Bored Room

For those who are required to attend meetings and dread every minute of it...Rahsaan's Rules of Order. BEAR IN MIND...Some of the topics listed below will cause you uneeded drama if you are not on point.


You don't have to prove how smart you are. The worse thing about a meeting is length. Even worse is when a long meeting is made longer because every person at the table wants to give a dissertation on every single agenda item. Hey stupid! If you're really smart you would understand short and to the point...I'm eating lunch after this, move it along.

Supreme lateness. If for some reason you are late...first off make a call beforehand to let people know you will be late and when you enter hold your head high. You had a reason to be late so don't slink your way into the room. If you are addressed speak loudly and throw bass in your voice.

Grub On. The best part of a lot of meetings is when food is provided. Take advantage! They spent the money and if the meeting is during the right part of the day you can avoid spending your own money on lunch. If you you have sandwiches put one in between two plates and take it with you. If there are bottle drinks, drink one and take one with you. If anyone looks at you funny...ask them to pass you some napkins or something (with or without food in your mouth).

Find the Sense of Humor. So that your don't lose I.Q. points from listening to people ramble on, find the person in your meetings with a sense of humor. Either the person that will joke or will listen to them. It shaves minutes off of the meeting. Plus if the person directing the meeting is full of shit you have someone to share this with, without worrying about the Brown-Nose effect.

Be Annoying and Unusual. I personally do certain things because they are not proper. For instance I wear shades all day and night. Honestly, artificial lights bother my eyes and give me a headache. This does not stop me from enjoying the fact that I'm wearing them in a Managerial meeting. I also lean back in my chair, doodle, and all other types of things that would suggest that I am not paying attention. My favorite is the short answer. When the Executive Director is going on and on about something he doesn't like and wants changed, Blah blah blah yackety smackety, tall cool glass of O.J. (that's the overdub in my mind). I respond with a simple "O.K.". He goes on a 15 minute rant that would send have most employees placating him with solutions and I respond, "O.K."

Don't be a Bobble Head. There is an old syndrom...some say brown-nose, some say apple polisher. Me, I call thoses afflicted Bobble-Heads. The directors words cause the slightest vibration and these poor people go into head nodding gyrations and their mouths start spewing forth statments like, "Yes sir I'm on top of that, Yes ma'am will forward that information, Yes sir we've already started that." The problem is they usually aren't, won't and haven't. The good thing about bobble heads is that when it all comes down they usually don't know whats going on and when cornered their gyrations turn to full blown convulsions. They also make good fodder for you and the person with humor.

Talking to Stupid People. Despite what we were taught in school education and performance are not all that get people jobs. Alot of people (including myself) have gotten jobs because they know people. The problem is people have hired me because of my intelligence while some people recommend people from their church or extra-curricular activity. This leads to stupid people holding important positions. When talking to one of these people I recommend kicking up your vocabulary and throwing in latin phrases. "Our modus operandi has been to form a symbiotic relationship with an organization. Basically creating a foundation of trust through felicitous practices ensuring future partnerships." Suck on that stupid.

Show up Administration. Because I am a the frontline staff with the most knowledge of the system and seniority to boot, I often have to go to managers meetings when my own cannot attend. These meetings basically revolve around fear of the Executive Director. Alot of mumbling, hesitation to answer, and basic pussy-footing. This makes it my duty to offer any information (minus the fear in my voice) that I have when the "managers are stumbling". Nothing looks worse than frontline staff showing managers up.

Disagree Freely. There is a syndrom of scraping and bowing in alot of meetings. So often when someone in charge says something stupid no one wants to challenge it. Do so with bravado. If it's stupid you can't sound bad if you attack it logically. It also sends the message that you are not a yes man. Plus the look on everyone's face that you have dared to contest the mighty dragon is priceless.

Suggestive Signals. Often we are required to speak to people who we don't like and think are stupid. This combination means you end up repeating yourself when you would rather just call them and asshole and keep walking. Since you haven't put in your two week notice yet, here is how to entertain yourself while you still have to speak with them. You can: yawn while they are talking to you. Make any and all pointing gestures with your middle finger. My favorite move (sorry ladies I have no equivalent for you) is the Package Grab. When I am speaking to some silly assclown I do a basic nut grab as if it's the period in my sentence. If they notice, so what. If they don't I have entertained myself.