The Uninvited

"What's the opposite of the Welcome Back Kotter Song?"

For those who have read my blog for a moment you may know that I have people living with me one of them (my cousin is cool). She's not there alot and she always kicks out cash towards the house the other is a different story. As the ING account grows and I plot my escape, here are some reasons why dude sucks.

1. Gimme da loot - He's slow on the cash tip. I'm sure everyone understands this but of course it ties into several of the following reasons.
   
2. Anti-Gremlin - Dude needs lights. This is the anithesis to my existance. I HATE false light. What's worse is he leaves and I notice that he has left lights on. For me this is doubly worse. Something I hate in constant use and costing me money (see #1). That deserves a gut-shot.
   
3. Stupid comments - Think of it this way I have been around cable for the past at least 8 years (with one breif break). I really don't need constant updates on what is on television. Especially when EVERYTHING he tries to tell me about is something I have seen or actually own. Plus they have this thing called the Guide which allows me to see what will be on for two days in advance. Stop telling me what's on.
   
4. Bad Phrases - Young'n, Nephew, Son Son...when you haven't kicked out any money to the house you live in these are not ways you should address the main stock holder (me). Yes that is a look of contempt I'm giving you. I'm about to "son" dude until...(see #1)
   
5. Get Yours - The fact that I have expressed my desire to have my food and beverages seemed to sink in. Expect for the fact that my water mysteriously doesn't last as long. It's getting beyond the realm of polite notices.
   
6. Stupid Questions - I leave some clothes in the dryer and we have a operating theory that if someones clothes are in the dryer and you need to use it put them into the empty basket. I go downstairs grab my clothes out of the basket. As I'm going upstairs he asks, "Did you get your clothes out of that basket?" No I left them there...I actually have a spindle and a sewing machine hidden downstairs I used them to make these. I don't like stupid questions.
   
7. Air Conditioning - This is an old house so there are window units. Perhaps it's just a crazy quirk but I don't like leaving them running if no one is there. Even in my room, when I leave it goes off. I'd rather be warm for the 5 minutes it takes to cool down the room than pay for it cooling an empty one all day. I am Jack's seething temper when I walk into the empty room to find it left on.(see #1)
   
8. Patronizing comments - I rock some collection of 60's music. "What you know about that." I was reading the Portrait of Dorian Gray. "I didn't think you'd be reading that." For some reason he has assumed I'm an ignorant person - despite the fact that he does not know me. Perhaps he didn't notice all the Classic Literature and Indie Films or the Barry White Boxed set, or the entire Sade Catalog. Hell I owned the Lord of the Rings in book form before the movies were thought of!
   
9. Noises - This is a repeat, but damn. Hacking, coughing, yawning - and I don't mean I'm sitting next to him. I'm upstairs in my room door closed and it sounds like he's outside of the door directing the noises. Damn...sound like sick ward up in this mug.
   
10. Tone of Voice - I mentioned once that two grown men shouldn't live together and here's an example why. It doesn't matter what is being said it should all be said in a questioning tone. Any comment that sounds like I'm being told what to do will not be received well. Doesn't matter. Ask don't tell. If I feel like I'm being "told" whatever it is won't happen. I'll walk away laughing and as emasculating as that may seem it would be worse if I stand there and address you. Take all of the bass out of your voice, matter of fact any tone that doesn't sound like a gentle question or a comment from Mickey Mouse will be met with a loud annoyed (and almost threatening - "What?!?!?")
    

So boys and girls as I continue feeding the ING account and search through the tax lein homes and government auctions. I keep telling myself that if I lose it and steal on dude I'll probably hurt him...I mean he's almost 50 (half the reason I'm pissed by all of the above). Besides no matter if he deserves it I know that me looming over an over the hill guy who I just popped will not make me feel better. Cussing him out might, but any response to that besides humility will result in the aforementioned "looming". I need to learn a peaceful chant...or just black out and thus not be liable in court for my actions.