Crazy - Deranged

I'm going sane, the world is crazy.

Perhaps some of you think I'm as nutty as a fruitcake. You're probably right. I have issues, but for the record I'd like to state that it's the people who don't admit it that you have to watch out for.


1) I hear shit. I don't mean voices, but noises. Part of the problem is I have excellent hearing. The other part is every backround noise reminds me of my name or my doorbell. I get up 5 times an hour and just listen to see if I'm crazy or someone is at the door.

2)Self disagreements. I have mentioned that I laugh out loud for reasons only I know. I've also probably mentioned that I talk to myself. What I may not have said is that I argue with myself. I get into all types of disagreements with myself on a regular basis. Outloud. I'm saying sometimes you gotta work things out.

3)Grand Theft Auto. Maybe I'm not the only one, but after I play this game I often have to remind myself that I can't just hop out of my car and jack someone if I have an accident. I also have to remind myself to obey lights and traffic laws. Then I remember that I actually pay money for my car and insurance and things of that nature. If my ride had nitros I would be in real trouble.

4) I zone out. Maybe it's not that unusual. In the car, on foot, at my desk, in the house. I just zone out. I am a thinker, sometimes it just happens at the wrong time. I remember being in a large conversation and my man used a metaphor about "breaking the glass". I don't know what he was talking about, but I started explaining the process of making glass and how it happens naturally when lightning hits the beach. Some people thought I was deep, close friends just stared at me.

5) I am paranoid. Not "somebody's after me paranoid" but do I have my keys paranoid. People think fashion is the reason I have the chain on my wallet, nah - This way I just have to feel for the chain. My keys are also attached to my belt loop. I still do about 20 pocket checks per day. Pen, lighter, money, knife...it's a sickness, I know.

6)Accents. Sometimess....I speak in different accents. My favorites are "The Southern Gentelman" and "Soccer Hooligan". I usually do it on purpose but sometimes I just trail off and realize that people are looking at me funny because I'm doing the accent again. I can't help it, I like it.

7) My hair reflects my mood. Know this, my hair is an untamed weed. It lives on it's own I just wash it and give it things to help it grow. On certain days I have three joints in the front that just stick up in the air. Everyone seems to hate this, but I usually feel off on those days and I think my hair is just announcing the fact for me. Imagine a cross between Lil' John and Alafalfa.

8) I need to drink. Not booze mind you but a beverage. I have eaten 1 actual meal this week. I can go for days without actually eating. I need to drink though. I will kirk out if I come in the house and don't have something to drink. I consume about 1 and 1/2 gallons of liquid a day...at least.

9) I revel in getting customer service representatives to say things outside of their script. I make all sorts of attempts I ask outside questions and crack jokes. I don't know what the motivation is, but I find ultimate satisfaction when I get them to leave the script.

10)I am obsessed with Wyatt's (Peter Fonda) shirt in Easy Rider. I have wanted to come across a shirt like that for quite a while. I do web searches, I check out Western stores. One day it will be mine, oh yes. It's like my holy grail. If anyone knows what the style is called please let me know. PLEASE. My life will be much easier.