Burnout
"It's a five O'clock world when the whistle blows and no one owns a piece of my time.."
The Vogues
I am officially burned out. The realization came not when I was late three days in a row and didn't care. The realization didn't hit when I figured that I put more effort into my blog than my job. I understood this when I began to miss an old job. When I was with child support my job was so mundane and repetitive that I could wear headphones all day while doing it. I almost didn't have to talk to anyone. This job did not require thought, I would just do. Now I have to talk to people, hunt people down and so forth. It's one thing to hunt someone down...it's another when I'm tracking you down to convice you to go to an interview or to get your GED. I need a personality stipend. I'll just hang around and be cool and at the end of the week I'll get a check. Bonuses for wearing a snazzy outfit or giving some good advice about something. I want to go back to school so I can do something else but the fact remains that I'd still have to work. While I don't live lavish I can't take any type of downgrade in pay...it goes against my principles. At the moment though 5 o'clock just looks so good. I get excited at 4:00. I've had a variation of this feeling but, it was cause I was going to see my girl or I was going out. Now I get excited to be leaving the office in general. The decrease in staff has not been good for me at all. Now we have to leave our building and move into our parent center that deals with adults which will not be good at all. They might as well have sucked the atmosphere out of this building and let us suffocate. Large difference in working with Youth and Adults and the two vibes don't mix well. I WANT OUT. I have considered that I don't know enough spanish to sell my things and move to Mexico. A friend also pointed out that I'd have to learn portugese to move to Brazil and become a lounge singer. Finally the whole Sade/arm candy thing hasn't come through yet either. This is the longest I've kept a job (4 years) and working for alot of stupid people doesn't help. I do a hard job that doesn't pay enough and it sucks. Not just cause I don't make enough but, because people in positions like mine don't in general. It's a constant reminder of where the priorities of the world lie (more importantly where they don't). Living on a farm seems like a viable option right now. I'll get up early, do physical work and sit on the porch in the afternoon drinking beer...of course I'd have less chances to wear my cuff links. I could go to harvest dances and have actual rolls in the hay! This farm shit is starting to sound alright. I could swim in a pond and go "into town" when I need stuff. I could sneak into the neighboring farms and get it on with farmer's daughters (does anyone know where there are alot of black farmers, indian even?) Anyway...I feel like the guy from Office Space more and more. Humph, that sounds appealing cause right now I can't take a bat to the fax machine...lousy piece of crap.
posted by Amadeo at 9:00 AM
6 Comments:
Although the idea of doing grueling physical labor for minimal benefits and absolutely no visible results appeals to you now, I must intercede on your behalf and beg you not to even begin considering the idea of a farm.
Plowing fields and slaughtering chickens is all good in moderation; but one day when you are knee deep in cow shit, knowing that if you don't clean out the pen your next calf will certainly die, and your nose is running and your fingers resemble icicles, and your entire farm is in the dirges of winter, there is a chance that feelings of regret will creep over you.
Multiple other situations all have the same ending.
Unless of course, you forgo animals and are forced to put up with the certain breakdown of machinery and the ceratin un-cooperation of weather during harvest time. I could go on. For the sake of seeming un-bitter towards the last 18 years of my life, I will refrain.
AMADEO!!! Don't do it dawg! Although the prospect of being Sade's arm candy is quite appealing. I say put all of your energy into that and do the darn thing!
You need a vacation. Or at the very least some soy milk and cookies.
roll it around in your mouth just a bit longer ...
remember it could be just that ... savour it, but don’t go “mad” about it ... (but probably you never do, I don’t know you so I don’t know any better)
I like Gunner Kaufman’s plan ... “time to pack up and run”, take a few months or a few days, whatever serves your needs ... what does your “body” asks of you?
As an artistic, creative, spiritual seeker, it is very hard. Sometimes a vacation only makes things worse--after all that time of just being able to exhale and get closer and re-discovering YOU--to have to go back to being a 'title' or 'employee'... Especially when you're supposed to act like you really CARE about your job ALL the time and that it truly WHO YOU ARE as a spiritual being.
Sometimes we have to ask ourselves, "Am I simply lazy, unmotivated and undisciplined OR am I starting to feel like I am not realizing my full potential as a human being, that something is missing?"
If it is the latter, then you must respect your feelings--don't make any rash decisions--but keep in mind that YOU are NOT a JOB and your purpose (And true work)is not to DO, but to BE. That is your true power and this is only a step on your path to realizing your full potential--whether others agree or not.
yep you're burned out, i hit that point about two years ago and havent recovered yet, you just go through the motions.
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