How long was the scotch aged?...you savages!!!!

As nice of a person as I am, I do have some snobbish traits. I do have certain things I don't eat, but I've never been one of those, "My food was in the same room as something I won't eat people." My snob traits aren't highly visible but I am willing to express them...freely.

  • I refuse to drink tap water. I feel no shame. I know the water is different in various cities and states but I only experiment with sex. Plus, I was witness to a demonstration for water filters and the quickness with which you absorb bullshit. Spring water for me kids.
  • I refuse to drink Folgers, Sanka or any other bullshit coffee. My coffee is ground daily. I prefer French Roast or Italian. I'll make due with Espresso, but no garbage coffee. I also require cream not the powder shit.
  • I need a Guiness Stout. I may be in the minority but I consider Coronas mexican piss water (don't get me started on those who put Grenadine in the shit...pussies). Heineken doesn't do it for me anymore. The last non-stout I had was Harp and I think I faked myself out cause it's made by the same people who make Guiness. B.T.W....don't ever bring me malt liquor.
  • I will only use Listerine. This is more mental. I like clean teeth and the burning sensation is like a placebo. If nothing is happening at least my mind is fooled.
  • I hate namebrand clothes and choose by fabric. I shun polyester with a passion, it doesn't breathe. Rayon....kiss my ass. Linen, Silk, Cotton, Irish Linen, Raw Silk, Wool...natural fibers ya'll. Synthetics can burn in hell.
  • I only write with a Bold, Black, Uni-ball Vision Elite pen (sometimes the caligraphy pen, but thats for special things). Until I buy something more expensive and refillable, anyway. I refuse all others and subsequently I often refuse to let anyone else use my pen. I will search for ten minutes for any other pen, while I hold mine in my hand, but I won't let people hold it. So sorry, can't help you.
  • Name brand food. The name brand whore in me works for food. The worst thing is when someone finishes off something of mine and replaces it with some store brand crap. Rite Aid brand spring water?!?! Curse you!
  • No Bootleg Movies. Someone is always suggesting a good bootleg guy and I retch like preppy stuff shirt. I want the DVD with the extras, ok. I want clear quality. Why would I pay half price for a low quality copy with no extras. This ain't the early 90's with bootleg music. I can even find that online before I buy it. I would never taint myself with such grainy distorted filth.
  • No fu-fu booze. Perhaps I am in the minority, but I don't want any "new" hooch. Scotch, Vodka, Tequila, Gin, and other things that have been around will suffice. No glowing shit. No sugary-sweet shit. I want it to slide down my throat and spread it's fiery wings in my chest.
  • Emcee snob. No your favorite rapper does not impress me. Yes, the whisper song sucks. No Biggie and Tupac are not the Greatest of All Time. If you know nothing of Melle Mel's verse on Beat Street don't start this conversation. If your favorite emcee is too hard to live than I'd like to kill him. If half of his album sounds like a cheesy B-movie with a bigger effects budget than a storyline...he/she sucks. Hip Hop is over 30 if none of the people you listen to sound like it than you don't want to ride with me.


Blogger Goldi said...

Blue Mountain coffee (from Jamaica) is the ish. Try with Horizon organic half & half. If you are a baller the whipping cream.

Guiness-warm. I ONLY drink Corona (straight from the freezer) as a tequila chaser. Sapporo with the cermamic cap - oh yes...

If what you ingest and wear are not quality it's ish.

10:51 AM  
Blogger Nikki said...

Bougie ma-fucka, LOL!!

11:53 AM  
Blogger Jdid said...

you only drink guiness? they were right after all you are part of the jamaican mafia :-)

3:28 PM  
Blogger plotty said...

I hate bootlegs myself...noone can convince me to watch them.

tight blog...


8:15 AM  
Blogger Gunner Kaufman said...

I got turned on to guiness when i was a kid...and never looked back(unless depressed)..im feelin you on way to many "snobbish" aspects....but for "safety", im ghetto hard core...(unless you catch me in the house...hahaha

1:42 PM  
Blogger Coffey0072 said...

Holy Heifer.
I thought I was the biggest coffee snob. I don't believe in instant coffee. I think it's evil and people who drink it should be scalded with it. Once I visited a friend in Queens and she tried to give me day old coffee. I almost took a knife to her. That's another big coffee no no! Freshly brewed, all the damn time.

I am also a booze snob. Only Ketel One or Grey Goose in my martini. And I don't want any tinny Martini olives neither. I want the big fat ones.

Good post.

10:50 AM  
Blogger Myrah said...

You are so funny I feel you on some of those, not all but some. You are entitled!

@ Goldi the Blue Mountain Jamaican Coffe there is nothing like it and when you bring it home it just doesn't seem the same as sipping it in the early Jamaican Morning viewing the actual Blue Mountains!

12:00 AM  
Blogger Lauren said...

You need to talk to my ex about the beer/booze snob tip. You both would have a lot to talk about.

7:34 PM  

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