Public Housing 1st Chapter

I came downstairs yesterday and I caught a wide-eyed stare for the entire time I was in view so today I present more reasons to live alone and more reasons why my houseguest sucks.

When I lived alone I could:

• Randomly invite people to my house knowing it remained as I left it.
  
• Get up and turn on ESPN and go make coffee without putting any clothes on.
  
• Go to the bathroom when I pleased.
  
• Be assured that things were clean.
  
• Come home to no surprises.
  
• Know how much sugar/springwater I have.
  

I will say this...helping family is a worthy cause. Just don't expect too much from them.

Ex. 1 I own a Ps2 and an Xbox. At the moment I'm not sure what Ps2 games I own because my cousin (the 10 year old son) dipped with some of them -without asking. I hadn't played them in a while but I knew what I had. Now I look at my shelf and try to recall exactly which titles to tell him he needs to return. Luckily he takes the books out of the case and leaves them strewn about so at least I have clues to follow.

Ex:2 It sucks when you are a budgeter like me and have to account for someone else. When I say budgeter I don't mean moneywise. I mean the item budget: a 2.5 gallon bottle of springwater can make enough coffee to last an entire pay period and a couple days extra. It sucks when I run out and have some one say they'll replace it only to be greeted (several days later) with a bottle of like "Backstreet Springwater". That is not what I had...dammit. Coffee snobs need brand name water for their bold french roast self-ground beans...dammit.

Ex3: I'll just say the bathroom is a sacred place and should be treated as such and I'll demonstrate this in a semi-haiku form.

All adults don't flush
little boys often miss
Feel free to use my Incense

Ex: 4 Men don't like to come into a house where they pay the bills to find a strange man laid up on the couch watching the directv which constitues one of those bills. Maybe it's primordial and if so hooray for troglodytes. It's like how the son doesn't get to sit in the fathers chair. Something...whatever. The important thing is. GET UP YOU UNFAMILIAR MOTHERFUCKER. The one who pays bills just walked in.

Ex: 5 I don't eat pork or beef. If you do then the rule is...do not leave pork or beef grease in my kitchen in any form. As a matter of fact. No grease. All grease should leave the kitchen at the same time as the person who caused it.

Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean.