It's been coming

"Dammit Jim I'm a doctor not a fuel gauge!"

Soooo....today I was running late. This always happens cause when I wake up and for some reason assume I can lay in bed for a few minutes before I get up. So I get here and I have to take some youth to an orientation. This means I have to get the "Hulking Behemoth"...the van. I hate, I hate, I hate this damn van. It's old, you can't lock the doors, it smells and it goes through gas like it's leaking. The other perpetual problem is since we don't often use it alot of times we get it and it needs gas. The final nail in the coffin is that I always end up driving it. This is another downside to being the only man in the office. There are alot of things that I end up having to be the one to do. It would be alright, but it's not just physical labor. I swear making yourself required may bring some security, but it makes you the number 1 candidate to do things. Now I have been waiting for this mobile junk pile to run out of gas on me and today was the day. I looked at the gauge and I knew it was low, I knew it wouldn't make the two trips they wanted me too. So I grab the youts and head up MLK. If any of you know anything about Baltimore MLK is large but its not a very long street. So about 4 (longer) blocks up I notice that it's not responding as much when I hit the gas. My heart sank as plunged the pedal further down, the van sputtering and gagging. I made it up one more block and I knew I had to get off MLK cause them kids wasn't going to help me push that shyt. I turned a corner and made it another block before I pulled over and cut her off. Now pay attention cause this is where Capt. Dumbcomment comes in. I call tell them whats up. Here go the stupid comments: try to make it to the gas station. Dammit this big rusty bitch got around that last corner on fumes and prayer and that took 2 1/2 minutes! Yes 2 1/2 minutes to turn a corner, you shoulda seen the dirty looks I got. Then people are trying to convince me to get to a gas station. I almost said something like, "fuck off, ass clowns". Ain't no way I'ma be stuck on the Howard st. bridge in a stalled out van. I hate that van like Capt. Hook hates Peter Pan. I'm not allowing people to speak to me for the rest of the day.


Blogger Nikki said...

LOL, it's funny but not funny. At least you're okay.

1:46 PM  
Blogger  said...

LMAO!!!! sorry, but this is some funny shit. i once broke down on xmas day, in the middle of nowhere & sat in my car freezing my ass off until some people came by & offered to go get me some gas. it took them about an hour to get back - i think that they just parked around a corner & pointed & laughed at me shivering for a while before actually going to get the gas. i've learned my lesson: never let it get below 1/4 tank!

1:56 PM  
Blogger Byebye said...

Why do the agency vehicles that we have to transport the kids in always be straight shitty yo? LOL...And yeah, to avoid snapping just ignore them yo...lol

2:58 PM  
Blogger K said...

this is hella funny. i am not laughing at the situation, but for real, they way you put it is crazy.
and there is always a "capt dumbcomment" there to say some shit to brighten people's days....

3:07 PM  
Blogger GC (God's Child) said...

you win the "worst day ever" Award. I was about to complain about running late for work this morning but I can't top this story.

3:24 PM  
Blogger Midlife Crisis said...

^I agree with God's Child.
>"fuck off, ass clowns"
Funniest part of the post. Sorry. That is hysterical. So glad you didn't say it. That MUST be kept in the dome!

3:35 PM  
Blogger Luke Cage said...

Kudos to keeping it together man. You could have easily lost it, in a situation that was calling for someone to lose it.

9:35 PM  
Blogger Brother OMi said...

i hate to do this

funny man, been there

10:06 PM  
Blogger Chele said...

CTHU!!! You made it home to blog about it, so what happened to the van? I had my van run out of gas once. I learned my lesson after having to push that sucka all by myself with a pair of high-heeled sandals on lol

1:49 AM  
Blogger Amadeo said...

@Chele...I waited an hour for someone to come and bring me a gas can so the van is back in place...laughing at me.

11:16 AM  
Blogger piranha said...

oh, i know these situations....and by the way, i fucking hate the van of my sister tooo0ooooo
i hate it!@
it has only one sidemirror, one light, low gas ALWAYS, and when i turn around corners it makes noises that scare the shit out of me. and the backdoor, where the KIDS are, don't open easily.
yeah, so in these situations i either start crying or hysterically laughing.
hope you keep your sense of humor

12:45 PM  

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