Solo
"The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself."
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
So I'm alone...a solo artist...the lone ranger. My boss has been out and may come in on friday. My other co-worker leaves early on tuesday and works in another building on thursday. Not to mention that I also have to take on the responsibilities of my boss, but every damn thing broke, the copier/fax, my computer and I'm compelled to strangle...someone. I almost want to go raw and buy a beer and sit at my desk in my boxers drinking. Perhaps that's a bit extreme, I'll just undo my pants and take my shirt off. Now it may seem like a momentary disruption to have my computer down, well it's not. If I lost my job today I might have to spend the next day saving things to disks and what not. I get a lot of things done on my computer at work, mostly personal things. I'm floating through these days. Being alone means I can't leave out to get certain things done, basically if a phone call or email won't do it - than I can't do it. I'm broke, but that doesn't matter cause I couldn't go out to get lunch anyway. I'm depressed cause of some turmoil in my life (translation: the Ravens lost on sunday night). I'm sitting and looking out of the window at the usual goings on some of which I covered in this post. I am reminded that I don't want to be like one of these old dudes out here. These cat's are sitting on the same steps everyday, drinking beer and ch-ch-chillin'. No work, no jobs, and I can't say that any of them have a real "family". Everyday these dudes are out here, kicking it. These dudes I can't really respect on the other hand another variation of these dudes are what I call the supermarket playas. You may have some of these old men in your city. These cat's are all retired and basically chill outside of the supermarket getting money from old and young ladies to ride them and their groceries home. All most all of these dudes drive cadillacs...it's like Crenshaw for the retired. They throw on some slacks a shirt and and a hat, park their caddy and kick it with their homies. I can respect that. Besides I plan to sit on my porch in my twilight years and tell young people how they messing up and young wanna be playas what they doing wrong. Think of the old dudes in the barbershop from Coming to America. "He whopped
Anyway I can't front I'm not comfortable with myself right now. I'm not happy with my job. I'm not happy with my money, I'm not happy being single, I'm not happy with the world. On top of all that I'm stuck at my job by myself. However when I go home tonight I really have nothing to do and that pisses me off more than anything. I remember I used to have no free time. Having a whole bunch of free time just sucks. I'm about to write out my life and start coming up with things to do. Things to push me further. Right now I feel like those dudes chilling on the steps and it's driving me crazy. Perhaps if large groups of people didn't irritate me so much I could just go out and be happy. I can't though. Someone alway ends up saying or doing something that reminds me why I stay home most of the time. I wrote on someone's blog that I was going to start picking women up at Barnes & Nobles to drink coffee and read books for free. If none of this goes right then I'll plot my world takeover. Just in case I'm accepting applications for generals in my army...my secretary of pain position is reserved for the jello enthusiast.
posted by Amadeo at 4:53 PM
10 Comments:
those guys you speak of remind me of this lady that is always around my way.
she never goes to work or anything. when i get home and she is in the same spot, it's like, did i miss something the last 8-10 hours i was gone?
i don't expect people to just have it like that, but when you do absolutely nothing to help yourself and then you ask people who are barely making it themselves to help you, prepare for a cold reception.
It's the change in season, A. A lot of introspection. Make the most of it, and see if you can come up with a few reasonable ways to put some activity in your life. And don't lament too much about being single. Try and make the most of your meantime.
Jesus H. Christ I have been reading way way way too many self-help books. I too share your disappointment about the Ravens. They are my 2nd favorite team...(Ray Lewis is my most favorite player on the planet earth)...
...does this mean you'll stop picking on me about the "Feables?"
I've actually thought about sitting in Barnes and Nobles myself. Hey, if it turns out to be the hot spot to pick up dates, let me know and I'm SO there!
I really enjoy your blog. Great post.
@ Nikki...how about arm candy for the rich and sexy?
Well, the eating season is almost upon us. If you can hang in there until then, I promise everything will get better.
very extreme...but understand...I'll keep you posted
When my social life all but slowed down, and I became a bit of a homebody, I lamented my "nothing to do" status too...
but then I started to relish living alone doing whatever the hell I wanted.
It beats settin' up on the park bench in front of the mouth of the park like the rest of the bummage I see across the street each morning I wait for the bus.
It's always the same dudes... one obese white man sitting in the midst of the rest of the two or three other lumps o' doo-doo.
Sometimes they even wear different tees.
Anyway, you, me, we could be doing that. Be we aren't... although sometimes I feel like moseying over there and asking them why they insist on sitting there all day, everyday, sans jobs or hobbies. They're even there when I get home from work... Monday-Sunday.
I make up things to do... I've taken a liking to dancing around my apartment (fake salsa/african style), and antagonizing my newly acquired overweight hamster. Or laughing raucously whenver I hear someone passing in front of my door, and sort of slowing down a bit.
Never realized how much fun that could be.
Sitting in the local coffee house, pondering about stuff works for me too...
try going to a cool little jazz or wine bar alone, and chill w/ your wine or spirit of choice.
You'll be alright. Alone time can be golden. Which I had that much alone time at the job, however.
Can't afford to eat lunch? Same here. But at least you're getting paid. I have five weeks of work 'experience', and no cash coming in. With a child. Yesterday I had to go visit my family to get money for food. And I'm single. And I ain't getting laid. I WIN!
Damn man.. I swear I thought I was reading some of my own $hit until I snapped back & realized it was yours... Keep ur head up man! My job sucks, Ties were just severed between myself & a brother I loved for 10 yrs straight.. im an artist who works @ a bank man.. a GD bank!.. but yet I digress, as the others ppl said things could be waaaaay worse!( I have to keep telling myself that to maintain sanity).. My trick for the lunch issue is buying food to last a week & stick it in the work fridge. I spent less than 10 bucks & had lunch for the week!
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