5.20.2005

Letting my Freak Flag Fly


He looks so normal...mostly.


The following is a list of things about me, that exclude me from being included in a conversation about normal people.


  1. The other night I had a dream that Janeane Garofalo was pregnant with my child.
  2. In the last 5 years out of 30 dreams I had, 20 of them involved vampires.
  3. I have in my time talked, walked, and even done somersaults in my sleep.
  4. I have played a war game wearing noting but Timberlands and a loin cloth.
  5. I have crawled on my stomach through 30 yards of a bog.
  6. Since I was a child I have not been able to control my laughter...and I sound like the Joker when I laugh.
  7. If I was declared a saint or deity I would rule over obscure facts and information.
  8. I could live my life by lessons from Star Wars.
  9. As a child I could eat hot peppers whole without flinching (and I lived in Texas, these weren't citified peppers).
  10. I would gladly shed everything I have and ride off into the woods on a Clydesdale with a Katana, a bow and arrows, leather clothes. First I'd kill a prominent politician and swing his head around (blood spraying on business dressed folks) and let out a guttoral roar. Then I'd say something cryptic like "Rosebud" and leave.
  11. Capt. Morgan Spiced Rum and Colt .45 make me hurl.
  12. I have split pints of Blackwatch Vodka and E&J Brandy on an empty stomach and felt fine.
  13. Women in business attire and Tennis Shoes who look like they're going to lunch turn me on.
  14. I once had a frog for 3 years. Once a year I thought it died but it continued living. I never named and then had the nerve to be sad when it died.
  15. I can name 10 or more monsters that were in a movie with Godzilla.
  16. When I was 3 my favorite song was "Mamma don't let your Babies Grow up to be Cowboys".
  17. I wore Cowboy boots from 3 to 4. I lost them because I sealed one in a drum with an apple core and it molded over.
  18. Before I was 3 I broke an ice machine, 2 toilets, 2 bar stools and other items larger than myself.
  19. I once got my tongue stuck to the coils in a refrigerator...I watched a Christmas Story alot.
  20. I used to run through the house with my head down and bang into the porch doors.
  21. I never had an imaginary friend but I've talked to myself my entire life...I also have arguments with myself...outloud.
  22. When I was little and afraid of the dark I thought I would be safe if I covered my head with the blankets and offered up my stuffed toy dog as a sacrifice.
  23. Until after age 4 I could speak spanish and english equally well...now I can only greet, curse and ask if you want to sleep with me in any language other than english.
  24. I used to practice my tagging and graffiti skills via my classwork as a result I don't remember how to write in cursive. My handwriting is a mix of tag and caligraphy.
  25. I lived under the delusion that there was a vegtable called squish (little brother to squash) until I was 21 (Thanks Ma).
  26. The only tennis I will buy are Adidas.
  27. My food cravings will have me eating one thing for a month straight. (last time it was omelets with pepper jack cheese, portabella mushrooms, onions and red peppers)
  28. I wrote recorded and performed a rhyme about breastfeeding.
  29. I am adored by children and small animals but administrators don't like me.
  30. College educated adults will read my name and then write it down totally misspelled.
  31. I wait a month before going to see a movie so I can have 3 empty seats on either side of me.
  32. If I didn't work with people I could go for days without speaking.
  33. I was a ghost writer in elementary school but gave it up because I hated not getting credit.
  34. The only movie montser that really scared me as Gremlins. Even if I was beating the hell out of one, stray spittle could produce more.
  35. In middle school I was considered an Oreo (black on the outside, white inside). In High School people thought I had connects with the Jamaican Mafia.

13 Comments:

Blogger Brother OMi said...

dope
i am taking this one too

funny man... for real.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Goldi said...

16. That's because you saw it on the "Muppet Show".

23. Me too.

35. Me too. But I was a mixture of goth/sk8r chick/Blck Panther to folks... gotta keep 'em guessing.

11:48 AM  
Blogger Mala said...

You don't say....

I had a dram that I ran around ripping loincloths off men with my teeth.

I could live my life according to the Bene Gesserits.

May favorite son is "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash - I still sing it.

I too was a victim of A Christmas Sory but unlike the unlucky protagonist, I shot myself in the foot... fra ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra raaaaaaaaa.

I talk to myself all the time, but I do my best not to answer that lunachick.

I hardly ever go to movies, I wait until it comes out on video so I don't have to deal with the ticket chicks.

No one categorizes me since I tend to still fall off my skateboard in a miniskirt and Coverse while listening to Mingus....

11:56 AM  
Blogger The Humanity Critic said...

Great post, here is my mini rant:

1: I thought I was the only one who liked Janeane Garofalo. Something aboutloud mouth liberals gives me the biggest "chubby"

10: Is saying "Rosebud" and leaving akin to when Tupac said "Riverside motherfucker!" after killing that dude in Juice? Up till this day, if I am playing a videogame where I have just killed someone, I will scream that phrase out..lol

12:04 PM  
Blogger Gunner Kaufman said...

Favorite songs as a child was "DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA"

Im older than you..i wanted the LAMP in christmas story..

23..me too
24..me too

I believed pistachio ice cream had BONES in it.

your joint is funny as heck

12:20 PM  
Blogger Gunner Kaufman said...

Humanity critic...

I yell "RIVERSIDE..."

when i have exact change at the supermarket!!!

I love that phrase

1:47 PM  
Blogger Jdid said...

too funny but I could live my life by star wars code too

5:12 PM  
Blogger Luke Cage said...

"I would gladly shed everything I have and ride off into the woods on a Clydesdale with a Katana, a bow and arrows, leather clothes. First I'd kill a prominent politician and swing his head around (blood spraying on business dressed folks) and let out a guttoral roar. Then I'd say something cryptic like "Rosebud" and leave."

Dawg, that shit was on point!!!

"The circle is now complete. When I first met you I was but the learner, now I AM the master.." -hey, I think I can do this...

8:24 PM  
Blogger Shana said...

Wow. . .I'm intrigued. . .I wouldn't call you a frak. . .I'd simply call you unique.

8:22 AM  
Blogger Beloved said...

....backing away from this post....slowly...lol

8:30 AM  
Blogger Beloved said...

...and now coming back to read your post again...because it's so damn interesting....

9:10 AM  
Blogger Gunner Kaufman said...

almost forgot..in regards to your dreams..what does it mean when at the end of your dreams.....

there are credits....

and you dont know any of the people?

anyone??

anyone??

11:04 AM  
Blogger Nikki said...

Nothing wrong with your freak factor. Eccentric at best.

4:07 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home