6.02.2005

Vortex (A break from the regularly scheduled program)



So I have once again missed days but I will say that I at least had fun for the weekend. First of all allergies suck and I realize it will be sometime before I can fulfill the riding into the country on a Clydesdale. Doing it with a hospital mask sucks. Bonfires rock. Being 90 yards away from the closest neighbor rocks. Ponds on the property rocks. I have been held to a confidentiality clause on some events of the weekend so until it expires or I get clarity on specific points I can't say much more. As always I have plethora new topics including the High School years: Graffiti, Ganja and Gratuitous Violence. For now I'm laid back. Allergies, being out of town and missing days has really taken me out of the "normal". Common is my touchstone currently. One of those albums that makes me want to write and perform and show all wack emcees the business end of my vocabulary. This C.D. has been the only thing that kept me in touch with reality. Since I can't divulge my entire weekend story. I'll tell you how I defeated asthma.

Hopefully alot of you have seen Stephen King's It. Besides being one of my favorite movies it helped me overcome an ailment. I owe my thanks to Eddie Kasperak. I used to be one of those swollen, red-eyed, wheezing, run a block and pass out kids. I used to have ashtma attacks at the drop of a hat. My man Ike used to love bringing up me getting chased by 10 girls until I collapsed on the black top. The fact that I in the past few years have been able to run miles seems amazing when I think about the past. Asthma attacks were a good defense mechanism. I remember once some older dudes had us in a basement on some crazy shit and I was let out cause I faked an attack and one of the older boys had asthma too. The bad thing was all the times I couldn't keep up with a game or something cause I couldn't breathe. Well if you recall Eddie from IT, He was really sheltered and had asthma attacks 10 times a day. Then one day the old man in the pharmacy told him it was a placebo and he didn't really have asthma. This started me thinking perhaps it was all in my mind. This is coming from someone who used to get sick and use all my strength to breathe. People would have to carry me to bed and downstairs in the morning. I have had more hospital visits from 3 - 8 than most people do in their life. I have been told I couldn't have aspirin, sudafed and have been given more inhalers and syrups than most folks know about. I have broken out because of plants, cats, dogs, horses and anything anyone can react to. After reading the book I started thinking perhaps Asthma was in my mind and I could beat it with my mental power. I would just will myself to not have Asthma attacks. So I stopped carrying my inhaler which used to be like my house keys...couldn't leave without it. While allergies subsided but never went away I have not had an asthma attack since that time. I remember the first time I outran someone after that...it was a great feeling to look back and see him unable to catch up to me. I love not being afraid that I'll do something to set it off. I especially love the feeling of having ran a few miles and being tired but knowing I can master my breath and reign it in. I heard someone say that If you take a deep breath and then try to breathe again - that's what an asthma attack feels like. I say bullshit. With an attack you know there is room but the air doesn't seem to be getting through. It almost seems like the air is escaping somewhere else so no matter how deep you breathe you just can't get a normal one in. The feeling of freedom I have is like going to lunch and never returning to a job you hate (which is quite satisfying). I would never think that I would make such a leap forward in life because of a nerd from a movie. Thanks Eddie!

9 Comments:

Blogger Beloved said...

First, I'm dying to know about your weekend excursion seeing as how you put it out there all cryptic and sh&t.

Secondly, I can relate to your asthma post. I had my first asthma attack at 19 and for the past 10 years, it's been difficult for me. I've spent more times in the hospital than I can count.

I decided that I was not about to let it destroy my life, so I too live by a "mind over matter" philosophy as well. I've only had 2 severe attacks w/in the past year.

Also, if you don't already, try avoiding dairy, regular colonics and detoxifying your system. That gets rid of the excess mucus in your body. Apple cider vinegar water works wonders, too.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Goldi said...

A lot of Baltimore residents have asthma. It's an environmental justice issue.

THC tea works wonders for the lungs. <--- REALLY. Comfrey is nice too. Avoid dairy, flour and refined sugar - but you know this.

Also do your fire breaths. If you are allowed to eat red foods (hot) do so. Reflexology is great for that too (once a week).

12:54 PM  
Blogger Gunner Kaufman said...

My son had asthma in a real bad way as a small child. IN and out the hospital on multiple stays for extended periods...as he got older i told him if he couldnt control his breathe he was gonna get the shit kicked out of him one day by a punk no less...hes been doing brazialian ju-jitsu now for almost three years and bros nice...carries inhaler out of fear of mom, but hasnt used it in ages.....the mind is a powerful ass tool

1:07 PM  
Blogger Mala said...

I've never had asthma but I've always had a disconserting fondness for storm drains, spiders and Stephen King...

"Go then, there are other worlds than these..."

1:23 PM  
Blogger Jdid said...

glad you got over the asthma. as a kid i was midly asthmatic but i seem to have grown out of it too

2:20 PM  
Blogger Nikki said...

I have asthma and it ain't nothing nice. Thankfully, I have it under control. I rarely have an attack.

3:23 PM  
Blogger Luke Cage said...

Damn man. The way you wrote that from the time you were a little boy and the difference in you now was tightly written. I've never had asthma and I don't want to ack like I know how it would feel, but I felt pretty shook when you described what it feels like. That's a friggin' scary feeling man. Kudos to how far you've come and not having to have the thought of it monopolize a brother's mental. Peace.

Isn't Common's CD a banger though? I'm sayin'....

6:26 PM  
Blogger Breez said...

My sister has asthma and she expressed a similar sentiment. Once she stopped constantly worrying about having an attack, she sort of stopped having them. Who knows, maybe they'll find one day that anxiety contributes to the problem. Like you, she still has the allergy problem.

Great post.

12:05 AM  
Blogger ladyshua said...

I can't really comment on the topic of asthma... However, I do feel that endless years of "ghetto life" in cities across the nation has helped to give rise to this sneaky disease. Lack of trees, grass, and other "God made them so we can breathe" plants, sooty transit buses, els, subways, trolleys, drug and cig. use, fires, row homes full of multiple people to kill or eat up all the air in the rooms... and so on. I don't know if lead paint plays a role, but I'll blame that too. We may have somehow evolved into asthmatics. Not too many of my old head family members down south can even comment on the disease. It was non-existant in their day and given the right living conditions (ie. plenty of land, trees, plants, etc.) today, I believe the generous amount of oxygen would help to relieve such breathlessness.

I feel you on Eddie. Eddie was the man. A boy who overcame the odds and saw that the damn aspirator was only a front. A block from all the possiblities. It was one of the first big reads from King that I read as a kid. King still freaks me out til this day. His glasses say it all.

9:37 AM  

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