Pleasure

Per the title of this blog I have not found pleasure in much lately. There has not been a woman lately that has truly taken my attention. Music used to cure my ills but I have issues with people on the scene at the moment which does not help. I still write but I have no production so even when I write something decent I can't finish it. Physical vices have not called me as much. I can drink but I don't like to sit at home boozing. I need something different. Possibly a three week excursion into the wilderness with a para-military force on my trail. Something, anything beyond working and talking to the same people. Perhaps if I had a crush on someone I'd feel better. Sounds funny but I've wished to have a crush for a minute. The last 10 women I've been with have been attractive some have been somewhat interesting, but not exciting. There hasn't been someone I have to force my self off the phone with. There hasn't been anyone that I yearn to see. I have a high sexual drive so to have someone I'm sleeping with can sustain me for a moment but, that only lasts so long. I need someone whose thoughts I want to explore. Someone who I can speak with about the things I bitch about in my mind. I'd love someone who would challenge me even, I've noticed that when a woman digs me it seems they'll agree with my sentiments just to be around me. I'd love someone who didn't always agree with me just so I can know they actually have taken in what I said, even if they disagree. I would like to be involved with a grown, adult, thinking woman, with independent ideas and opinions. Even if they don't agree with mine. I don't even want to get into a love life retrospective, but that may be a good idea for this blog. Everytime I think back I remember things that don't remain at the forefront of my thoughts. I need some sort of stimulation. Nowadays when I think about women my next thoughts are marriage and children. I'm getting old for one, but I also need something real, something real-life. The problem is I can't find grown women who are not involved to fit my profile. For a long time I thought dealing with older women would let me deal with someone who was mature. WRONG. I've often heard that you attract people who are like you, but I can't believe that cause I don't act immature towards people. I hate immaturity to much to display such a trait. I easily commit, I am very loyal and honest. Perhaps you attract people who have your negative qualities. If that's the case I should end up with a bunch of procrastinating women who smoke too much and like to be away from people. Is it this hard to find interesting women or have my friends dated the ones that would interest me and made them ineligible? Perhaps I should search on college campus' for out of state women. I'd have to start with mentoring programs, and other "make the world better for others type of organizations". Then I'd have to see which ones actually go enjoy themselves later. I need someone who understands that as serious as life is, if we don't celebrate we got nothing to fight for. I need a real woman. No - I'll amend that I need a woman that is beyond real. I need a woman who would have the balls to approach me and still maintain her dignity. A woman who can attract me more with her words than her body (despite being sexy). I need a woman who will feed my imagination.