Wordplay
If I could paint a picture write a scripture you would understand/Package it with pretty things and put it in your hand....
Since elementary school I have been a writer of one form or another. Never good at math, I always liked the thought that words could carry people away from where they are. Later in life I loved even more how words could describe where you are emotionally. While I enjoy writing myself...I remain interested in the writings of others. Even on this blog when I write something I like, I tend to be more interested in the comments others will leave. I love to gain insight from what people will say especially in reference to something I have written. Hip-Hop taught me to never compromise what you want to say. If everyone is thugged out and I have a love song...rock that shyt. Even in the realm of coorespondence I take care. When ever I write a letter I break out my caligraphy set (I knew tagging would pay off!!! - take that graffitti removal unit!) and parchment paper...hell I even have a wax seal kit to finish it off. So as I mentioned before (if briefly) I have every letter given to me by a woman in my life (well most of them). At first it was an ego thing I guess, sort of a thrill to have someone speaking highly of me in writing. Now, I try to learn from them. My only regret being that I don't have any letters that speak ill of me. The thing I have began to notice is how people have written to me and the method they used. The only typed letter I have seems cold, while those on special paper seem to have taken the most care. The funny part is that I know now most of these people don't think about or really don't like me right now. I always get a kick out of the changes in your relationships with people...from love to hate. I'm waiting to get into something with someone I hate but knowing my personality I would never do that. It would have to get real heated. Now my problem is that I don't feel I'm gaining insight from peoples good thoughts about me. I also don't have the minerals of Humanity Critic . You won't see me asking shit from any Ex of mine. But perhaps that's part of my problem. I tend to wipe people from the face of my imagination. I am not the type of person who is friends with an old flame. So I wonder alot of times why I bother to keep these letters. I don't read them often and the good things that they say are repeated so I recognize my attributes from them. I tell my self that once I am with someone I'll burn them all and put them into the air. I have begun to question the purpose of keeping these. What do I gain from having them and what will it really represent when I destroy them. Will I free myself and in that case am I chaining myself to these words now? Am I placing improper importance in them? It's especially weird for someone who wipes people away. I think perhaps that's part of my problem. I guess it's hard to maintain something when you are willing to wash away the thought of it so quickly. The thought had crossed my mind yesterday that pehaps I need to fight for something. I consider myself a prize and I also want someone who knows that they are. So if the other person is a prize perhaps I shouldn't be willing to let them walk away. I always write so wonderfully but those ideals always seem to fall short in life. I can express myself in the most beautiful ways but I don't often do so until it's over. I send the most wonderful letters that express the intentions I had. I think I love my melancholy too much. I often say pain doesn't hurt, but that only applies well to physical pain. I think I have a habit of brushing off hurt and just refusing to feel it. Listening to Sade does not equate to dealing with my pain. Perhaps I should ask questions of some ex-girlfriends. Perhaps I should break down the walls. I hate looking back in all honesty...I know we learn from our past and I assume there may be something I just refuse to acknowledge. I'm starting to think I should get something besides good song lines from my past relationships...not that I won't use them for material anymore.
posted by Amadeo at 11:29 AM
7 Comments:
well you are sort of looking back by keeping those letters around. I think they serve as your connection to the past, they contain the memories of your relationships. I think they are useful to have around.
soo...after having read your comments regularly on HC's blog I finally found my way to your blog. it s beautiful, let me say that at first.
as for what you wrote just now....the kept letters? keep them. although i am a friend of burning things I think you should keep them(I even wanted to burn my painting one day as I thought this period of my life was over and I shouldn't cling to material stuff but now I am happy I didn't. I like the idea that things you do are like castles you built out of sand which the ocean sweeps away but hum...it s good I didn't. I need money now and now I can use them....it s sad but good)
the reason is: maybe you ll have children one day. nothing is more beautiful than reading letters that show you that your dad was young once, too, and that there were people who loved him and stuff. they will know your bad sides anyways, so it s good to have good letters about you.
then for the girlfriend thing: yes, it d be good to ask the one day what they think went wrong. but i absolutely dig not being friends with them. it s so incredible that relations can change so dramatically but yes, it gives first of all good songlines and also it helps you to move on....I can't be friend with my recent ex although both of us wanted this. but i become friend with my exexex now which is a slow but good process....but maybe it s a bad idea. yesterday night i was so stoned that i called him to tell him I want to make love to him. just imagine! so good he didn't pick up his phone. he s got a wife and a kid now...jesus.....
here again, keep the letters, as if you really wipe people off your mind its at least a backup source for you to rely on once you have wiped them away....
aaah. well. i talk to much I guess. but it s just so interesting and you make my thoughts roll....thanks
piranha
oh and I forgot: the calligraphy set: I do that too. I think in a time of emails, typed letters and short messages ...handwritten letters are just soooooooooo good! they convey so much more and also the contents and tone change as you handwrite them. My dad is so cool because he actually refuses to talk too much on the phone with my but makes me write him handwritten letters instead. it s a beautiful thing to do.
keep it up!
love
piranha
I was listening to Wordplay when I opened your blog and saw the title. Ha ha.
It is always a marvel to me too, how fast relationships can change. One day you are so incredibly close to someone, and the next you want to mash their fingers in your car door when they open it for you.
re sims--yes the drama was bad but it would have been worse if you had tried to kill them off.
The artsy fartsy part of me suggests that you place a black and white, or sepia colored photo in the middle of a poster board and rip the letters into strips, making sure significant phrases of the letter are retained on some of the strips, and then collage around your pic with the letter strips and maybe frame it or something. It'd be a whimsical way of holding on, but not seeming like you can't let go.
Great wordplay man. I too strive to be very "different" when I do things that goes against the grain of what everyone else is doing. In clothes, in art style, in just about everything. You summed this point up very vividly in your line If everyone is thugged out and I have a love song...rock that shyt. That's me.
There is so much truth in what you mentioned about the most care taken in the writing of personalized letters. A sense of cold is indeed pressed into those typed ones. I don't think that I ever looked at it quite that way before, especially in the virtual world of today.
Looking back, if you break it down is pretty counter-productive man unless of course there is a lesson to be learned from a past mistake. Otherwise, put your best foot forward, keep it moving and never look the other way. Cool post.
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