Adeo
"I'm having a mid-life crisis at 26...well almost 27."
So I have been thinking more andmore about myself as of late. Myself and my future. I'm almost in the middle of the day as opposed to the twilight or dawn of my life. I do feel old though. I know I've had lot's of experiences and been through various stages of my life, yet I understand that I'm really at the begining of things. I'm unmarried, have no children and actually don't own anything. I'm a clean slate...technically. I have my accumulated wisdom, my imagination and my artistic sense. I have principles, a sense of chivalry and an overall gallant nature. This is not getting me anywhere as far as my employment is concerned. I am an upstanding dignified low-paid human services worker. This post is not meant to be a rally for an increase in wages of people in my field...they should though. I am somewhat depressed by the fact that I can't use any of my good qualities to improve my standing. I could be an asshole and go to school and improve my status but my nature can't do much for me. I can build and friends and that is a great thing. I can establish a family around myself but, society in general won't recognize my character. Maybe after I die people will say I was a nice person, but for now it just doesn't get me anywhere. And it's not just me, it's anyone of a pleasant nature. I know plenty of people who are just amazing and that's not going to get them anywhere. What I'm saying is reputation seems to not mean much anymore. I've been told that I have a good reputation and it made me wonder what does that mean to me? Where will it get me. Even if I don't want to use it in such a manner I couldn't. There was a time when a good reputation could carry you a ways in life. Now it can make you a mark for someone to try and take advantage of. I would like to live in a world where my word means something to more than just me. I want to do something great that will be recognized. The only new horizons seem to be bogged down in politics. I don't want to have to deal with all of that. I know that we must all endure trials, but some of these assholes will make me famous for murder. I want to affect a change that will echo throughout the world. The type of change that makes people evaluate their own lives. Not the type that they show on the news after ten stories about killing. I don't want to be the "collecting shoes for Iraqi children" story. I want to express my worth in the world...in an effective way. I want people to feel what I know can radiate off of me even when they hear about what I did...or do. I hate the fact that I can think of several horrible things to do and become infamous or well known than I can positive things to bring about change. So I open it up to you...my avid readers what great thing is there left to be done? Keep in mind I don't like the Prez enough to teach him how to speak and read (cause I'm sure he can't read well).
posted by Amadeo at 9:00 AM
11 Comments:
You are a gifted individual. I can see that. Gifted people often feel that they are somehow DESTINED for prominence and we may very well be. But the LESSON may not be in deserving it, but in learning HOW TO ACHIEVE IT.
God has given you tremendous talents and gifts. But the world ain't giving you shit.
If you want it, you gotta take it in this life. It takes a little more yin than yang, a little more fire than water to make a mark on the consciousness of this world.
If you want it, you gotta get up out your seat. Transform your desire into active energy and make shit happen. You might need to be more decisive and more of a go-getter.
Just a thought. Holla back.:-)
hopefully it will all work out for you man. i know what you mean about rep not getting you anywhere though, seems you got to be athug and get shot 9 times to get recognition. sucks doesnt it
In my high school reunion last weekend, the song Planet Rock came on. And as I'm dancing and reciting the lyrics verbatim, I focused on 1 part of that song. The part where the stanza goes -
"Just start to chase your dreams,
Up out your seats make your body sway,
Socialize -get down- let your soul lead the way,
Shake it now- go ladies- it's a livin' dream,
Love Life Live
Come play the game- our world is free,
Do what you want but scream"
and for whatever reason, I never had the lyrics reflect upon myself in the way that it did that evening.
Our lives are filled with so many questions for answers that we will never receive, and we do so much soul searching in this lifetime. It's sad that the bad get more press than the good. It's sad that good cops are lumped in with the bad ones, and it sucks to see a$$holes with the most nicest ladies on the planets as girlfriends and spouses, while good guys like yourself languish in almost near obscurity.
It's all jacked up man with 'nere an answer in sight. And unfortunately, so many of our colleagues, friends and family experience this. It's just the way shit is...
Its must be cosmic, b/c there a universal thang going on in the air, where plenty ppl I know, are re-evaluating themselves, and their "PURPOSE." I got a great job in my field, that sounded so good on paper, company had a reputable name, pay was decent, and the perks were plenty, but hated that shit with a passion, and I realized why, I was working somebody elses dream. Not mine.
Everyday, I continued to go into that peice, I was a living example, of their dream materalized. Some ppl are content with working other ppl's dream. As for me I have dreams of my own, I just was too afraid to even birth them, or even realize I had them. Till one day, I heard this guy say, everyone has a "purpose." To figure out your purpose, first ask yourself, what would you do for "free." That's your passion, and once you know you're passion, then you already got a map, all you go to do is get on that road, to "being you." As a girlfriend best summed this whole shit up, its fun to get paid for "being you." Many of us get frustrated cause we aint being ourselves, and we're not getting paid our worth b/c of it.
Hope I didnt break any blog "long winded rule" I just wanted to share, and hopefully inspire! PEACE!
regardless of how corny it sounds on the news, Iraqi kids need shoes. Maybe you know the song--here are the lyrics. I grew up listening to some real old stuff. This is Don Gibson.
IF I CAN HELP SOMEBODY
(A. Hazel Androzzo)
« © '58 PD World »
If I can help somebody as I pass along
If I can cheer somebody with a word or a song
If I can show somebody he is travelin' wrong
Then my my livin' shall not be in vain
My living shall not be in vain my living shall not be in vain
If I can help somebody as I pass along
Then my my livin' shall not be in vain
Yes my living shall not be in vain...
Yes my my livin' shall not be in vain
You can change the world because little things matter. But you might be nameless, you might be an unsung hero. But somehow, with that good reputation of yours, in the long run, I don't think it'll matter that much to you.
PS Are you planning on dying at 54? There I was thinking you were gonna be riding a harley into the sunset at 99.
You say that like it's a bad thing! Be proud of who you are and what you are. It may not seem like it's getting you anywhere now, but the lessons you learn now follow you through life. Maybe it is time for you to go back to school.. At minimum, it will challenge your creative energies and give you something else to excel at.
Just breathe, brutha...
the air will come.
Mid life crisis...I know a guy in his late thirties that told me that. Sounds like you're in a moment of serious reflection. Must be something in the latest full moon - because everyone seems to be. Reflective. Uncomfortable and feeling a little disenchanted with the status quo. Then when you try and reflect on how to change it - the solutions seem to slip from your fingers like a wet fish. Hang in there Amadeo.
Stay in this reflective time and be patient with you. You answers and next steps will come. Just try not to get in your own way until they do.
Booy do I commiserate with you on most of what you've just lamented about.
I just turned 28, I've yet to have a serious relationship, am unmarried, etc.
I work in the non-profit/museum industry... an industry full of big headed, self-important dip-shits who sit in their offices all day and collect a 5-6 figure income... while I bust my ass and bring home chump change. Boy do I relate, and I feel the same way.
You possess a lot of great qualities my friend... someone will recognize it... don't sacrifice who you are, because those who hold the cards and sign the time sheets are too stupid to realize true potential.
P.S.
I felt (and at times still feel) the same way.
I think it's the world we live in now... pop culture dictates that any 15 or 19 year old can excel with very little talent... while those who possess true creative gifts go unnoticed.
It's a lot to live up to. But don't sweat it.
"I want to affect a change that will echo throughout the world. The type of change that makes people evaluate their own lives."
"I want to express my worth in the world...in an effective way. I want people to feel what I know can radiate off of me even when they hear about what I did...or do."
Yo, that's some real talk right there, son. I definitely feel you on this post. While I don't feel like everything I do has to be recognized I understand the hope with which you look to the future and desire for people.
To make a sentence out of songs, it ain't to tell that life's abitch, but the world is yours - it ain't hard to tell - just represent and bridge the gap because the people that share your sentiments - these are our heroes. Say Word.
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