knowledge of the industry and talks with fellow C.I.O.T.E.s who have been meeting with companies...I more than likely will never get a deal. I don't kill anyone in my songs. I don't talk about rims, booze...basically any of the things that I hear in the mainstream. The best crowd for me to rock is at Poetry Events...sad huh(isn't that a Paradox? Rock/Poetry event)? That's where people tend to listen the most to what you actually say instead of using you as a reference for shopping lists. The last few times I went to a "Hip-Hop" event I didn't feel most of what was being presented. I respect someones lyrical prowess, but I'm beyond "o.k. he can battle". Especially cause even in most battles people aren't as lyrical, it's just an extension of thug raps. Even though you can express how you can empty the clip and lift me up like elevators, I need a little more. Another factor in my circumstance is that I have been referred to as "Thesaurus Boy". I like words and being that rhyming has to do with lyrics, I use a wide variety of words and references. I have actually had people come to me months down the line and give me props for a line cause they just got it. When people are backing me up I know where I need to speak up cause no one is sure how to pronounce that word. I thought everyone knew what a masochist was. I will admit that nine times out of ten I will avoid the simple word that may suffice, but often the big word sums up more. I mean...I have a verse on a song about breastfeeding...I am not a normal emcee. I've come to realize that most of my "audience" is blogging, or changing the baby, or at home watching Seinfeld reruns and the Daily Show. Alot of them probably buy more rock and jazz at the moment than Hip-Hop. What's worse most of my "audience" are other artisits and I know from experience it's a bad place when the only people you can count on to check you out are performing later that night. I know most people who would appreciate my art are planning on building something...just as I must. I can't fit right into this music scene...I have to build/pull together the scene around me. I know I have to represent anywhere, but I want to surround myself with similar people. It sucks to hear myself on stage and feel like I'm the old man in the room. Everyone is talking about scooping up shorties and I'm thinking, "I can't even associate with half of these women in here, they ain't wife material." I always hear Chris Rock, "where you meet mommy? - Oh, She was in a club singing about balls." I don't mind being the one if I have to, but I always think if they loved the guy before me what are they thinking when they listen to me? Are they acknowledging me? Are the just saying, "He one of them conscious niggas." and blocking me out? I hate those catagories...it means that people aren't realting what someone says to their life. I'm over here and they're over there and never the twain shall meet. When I hear the thug-thizzle I know it means I've got more to do. That's another issue I always wonder if I was to be classified what would they call me...I remember coming up on some Digable Planets in an alternative section and I could almost see myself right next to them. I know that many of the most famous artists died poor and that prophets are hated in their own country, but Hip-Hop used to be relevant. I know there were party tracks, but there were plenty of songs that I learned something from. It's hard to swallow that I'll say a whole bunch of real life things and my people won't relate. I want to hear about my favorite emcee getting married or having a child...tell me about how you bought a pick-up so you could haul stuff for the yard or something. I'm tired of hearing people older than me talk about doing things that people younger than me will die trying to keep up with. I need to hear about life...and it would be nice if the crowd was more than coffee shop chicks and white dudes.

Cruisin'

2005-07-05T16:16:00.000-04:00

For the Record...

I'm just checking blogs and surfing in general and I have to ask...Why do people hate Tom Cruise right now? I peeped the couching jumping episode and I know he opened himself up to some criticisim and...just plain getting joked (c'mon Maverick that was some silly shit and if you had boys they probably joking you too). However, alot of people really don't like his opinion of psychiatry and that would make me wonder...but then I realize we are a country that loves our pills. We love the thought of popping something down and having it take care of our problems. I'm sorry but fuck them pills. I know people are depressed but I'm sure 75%(at least) need a kick in the ass as oppossed to a pill. I'm depressed...it happens a lot and it makes me get up and do something. Now I understand some people are beyond a pep talk (I'm related to one) but we have commercials on T.V. about anti-depressants. That shyt ain't right. People who are REALLY depressed and need medication are the ones who won't see that commercial and say, "Hmmm, maybe I should ask my doctor about that." The people who do this are soccer moms and "progressive thinking" metrosexuals and what not. I know I'm biased as I won't even take Aspirin, but the rule is this...If I go to someone and say hey I may want to try this drug...he's a drug dealer. Medicine Men and Voo Doo priests don't take suggestions so doctors shouldn't either. Doctors should say (Did I mention I don't like doctors either?): This is what the problem is this is what we can do, here's your pill. Doctors shouldn't be pulling up menus, "The blue pills are nice, but the red ones go with your outfit." Don't make me start on the side effects of these joints. Another rule. If there are more side effects to a medicine than symptoms of the condition - you don't need it. If I have gas I don't want something that will get rid of it but cause sexual side effects, uncontrollable bowel movements and make my dog go blind. I'm just saying, I'm just saying...

P.S.

Tom Cruise, C'mon son tone it down a little bit. That girl younger than me you can't be all pumped and shyt. Chill out, roll with your little hottie and be cool.

P.P.S.

That jumping on the couch shyt with Oprah...men should intervene on behalf of you and the dude that wants to marry the runaway bride. Cut it out, both of you. Leave that type of stuff for Dr. Phil (who even though I don't like him thinks you should cut shorty loose...at least he said he would have problems with her). Doing stuff like that on Oprah is like bursting into tears in front of your girlfriends father and her 10 brothers...you can't come out of that looking good. Well...I did find this, it's about the best thing to come out of you being on Oprah.

At this Juncture....

2005-07-02T17:26:00.000-04:00

What you say!.....Young punk.

Though I am not actually old, yet, I feel as though it's good to look back and take account of what I've learned so far.

1) 85% of the population is stupid. Everyone has good moments but most people lose it when emotion gets involved. Always keep it together even though it means people will be pissed at you and may not listen at least you can step away intact. (The Ellen Ripley Rule...the only people that liked her died.)

2) Cops suck. It's the sad truth. I am partially biased, being a young black man, but for the rest of the population they still suck. They ruin parties, they make it so people can get to you without confronting you...in anyway. Despite the fact that they have authority and can ruin your day, week, year, etc. a lot of the time they're assholes when they don't need to be. If you disagree look around the room/car when cops become involved...the tone changes pretty quick. (The Sumumabitch Rule)

3)Women and Fights are very similar. You have to recognize when to get involved and when to walk away. If you get involved go for yours until you get knocked out. If you think you'll lose make sure you can walk away with your head up. Don't think about the end result...think about the moment, worrying about the out come is the fastest way to produce a bad one. (The Bruce Lee Rule)

4)Be able to get cash. Not everyone will be rich in this society, but you'll make out if you have at least three means of earning cash. If you can cover expenses with one, fun with another and stack off the third that's the best. (The Knife in the Boot Rule)

5) Put it out there. Benchriders only get splinters. It's easier to live with with a failure, but it's hard to live with knowing you never tried anything. To quote myself, "I'd rather piss in the wind than turn the other cheek, you get hit either way but at least it's reciprocity." ( The Til the Wheels Fall Off Rule)

6) Knowing helps. I fashion myself as the diety of obscure facts and references, but I can't say how many times that knowledge has come in handy for me. It's great to master one thing, but life is more than one thing. Subsequently dont fall victim to the phrase "Jack of all Trades master of none." (The Ken Jennings Rule)

7) Alot of people + booze + sexual tension = Drama. I seen it so many times. You can usually feel it when you walk into a place. THE CROWD CANNOT BE TRUSTED WHEN DRUNK. Especially when dudes are showing off for the ladies. It's even worse when a) the ladies like drama b) dudes can't recognize the situation. Don't say I didn't warn you. ( The Crenshaw Rule...Ricky was just chilling with his bag of chips, he didn't want no beef.)

7a) Don't drink liquor that costs less than beer. Trust me. (The Mad Dog Rule)

8) Nothing is trivial. This applies in all situations. Everything means something and even if you don't know the meaning be aware of things. Observe all situations and you can pull the best from them...or avoid the worst. Plus it's kick ass to remember things when everyone else forgets. Bonus points for remembering more than your boss. (The Bronx Tale Rule - "Everyone was smiling except for this one face...")

9)Sometimes you have to bump younger cats. Seems strange but it's true. I'll go walking through a mall or some such place with my work gear on and for some reason young dudes think a tie makes you a punk. I don't think there will ever come a time when I'm afraid of the group of young dudes walking towards me. A "pardon me" and an elbow/shoulder combination go well together. This goes intellectually as well. Sometimes you gotta kick them in the ass when they aren't thinking straight. (The Zimmer Rule - Pedro did the right thing, any old man that rushes you has to be treated seriously.)

10) Know who your friends are. This is simple but we forget it and are reminded when we need people. When trouble comes false friends vanish like roaches when you hit the light switch. The other part of this is that you can't leave the real friends hanging out there. Nothing is worse than the person you would go through hell for forgeting you. (The Watch Your Front Rule)

Associations....

2005-07-01T23:21:00.000-04:00

I often say I have a handful of friends...it's so I don't lose my hair from stress.

When I left Morgan and was performing with my group we could easily be hanging around with 20 people in someones house, apartment, etc. Some people performed, some produced, some just hung out. We used to do our thing all in the Charles Village area of Bmore. There was pretty much a balanced male/female ratio, so of course there was some sex involved. But some of the most fun things involved beef. Say all the ladies we know are going out to a spot...we wouldn't want to go. So the guys are sitting around chilling and in comes the phone call,"________ got into it with some dude and we need ya'll to come down here." I never could figure out why it would always be a beef with a bunch of dudes. When we went out we never had beef. No matter how deep we were, we never had beef. These ladies would get into something everytime they went out and we would be summoned for the assist. I hate things like this, there is nothing worse than having to fight when you weren't initally part of the beef...especially if you were 10 minutes before just chilling somewhere. As a matter of fact I no one has tried to beef with me personally since High School. Every beef I've been involved in since has centered around someone else. I know part of my problem has been that I get involved in stupid shyt. I often tell my clients it's usually that "extra word" that starts the beef. You know, people are going back and forth and no one can let it go so even after the main complaint is over they just keep saying something. Straw that broke the Camel's back. I can think of close to 7 times in a period of a year where we had to go get involved in something. Personally I have certain rules around beef. After choosing whether or not it's a worthwhile beef I challenge, "Here I am right now" type of deal. I don't do that next time I see you garbage. If we're gonna get into it's right now or we let it go. I don't respond well to threats either. If you say I'm going to the car or I'm going outside, I'd rather just tag you right there and get it on. I was never the person that started anything, but I do have issues with "bully" type situtions. I break. I don't like situations to drag out. I want to get it over with. That being said, I don't like to get into beef over another persons nonsense. Especially when that person begins to rely on you to get them out of the bad end of a situation. Furthering this problem I know one of these sistas would always get into with someone when she drank. Even if we were chilling amongst friends. This is one of those cats who should be forbidden to drink. Considering she is amongst this group always pissed me off to have to go get into a beef when I didn't know how it started. To make matters worse around this time alot of joints were getting shut down over shootings. So here we are chilling inside having some drinks and freestyling and we get a call to come down to such and such club cause cat's is beefing. Just the way to end your evening. Then I remember we actually got into a beef (which was squashed without a punch being thrown) and the same "horrible drunk" said that their problems were a result of....get this..."Our bad karma coming back on them." To this day me and my man laugh over that. "Karma doesn't work like that sweetie." As a matter of fact me and this same cat have left a record 6 places right before story worthy beefs broke out. I mean chairs being thrown movie type beefs. Now here we were having to get in shyt regularly because of others. As gallant as I may be...when I have the feeling a sista may be to blame for the beef, a brother gets hesitant to be involved. Later my man almost got into a beef because (unbeknownst to us) some of these sistas were stripping at a local club. It bothered him (he is now a Sangoma Priest) more than a bit to have some dude approach him about "getting their girls together"...I recognize them and I see how you do he said. He's all ready to defend them and get out on this dude...only to find out we didn't know what was up. So that story finally broke amongst the crew. Around this time I began to realize that I was associating myself with alot of people I didn't really know at all. I don't randomly judge or point fingers, but too much beef was going down around these situations. At this point people started to drift apart...it was that time. College, work and other things were consuming our time. We began to break down into our seperate groups and do our thing. I have since not associated so closely with such a large group of people. I don't have those types of stories to tell anymore either. We did have alot of good times go down, traveling and performing, but we had just as much drama associated with it. I can't say I really regret it, but I don't think I'll roll quite that deep again.

Last Man Standing

2005-06-30T11:21:00.000-04:00

I'll miss my friend.....

Today sucks for me. Along with half of our staff, my man Wendell's last day is today. On the work tip it sucks because my caseload is about to be crazy large without having the support I used to. On another tip like Red in Shawshank Redemption...I'll miss my friend. Though he's two years younger than me, Wendell is the oldest man I know. If you want to see a true Ravens fan he is it. This is the type of cat that you can tell was raised well. He always says those appropriate things for a given situation. "Sorry to hear about your loss", "You just can't give up." Whatever it is Wendell comes through like he's 50 years old to express his sentiments. When he isn't here I have to up my level of jokes on co-workers just so I don't lose my mind throughout the day. He's my only real competition in the football pool and my source of a good story every monday morning. This is a cat that sounds like John Witherspoon when he talks about the ladies, "Cutie pie". Lover of women with extra meat on their bones, my daily update on the NFL, and all around good guy. It sucks cause we actually went to training together for this job, in and out of state. I remember holding him down for lunch when they were screwing up his pay...a story he always brings up whenever someone questions my character in any way. Wendell is a good guy. I find it hard to focus on my increased workload and the fact that I am now the only man in the building thinking about missing dude. He actually was a client at one time who came up through our apprentice program and worked his way to being a valued member of the team. He was the example for clients. I'm young, but he was a member and that meant something to my clients. No more old man noises, no one to break down why THIS is the year for the Ravens and how our backfield of almost all pro-bowlers will run things. This is the longest either of us has been at a job (4 years) so this is the longest I've worked with a person. I'm sure he'll be cool and we'll keep in touch but knowing he won't be there to receive my next comment sucks. I don't want to work "for" anyone after this so it would have been nice to end out with him. He moves on and I have no "male" support. Doesn't sound like much, but there is a large difference when you are the only man in an office. The conversation is different as well as the perspective. So my fine friends raise your glasses to my friend.

Daddy wasn't there.........

2005-06-29T09:31:00.000-04:00

Favorite T.V. father of all time...close second is Red Foreman...Dumbass!

I figure in the case study of my life I always have to look at the daddy relationship. I haven't spoken to my father in years. I haven't been in the same state as him since I was 3 or spoken to him in eight years.

I remember when I was elementary age he would call and talk to me every few months and send me things for some Christmas and birthdays. I used to think he looked like Mr. T back in the day. I remember the best gift he ever sent me being the bike I had until I got a ten speed (which didn't get much play). When I was young I didn't think much about him not being around because I would talk to him. Actually he didn't leave. See my mothers family is Bmore to the core. The only reason my fam lives on the east side is because they got tired of family stopping by all the time on foot (most of whom reside on the west side). So after High School my mother joined the Air Force and ended up in San Antonio, Texas (Andrews Air Force Base in Bexar [bear] county). This is where she met him and where I was born. They were only married for a few years and ended up divorced. Not long after my mother moved back to Baltimore with me and the saga began. Now for a child the year tends to drag until it hits birthday and x-mas. For me it was longer cause my birthday is Nov. 29th (Partially pissing me off...get rid of the Turkey and hold off on them decorations dammit, it's my birthday!!!). So as I child I looked forward to him sending me a gift. I remember in Elementary school he had called me and (I understand now) looking for validation from me. I was a child and wanted to ask about X-mas gifts. He got pissed off and hung up on me. Even now that I understand what he wanted, I know it was foolish to look for it in a child over the telephone. So eventually I hear from him again and I'm negotiating next gift. I was going to ask for some money...my mother asks how much and I say $100.00. She tells me to ask for $200.00 cause he'll only send me half of what I ask for. I got so mad with her! I thought how could she just write off my father like that. So I make the call and for some reason (she wasn't wrong before) I follow her advice. In the cop-out-I-don't-know-voice he explains that he can only send $100.00. Fucked me up. I hated that she was right about that. More important it was the first step in revealing a flawed man where I didn't have too strong of an image before. The only other significant contact was sending him a picture and he wrote me and said he was pissed that I didn't look like him. Years passed and I started hearing less and less from him. It didn't bother me as much at the time unless I actually thought about it. I was getting into girls, Hip-Hop, weed, and writing my name on walls. I will say it did bother me when I would catch say movies or shows that dealt with the subject matter. I always wondered how a man could not strive to know his first child and only son. The other thing that began to bother me was knowing, not so much that he was dealing with white women, but the fact that that's ALL he dealt with after my mother. My half sisters mother is white and the only other women he would bring up were too. I started getting this image of one of those guys who says shit like, "I just can't deal with black women...they're too demanding." So anyway time passes I graduate...without a call or anything. Now I'm at Morgan...(M.S.U.! I chilled under the bridge not on it), and I come home to a message asking me to call him at a specific time. I do and get no answer. The next day I come home to the same message and the note that he "didn't feel like being bothered". That pissed me off, but I tried again...same result. All in all I tried three times and what closed the deal was him leaving a message that "it was on me and he wouldn't try anymore". This was the first time that I remember cursing in front of my mother. "Fuck him, ma." I'm you're only son and that's what it comes down to? I figured I was 18 and moving to manhood...the lessons he should have taught me were too late. Besides he couldn't teach me much about keeping up with my responsibilities, could he? I believe that one shouldn't hold on to strong negative feelings, but I hate him. He represents something I can't stand. It would have been one thing to never know him at all, but to not try and reach out to me more? I'm you're only son...the extension of you, your legacy in the world. Because of this I could never leave a child in this world feeling about me how I feel about him. It would kill me to be apart from a child of mine. I'd be that guy in court fighting or getting dragged away cause a court order said I can't see my child. More important than that this is why I want a family. The weekend shit would kill me. I want to be there at the end of the day. I want to be one of those "big piece of chicken fathers" who says things like tell your mother the food was good. One of those fathers who is a used as a threat and one who suggests things you're not supposed to do and makes you keep quiet when your mother finds out. I can say that I wouldn't know what to do if my father would pop up one day. Would I starting cussing him out or just deck his ass. Maybe I'd cry...and then deck his ass. I can think of a lot of feelings but not as many words for him (there's that wiping people away again). All I know is I can't be him. I refuse to. I think the worse part about situations like this is I'll forever feel like something is missing. As if there is something I don't know about myself. I know shades of him reside in me, but I don't know him. On a lighter note I hope he doesn't go bald...I'd hate to have a bald spot in the middle of my locks.

Wordplay

2005-06-28T11:29:00.000-04:00

If I could paint a picture write a scripture you would understand/Package it with pretty things and put it in your hand....

Since elementary school I have been a writer of one form or another. Never good at math, I always liked the thought that words could carry people away from where they are. Later in life I loved even more how words could describe where you are emotionally. While I enjoy writing myself...I remain interested in the writings of others. Even on this blog when I write something I like, I tend to be more interested in the comments others will leave. I love to gain insight from what people will say especially in reference to something I have written. Hip-Hop taught me to never compromise what you want to say. If everyone is thugged out and I have a love song...rock that shyt. Even in the realm of coorespondence I take care. When ever I write a letter I break out my caligraphy set (I knew tagging would pay off!!! - take that graffitti removal unit!) and parchment paper...hell I even have a wax seal kit to finish it off. So as I mentioned before (if briefly) I have every letter given to me by a woman in my life (well most of them). At first it was an ego thing I guess, sort of a thrill to have someone speaking highly of me in writing. Now, I try to learn from them. My only regret being that I don't have any letters that speak ill of me. The thing I have began to notice is how people have written to me and the method they used. The only typed letter I have seems cold, while those on special paper seem to have taken the most care. The funny part is that I know now most of these people don't think about or really don't like me right now. I always get a kick out of the changes in your relationships with people...from love to hate. I'm waiting to get into something with someone I hate but knowing my personality I would never do that. It would have to get real heated. Now my problem is that I don't feel I'm gaining insight from peoples good thoughts about me. I also don't have the minerals of Humanity Critic . You won't see me asking shit from any Ex of mine. But perhaps that's part of my problem. I tend to wipe people from the face of my imagination. I am not the type of person who is friends with an old flame. So I wonder alot of times why I bother to keep these letters. I don't read them often and the good things that they say are repeated so I recognize my attributes from them. I tell my self that once I am with someone I'll burn them all and put them into the air. I have begun to question the purpose of keeping these. What do I gain from having them and what will it really represent when I destroy them. Will I free myself and in that case am I chaining myself to these words now? Am I placing improper importance in them? It's especially weird for someone who wipes people away. I think perhaps that's part of my problem. I guess it's hard to maintain something when you are willing to wash away the thought of it so quickly. The thought had crossed my mind yesterday that pehaps I need to fight for something. I consider myself a prize and I also want someone who knows that they are. So if the other person is a prize perhaps I shouldn't be willing to let them walk away. I always write so wonderfully but those ideals always seem to fall short in life. I can express myself in the most beautiful ways but I don't often do so until it's over. I send the most wonderful letters that express the intentions I had. I think I love my melancholy too much. I often say pain doesn't hurt, but that only applies well to physical pain. I think I have a habit of brushing off hurt and just refusing to feel it. Listening to Sade does not equate to dealing with my pain. Perhaps I should ask questions of some ex-girlfriends. Perhaps I should break down the walls. I hate looking back in all honesty...I know we learn from our past and I assume there may be something I just refuse to acknowledge. I'm starting to think I should get something besides good song lines from my past relationships...not that I won't use them for material anymore.

Nothing Ever Goes....

2005-06-27T10:50:00.000-04:00

...according to plans. All roads and rivers bend.

"Things go astray fall apart changes of heart/

Good intentions miss the mark from sure aims to start/

Used to love it in time you feel stuck with it/

Abruptly quit people start things and don't finish/

Heroes become sinners, traitors come true/

Losers eventually win others forget what they knew/

Plans change party clothes are ruined with blood stains/

Stars gain fame then folks forget their name/

Treachery maintains - good men lay slain/

Out of love and happiness comes the most pain/

hope aims meanwhile despair blurs vision/

Children repeat what you shouldn't say thought they didn't listen/

Lose position change status reassess what matters/

Lovers come together families torn to tatters/

Some realize some don't some pretend/

Some people nourish grudges while others make amends

This is a song, like a lot of others that I wrote and I understood it. When subject matter comes to life it seems I'm not ready for it. I have always been the type of person to quietly handle a situation because I know my emotions run to extremes. I have always been able to push my feelings aside and just deal with the situation at hand. This does nothing for the aftermath of said situations. I always want the best outcome and when I don't get it, a brick sits on my stomach. I recently had a situation and it makes me wonder...is this what Einstein felt? He made discoveries and advanced theories only to see his work contribute to the Atomic Bomb.

What's the recourse when the road takes detours/

Castles made of sand get washed from the seashore

After a situation has passed and I have expended my energy in the best way I can, I am often plauged by the results. At least the part of it that is now out of my hands. The way other people feel. Most people (myself included) only really remember the negative in a situation. Good feelings are easily washed aside, while bad ones linger for longer. Even when you can wash away the feeling, the memory stays with you if only as a lesson. In the corner, the deep pit of that memory is a portion of that bad feeling. My bad feeling is always attached to those of others. It is so much easier for me ignore the negative that happens to myself, but that which happens to others is an aftertaste I can't get rid of. It's in my nature to want the best for those around me. I love to leave others with a good feeling so when I leave someone who doesn't deserve it in any kind of confusion or turmoil, it does not sit well with me.

Sample the sweet but keep it low and discreet/

In the midst of Triumph grows the seeds of defeat/

Opposites attract what you give you get back/

Good intentions can't account for how recipients react

Many negative things start from a good place. The true concern is what happens to that good place. I have always believed it's not so much what happens, but how you react to it. Once my reaction is over things are no longer in my hands. The bane of my existence has been the feeling that people don't really know who I am. This is the only thing that bothers me in life. The paradox has been that you shouldn't worry about what people think about you, however, what people think will affect you in some way. You can press on but in some fashion you still have to deal with those outcomes. My problem is I am rarely in a situation where I have to leave things in the hands of others. I find no comfort in not being able to directly change a situation. Even when I stand up straight and take what comes, the feeling still sits heavily with me. As a rule I don't let my bad feelings out on other people. I don't like to expose the negative in me. It kills me to have negative that's around me effect others. I love to creaty beauty so to be at the center of chaos is horrid for me. The knowledge that there is only so much I can do bothers me more. I always manage to see a plan a way to break through a bad situation. Not to have that vision leaves me in an akward place. Still, I have to try. I have to put out some type of effort to make change in a bad situation.

Truth comes to light fate strikes from spite/

it only takes one moment to change your whole life/

Problems with mics breaking up your insight/

Truth in your heart that gets stuck in your windpipe/

Blocked by good intentions so they never see the daylight/

But plot twists rise to smite the pens of playwrights/

leaving things unsaid to spare someone else/

Under a guise of kindness you only sparing yourself/

In hard times friends may offer you help/

But failure abounds til you first help yourself/

Hold dreams til they're dust slipping right through you hands/

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans/

Fail to plan and you plan to fail/

When the path bends gotta blaze new trails/

Can't let the course change still the wind from you're sails/

Sometimes your trapped it seems without escape/

Then again if it's been rough you just might get a break/

Make yourself and let the circumstance make you/

The latter is a breakdown the first is a breakthrough/

Every river bends things come to an end/

Leaves fall play the wind and join the earth again/

It's up to all of us to take fate in our hands/

That said nothing ever goes according to plans

I know that time washes away bad feelings, but it doesn't always change the situation. I can deal with feelings, I just may not want to. I can think of plenty of cliches about these circumstances, but the only thing that stands out is a corny movie title. Learning to Deal. That's my problem. I don't like to sit in the bad feeling. I know things don't go according to plan...when they go wrong that advice doesn't seem to matter.

Enjoy

2005-06-23T15:45:00.000-04:00

...the same thing we do everynight.

I'm out of the office most of the day friday so enjoy this. It's something I hold dear to my heart and study often.

WTF!??!?!

2005-06-22T10:38:00.000-04:00

Is this the answer?

So I like to keep up with politics and in response to questions about energy sources and the environment, our esteemed dumbass (the president) wants to look into using coal more. WTF?!?!? Coal? Coal? This is the wave of the future. That stuff that used to be used in trains (producing the large billowing cloud of black smoke behind it)? You've got to be kidding me? How does this help the environment? Furthermore one of the things behind this is that oil is a finite resource...so coal is infinite? I am a constant contender that G.W. is one of the stupidest people who has ever played a hand in determining our fates, but coal? It's even called the FutureGen Initiative. Instead of looking into solar power or using water or even exploring cold fusion we are going to power our future with coal. Perhaps I'm crazy, maybe that's what the problem is. It seems to me that I recall Coalminers being the dudes who took the canary with them because there was a danger of the gas in the air killing them. I know for a fact that silicosis is health problem that coal miners had to risk. But c'mon, I could have went along with everyone switching to woodburning stoves or putting our batteries in the refrigerator. Think of it this way...fossil fuel is the wave of the future. That doesn't even sound right. Bush, it's time for you to meet my friends, I call them dark alley and bag of nickels. Even worse is the fact that GE has followed up with a commercial promoting this. Filled with images of sexy model types in a coal mine like that shit is fun! The salt in the wound is the fact that they are playing Hank Williams' Sixteen Tons in the backround. That could be one of the worst ways to use that song. For those who don't know...the song describes, in part, how coal miners were basically indentured servants. Peep the chorus...

You load 16 tons and whaddaya get??
another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don'tcha call me 'Cause-
I can't go...I owe my soul to the Company Store

The best I could equate this to would be me going to a ceremony in honor of the folks who died at The Alamo and playing the Deguello. Also known as "The Cutthroat Song" (actually a favorite of mine). This what the Mexican Army played at the Battle of the Alamo...it means there will be no quarter, no mercy shown to the losers. If you don't recall everyone at the Alamo was killed. I have other beefs on this choice of song per commercial topic but I'll let it rest for now.

I know that people in positions of power often have "Yes" men around them, but I hope someone stood up in that meeting and challenged this idea. If someone is sane they explained that thinking of the future is not moving towards things that we have been moving away from. That's not Sankofa. At least someone gave hima WTF look and walked out of the room shaking their head. Coal? Coal! No matter what punctuations I follow that up with I can't get it to make sense for me. I know Bush is stupid but the fact is I'm hearing this is being supported. I keep looking up information to see if I'm just biased but I can't find a good reason to justify this initiative. COAL!?!?!

Shots Rang out

2005-06-22T09:33:00.000-04:00

It's funny how something you can that's easy to look at can become scary from a different perspective.

Lot's have people have had some sort of incident involving a gun. Having never been robbed and blessed to I owe thanks to a stickup boy.

Summertime, 1996. I had graduated from High School and was about to go to Morgan. I can't remember what did it but I had started hanging around my way again. Derrick (who many a sister from Baltimore still thinks is my brother) was my wingman during this time. His cousins were infamous hustlers, killers and any other crime you would associate with the hood. Derrick, because of their rep, was left alone. He was more artisitic anyway. To this day he is one of the best DJ's I ever met and one of the dopest grafitti artists as well. One day we are about the way doing the block thing. Him, Gary, Steven, and myself had been kickin' it all day. The evening was just falling and somehow we got seperated from Steven. After about 15 minutes we get bored and decide to go find him. I'm not sure what the motivation was but someone suggested we run up to the main street, Harford Rd. When we get there it looks like Steven is in an heated debate with someone. Around this time there was a (piss-poor) Pictureman who had taken residence on Harford and Broadway. Words are going back and forth. Apparently Steven was messing around with this girl from the way who was always up there. The dude with him (playing along) jumped in the middle and was holding him back. It seems like the picture man's brother thought that Steven was trying to get out on him. So Steven, the third dude and the picture man are basically going over the situation. Steven is saying it was a misunderstanding and the picture man is coming from the "my brother don't play". I don't remember why but Derrick had a stick in his hand when we came on the scene. As we are figuring out what the deal is, the Pictureman's brother walks by with his boy and ask Derrick what he's going to do with that stick. I guess he figured that we were coming to back Steven up. Honestly, we knew nothing of what was going down until it was explained to us. So here we all are standing on the corner thinking everything is cool now and it was a misunderstanding that has been resolved. People are still talking about what went down when I notice dude and is man are standing on the cusp of the alley doing...something. I let it go. We all start trying to come up with something to do for the rest of the night as the two assholes in question begin back up the block. Derrick always had a sixth sense and his astute nature is one reason I have never been robbed. I can count the times that something was going to go down and he peeped it out beforehand and put us in a position to do something about it. Derrick just can't take his eyes of these dudes and that is making me look. For some reason we didn't notice the two dudes crossing the street on an intersect course with asshole A and B. Suddenly one of the latter two grabs the picture man's brother by his shirt, throws it over his head (on some Happy Gilmore) and snatches his chain. To further date this his chain was a Rolex, this is right before they became popular and his was the first I ever saw. Next thing I know dude pulls down his shirt and starts letting off at these cats. We break out across the street and head up into Wendy's. Everyone is like WTF!?!?! So we start breaking down what happened and I realize, dude went into that alley to load his joint. The bullets in that gun had most likely been intended for Steven and the rest of us. The messed up part about this was dude was a grown man. If we had all started fighting they would have had the upper hand. Instead dude grabs his tool. I don't know about the rest of you, but as a fan of westerns I believe two things about guns; you never pull it out unless you intend to use it and you never give another person you're loaded gun. The realization came over us that the bullets that were humming past that stickup boy would have come in our direction if not for that Rolex chain. I still to this day have never been shot at. That is as close as I have come to it. I know I was being looked out for. From this experience I took a few lessons. 1)Be mindful of stupid people (dude who pumped up the situation by playing around). 2)People are ignorant and will resort to gun play for nothing. 3) Alway pay attention to what Derrick is seeing. Needless to say the Pictureman got no more business and his brother was not seen in the area after that. Good for him cause Derrick's cousins wouldn't take to kindly to something of that nature.

Down Time

2005-06-21T11:30:00.000-04:00

If I could be like the Soup Nazi...I would deny people air.

I am turning into a Seinfeld character. Similar to someone with improper conduct in the soup line I am being denied. What is it that I am seeking? Intelligence in other human beings, a little common courtesy, for common sense to become common again. I am considering becoming either a hermit or a lounge singer in a foreign country. I can develop a catalog of originals and do covers, besides women don't scream and throw panties at emcees (though one of my goals was to make this happen). What's all the fuss. The world still isn't what I want it to be. I was out yesterday and this sista who is a graphic designer was letting me listen to this girl's C.D. which was crap. I also had to attend a training for my job, which was crap. I realized that the world is poisoning me. I was once light hearted and carefree. Now the radio is crap, most t.v. is crap. I have come up with more ways to say something is bad than I would have ever imagined. It's even spreading to my mother! I have her talking about how things suck! I'm not sure how many things I have called craptastic in the last 24 hours. That being said: since I cannot avoid contact with executive directors and adults in general this is my plan. First, I'm going to talk to myself more. I like my sense of humor and I have good ideas so, why not. I tend to make sense and when I don't the debate isn't that long anyway. Second, I'm going to talk to Wendell more. My co-worker/the oldest man I know(2 years younger than me), Wendell is a constant source of entertainment. For instance: We go into the local coffee shop and I get a Frozen Mocha. On our way out (half talking to me and half out loud) Wendell comments on how the girl behind the counter is a "cutie-pie" similar to John Witherspoon in Boomerang. Not to mention the noises he makes when he stands up, his devotion to the Ravens and the sexual harrassment he is enduring at the hands of one of our clients. The other day she was talking about how she was waiting for this guy to come home from jail, but before he does she said she was going to "have" Wendell at least once. Wendell explains that as staff he can't associate with her in such a manner. Well she knows that they plan to cut his position on June the 30th. She let him know she would see him then. My last activity will be the increase of giving out nicknames to clients and passerby on the street. Mayhap it's wrong but I love it. Besides it's revenge for the fact that people never seem to be able to say my name correctly. College educated people who don't know how to pronounce words. What's worse is that I send emails and in the reply people will spell my name incorrectly. C'mon it was on my email and in the signature! So henceforth individuals will be dubbed with the title of my choice. If I can't be creative people are getting general things like assmaster and so forth. Luckily The African American Heritage Festival is this weekend. I also have to grab my man at Dulles. Any occupation of my time is a good thing. I'll get some good shows in and it's a payweek unlike the last two years. Going to festivals broke sucks! If anyone has any ideas on enriching my enjoyment of life I'm open. I'm telling ya'll I'll just vanish and pop up in Rio de Janerio as a popular lounge singer.

Spilling My Guts

2005-06-20T11:19:00.000-04:00

Crutball Tactics (I swear I'm really a good person...honest, ask my mama.)

I watched Goonies yesterday, one of my favorite movies of boyhood. When it came to the scene where the Fratellis threatened to put Chunks hand in the blender if he didn't "spill his guts" (he summarily told them every bad thing he had done in his whole life), I thought perhaps I should do the same. So here is a list of my most PussPuss Succubus moments. (PussPuss Succubus - Meaning the cruddiest you can be. Puss being a substance that appears amidst infection and Succubus a demon (female, but not for our purposes) that leads men to eternal damnation).

1) The Tack - In the sixth grade there was this guy in my class named Henry. Henry was the type of guy that people made fun of - alot. He had a speech impediment and eternally looked like his clothes weren't ironed and hair wasn't combed. Well one day I put a tack on his chair. He sat on it AND got in trouble for the noise he mad. I felt bad, one because I never used to do things like that, two because he got in trouble for being a victim and three we were two of the 4 black boys in that class (this one bothered me more later - Amadeo bringing another brother down- god damn).

2) The Punch - Growing up I lived with 5 females including my younger cousin shown here. Now despite the fact that she could cry on cue and got me into trouble many times I have commit crud against her. One day while (I didn't realize this til later) her mother was having a serious family meeting in the living room, we were in the kitchen with a younger female cousin. Tasha decides to teach our cousin how to fight. She's showing her some wild ass-please-beat-me-up-type swings. So I step in to correct the situation. I, by mistake, hit Tasha for real. She gets mad puts her head down and charges me. On reflex (I swear), I threw up my hands and gave her a straight jab to the forehead. The surprising thing is it hurt her more than me. She dropped her hands, stood straight up, started crying and walking away. I spent the next five minutes trying to occupy our younger cousin who tried to tell on me. Since there was a serious conversation going on no one would listen to her.

3) Student Government - I'll start by saying I don't feel bad about this. I was the Parlimentarian for the S.G.A. in High School. It was my job to keep order (which I didn't know til the end of the year). I was the lone source of disruption in ALL S.G.A. meetings. The true crud was that I used that position to cut school. We all had I.D. cards to show that we were in S.G.A. and my school used to do "hall sweeps". Basically they would close the gates and have administrators go through the halls suspending everyone who was out without a pass. I would walk through the herded suspendees, show my I.D. and say I'm doing an errand for S.G.A. Then I would promptly leave the building for the day.

(Top left corner lies the culprit- my locks were short, my crud was long.)

4) Hustle Kid. I have never given an account of my hustle man/criminal tactics, but I have plenty stories. For instance I sold Bidis, if you don't know bidis are tobacco wrapped in ebony leaf and if you never smoked one they give you a temendous buzz. These things cost a dollar a pack (twenty in a pack). Everyone didn't know about them and the word began to grow about these "weed sticks" that certain people had (I am legendary in Bmore for bidis and clove cigarettes). People started approaching me and offering to buy them at a dollar each and I obliged. I spent a $1 and made $19 per pack. I also cornered the market on Hall Passes. Since I was in the S.G.A. I spent alot of time in and out of the office and had access. I also came across some carbon paper and the signature of Ms. Kim (a Korean math teacher with a thick accent). I later refined my signature forging process but I got alot of people out of class for long time - for a fee of course.

5) The Prankcall. To friends of mine from around the way used to do prank calls. They were so good that they made up a voice and a character to go with it. Henry. They had henry beefing with 3 dudes and talking to 4 girls. Every know and again they would call me and get a number from me of someone I no longer gave a damn about to pull a prank on. One day I gave them the number of a guy in the next block I used to hang with. When we were even younger he had gotten arrested for antics in the local Bus Yard and his mother had kept him on lock since. So they call the guy and his mother picks up the phone. She explains that he is not there and "Henry's" response is, "Smoke up all my damn weed, alright have a good day." Needless to say dude's mother did not appreciate that.

6) The System. I was the Ultimate cheater. I have devised a system to cheat on every kind of test ever given in school. I have cheated on everything from a regular class assignment to a final exam. My current wingman will admit that I got him through several classes from 8th grade to graduation. Despite being a top student, I used my powers for evil. I would exploit a teachers weakness (one liked to talk about current events so whenever I didn't feel like doing work I would bring up something from the news and get her to talk through the entire class). I even did not complete my final exam for accounting, spent the time helping others and still passed with a grade in the upper 90's. I was smart, but I conned more teachers into passing me than a little bit. I practiced my tagging skills via my classwork and even if teachers didn't understand it they passed me and left notes like "write clearer". B.T.W. for all school age people look out for my upcoming book "Beating the System: The Amadeo Way. I'm currently working on a version for post-school life.

7) Sex. I will note that I feel bad about this. The summer after I graduated I went crazy with the ladies. I don't know about all men, but I got the baton and ran with it. That is the period of my life in which I had them most sex with the most women (most of them were older) in the shortest span of time. I'm talking working one this week and starting another the next week. I literally had a 5 day turn around time. Anyway, what I had never had was an actual "girlfriend". We either talked or had sex. This sister becomes interested in me and people let me know. I pursue, I win her over, I have sex with her - I promptly lose all interest. The problem was I did not expect it! I tried to avoid her for a while until she approached me and told me what the deal was. I tried to deny and say I had been busy, but she was wiser than I. I had not been in that situation yet and didn't check my intentions vs. hers and that created a bad situation. This was how I learned to check myself before stepping into something.

8) Slick Time. I have taken sick days over the course of my employment. Honestly I don't think I have ever been sick for any of them. I have been sick of work and ironically I have come to work on most of the days that I was actually sick. I don't feel bad about this, it is kind of cruddy though.

9) Conferences. For my job I have had to attend several conferences and I will say this - Adults who work with young people are some of the most horny people I have come across. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, well for this brand what happens in (fill in the blank) stays in (fill in the blank). I will say I did not take advantage of all of the opportunities I had on these trips, which may have been a mistake, but I did lush out on all of them. In Leesburg I got to know all of the bartenders personally and had an unspecified number of drinks everynight. In Dallas, my sink turned into a bar and I had people in my room everynight. If someone looked tired the next day, they had probably been in my room. I am the corruptor. My reason for not sleeping with anyone in Dallas was a result of principle. The girl that was trying to go was married and I couldn't do that....O.K. I did drunk dial another sister who I knew was down, but she was either sleep or I had the wrong room.

10) Giving Back. So perhaps you have read this and know all about my tale of unrequited love. As time passes I feel like what I did with the last sister in this post was jive cruddy. Yes she did have a boyfriend. Yes I felt shitty about the whole thing. I think I knew that when I went to give her back her letter and the necklace she gave me that her boyfriend would be there and it would cause drama. At the time I didn't care in the least. I know that deep down that wasn't what I really wanted to happen. The worst part is I really couldn't give up the letter. This is the first time I admit this but I have a every letter ever given to me by a woman. I made a copy of hers and I have it to this day. I tell myself that when I feel like I'm going to be with someone for real, for real - that I'll burn the stack. I know that this was a cruddy thing I did with her, especially considering that I only really gave it back for effect. I have never done anything like that since and would be embarrased to do it again.

Crazy - Deranged

2005-06-17T15:29:00.000-04:00

I'm going sane, the world is crazy.

Perhaps some of you think I'm as nutty as a fruitcake. You're probably right. I have issues, but for the record I'd like to state that it's the people who don't admit it that you have to watch out for.

1) I hear shit. I don't mean voices, but noises. Part of the problem is I have excellent hearing. The other part is every backround noise reminds me of my name or my doorbell. I get up 5 times an hour and just listen to see if I'm crazy or someone is at the door.

2)Self disagreements. I have mentioned that I laugh out loud for reasons only I know. I've also probably mentioned that I talk to myself. What I may not have said is that I argue with myself. I get into all types of disagreements with myself on a regular basis. Outloud. I'm saying sometimes you gotta work things out.

3)Grand Theft Auto. Maybe I'm not the only one, but after I play this game I often have to remind myself that I can't just hop out of my car and jack someone if I have an accident. I also have to remind myself to obey lights and traffic laws. Then I remember that I actually pay money for my car and insurance and things of that nature. If my ride had nitros I would be in real trouble.

4) I zone out. Maybe it's not that unusual. In the car, on foot, at my desk, in the house. I just zone out. I am a thinker, sometimes it just happens at the wrong time. I remember being in a large conversation and my man used a metaphor about "breaking the glass". I don't know what he was talking about, but I started explaining the process of making glass and how it happens naturally when lightning hits the beach. Some people thought I was deep, close friends just stared at me.

5) I am paranoid. Not "somebody's after me paranoid" but do I have my keys paranoid. People think fashion is the reason I have the chain on my wallet, nah - This way I just have to feel for the chain. My keys are also attached to my belt loop. I still do about 20 pocket checks per day. Pen, lighter, money, knife...it's a sickness, I know.

6)Accents. Sometimess....I speak in different accents. My favorites are "The Southern Gentelman" and "Soccer Hooligan". I usually do it on purpose but sometimes I just trail off and realize that people are looking at me funny because I'm doing the accent again. I can't help it, I like it.

7) My hair reflects my mood. Know this, my hair is an untamed weed. It lives on it's own I just wash it and give it things to help it grow. On certain days I have three joints in the front that just stick up in the air. Everyone seems to hate this, but I usually feel off on those days and I think my hair is just announcing the fact for me. Imagine a cross between Lil' John and Alafalfa.

8) I need to drink. Not booze mind you but a beverage. I have eaten 1 actual meal this week. I can go for days without actually eating. I need to drink though. I will kirk out if I come in the house and don't have something to drink. I consume about 1 and 1/2 gallons of liquid a day...at least.

9) I revel in getting customer service representatives to say things outside of their script. I make all sorts of attempts I ask outside questions and crack jokes. I don't know what the motivation is, but I find ultimate satisfaction when I get them to leave the script.

10)I am obsessed with Wyatt's (Peter Fonda) shirt in Easy Rider. I have wanted to come across a shirt like that for quite a while. I do web searches, I check out Western stores. One day it will be mine, oh yes. It's like my holy grail. If anyone knows what the style is called please let me know. PLEASE. My life will be much easier.

Making the Workplace Fun

2005-06-16T09:00:00.000-04:00

Anyone who tackles idiots in the office is my hero!

I have jury duty today so here is something fun for those at work.

Since most of us don't have Terry Tate Office Linebacker It's imperative that we find ways to enjoy the work experience. These are helpful hints for the working class stiff. **Disclaimer - I recommend either being a valued employee or just not giving a damn about your job before you attempt any of this. A combination of both is great.**

1) Random laughter - At various times during the day I just burst out laughing and I don't tell anyone why. I have been known to do this in 5 min. bursts. It doesn't help that I sound like a cross between The Count and The Joker. When people get annoyed...I laugh louder.

2) Throw things - This is a random thing. Ex: I'm walking through the office and someone is writing something, I grab the pen from their hand and toss it across the room. I also do this with papers that people are reading, basically anything that won't break. If they are looking at something on the table I push it into the floor.

3) Blasting music - Sometimes this won't work cause people may like your music. I recommend playing things like: Tom Jones - She's a Lady, Skid Row from the Little Shop of Horrors soundtrack, or Robert Newman's -Short People (got no reason to live). If your office hates rock...Ironman by Black Sabbath. I also like to play Comedy C.D.s.

4) Make light of your co-workers flaws - One of my co-workers is on a diet so everytime I'm going out and she asks me to grab her a cookie or something I crack on her about her addiction to sweets. "Yo, yo just let me get one choclate chip...it be calling me son." This will vary with each co-worker but the more they hate their flaw the more fun you can have with it.

5) Inter-office prank calls - I love to find something about a co-worker then call from a different extension in my best white man voice and act like I'm talking business about it (student loans, any type of debt is great). Even better is to have someone call from outside of the office and harrass someone. A good one was my boss having her friend call (as a miscellaneous woman) and say she had been checking me out. The problem was instead of being embarrassed I suggested we go have lunch. It would have been good, if I had been shook.

6) Computer Backrounds - There is nothing worse than getting up to do something and coming back to your computer and the backround is changed to something like this. Know the limit...I however go to the abyss - Darkness muthafucka!

7) Offensive Screensaver - I prefer the saver in windows that lets you type in text and then choose how fast to make it spin. People see it and have to find out what it says. Too bad for them mine reads, "Read me loser". It's one of those things were you shouldn't have been bothering with it anyway so you feel stupid when you get insulted by it.

8)Where am I? - We have on of those boards with each staff members name on it and a magnet you can slide to an In or Out Column. I like to leave mine in the middle and in the comments section I wrote, "Physically here, mentally....".

9) Rubber bands - This is too easy. I had my boss order me a bag of rubber bands in a Staples order. Every now and again one of them mysteriously flies across the room and hits someone. I insist that it's an equipment malfunction.

10) Creative use of soundfiles - This depends on your circumstance and ability to acquire sound files. For example: One day a co-worker found cause to wear a totally pink out fit. For the rest of the day when she walked into or past my office the theme from the "Pink Panther" cartoon started playing. A client wore some plaid pants that looked like a picnic table cloth and was introduced into the room by "The Teddy Bears Picnic".

Just a few helpful hints...plus I don't want to give anyone an idea that might be too bad. I've got seniority and what not so I do some shit at work. Have fun while I sit and courtroom refusing to send someone to jail!

Bmore 101

2005-06-15T11:33:00.000-04:00

Whatever you do don't touch the water!

Considering that a blog lets people know about me and what's on my mind, I figure it's good to enlighten folks on the nature of my environment. For the uninitiated this is Bmore 101, trynot to look like a tourist and don't embarass me.

Half and Half - This has nothing to do with Coffee. Since it's warm out this is something you might want to get to cool down. A Half and Half is basically half Lemonade and half Iced Tea. This is the nectar of Baltimore. Any place worth it's salt will sell you a Half and Half (usually found where Chicken Boxes are available). I used to think they sold these everywhere, but people always talk about coffee when I mention a Half and Half. In San Diego they call it an Arnold Palmer (at least in that one place). Let me know if ya'll have this and what you call it.

Hack - I once ruined the mindstate of a girl from D.C. by catching one of these. I avoid being on either end of one these days...good policy. A hack (invented cause black men and Taxi Cabs have issues) is when you walk to the curb and stick out your index finger. Then the first civilian driving by that wants to make some money pulls over, picks you up and takes you where you need to go. Needless to say trouble can come from either end of this deal but it operates on a trust factor. Many hacks may want money upfront and smart young black man will hold the money in their hand when flagging the hack as a show of good faith. Bonus: For 20 points can you guess which member of the Wu Tang is currently hacking in Bmore......The answer is here (no shit).

Whore - When traveling through the city, someone may insult you. To equip you with the proper response I'd like you all to repeat the following: "You betta keep ya whore ass over there." Very good. If this is said to a lady I'm sure you can all understand the meaning, however, in Baltimore this applies to anyone you don't like. A whore is someone who gets fucked and disrespected in any given situation. It can be interchanged with bitch but whore has a special ring to it. Learn the word well. If you here this it doesn't mean someone is having issues with infidelity or promiscuity.

Down the Hill - The "Hill" is an area of Baltimore which starts basically at North Ave and Broadway. You probably don't want to mess around down here. This is where most of the shootings in town occur. I grew up at the top of the "Hill" which isn't an amusment park mind you. This is the main area in which police delivered their bitch slap via Hip-Hop. The area is rich with projects, abandonded homes and the stretch of Broadway that runs through it is infamous for accidents as people can't seem to understand a Stop sign.

The Inner Harbor - This is tourist haven. For residents of the city there are only a few reasons to be here. 1) You work here. 2) Barnes and Noble 3) The National Aquarium 4) You are high school age or younger and your friends work here so you get free food. 5) You are out with a lady and want to get some romance on atop Federal Hill. If none of things apply to you you are probably a tourist or pissed off cause you have to be there. Warning: Stay away from the water...for your own saftey.

Northern Pkwy - This is a large road that stretches from the East side to the West side. If you want to speed, I highly recommend it. Northern Pkwy will take you from where it looks good - straight to the hood. You can purchase roses along this stretch if it pleases you and also it's a good place to realize that no matter how nice of neighborhood you are in in Baltimore, the hood is not far.

North Ave - This is another street that stretches from east to west. The difference here is that it's pretty much all hood. If you have a vice or want to be involved in any criminal activity start on North Ave. You will find what you seek. The Jail and central bookings are located not far from here as is Coppin State Univeristy (For us Morganites - North Ave U. or Mondawmin College {Mondawmin being the hood mall around the corner}).

Anything with a motor - As a resident I'm not proud of this, but you'd see it anyway so....people will ride anything with a motor. I mean it. Dirtbikes (though illegal), Scooters, those gas powered thing you stand up on, MoPeds, Go-Karts, Miniature motorcycles (or pocket bikes), if it has an engine you and can ride it (despite it being little as hell) someone will.

We don't know where we are - My city has an identity crisis. We are in the Mid-Atlantic region. This means we are not quite north and not quite south. I have seen the Mason-Dixon line and I know that in truth Maryland has been considered a southern state. Most of us aren't with that. We'd rather be in the north. Up north people ask us are we from Carolina, down south they ask are we from New York. This is just confusing us more. We also think that folks from D.C. sound much more country and we denounce the use of the word Bama. The plight of the middle child.

Martin O'Malley - If you should be at local festival and see a gentleman playing the guitar with a cutoff Maryland T-Shirt who looks cocky, that's the mayor. It sucks. He recently said that he is giving up the band, but I still have beef. This prick took a lot of gigs from artists who need them. Every Artscape he is taking up a slot when he already has a damn job. Get off the stage and wear some sleeves ass. I know bands that need the work, go back and clean the streets or something.

Lexington Market - This is historic and sad at the same time. This is the oldest market in the country. It is also located near methadone clinics and businesses so you get an interesting mix of people. If you recall Hits from the Street on B.E.T., dude once came to Lexington Market to find out if Baltimore is indeed "the city the reads". We didn't look to good. The market is also a good place to get a Half and Half and a Chicken Box, should you get hungry. I'd recommend you don't look around to hard if you plan to eat there though.

Dreams turning to Dust

2005-06-14T11:11:00.000-04:00

One of my last grains of hope.

I do submit for all those who bear witness...there isn't much to believe in anymore. The Fat Boys broke up. Michael Jackson and Tyson are done....I'm left with Mike Jones...WTF! I never believed in government, but G.W. Bush - god damned. Elders are scared of the seeds. I'm starting to not want to deal with anything the general public calls Hip-Hop. I can't wear my Adidas to most so called "Hip-Hop" events. The Roots didn't have a song about a girl on the last album. The Dukes of Hazzard wave a racist flag....getting my drift? So I have come up with some things I still believe in.

1) Ray Lewis - People hated him after 2000, but c'mon - we learn not snitch on the schoolyard. Anyway I know that Ray will smack dudes around come football season. I know the provider of moments like: the Eddie George strip, head up hits on Jerome Bettis and the called interception againts the Broncos will not let me down. Plus Ed Reed is being groomed so that I have someone to transfer my belief to should Ray leave the game.

2) Guiness Stout - now I'm not feeling the draught in a bottle thing...but as long as I can crack a plain old stout I'm fine. It will remain the measure of if I can patronize a bar or not. I will continue to attend open mics that serve no booze with my stout in my pocket. Don't change.

3) Spiderman - Go ahead laugh. As long as I can keep in mind the fact that Spidey can save the day and still have trouble making the rent and holding down a job life is o.k. If the Amazing Spiderman can do wonderous things and still be late for appointments, I won't stress things like bills or being late either.

4) Live bands - where ever 3 or more people can get up and rock out, or give me some jazz and help me forget that people suck for at least 15 minutes, I'll make through the night. If they play at an open mic and I can get on that's even better. I'll live in the moment and worry about the rest later.

5) Salmon - I'm almost starting to like the world again. If I can get some salmon, grilled to perfection with enough slices of lemon - it's not all bad. If I can set up the grill and blow peoples minds at the thought that no...I didn't bring chicken, a steak - you're kidding - I got Salmon punks. They was marinating last night...back up.

6)Nina Simone and Sade - As long as these ladies have songs available for me to listen to I know that I can retreat from the world and turn up my stereo and let their voices soothe me into sweet oblivion. I do regret missing the Nina Simone concert that was in D.C. about two years before she died, however as long as I can throw on the C.D. things will be alright.

7) Catching Green lights - There are few life affirming moments as doing 50 - 60 in the city and hitting several green lights. Ah the freedom. When I don't even hit the brakes and just ease up on the gas in the curves, only to hit the gas again at the apex and pass people with better cars and smaller balls than me. L-O-V-E-L-Y.

8) Graffiti - As long as someone buys spray paint and caps or magic markers and writes on walls I will know there is still hope. As long as trains carry burners from state to state and light poles are tagged, it's not all bad. As long as stickers are placed on public and private property I'm good. Blaze your Burners high gents.

9) My Zippo - Trivial - maybe. It comforts me. As long as I can reach in my pocket and produce something with a flame and inch and half long I am content. I tell my self I will only get rid of it if I have to walk away from life. Should such a time come, I'm going to burn down...something. I'll leave a trail of lighter fluid and toss my lit Zippo towards and walk away, a silohuette against the flames (Kaiser Soze reference).

10) Video Game violence - At the end of a long day when I am done with executive directors and I can't just beat people down it brings me peace to know that I can commit all the digital violence I need. Until I'm allowed to backhand offenders I will have to be happy with violence on screen. Perhaps one day I can set up sparring matches with various members of the administration, but until then I'll settle for digital death.

If you have any glimmers of hope feel free to express them. I could use it.

Helpful Hints for Dudes who Suck: Standing Out

2005-06-13T11:14:00.000-04:00

Roses?! We don't need no stinking Roses?!?!?!

This is partially a helpful hint and partially a rant. Forever and a day people have given women roses. Roses, roses, roses. Now I agree that they are beautiful, but they are pretty common. Dudes come into clubs selling them. 7-11 sells them. I can think of 5 intersections at which I can purchase them. Every Valentines and any other holiday with romantic undertone...we give roses. Well not me, I have seen the light. The Asiatic Lily...it goes by a couple names, but that was my introduction and how I will know it. This is my personal flower. Not like it was present at my birth or something, but that is my calling card. When I give a flower this is what I give. Not to say I would never give any other type of flower..this is the one of my preference. I don't see people giving them all the time - hell, I've never seen anyone give them. This is my calling card. It becomes something that I wouldn't have to put a card on. It's presence signals...me and my intentions. Now it's not that expensive so it's not saying, "I'm paid and I choose you!". It does say, "I am giving you something beautiful and unique." For me that's what matters. Giving something that is not generic...no "standard gifts". This is from someone whose lighter matches one of his belt buckles (You've got to cooooooordinate- the middle is the Aztec Calendar - which is also on my bracelet).

I do little things to stand out. Perhaps because I try to observe things so I act like other people do as well. I have several calling cards of all sorts and perhaps people don't notice...but when they do they remember. It's like word association. Asiatic Lily = Amadeo. It takes thought and since it's not a rose I can't just pick one up from the Latino dude on Reisterstown and Druid Lake Drive. I have to go out and find that joint, I have to put out effort. I can't pick one up with a slurpee and a bag of chips. MORAL: Stand out fellas. Stop doing the same shit that people have done. Damn the Rose man at the club. Sorry Mr. Medium strip...I can't support the cause today...I may take some oranges though. I AM NOT SAYING USE THIS FLOWER. I already got dibs. Find one of your own. Just do something different. Hold off on roses for at least 5 years, then they'll be special again.

The Champ

2005-06-10T10:47:00.000-04:00

Iron Mike...nuff said.

Despite all of the nonsense and drama that has surrounded him over the years, Mike Tyson is the man. I'm KNOW plenty of folks can and will debate this but, I will argue until I die. The youngest heavyweight champ ever. How many people have had as many fights under a round? How many boxers were as feared as Mike Tyson. Hell...as it stands the two people I don't want to have to see are my mother and Mike. Before it get's pointed out let's address the ear issue. Yes he bit Holyfields ear(s). Yes it was unprecedented. The thing I hate the most about the whole debacle was no one seems to address Evander's headbutting. I've heard people (like George Foreman) mention it, but for some reason he is not hated as much as Mike. Dude was getting off headbutt combos and what not. I may not have chosen to bite his ear, but he might have caught a jab to the adam's apple or something. I personally can't stand Holyfield. But let's judge the field. Lennox Lewis was a good champ, but he was purely tactical. If you had problems with a left jab he would left jab your ass for 12 rounds and take the win. I don't want to see a tactical boxing match. I wanna see a dude get knocked out and Mike Tyson was one of the best at it. I hear concerns over tomorrows fight that Mcbride is taller and bigger than him. So what?!?!? I can't remember a fight when Mike was the same size as his opponent. He made a career of chopping down big dudes. I think that was part of the allure. That this man who I probably look down on just kills big dudes. I remember one of his more recent fights where Mike is digging in Brian Nielsen up until the seventh round. During the break The corner men is talking to Nielsen and you hear dude say: "Stop the fight." His corner man is calling him all kinds of bitches and what not and then he tries to put the mouthpiece back in and dude locks up and starts shaking his head like a child that doesn't want to eat. I have never seen anyone bitch out of a fight like that. I think his corner man gave him a worse verbal beating than the physical one he got from Mike. Beyond all of the hype and circus the plain fact is that Mike is the Ali of my time. Think about it...when you are 50-60 years old and some young dudes are talking about the current champ and how he is them man, you'll probably say, "Mike Tyson would've whipped his ass." What other heavyweight or this era can we hold up as such an example of dominance. Lewis was good but even he fell to Hasim Rahman. As a Baltimore native I did think it would be nice to see Rahman win, but when the conversation came up my exact quote was: "Lewis took Rahman to lightly and dude got in a good ass hit, he's about to give that belt right back." And that was the Homer in me talking! My biggest beef with the dislike of Mike is...people say he's savage and uncivilized...YO! his job is to whop your ass! He's not an ambassador or a public speaker, his job is to beat dudes down. I don't need him to be charming. The fact reamins that no fighter rules forever and Mike is a fighter. His glory years may be behind him (I could say that for Heavyweight boxing at the moment as well) but when he was on top he ruled...with an iron fist. When I think about a Champion, my minds eye will produce Mike Tyson walking into the ring with those black shorts and that white towel with the hole cut in the middle draped over his shoulders and across from him some 6 foot plus guy shaking in fear.

Read a Book!!!

2005-06-09T16:57:00.000-04:00

I often sit in the den and curl up with a hearty read...

Once again I've been tagged like the humpback whale for future tracking. I am literate and I can prove it. (I keep hearing Dave Chapelle - "and he said I couldn't read good.")

Total Number of Books Owned:

If I could count all that I've lost or people have borrowed 25o+, in my possession about 170 maybe. I dunno.

Last book(s) I bought:

Barnes and Noble had sales!
The Portrait of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde
The Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
The Complete works of Shakespeare - guess (I love every part of Hamlet's Soliloquy AFTER -To be or not to be)
The Blood Canticle - Anne Rice

Last book I read (leisure):

The Blood Canticle - Anne Rice has written the best vampire stories in my opinion...it pisses me off everytime I think of Queen of the Damned (the Movie)...rip off.

Current book I am reading:

The Portrait of Dorian Gray - It's just not moving as fast as I want it to. I've read other books since I started this. I hope it picks up...next time I pick it up.

Fiction or Non-Fiction:
Depends on the subject matter and author.

First book I read:

Green Eggs and Ham. I think my mother eventually had to burn it to keep it from me. I do not like them Sam I Am...back up off me nucca!

Most read book:

Behold a Pale Horse by William Cooper
I love this type of shyt...c-o-n-spiracy.

Largest Impact:

Two Thousand Seasons by Ayi Kwei Armah- Not the argument for a peaceful sit-in, or black muslims. I also wanted to name my daughter (if I ever have one) Abena after I read this.

Favorite Scholarly Book:

The Decline of Males by Lionel Tiger - All men should read this! I recommend it for the ladies as well. I always get into arguments on this subject and the ladies hate it and no dude wants to back me, much less stand within 5 feet of me.

Sexiest Book:

All the Vampire Chronicles are very sensual, when she describes a woman I want her...if she talks about coffee I want some. She always makes me think women are just more sensual by nature.

Biggest Disappointment:

Can't say...I haven't read many books that let me down. The ones that did faded from my memory.

Five Books that Mean Something to me:

The Decline of Males by Lionel Tiger
Two Thousand Seasons by Ayi Kwei Armah
Creating Affluence by Deepak Chopra
The Art of War by Sun Tzu
Mine (if I ever finish it)

Snob

2005-06-09T10:20:00.000-04:00

How long was the scotch aged?...you savages!!!!

As nice of a person as I am, I do have some snobbish traits. I do have certain things I don't eat, but I've never been one of those, "My food was in the same room as something I won't eat people." My snob traits aren't highly visible but I am willing to express them...freely.

I refuse to drink tap water. I feel no shame. I know the water is different in various cities and states but I only experiment with sex. Plus, I was witness to a demonstration for water filters and the quickness with which you absorb bullshit. Spring water for me kids.
I refuse to drink Folgers, Sanka or any other bullshit coffee. My coffee is ground daily. I prefer French Roast or Italian. I'll make due with Espresso, but no garbage coffee. I also require cream not the powder shit.
I need a Guiness Stout. I may be in the minority but I consider Coronas mexican piss water (don't get me started on those who put Grenadine in the shit...pussies). Heineken doesn't do it for me anymore. The last non-stout I had was Harp and I think I faked myself out cause it's made by the same people who make Guiness. B.T.W....don't ever bring me malt liquor.
I will only use Listerine. This is more mental. I like clean teeth and the burning sensation is like a placebo. If nothing is happening at least my mind is fooled.
I hate namebrand clothes and choose by fabric. I shun polyester with a passion, it doesn't breathe. Rayon....kiss my ass. Linen, Silk, Cotton, Irish Linen, Raw Silk, Wool...natural fibers ya'll. Synthetics can burn in hell.
I only write with a Bold, Black, Uni-ball Vision Elite pen (sometimes the caligraphy pen, but thats for special things). Until I buy something more expensive and refillable, anyway. I refuse all others and subsequently I often refuse to let anyone else use my pen. I will search for ten minutes for any other pen, while I hold mine in my hand, but I won't let people hold it. So sorry, can't help you.
Name brand food. The name brand whore in me works for food. The worst thing is when someone finishes off something of mine and replaces it with some store brand crap. Rite Aid brand spring water?!?! Curse you!
No Bootleg Movies. Someone is always suggesting a good bootleg guy and I retch like preppy stuff shirt. I want the DVD with the extras, ok. I want clear quality. Why would I pay half price for a low quality copy with no extras. This ain't the early 90's with bootleg music. I can even find that online before I buy it. I would never taint myself with such grainy distorted filth.
No fu-fu booze. Perhaps I am in the minority, but I don't want any "new" hooch. Scotch, Vodka, Tequila, Gin, and other things that have been around will suffice. No glowing shit. No sugary-sweet shit. I want it to slide down my throat and spread it's fiery wings in my chest.
Emcee snob. No your favorite rapper does not impress me. Yes, the whisper song sucks. No Biggie and Tupac are not the Greatest of All Time. If you know nothing of Melle Mel's verse on Beat Street don't start this conversation. If your favorite emcee is too hard to live than I'd like to kill him. If half of his album sounds like a cheesy B-movie with a bigger effects budget than a storyline...he/she sucks. Hip Hop is over 30 if none of the people you listen to sound like it than you don't want to ride with me.

Rétrospectif

2005-06-08T21:13:00.000-04:00

Is that dirt on my shoulder?

So as a person who likes to think things through I have been reviewing my life so far. I do this every 6 months. This time it has been initiated by my cousins' (The gentleman in the blue suit) impending marriage. I then realized that my other cousin (in the middle) has two children. I find my self (as in the picture) looking over my shoulder like - what the hell happened? I am not old yet I can no longer be recognized as young as I feel. For some reason I hear Tyler Durden talking about feeling like a 30 year old boy. One getting married and the other has kids. Here is a list of my top 10 regrets.

10) I wish I had punched a few more people. It sounds like a violent indulgence...but I was often a target and in retrospect I would have been better served clocking some of those assholes.

9) I don't know how to play the guitar. I wish my mother had at least forced me to learn the piano or something. I can still learn but by now I would have been good already. I probably would be the Bob Dylan type...not a great voice but dope lyrics and music.

8) I never had a High School Sweetheart. Too late to do anything about this...well I could but there is the whole jailbait thing and it only counts if we're both in school at the time. If I knew then what I know now...I might be a father, I think I can get over this one. Besides I did go crazy after the prom.

7) I should have got a car at an auction. This may seem superficial but a brother is ready to own a house and car payments suck. I often add up the money I would have if I had bought something for a couple G's. Luckily next August I can dump this and do what I should have done from jump. The 69' Mustang is not as close as I want it to be.

6) I wish I had found a tax lien property instead of moving to where I am. Once again never rent from family. Especially people who remember you as a child, they tend to not add up your current age and don't listen when you tell them things. Thank God my mother isn't like that.

5) I have never been in a relationship for longer than 6 months. While there is no one in my sordid past that I would wish to go back and "try again" with, it does seem crazy that I've been subscribed to magazines longer than I've been with a women. I've flirted for longer than that. I've had flings longer than that. I'll do better next time.

4) I should have gotten to know my grandfather better. He died when I was in the third grade so I wasn't thinking on these terms then. However, we were the only men in the house. Growing up with 5 women, most of whom who have been divorced isn't the ideal situation for a young man. I wish I could have got some advice or something from him. The only thing I do have is a tie of his...needless to say styles change and the last time I wore it I had to refrain from cussing someone out.

3) I wish I had hung out more around the way. I avoided cats for a while cause I didn't like what was happening to them, however, they were my friends and now several of them are not around. I feel like a black man losing friends and I wish I had spent more time with them.

2) I have not at this point told my father how dissapointed in him I am. There is still time to do this, especially thanks to zabasearch. I want to let him know that it's fucked up that a man wouldn't try to be involved in the life of his first child and only son, because of him I will never let a child feel about me the ways I've felt about him. I'd also like to deck him once, hopefully he'll know I did it from hurt more than anger. I can't help but think about Luke and Vader, I won't be a Jedi until I can face him. Pardon me...I need a Daddy tissue.

1) I have never been in love. Yes I'm sappy. I have felt like I loved someone and perhaps someone loved me but I have never been in love with someone. There is no person that I would want to track down and start over with. It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. I ponder this constantly. Would I be bitter had I lost and would that be better than just never feeling like someone really wanted me...not the pic me or the onstage me but the me, me. I consider love when you direct your energy to helping someone become the best "them" that they can be, without wanting anything in return including the good feeling of having helped someone. Perhaps no one has been in love like this, save for mothers and children. At this point I can only remember things I hated about people, for once it would be nice to think of someone and remember a good feeling.

Return of the Asshole!

2005-06-06T17:00:00.000-04:00

Yeah I'll be in late, then I have a lunch meeting and I'll be leaving early...don't call me.

My Boss has gone on vacation for 10 days! Once again I am in charge. The bad part is I have to have meetings with the executive director...a stupid petty man who doesn't know how to speak to people. Bonus...executive benefits. Long lunch, leaving early and no interruptions from my blogging schedule. I should get some good posts in. Downside, everyone will be calling to talk to me. I like talking to people...when it's my choice. Luckily the shades are in effect and I can just nod emptily while singing "When am I going to make a Living" by Sade in my head. I will delegate responsibility and dip out of the office. I will coordinate office efforts and then play my music loudly. I will take strolls in the middle of the day. The other bonus is that Ray Lewis is going to speak at our clients graduation and in lieu of my manager I get to sit on stage. The cruddy thing is I have some questions or suggestions for next season. I don't care about his community service efforts. I wanna know is Fassell going to spread out the offence. I am living a dream...except for the meetings. I am willing to take any suggestions of ways I can wile out in the absence of my boss.

High School Years: Graffiti, Ganja and Gratuitous Violence - Cameron

2005-06-06T09:47:00.000-04:00

Chubby, intelligent 12 year olds are best served by learning to fight...quickly.

Perhaps you've noticed that lately I've become a picture whore. I was recently going through my flix (none of which I have ever framed or hung) and I saw a picture of someone I forgot about. Cameron. I had a conversation or two with him and we weren't really friends but I will always remember him. Why? Cause he got his ass beat every year. From the 6th grade until high school graduation he got beatup at least once a year, occasionally more. I knew about Cameron before I ever saw or met him. I used to be an easy bully target (c'mon look at that picture) so even when I wasn't much of a fighter, I was to stubborn to just get beat up. You could pick on me, but when it came to a fight you had to DEAL with me. When I began to come across Cameron I wondered what his deal was. Did he have religious parents? Was he scared? Or is there some other reason that he just wouldn't fight back? I actually saw him get beat up twice and both were not horrible ass whopping it was just the circumstance around them.

One day we are walking across the field from school towards are neighborhood. We along one path. These dudes from homestead (hoodlums) on another path and Cameron by himself. Homestead dude a takes homestead dude b's hat. H.a tells H.b if he wants his hat he has to go beat up Cameron. Without a second thought or trace of hesitation dude makes a bee-line to Cameron and starts serving him. Smack...Smack...smack,smack,smack. H.b walks back to the group, gets his hat back and everyone presses forward. Cameron (holding his eye) slowly rises, gathers his things and continues homeward.

Another time as I am walking through the halls I notice the signs of a fight starting. I approach the edge of the crowd and notice some dude facing off against...Cameron. Cameron has his books clutched to his chest and keeps trying to walk past the guy. Dude pushes him back everytime he tries to pass. This goes down 6 times until dude just grabs Cameron and slings him into the stair well and starts pummelling him. The crowd pressed in and moved me further from the scene of the crime.

It was at this time I started to think about Cameron's...life. When we spoke he seemed happy and energetic. What was it about him that made people start using him as a whipping boy? As someone who used to be picked on I understand how your whole mood can switch when someone starts to pick on you? I know how you can walk around smiling and hoping people leave you alone. What I didn't understand was the difference between us once dukes went up. I would get mad...I never bothered anyone, how could people fuck with me? Did this asshole expect to keep picking on me? I don't deserve this. I could identify most with the Incredible Hulk. I was normally mild mannered but confronted with an injustice like this I would snap. I remember in my neighborhood I was the little kid that would start crying before I beat your ass. Older boys would warn people, "Yo, you better leave him alone before he loses it on you." All this caused me to wonder, did Cameron have this rage or did he go to another place inside himself? As I unfurled, did he curl in on himself? The worst thing that happened to Cameron was graduation. He walked the stage before me and I remember people booing him. I didn't understand how this victim of our adolescent minds and temperments deserved to be booed for surviving long enough to get away from us. If Cameron had showed up with a M-16 and started taking out classmates...I would have understood. He reminds me of the song "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam. "Clearly I remember, picking on the boy, seemed a harmless little fuck, but we unleashed a lion". I wonder how many school age killers were originally Cameron? I wished I had helped him, but then I never liked the thought of fighting for somone. Especially a guy. I figured I don't want to step in and be the only one on his side fighting. I still feel guilty, though. I also feel mad at people I remember who had known him for years and never helped him. How many people beat him up cause they knew he could? Perhaps for that reason alone I should have intervened. I, personally, know that young people can be cruel, but...damn. Seven Years. Imagine getting your ass beat for 7 years straight. I wish I could say that today he's successful and doing well, but I don't know. He faded off into the shadows of my memory until my yearbook popped up. Out of respect I can't show his picture. I wish I could run into him and find out he was doing well, I wish moreso that I could step back and do something. Not for the good feeling it would give me, just cause he didn't deserve it. He is my reminder that injustice done to one really effects all, I mean were the Columbine kids just two white Camerons? If so did the children of that school deserve what happened? I don't know. I'm just sorry I didn't help when I could.

Top 10

2005-06-04T12:46:00.000-04:00

Since I have been tagged by Goldi like a species that is on the verge of extinction...here are 10 things I actually love.

10) Non Formulaic Movies - I hate happily ever after. I love when heroes die, people don't wind up together and the crippled guy is Kaizer Soze.

9)Swords and Knives - What can I say if it's sharp and cuts things I like it. I also respect a sword fight more than a shootout. I can sit on a rooftop from a hundred yards away and shoot you, if you don't move I can just close my eyes and pull the trigger. A sword fight means I better be skilled, have a good sword and be able to learn you as an opponent. One of my favorite edged weapons is my trusty Butterfly. Sharp enough to be useful, involved enough to make an asshole back up and think.

8)Being Calm - Doesn't sound like much but I love being in the middle of chaos and not blinking. Calmly explaining things while people kirk out. I learned along time ago the worse thing in any situation is the reaction of scared or angry people. It's also good when a woman is angry and starts to fuss. My tone goes lower and lower and I become more and more rational. After a while people realize that they are screaming and starting to look silly. It takes longer for them to calm down when I can't wipe the smirk off my face.

7)Star Wars - I don't care how nerdy it sounds. I love Star Wars. It is the oldest experience I have that is still producing new information (besides my constant study of stupid people and sex).

6) Music - Without music I would kill people until captured. Nina Simone and Sade have saved many lives. The type of musice I listen to changes how I drive. Good for sex. Good for parties. Good for mood. Dancing. "Women can't love me like music, sweet music", but women do great in their own rite.

5)Performing Live - There are few feelings like looking out into a crowd and knowing they are keyed in on you. Having a band back you up and seeing them get into your words and up the level of their play. People saying or singing your chorus. The best part is the moment it all becomes reflex. When the words spill out of you as oppossed to feeling like you're saying them. Nothing like a live show.

4)Being insubordinate - I hate the rules. I think most of them are stupid and have no purpose. I am actually a great employee/citizen, but any chance I get I will modify, bend and break the rules. Perhaps I see a flaw and a way to improve things. Maybe I just don't like the way I was spoken to. Maybe it's tuesday. I love not doing what I'm told and getting away with it. I also enjoy doing something no one wants me to, getting caught and not caring.

3)Women and Sex - Simple answer, perhaps. Expected, maybe. It is the truth though. I love women. I love the differences in them. I love how the smallest thing they do can be sooo sexy. I love when women are caring and when they put their foot down. Sexually I'm like I was when Nintendo came out. I don't want to go home or to work, I just want to stay where I am and indulge. I love to find out what turns a woman on. I love pulling them close and anticipating. I love waking up and finding someone gripping my body. I love when someone is active!!! These could be seperate entries based on some things I enjoy about women, but sex without one...isn't.

2)Nature - Though I require many things about the city I love nature. Swimming, hiking, and walking in the grass with no shoes on. Watching the sunset over a body of water or a hill as oppossed to the city skyline. If I could live on a hill with the city in a valley beyond that might be the perfect place for me.

1)Freedom - I love waking when I please. Speaking or not. Going out of town based on a 10 minute conversation. Whipping through the lanes on the interstate. Not being restricted. Using my logic and my imagination as I feel and not as others dictate. Doing something because I was told not to. Not feeling obligated to call and things still being cool. Dropping in on people. Drinking beer in the movies. I like doing what I want to. Drinking a beer at 10am. Turning up my music. Grabbing my nuts when talking to executives. Using sign language to call superiors assholes.

If this thing spreads like a virus then I have to give it to Gunner Kaufman and Still Talking Shit cause I don't think puppies and kittens will be the top of their list...I could be wrong.

High School years: Graffiti, Ganja and Gratuitous Violence

2005-06-03T23:13:00.000-04:00

Some Junior event...before locks...before the madness...before facial hair.

Like most my last 4 years of public education were very interesting...however I don't think many had experiences like me.

My first year was normal (for a chubby smart kid). 10th grade, after a summer of weightlifting and spending my summer-job money on school clothes I blew up some more. Junior year I became popular but Senior year it all went downhill....

Gratuitous Violence

We begin with the fact that I am one of 5 people that has locks (two others hang with me). I thought I was one of the few who was into camoflauge and I was wrong, wrong, wrong. I had just became a pothead over the summer while developing a viscious freestyle and honing my tagging skills. Then the adventure starts. Keep in mind that this is a series so let me start with...

The Fight...Since I no longer desire popularity I'm rolling in my close knit unit. Aswad, Trey, Yasin, Warren and E (scola). One day as we are in the bathroom, making plans for our impending state of elevation, Warren comes into the bathroom mad and explains that Broderick just stole (punched him on the sly for the uninitiated) him in the Gym. Since he is on the basketball team and the coach runs phys. ed., there is no retribution just efforts to see that a fight does not happen. Broderick is 6'6" and over 220 pound...Warren is a strong dude but not 6'6" and under 200 pounds. We say what you wanna do and proceed to have his back on the way to the other side of the building. Any school people recognize the opening stages of a fight especially since we were cutting through the middle of hallway traffic in very long strides. By this time we had a rep anyway. Warren, is mad as hell and in the front so we all were caught off guard when he runs up steals (active form of stole) Broderick and stands there staring at him. Shit kicks off and the crowd presses in leaving me stranded in the middle. Broderick is basically whopping Warrens ass. I mean lifting him up against the wall, slamming him to the floor and dragging him across it. Swad said he thought we were going to bank (jump) Broderick from the onset but Warren wasn't planning things out. In the midst of the chaos a dude named Warehouse from B's click and the football team decides to get some steals in on Warren, wrong. Trey who was at the time the skinny one (he bulked up after high school) appears from out of nowhere three piecing Warehouse and dropping his ass. He swung like his father had taught him how to fight. Warehouse tries to get up and Trey starts stomping his ass in the face. Eventually shit is broken up and Broderick, Warehouse, Warren and Trey all go to the office to be suspended. Upon there return we expect beef. Broderick and Warren are from the Alameda, a street known for beating people down in unfair circumstances. A street about three blocks from school. Time passes and there is no beef. I am struck by this. No retaliation? Here I am just waiting to serve someone. So on comes graduation practices. My man Trey was a junior but went to our prom with a class mate of mine. She is sitting next to me while Warehouse and his lackey "Feet" sit behind us. I start hearing conversation about getting some dude and what not, only to look back and discover these assholes pointing at Trey in picture from Prom. This along with the fact that his date and like 4 other girls are on my row piss me off. I start digging into them about how they aren't going to do anything and watch them and their words shrivel like George Costanza getting out of a pool. After the practice I track down my peoples and tell them it's on and we are going to whop these dudes asses TODAY. The most excited person I know (Aswad) is telling me to chill out and they don't want to beef. He goes to speak to them and they back down. Meanwhile I just want to beat this dudes head in which is out of character as I'm usually the calm voice of reason. Then through various source we find out there will be no return fire. Why you ask? Basically someone believes that we are attached to the Jamaican Mafia. WTF!?!?!??!?! Well a couple years ago some dude beat up Swads' sister (one of the 5 people with locks) and his father and a friend caught the dude and whopped his ass not far from the school. People saw this and thought it was like an organized gang thing as oppossed to what happens when girls have fathers. The funniest part is during graduation, myself, Aswad and Warren are the last 3 people to cross the stage and the assholes tried to boo us. We were so popular that they were over-ridden by the cheers of the rest of the class. (Warren lost but he did earn props for stepping to Broderick like he did.) Post graduation we are having a small *ahem* celebration and we notice Warehouse across the street. Swad starts to cross to see what the deal will be and if it's over. Warehouse crosses the entire width of this 6 lane main street with his hand outstretched. No beef. Without trying to or knowing it we became part of the lore of Lake Clifton Eastern High's class of '96. Thanks to a pissed off father, dreadlocks and the steal heard round the school.

Vortex (A break from the regularly scheduled program)

2005-06-02T12:10:00.000-04:00

So I have once again missed days but I will say that I at least had fun for the weekend. First of all allergies suck and I realize it will be sometime before I can fulfill the riding into the country on a Clydesdale. Doing it with a hospital mask sucks. Bonfires rock. Being 90 yards away from the closest neighbor rocks. Ponds on the property rocks. I have been held to a confidentiality clause on some events of the weekend so until it expires or I get clarity on specific points I can't say much more. As always I have plethora new topics including the High School years: Graffiti, Ganja and Gratuitous Violence. For now I'm laid back. Allergies, being out of town and missing days has really taken me out of the "normal". Common is my touchstone currently. One of those albums that makes me want to write and perform and show all wack emcees the business end of my vocabulary. This C.D. has been the only thing that kept me in touch with reality. Since I can't divulge my entire weekend story. I'll tell you how I defeated asthma.

Hopefully alot of you have seen Stephen King's It. Besides being one of my favorite movies it helped me overcome an ailment. I owe my thanks to Eddie Kasperak. I used to be one of those swollen, red-eyed, wheezing, run a block and pass out kids. I used to have ashtma attacks at the drop of a hat. My man Ike used to love bringing up me getting chased by 10 girls until I collapsed on the black top. The fact that I in the past few years have been able to run miles seems amazing when I think about the past. Asthma attacks were a good defense mechanism. I remember once some older dudes had us in a basement on some crazy shit and I was let out cause I faked an attack and one of the older boys had asthma too. The bad thing was all the times I couldn't keep up with a game or something cause I couldn't breathe. Well if you recall Eddie from IT, He was really sheltered and had asthma attacks 10 times a day. Then one day the old man in the pharmacy told him it was a placebo and he didn't really have asthma. This started me thinking perhaps it was all in my mind. This is coming from someone who used to get sick and use all my strength to breathe. People would have to carry me to bed and downstairs in the morning. I have had more hospital visits from 3 - 8 than most people do in their life. I have been told I couldn't have aspirin, sudafed and have been given more inhalers and syrups than most folks know about. I have broken out because of plants, cats, dogs, horses and anything anyone can react to. After reading the book I started thinking perhaps Asthma was in my mind and I could beat it with my mental power. I would just will myself to not have Asthma attacks. So I stopped carrying my inhaler which used to be like my house keys...couldn't leave without it. While allergies subsided but never went away I have not had an asthma attack since that time. I remember the first time I outran someone after that...it was a great feeling to look back and see him unable to catch up to me. I love not being afraid that I'll do something to set it off. I especially love the feeling of having ran a few miles and being tired but knowing I can master my breath and reign it in. I heard someone say that If you take a deep breath and then try to breathe again - that's what an asthma attack feels like. I say bullshit. With an attack you know there is room but the air doesn't seem to be getting through. It almost seems like the air is escaping somewhere else so no matter how deep you breathe you just can't get a normal one in. The feeling of freedom I have is like going to lunch and never returning to a job you hate (which is quite satisfying). I would never think that I would make such a leap forward in life because of a nerd from a movie. Thanks Eddie!

Dreams of a Post-Pubescent Hetero-non-Metrosexual Man

2005-05-27T21:27:00.000-04:00

After I gained a certain amount of sexual experience I began to develop a list of things (or people) that I wanted to do in my lifetime. Some I have tackled and some are still goals for my future. ***Disclaimer - I am a respectful and intelligent young black man, but I got NEEDS***

1) Executress - (Semi-Check) I have posted before about my fondness for women in business attire and tennis shoes (lunch break). There is just something about a woman that looks like she is coming from a business meeting that does it for me. I want her to use a lot of office jargon in her seduction of me. Hopefully I could catch her right after she as fired someone. In a sense I've done this, but I don't feel I've fullfilled the whole fantasy.

2) Cop - This is a pure ego thing since I don't trust anyone enough to let them put handcuffs on me. For this to be complete I have to approach a Female Cop in uniform and on duty and when it goes down she has to come out of the uniform. The problem here is cops can be jerks and a lot of female cops can be...bitches. There's nothing worse than a smartass who can arrest you. Plus I want to say something raw in the introduction so it's a risky proposition.

3) Older Woman - (Check) I no longer have the same ideas when it comes to older women. They do have experience. They are not as timid. MOST of them know you gotta put your back into...no dead fish sex. Older women used to make me feel like I had to fight to stay on top. The problem is...at certain times they want to write you off cause you are younger and I'm to intelligent for that shit. Plus now I'm getting older so the prospect of an older woman isn't sexy when it covers the same distances as the past. My oldest was 31 when I was 18, I don't really want a 13 yer gap these days. Plus all of girlfriends have been older, save 1, and intelligent conversation is not a surety.

4)Former Manager/Supervisor - (Check) I giggle as I type this cause it is a fresh check off. Something about sexing a woman who had authority over me. It's former because I don't dip the pen in the company ink. Nothing worse then private life beef spilling into the workplace. I did resist the urge to swing my tie around like a lasso and yell - "Fuck the cover sheet on my TPS report!"

5)An reserved Indian woman - Not american, I mean indian from India. I love the accent for one. I find their native clothing sexy. Plus the brown skin and dark eyes and dark hair do it for me. If she has a henna tattoo that's a bonus but not a necessity. The bigger thrill would be to break through the reserved nature.

6)A sister from London...in London. I like the accent, what can I say. Most especially the accent of someone who's family is from the West Indies and has been living in London...the blend does it for me. In London because sex away from your hometown seems better and I know I have a good chance of getting a Guiness afterwards.

7)A Sista on an Island who can't speak english. I just love the thought of translation via physical interaction. Especially on an lovely island. We could do it outside and I could be cocky with someone who can't understand me.

8)Sade. But she has to sing to me afterwards and write a song about me.

9)Beyonce', but only cause she seems kinda stuck up. I'd turn in a multi-orgasmic producing performance and then tell her she is cut from the group. I could be wrong about her and if so I'll let her down easy. I hope she is though, I always wanted to dis someone post orgasm while naked with a glistening sort of sweat going.

10)A rising soulful singer. I could console her and remind her to stay true to her art. I'd be like a muse. She could write songs that only we know are about me, which would be her biggest hits. I'd sit in the back of smokey clubs drinking while she sings. We'd have to seperate at the height of her success but she'd always thank me in the liner notes (she'd call me Amadeo). Her greatest hit would a sad ballad song about the regret she had over not being with me, like Hello it's me. We'd also have lots of animal sex but that won't be the best part.

Pardon Me (While I burst into flames)

2005-05-26T23:11:00.000-04:00

Mr. McGee...don't make me angry...

I'm generally peaceful but these are things that push me to then end of my sanity and prove the ignorance in people.

People like to touch dreadlocks. For the lovely ladies I don't mind but we still gotta know each other. Everyone else should realize that just because everyone you know doesn't have locks does not mean that it's o.k. to just touch them. I may cut someones fingers off the next time they find their way to my hair...fair warning. Perhaps I'll just start sticking my hands in other peoples hair and see how they like it. Keep your grubby's off. (Humanity Critic has this and another issue covered here.)

On that note...STOP GIVING ME LOCK MAINTENANCE CARDS! Once again if I don't know you your hands will not be going in my hair. Additionally, stop showing your hood ass up at open mics and poetry events cause you know you'll have a chance to hit us up with business cards! Piss off, I am not coming to your shop/salon/kitchen for you to do anything in my hair.

Pacifists - I will kill you first. It's not natural to be totally unwilling to fight in any situation. Animals only back away when they know they'll lose. I've had people tell me to stop pushing negativity cause I asked what situation would have them fighting. Just cause you say something to me doesn't mean I'll beat you down. Just don't say the wrong thing. I feel like this: Use your words to resolve a situation, keep in mind some people don't understand words...pain is universal. The guy who said the pen is mightier than the sword knew how to use a sword and would if he had to.

Stupid Drivers. I won't list their transgressions but ya'll know the deal. I want to go Road Warrior on these cats. To crush their cars and stand on their heads while I burn their license is a fitting end for these idiots. I read this on Blogthings - You know your in Baltimore when: If you actually stop at a yellow light you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. Then I'll ride away laughing as I run down pedestrians who stare me down when they cross the street - slowly.

Young "Hip-Hop" heads who crack slick about Kool Herc. I will strangle you with a Mic cord while I rip through you via a freestyle in which I document the pillars of Hip-Hop and break down why 1) Kool Herc is owed gratitude and respect. 2) Most of these cats today suck. 3) Melle Mel had some of the best and continually relevant verses ever - (I cite The Message and Ramo's Tribute - RAMO!) 4) The best things about Jay-Z are rarely discussed (business savy). 5) I am better than most of the platinum artisits out here even though I have only been on one recording in the last two years. (the freestyle should suffice as proof)

People who never believe that I'm freestyling. This hasn't happened in a while but dudes used to challenge me cause of my rep and then say I was kicking a written. Hey Dumb-ass, my written rhymes would never be used to battle unless I became a politician. I battled in the dishroom of Old Country Buffet (stopping work for about 10 minutes). I have even battled at 3am when all I wanted to do was go home and make a turkey sandwich. I don't need to kick a written to serve a stupid person like you.

People who say things like: George Bush will make america safer. George Bush is a safety hazard in a elementary school fire drill. The only thing he makes safer is the business interests of Multi-Million dollar corporations. When will these people understand that a President is a public servant and a middle man? Treat his ass like one. Question him like you do the person at McDonalds when you find out you have one pickle on your Big Mac instead of two.

People who wait for months in line to see Star Wars. Look I love the movies, I could live by the Jedi Code. I also understand I need to work and pay bills. Plus it's someone like me who is willing to take your spot in line the day tickets go on sale and mug you down while you piss yourself and look for security. It's a great movie but that's all it is, go procreate or something before I shove your Jedi Robe up your ass and then hang your $300 lightsabre replica on my wall. B.T.W. I was the one in the back row drinking a Guiness and correcting your analysis about the facts in between the 2 and 3rd episode.

People who say Rock and Roll is "white boy" music. Goddamn it, I hope Chuck Berry and Jimi Hendrix haunt your ass until the day you die. All rock music can be traced from these guys. Berry as the innovator and Jimi as the father of the modern forms. The only thing I might consider "white boy" music is a Toby Keith song or polka, maybe (Plug 3 did some dope shit with some polka on a De La interlude once). I will beat you with a burning Fender Stratacaster while "Welcome to the Jungle" plays in the backround.

Sick Time Wars

2005-05-25T00:13:00.000-04:00

So I have seen the last Star Wars movie and been out for two days which has left me in a hazy state. I never feel right when I miss time from work. Anyway I present...

The Sick Day Top Ten:

1) To para-phrase my man from the Poemcees, "Walking around in my boxer drawers watching Sportscenter." Nothing makes me feel like I'm not working more than being in my boxers and Sportscenter.

2) Speaking to someone who is at work. This is a small portion of my crud...but it's mine and I embrace it. Along with this are comments like, "What, ya'll busy?, Oh ya'll needed my help today? - Yo go to (insert website here) and tell me if it's updated."

3) Cooking random shit. For some reason I rarely eat breakfast or lunch. The last times I ate breakfast a woman was involved. However, when I'm home for the day I always end up making something I don't make often. Yesterday it was cornbread. I didn't have an urge...I actually looked throughout the house to see what I could find and cornbread struck me.

4) Thinking up blog posts. I came up with 10 good ideas (this wasn't one of them). Some were struck from the list because Star Wars is on my mind too much having seen the last movie Friday. Blogging is taking me over. One of the first things I think when something happens is if it will end up on the blog or not.

5) Guilt/Regret. I was sick of work. Allergic to my desk. Whenever I do this around 1:00 I always think I would be getting off in a couple hours if I had went. The day always goes faster when you don't go to work. I also think I could be blogging and sending email.

6) Video Games. Nothing better than killing digital foes when not at work. Plus when I think of work I need to kill something. Nothing is better than violence and Executive Directors.

7) Old movies. I'll leave Star Wars out of this so I don't convert to full fledged geek. So how about Silverado. One of my favorite westerns with one of my favorite scenes of "fuck you racist pricks" when Danny Glover stops in a bar to get a drink.

8) NFL Network. I am a football junkie. I watch the draft, training camp reports and every bit of news I can digest. (Go Ravens!) The NFL Network is a must. Like last night I watched a show with interviews of and about the Steelers of the 70's. Those dudes were raw.

9) Drinking a beer in the middle of the day. I always go to these things for work and because we deal with young people my boss won't let me have a drink. (well once we went to Cheesecake Factory and I snuck over to Uno's and had a beer, plus the time we went to New York and I snuck off to the hotel bar). Somehow drinking one in the middle of the day feels like I'm being defiant. I also go over the drinking curriculm I want to install in this program. Rules like: Don't drink liquor that costs less than beer. No Malt liquor, etc.

10) Sleeping late. Nothing is greater than establishing that you are not going to work, rolling over and going right back to sleep. No greater luxury. It does throw me off but it feels lovely. The only thing better is doing this when there is a woman in your bed that doesn't have to leave.

Letting my Freak Flag Fly

2005-05-20T22:27:00.000-04:00

He looks so normal...mostly.

The following is a list of things about me, that exclude me from being included in a conversation about normal people.

The other night I had a dream that Janeane Garofalo was pregnant with my child.
In the last 5 years out of 30 dreams I had, 20 of them involved vampires.
I have in my time talked, walked, and even done somersaults in my sleep.
I have played a war game wearing noting but Timberlands and a loin cloth.
I have crawled on my stomach through 30 yards of a bog.
Since I was a child I have not been able to control my laughter...and I sound like the Joker when I laugh.
If I was declared a saint or deity I would rule over obscure facts and information.
I could live my life by lessons from Star Wars.
As a child I could eat hot peppers whole without flinching (and I lived in Texas, these weren't citified peppers).
I would gladly shed everything I have and ride off into the woods on a Clydesdale with a Katana, a bow and arrows, leather clothes. First I'd kill a prominent politician and swing his head around (blood spraying on business dressed folks) and let out a guttoral roar. Then I'd say something cryptic like "Rosebud" and leave.
Capt. Morgan Spiced Rum and Colt .45 make me hurl.
I have split pints of Blackwatch Vodka and E&J Brandy on an empty stomach and felt fine.
Women in business attire and Tennis Shoes who look like they're going to lunch turn me on.
I once had a frog for 3 years. Once a year I thought it died but it continued living. I never named and then had the nerve to be sad when it died.
I can name 10 or more monsters that were in a movie with Godzilla.
When I was 3 my favorite song was "Mamma don't let your Babies Grow up to be Cowboys".
I wore Cowboy boots from 3 to 4. I lost them because I sealed one in a drum with an apple core and it molded over.
Before I was 3 I broke an ice machine, 2 toilets, 2 bar stools and other items larger than myself.
I once got my tongue stuck to the coils in a refrigerator...I watched a Christmas Story alot.
I used to run through the house with my head down and bang into the porch doors.
I never had an imaginary friend but I've talked to myself my entire life...I also have arguments with myself...outloud.
When I was little and afraid of the dark I thought I would be safe if I covered my head with the blankets and offered up my stuffed toy dog as a sacrifice.
Until after age 4 I could speak spanish and english equally well...now I can only greet, curse and ask if you want to sleep with me in any language other than english.
I used to practice my tagging and graffiti skills via my classwork as a result I don't remember how to write in cursive. My handwriting is a mix of tag and caligraphy.
I lived under the delusion that there was a vegtable called squish (little brother to squash) until I was 21 (Thanks Ma).
The only tennis I will buy are Adidas.
My food cravings will have me eating one thing for a month straight. (last time it was omelets with pepper jack cheese, portabella mushrooms, onions and red peppers)
I wrote recorded and performed a rhyme about breastfeeding.
I am adored by children and small animals but administrators don't like me.
College educated adults will read my name and then write it down totally misspelled.
I wait a month before going to see a movie so I can have 3 empty seats on either side of me.
If I didn't work with people I could go for days without speaking.
I was a ghost writer in elementary school but gave it up because I hated not getting credit.
The only movie montser that really scared me as Gremlins. Even if I was beating the hell out of one, stray spittle could produce more.
In middle school I was considered an Oreo (black on the outside, white inside). In High School people thought I had connects with the Jamaican Mafia.

Golden Oldies?

2005-05-19T11:08:00.000-04:00

Will we be Hip-Hop-smoothed-out-on-the-R&B-tip-with-a-geritol-feel-appeal-t0-it?

My co-worker is older than me so she usually rocks an adult station on her radio. I fully support this cause if I had to hear 92Q I'd kill four people. As I'm listening I hear songs that are from my mothers generation and before, but I also hear alot of Prince, New Edition and basically songs that are from my time. This has lead me to wonder, what will the oldies stations be when I'm over 45? I assumed that I'd be rocking (in my chair) to old New Edition and Early Rakim or Jodeci...I think you feel me. I'm expecting those songs that I knew throughout my school years. The more I listen a fear has began to build in me. I have a deep paranoia that I'll end up listening to the radio music that keeps me using my C.D. player in the car. Here are some songs that have to be on my oldies station(*) and songs that shouldn't make it(x).

Jodeci - Come and talk to me - I remember this summer as the summer of the digits. Dudes were jumping out of cars at red lights gettin numbers. This song has made some babies. *

Sisqo- The Thong Song - I can't have my grandchildren associate this song with me. (side note two of my friends from high school used to throw pretzels at Sisqo when he worked at the Fudgery - that is a story I'm willing to tell my grandchildren). x

Soul II Soul - Back to Life - Even to this day when the a capella intro to this is played me and the whole room start clapping and instantly break out into dance when the beat drops. I might not be able to dance at that time but so what.*

Lil Jon - Get Low - All I can think of is Chris Rock. "Where'd you meet mommy?", "Oh she was in a club singing about balls."x

Mint Condition - Pretty Brown Eyes - Quit breaking my heart? Of course this has to be played. Classic joint.*

R. Kelly - 12 play and on - I may be cutting out some good songs but I can't have my grandchildren associate my with songs like - "You remind me of my Jeep" and "Trapped in the Closet". It ain't happening. x

R.Kelly and Public Announcement - Any song - Slow Dance, Dedicated and so forth I can take these joints. *

Michael Jackson - Blood on the Dance Floor to Present - I may allow Butterflies but the rest is a down hill journey. Plus I know the result of the trial will come up when you hear Mike in 20 years. x

Micheal Jackson - Dangerous and Before - Dangerous isn't that full of an album but I'll take it cause of Remember the time. *

C&C Music Factory - Gonna make you Sweat - I will not be associated with M.C. Freedom. x

Ralph Tresvant/B.B.D./Johnny Gill/Bobby Brown - A lot of good songs plus the New Edition Transfer. Must haves. *

Kriss Kross - anything - Hell no. If the grand children find out I will deny this. x

Hi-Five - The Kissing Game - Yet another school boy crush song. I have to take this. *

Paula Abdul - Anything - I plead the fifth. I think she was on some show grandson. I can't remember. x

En Vogue - Everything - I used to have a crush on Dawn from En Vogue! I miss ya'll. Dawn baby, I loved the Lucy Pearl joint, give me a call. *

Vanilla Ice - anything (did he have more than one song?) - Look kids we all go through crazy times in life, I mean I never liked him. He is associated with my generation. Gather around and I'll tell you about what Suge Knight did to him!!! x

What's a song ya'll need to hear and what will you cringe at?

Police Bitch Slap Local Thugs w/Hip-Hop

2005-05-18T09:09:00.000-04:00

If you watch ESPN you may have heard of the "Stop Snitching Video". Basically this is a video in which several stupid criminals are basically running down how they will kill dudes for snitching. They even name some dudes and the strips where they're at. The video became famous nationally because Carmello Anthony was in one of the clips talking about how he would put money on a dude's head. Now, I had a problem with Carmello because I understand coming back to the hood. However, once you are a national figure who makes millions; certain things you just shouldn't do. My bigger problem, that I tried to convey to my clients was: CRIMINALS DON'T MAKE VIDEOS! As someone over 25 who has committed a crime or two in his lifetime and watched several gangster/underworld types of films, I know you don't create evidence. Everything I know about this video smells of evidence. Dudes pulling out guns, talking about who they plan to get. Dudes flashing wads and letting people know that you're not doing it if you have no foreign money. From what I have seen and heard of the video the image that instantly comes to mind is a prosecutor saying, "Your honor we can clearly see the defendant brandishing his firearm and nameing the deceased as his intended target." As a matter of fact if I've learned anything from movies there is only one time when you create evidence: when you plan to frame someone. I have a lot of problems with local "thugs" (criminals are smarter), but this is equal to making sure you leave finger prints on all of the weapons you fire and never leaving the house without 50 vials in your pocket. To date a majority of the people in this video have been arrested, including the camera man! The true slap in the face is this: The police made their own video called "Keep Talking". This video encourages local community members and snitches alike to turn in their local hoodlums and "keep talking". The biggest slap in the face is the fact that the backround music in the cop's video is "Shook Ones" by Mobb Deep. Imagine as that after a cop says, "Keep talking, we need your help to put these criminals away", Prodigy's voice rises in the backround - "They shook - ain't no such things as half-way crooks scared to death and scared to look." My local thugs have done something so stupid it allows the cops to actually bitch them and come off hard! What the hell! Get it together thugs! I don't agree with your methods and I know the majority of you are stupid, being that we've seen the same movies and you didn't learn from them. I cannot believe though, that you have allowed the cops to come off as hard. They are even giving out not cards to suspects telling them to go to a social service agency and get help or they will be going down. When the cops look cool...damn those stupid thugs.

The Rules of Cool

2005-05-17T12:39:00.000-04:00

Like Red Stripe Beer Helps their ugly friends look good, I'm here to help the lames.

"It's Niggas in my city that just as lame as you." - Common

Suggested by Goldi. Written by me. Made possible by grants from common sense and my ego.

I had to revise this so they may not be the same...but cool people handle change well.

Redundant as it may sound, you can't be cool if you fly off the handle. Stay Cool. Kirk out via your blog. People don't mind your madness when they can close the browser window and be done with it.

Network; to pull off cool shyt you gotta know people.(Getting in free and all other type goodies)

If more than 5 people are wearing it in one place it's no longer cool (ex: Pink clothes on men) I, personally, didn't like Cameron's pink explosion - but it was semi-cool cause it was different. Once I saw a group of dudes wearing pink it ended. Cool people stand out.

Handle your booze! Nothing is worse than a person who can't handle what he/she orders. My personal preference is to avoid sweet drinks. Go to a club and find the drunkest stupid asshole, I bet they were drinking some sweet shyt. Hard liquor let's you know when you're done.

Name Brands mean nothing...except for some shoes,most name brands do not denote quality. The only "names" clothing-wise that signify cool are those of fabrics: silk, linen, irish linen, seer sucker and so forth. It's not cool to pay for someones name.

Respect and recognize the classics (music, clothing, movies, etc.); anything that is a classic is for a reason.

Cool people aren't stupid. You can't be cool if you never know what people are talking about.

Observe the situation. To truly be cool you can't be surprised alot. See what's happening so that you can turn situations to your advantage or head off bullshit. Knowing the personalities of others also helps you understand what stimuli will effect who and how. Think Carlito's way.

Cool people should have as many associations as possible and as few affiliations as possible. Less chance of getting dragged down in bull and greater ability to gather info and favors. Additionally a cool person is like The Rock: The People's Champ.

Cool people keep their emotions in check, either way. It's not cool to get caught up and do some dumb shyt cause you stopped using your common sense.

It's cool to go against the grain. Never do something because people think it's cool. To quote myself: I'd rather piss in the wind than turn the other cheek, you may get hit either way, but at least it's reciprocity. Never get into a bad spot because of an idea other than yours.

Code Switch. The ability to react in a manner consistent with where you are. Firm handshake in the boardroom. Strong dap on a street corner. King James to slang and back.

IT IS NOT COOL when you mistakenly erase part of your post and can't remember the rest. I lost points.

It is cool to blame blogger and move on. Got my points back.

It is cool to know that what people think about you may effect you. It's not cool to worry about it.

Set the standard. Public perception of cool changes from city to city. True cool is excepted in most fine establishments like American Express (Cool people don't need American Express). Besides...cool breezes do what they feel.

ME and BLOGGER are having issues.