No Porkies Luv

I realize that while it is great fodder for the Blog and it gives me chances to vent, I will let go of my anger (it does lead to the darkside). Understanding myself I should realize that I dwell on things too much. I tend to sit and mull over things and it just brings me down. As I am able to exist within the parameters of my own little fantasy world sometimes, I also provide my own nightmare when I think about negative things. So I am learning to let go. Casting things aside . My mother always said you must get rid of something before you can before you can bring other things into your life. I don't want to sound like I've been to a self-help workshop (BTW I hate that phrase - if you do it yourself than you didn't need help). I just recognize that dwelling on the negative things makes me feel bad physically and that I don't need. I always was sensitive, in regards to my feelings and the feelings of others. Recently I have begun the practice of "feeling no way". Basically if I can't change it there's no point in dwelling on it...or to quote, "That which is beyond repair should also be past grief." This does piss people off but I figure what does it matter how I feel if that is all I can do in a situation especially a bad feeling. What good is feeling bad? It doesn't help. My problem is anger though. I have trained myself to ignore varying degrees of pain, and some sorrow but anger always takes the most control. Pain is the easiest. I tell myself that pain is my how your body let's you know something is wrong. Once you figure out what is wrong all that's left is to take care of it. Sorrow...is a matter of dwelling as well. Sorrow is a different pain and will make it self felt but I think you have to wallow in it for it to truly affect you. You have to choose sorrow. Anger is like sorrow, it's just easier to make that choice. Consider them flavors rolling around on your tongue, sorrow is bitter, anger is rich and easier to accept succumbing to. Anger makes you feel stronger while sorrow drains your strength. Anger is it's own adrenaline, it's own steroid. What it erodes is hard to replace. I can try to justify my anger but not the outcome. I can achieve things in my anger but what I lose is far more precious to me. Even though I may not accept alot of things. I know that dwelling in my anger won't help me. So I choose to let it go (well to make efforts to let it go, if it was that easy I wouldn't have had a reason to write this). No lies love.