Nothing Ever Goes....

...according to plans. All roads and rivers bend.

"Things go astray fall apart changes of heart/

Good intentions miss the mark from sure aims to start/

Used to love it in time you feel stuck with it/

Abruptly quit people start things and don't finish/

Heroes become sinners, traitors come true/

Losers eventually win others forget what they knew/

Plans change party clothes are ruined with blood stains/

Stars gain fame then folks forget their name/

Treachery maintains - good men lay slain/

Out of love and happiness comes the most pain/

hope aims meanwhile despair blurs vision/

Children repeat what you shouldn't say thought they didn't listen/

Lose position change status reassess what matters/

Lovers come together families torn to tatters/

Some realize some don't some pretend/

Some people nourish grudges while others make amends

This is a song, like a lot of others that I wrote and I understood it. When subject matter comes to life it seems I'm not ready for it. I have always been the type of person to quietly handle a situation because I know my emotions run to extremes. I have always been able to push my feelings aside and just deal with the situation at hand. This does nothing for the aftermath of said situations. I always want the best outcome and when I don't get it, a brick sits on my stomach. I recently had a situation and it makes me wonder...is this what Einstein felt? He made discoveries and advanced theories only to see his work contribute to the Atomic Bomb.

What's the recourse when the road takes detours/

Castles made of sand get washed from the seashore

After a situation has passed and I have expended my energy in the best way I can, I am often plauged by the results. At least the part of it that is now out of my hands. The way other people feel. Most people (myself included) only really remember the negative in a situation. Good feelings are easily washed aside, while bad ones linger for longer. Even when you can wash away the feeling, the memory stays with you if only as a lesson. In the corner, the deep pit of that memory is a portion of that bad feeling. My bad feeling is always attached to those of others. It is so much easier for me ignore the negative that happens to myself, but that which happens to others is an aftertaste I can't get rid of. It's in my nature to want the best for those around me. I love to leave others with a good feeling so when I leave someone who doesn't deserve it in any kind of confusion or turmoil, it does not sit well with me.

Sample the sweet but keep it low and discreet/

In the midst of Triumph grows the seeds of defeat/

Opposites attract what you give you get back/

Good intentions can't account for how recipients react

Many negative things start from a good place. The true concern is what happens to that good place. I have always believed it's not so much what happens, but how you react to it. Once my reaction is over things are no longer in my hands. The bane of my existence has been the feeling that people don't really know who I am. This is the only thing that bothers me in life. The paradox has been that you shouldn't worry about what people think about you, however, what people think will affect you in some way. You can press on but in some fashion you still have to deal with those outcomes. My problem is I am rarely in a situation where I have to leave things in the hands of others. I find no comfort in not being able to directly change a situation. Even when I stand up straight and take what comes, the feeling still sits heavily with me. As a rule I don't let my bad feelings out on other people. I don't like to expose the negative in me. It kills me to have negative that's around me effect others. I love to creaty beauty so to be at the center of chaos is horrid for me. The knowledge that there is only so much I can do bothers me more. I always manage to see a plan a way to break through a bad situation. Not to have that vision leaves me in an akward place. Still, I have to try. I have to put out some type of effort to make change in a bad situation.

Truth comes to light fate strikes from spite/

it only takes one moment to change your whole life/

Problems with mics breaking up your insight/

Truth in your heart that gets stuck in your windpipe/

Blocked by good intentions so they never see the daylight/

But plot twists rise to smite the pens of playwrights/

leaving things unsaid to spare someone else/

Under a guise of kindness you only sparing yourself/

In hard times friends may offer you help/

But failure abounds til you first help yourself/

Hold dreams til they're dust slipping right through you hands/

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans/

Fail to plan and you plan to fail/

When the path bends gotta blaze new trails/

Can't let the course change still the wind from you're sails/

Sometimes your trapped it seems without escape/

Then again if it's been rough you just might get a break/

Make yourself and let the circumstance make you/

The latter is a breakdown the first is a breakthrough/

Every river bends things come to an end/

Leaves fall play the wind and join the earth again/

It's up to all of us to take fate in our hands/

That said nothing ever goes according to plans

I know that time washes away bad feelings, but it doesn't always change the situation. I can deal with feelings, I just may not want to. I can think of plenty of cliches about these circumstances, but the only thing that stands out is a corny movie title. Learning to Deal. That's my problem. I don't like to sit in the bad feeling. I know things don't go according to plan...when they go wrong that advice doesn't seem to matter.