Dead End

"Le comédie est fini"

Over the last few days it has become very clear that I will not be at this job long. Right now I just don't know which shoe will fall first. On one hand we have things that have gone wrong that my boss could write me up for to make herself look good. We have a disput with the funder over a move that we don't want to happen, so actually it's one director vs. another both of whom are over my immediate boss. If one isn't happy the contract can be pulled. If the other is happy than we aren't. Basically there are alot of things going around that could all bode ill for my employment status here, or rather the existance of this place. Than if I get a response from the resumes I'm about to send out I'll probably just bounce. While I have concerns about new employment, bills and what will happen to my clients - I otherwise don't care. It's like a bad friend who threatens to not speak to you anymore. You just kind of shrug and pray they keep that promise. The funniest part of all is that I kind of don't care. I'm not afraid of being out of work. I don't care even if I should get fired. I'm just tired of dealing with this whole place. I actually looked up the price of a plane ticket to brazil (for my new career as gigilo and lounge singer). The only thing that bothers me is that it seems no one is considering our purpose in this whole thing. I feel like a soccer mom,"Won't someone please think of the children!!!". Anywho, the thrill is gone here it's anhedonia when I cross the door step in the morning. Nothing new, except for stupid ideas and suggestions. I'm tired. Smell ya later.


Blogger piranha said...

woha, yeah, I know this feeling. and isn't it funny? we think - well, actually i should be worried, right? the circumstances scream in our face: be worried, be worried! but in reality, there is no need for that.
i totally live by the doctrine of ahm, what should i call it - live and let live? if something bad happens, how bad can it get? it s always up to us. as long as we don't fuck up ourselves we shouldn't let others do that to us either. exactly. shrug, pray, they keep their promise.
i mean, when you fuck up with drugs and destroy yourself and shit, thats a reason to worry if you ask me. but otherwise i think you and I we can deal with anything that comes along.
a free spirit and a little bit bread and water is enough. yeah and good health, but it won't be that bad right?
so.....i guess we'll meet in Brazil then next july...cuz thats when i m going to be there...

a conference in sao paolo called 'connect', initiated by the organization 'identity through initiative'. interesting stuff, and sao paolo.....i know it s not rio, but still. :)

i m sure there is something even better to come for you. it s like leaving a bad relationship, finally, and you just make way for the right person to come. no need to hang on...

be passion with you



12:39 PM  
Blogger Jdid said...

been there done that
isnt it funny how youalways know when your times up witha position. yea you may ride it out a little longer but you just lose something

anyway good luck man

12:56 PM  
Blogger Byebye said...

Yo, Amadeo, I've been goin thru this for months. I left my last job a while ago and have been out of work since. But I know that God has some good things in store. I love workin with the youth but I want to do within the perameters of the real and not these bullshit agencies and school systems. Lord knows they need folks like us but we can't subject ourselves to all that stress. Hang in there as long as you can though brah.

12:57 PM  
Blogger AKL said...

hang in there. for one thing, you have too many darn bosses. They need a leadership class or something, because my business management classes taught that is a definite no, no. It's a wonder you haven't gone crazy up in there. Everyone needs a clear, direct line of leadership. ONE BOSS. Anything else is insane. I commend you for being able to put up with that. Stay up.

2:42 PM  
Blogger Luke Cage said...

I've got to give it to you brah. I've heard you air out your frustrations before, but never like this. Sometimes, something's got to give. One thing I'll say. At the end of the day, as long as you know that you fought the good fight, what more can anyone ask for?

That's pretty much what most of us are required to do at our job day in and day out. Obviously, some jobs are different than others and require more mental fortitude than others too. But man, when you can walk away with your head up high and not look back, then you've done your job and excelled at it. Now, it's time to pass the torch to the next individual.

3:01 PM  
Blogger Anacaona said...

> I feel like a soccer mom

I LIKE this feeling. I am always in some sort of mess.

You sound like you need to take a vacation for a week or two. In some places it's called short term disability.
*hint* they can never really figure out back pain.

4:33 PM  
Blogger feels good b n FREE said...

i'm dealing with the whole job thing too, believe it or not.

The advantage of seeing one postion end is the opportunity to break out of the box. If you are unafraid this could be an opportunity to launch your dream. Whatever it is.

I'm trying to do that right now...the whole resume' and application thing gets real tired, real quick.

Either way, hang in there...this too will pass!

4:57 PM  
Blogger Nikki said...

I hate that feeling when you know you're not satisfied at your job any longer. Hope things turn out better.

7:09 PM  
Blogger **RPM** said...

A gigilo in Brazil? Wrap yourself in plastic wrap baby. I'm sure the lounge act will be quite memorable. LOL!

8:25 AM  
Blogger Midlife Crisis said...

I have to ditto DIAMOND, RUBIES AND COLAPOP'S sentiments on this one.

9:05 AM  
Blogger VAN007 said...

I feel you on that situation reminds me of what I was going through last year. Follow your heart and everything else will fall into place. I know I sound very idealistic but sometimes thats what it takes to keep from losing your sanity ;-)

2:14 PM  
Blogger Chele said...

I work in an employment center and I find myself chanting "If you dont love (or at least like) your job, you won't stay, no matter how much it pays" like a mantra. Your job should be one of the reasons you spring from bed in the morning and when it isn't......it's one of the reasons that makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Sorry to hear things are rough right now.

4:15 PM  
Blogger Aquatic Muse said...

I hope things work out with your job and the bosses find some kind of compromise. In the mean time, feel free to take me with you to Brazil. I don't speak a lick of Portugeuse, but my Spanish is pretty good. I'd be a semi-functional translator. !tráigame por favor adelante! necesito vacaciones

6:58 AM  
Blogger Nina MM said...

I totally feel you. I just went through an employment transition, and I'm a firm believer -- it's always better to be PROACTIVE in the job market instead of reactive. So, to that end -- send those resumes out post haste, and be about the business of acquiring the job that makes you smile when you think about it.

8:24 PM  

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