Dreams of a Post-Pubescent Hetero-non-Metrosexual Man

After I gained a certain amount of sexual experience I began to develop a list of things (or people) that I wanted to do in my lifetime. Some I have tackled and some are still goals for my future. ***Disclaimer - I am a respectful and intelligent young black man, but I got NEEDS***

1) Executress - (Semi-Check) I have posted before about my fondness for women in business attire and tennis shoes (lunch break). There is just something about a woman that looks like she is coming from a business meeting that does it for me. I want her to use a lot of office jargon in her seduction of me. Hopefully I could catch her right after she as fired someone. In a sense I've done this, but I don't feel I've fullfilled the whole fantasy.

2) Cop - This is a pure ego thing since I don't trust anyone enough to let them put handcuffs on me. For this to be complete I have to approach a Female Cop in uniform and on duty and when it goes down she has to come out of the uniform. The problem here is cops can be jerks and a lot of female cops can be...bitches. There's nothing worse than a smartass who can arrest you. Plus I want to say something raw in the introduction so it's a risky proposition.

3) Older Woman - (Check) I no longer have the same ideas when it comes to older women. They do have experience. They are not as timid. MOST of them know you gotta put your back into...no dead fish sex. Older women used to make me feel like I had to fight to stay on top. The problem is...at certain times they want to write you off cause you are younger and I'm to intelligent for that shit. Plus now I'm getting older so the prospect of an older woman isn't sexy when it covers the same distances as the past. My oldest was 31 when I was 18, I don't really want a 13 yer gap these days. Plus all of girlfriends have been older, save 1, and intelligent conversation is not a surety.

4)Former Manager/Supervisor - (Check) I giggle as I type this cause it is a fresh check off. Something about sexing a woman who had authority over me. It's former because I don't dip the pen in the company ink. Nothing worse then private life beef spilling into the workplace. I did resist the urge to swing my tie around like a lasso and yell - "Fuck the cover sheet on my TPS report!"

5)An reserved Indian woman - Not american, I mean indian from India. I love the accent for one. I find their native clothing sexy. Plus the brown skin and dark eyes and dark hair do it for me. If she has a henna tattoo that's a bonus but not a necessity. The bigger thrill would be to break through the reserved nature.

6)A sister from London...in London. I like the accent, what can I say. Most especially the accent of someone who's family is from the West Indies and has been living in London...the blend does it for me. In London because sex away from your hometown seems better and I know I have a good chance of getting a Guiness afterwards.

7)A Sista on an Island who can't speak english. I just love the thought of translation via physical interaction. Especially on an lovely island. We could do it outside and I could be cocky with someone who can't understand me.

8)Sade. But she has to sing to me afterwards and write a song about me.

9)Beyonce', but only cause she seems kinda stuck up. I'd turn in a multi-orgasmic producing performance and then tell her she is cut from the group. I could be wrong about her and if so I'll let her down easy. I hope she is though, I always wanted to dis someone post orgasm while naked with a glistening sort of sweat going.

10)A rising soulful singer. I could console her and remind her to stay true to her art. I'd be like a muse. She could write songs that only we know are about me, which would be her biggest hits. I'd sit in the back of smokey clubs drinking while she sings. We'd have to seperate at the height of her success but she'd always thank me in the liner notes (she'd call me Amadeo). Her greatest hit would a sad ballad song about the regret she had over not being with me, like Hello it's me. We'd also have lots of animal sex but that won't be the best part.


Blogger Gunner Kaufman said...

Im gonna regret this, but such is life..
1. check (she crawled to me on her knees from behind her desk and begged..im still not right)

2. check (cuffs werent involved, but i did "resist" arrest)

3. check (lost my virginity to a 36 year old Puerto Rican who smelled like beans and rice.)

4. check
5. check (complete with SARI on!! and caste dot)

6. London...got a friend that moved there, im waiting to go.
7. check (spoke no english and we lived together oh boy oh boy)


9. Beyonce...naw...(i want ot decline her offer)

10 Singer..have to admit that would be fun...but nope

9:40 AM  
Blogger Mala said...

Damn you I've got Jello up the wazoo and I din't even make the list!!!!!
What does a broad have to do to get some online squishy round here? Sheesh!

By the way Gunner's lying about #7, he ran from the cooch like his ass was on fire and his balls were about to catch next, I know the real story....
I told you, fuck with me and

10:49 AM  
Blogger Amadeo said...

My list is constantly evolving...don't feel left out.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Jdid said...

nice list guy. As a married man I can only live vicariously through you single dudes so hop to it and get this list checked off. still the beyonce pick is questionable :-)

12:19 PM  
Blogger Goldi said...

A boff list...how...MALE!

Indian women are the bane of my female mack existance. Grrrr. It's like Wolverine vs. Sabretooth.

10:16 AM  
Blogger wannabe_ceo said...

That's a bad list man. And you killed it with Sade, now that's a woman.

6:51 PM  
Blogger Luke Cage said...

* Whew! Glad to hear another brotha had an experience with a female cop too. What is it about these honeys wanting to use their tools of their trade on us brothas. Honey, that's not cool you know...Check

* Loved the older woman reference. Check

* Shucks. I so badly wanted to check off the island girl. Met one, never got to score though. Drats. Foiled again by those meddling kids. No Check

* Hmmm..dis a sista post orgasm with a glistening sort of sweat going...that'll never happen. However, if I think hard enough, I can go back in time and do that to this woman called Barbra! Yeeaahh!

4:22 PM  
Blogger desertrose said...

#4 - that was soo funny! TPS report!!! I guess i should start thinking of my own checklist:) thanks for sharing!

10:53 PM  

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