Helpful hints for dudes who suck

Here are some common wack things that make me laugh at dudes when pusing up on the ladies. All of these things come from real life situations I am privy to or have witnessed, regardless of how stupid, desperate or wack they may seem.

Things to avoid:

Asking to come over just to sleep - that seems too desperate and the ladies know they will probably wake up with your sophomoric, wandering hands in places they were not invited to be. Falling asleep over a womans house is something that should just happen. If you have to ask you are pathetic.

Don't sweat the pretty girl - The natural habitat for a really good looking women is surrounded by 10 dudes. Don't be one of them. She is not picking a basketball team so you just look like a sucker. Act like the grand prize not a constellation prize.

Be Cool - She cancelled - be cool. Things change - be cool. Be like water my friend. As a matter of fact the only times to not be cool involve property damage, STDs and husbands.

Deal with guys she knows - if you should feel that you have competition, the worse thing to do is to act salty towards him. Personally, I love it when people do this to me. It means they see me as competition and don't know how to deal which makes my job much easier. Embrace the dude. If he acts salty you win points. Plus his reaction lets you know if you're dealing with someone who knows what he's doing or someone just blindly fumbling for panties. There is nothing worse than a grown man acting like someone stole his G.I. Joe men.

Ease up - there is nothing worse than not knowing the difference between persistant and annoying.

(This was funny to hear about) Don't specifically request dates before the evening - You want to see a woman during the night, so I have no idea why this guy was so adamant about telling this woman she "owed him a date before 10:00". I don't know what that's about. Unless he's a werewolf, then I understand fully.

(This one was just sad) No mention of virginity - So this sister once told me a guy said he was a virgin and he wanted her to be his first. We were 20 years old. First off not many guys are willing to mention that they are a virgin and none who are (should) use it as leverage to get ass. If you really are a virgin you only bring it up right before sex. When I say this I mean after meaningful dates and long walks and shit. Not one night stand sex. Not before a "hook up". That's an I-may-have-cried-in-front-of-you-already type of admission. My reply when she asked what I though was...He's not a virgin, he has no game, and he's fucking wack.

Stop Calling, Dammit - No matter how interested a woman may be she does not want to hear from you 15+ times a day. That suggests that you have no life and will always be calling her and trying to get all up under her. Read a book, take a walk, feed your own life before it jumps the fence and runs away.

Don't fool yourself - When I am interested in woman I tell myself whatever anyone can do with someone sexually has already been done with her. Save yourself some disallusionment. Meaning don't let another guy fuck your head up because he may have been with her at one point in time. If her name is on alot of bathroom stalls and local sports teams have a special nickname for her - I'll leave you to deal with that how you see fit.

Beware the friend zone - Despite what you may think women actually enjoy sex. If it is something your interested in make it known, subtley. Don't do a Jimmy from South Park, "So I'd like to put my penis in your vagina." Do ,however, make sure she knows that you are a man with fully functioning genitalia. Oh...if it's been three months and she hasn't said she wants to wait you're probably in the friend zone.