Bmore 101

Whatever you do don't touch the water!

Considering that a blog lets people know about me and what's on my mind, I figure it's good to enlighten folks on the nature of my environment. For the uninitiated this is Bmore 101, trynot to look like a tourist and don't embarass me.

Half and Half - This has nothing to do with Coffee. Since it's warm out this is something you might want to get to cool down. A Half and Half is basically half Lemonade and half Iced Tea. This is the nectar of Baltimore. Any place worth it's salt will sell you a Half and Half (usually found where Chicken Boxes are available). I used to think they sold these everywhere, but people always talk about coffee when I mention a Half and Half. In San Diego they call it an Arnold Palmer (at least in that one place). Let me know if ya'll have this and what you call it.

Hack - I once ruined the mindstate of a girl from D.C. by catching one of these. I avoid being on either end of one these days...good policy. A hack (invented cause black men and Taxi Cabs have issues) is when you walk to the curb and stick out your index finger. Then the first civilian driving by that wants to make some money pulls over, picks you up and takes you where you need to go. Needless to say trouble can come from either end of this deal but it operates on a trust factor. Many hacks may want money upfront and smart young black man will hold the money in their hand when flagging the hack as a show of good faith. Bonus: For 20 points can you guess which member of the Wu Tang is currently hacking in Bmore......The answer is here (no shit).

Whore - When traveling through the city, someone may insult you. To equip you with the proper response I'd like you all to repeat the following: "You betta keep ya whore ass over there." Very good. If this is said to a lady I'm sure you can all understand the meaning, however, in Baltimore this applies to anyone you don't like. A whore is someone who gets fucked and disrespected in any given situation. It can be interchanged with bitch but whore has a special ring to it. Learn the word well. If you here this it doesn't mean someone is having issues with infidelity or promiscuity.

Down the Hill - The "Hill" is an area of Baltimore which starts basically at North Ave and Broadway. You probably don't want to mess around down here. This is where most of the shootings in town occur. I grew up at the top of the "Hill" which isn't an amusment park mind you. This is the main area in which police delivered their bitch slap via Hip-Hop. The area is rich with projects, abandonded homes and the stretch of Broadway that runs through it is infamous for accidents as people can't seem to understand a Stop sign.

The Inner Harbor - This is tourist haven. For residents of the city there are only a few reasons to be here. 1) You work here. 2) Barnes and Noble 3) The National Aquarium 4) You are high school age or younger and your friends work here so you get free food. 5) You are out with a lady and want to get some romance on atop Federal Hill. If none of things apply to you you are probably a tourist or pissed off cause you have to be there. Warning: Stay away from the water...for your own saftey.

Northern Pkwy - This is a large road that stretches from the East side to the West side. If you want to speed, I highly recommend it. Northern Pkwy will take you from where it looks good - straight to the hood. You can purchase roses along this stretch if it pleases you and also it's a good place to realize that no matter how nice of neighborhood you are in in Baltimore, the hood is not far.

North Ave - This is another street that stretches from east to west. The difference here is that it's pretty much all hood. If you have a vice or want to be involved in any criminal activity start on North Ave. You will find what you seek. The Jail and central bookings are located not far from here as is Coppin State Univeristy (For us Morganites - North Ave U. or Mondawmin College {Mondawmin being the hood mall around the corner}).

Anything with a motor - As a resident I'm not proud of this, but you'd see it anyway so....people will ride anything with a motor. I mean it. Dirtbikes (though illegal), Scooters, those gas powered thing you stand up on, MoPeds, Go-Karts, Miniature motorcycles (or pocket bikes), if it has an engine you and can ride it (despite it being little as hell) someone will.

We don't know where we are - My city has an identity crisis. We are in the Mid-Atlantic region. This means we are not quite north and not quite south. I have seen the Mason-Dixon line and I know that in truth Maryland has been considered a southern state. Most of us aren't with that. We'd rather be in the north. Up north people ask us are we from Carolina, down south they ask are we from New York. This is just confusing us more. We also think that folks from D.C. sound much more country and we denounce the use of the word Bama. The plight of the middle child.

Martin O'Malley - If you should be at local festival and see a gentleman playing the guitar with a cutoff Maryland T-Shirt who looks cocky, that's the mayor. It sucks. He recently said that he is giving up the band, but I still have beef. This prick took a lot of gigs from artists who need them. Every Artscape he is taking up a slot when he already has a damn job. Get off the stage and wear some sleeves ass. I know bands that need the work, go back and clean the streets or something.

Lexington Market - This is historic and sad at the same time. This is the oldest market in the country. It is also located near methadone clinics and businesses so you get an interesting mix of people. If you recall Hits from the Street on B.E.T., dude once came to Lexington Market to find out if Baltimore is indeed "the city the reads". We didn't look to good. The market is also a good place to get a Half and Half and a Chicken Box, should you get hungry. I'd recommend you don't look around to hard if you plan to eat there though.