"I'm leaving on...a...server?..."

"I swear the check is in the mail!"

O.K. folks when next you look I won't be here. I'm going to "actually" move to blogsome. As opposed to just setting up the joint and dragging my lazy ass back here every morning to post. Hit me over yonder starting Friday. I actually didn't get evicted...I swear...for real...no jokes...besides I would move out before I ever got evicted...that's not what happened here...really...

Thou shalt not Judge...please

"This whole damn legal system is out of order!"

The other day Humanity Critic posted about some criminal activities he was involved in and it made me think about my experiences with the law. While I will not at this point in time divulge some of the things I've done, I will get into the worse two feelings in the world. Getting locked up and going to court. First of all I'm sure every black man has something going on whenever he has to talk to the police, but knowing that they are about to arrest you is a real bitch. I don't know about where you're from, but Centeral Bookings here sucks ass. Beyond the "procedure" that you go through, you sit in a stone cell with a bunch of other dudes. They take most of your stuff meaning under shirts and things and then they start blasting the A.C. (the goddamned A.C.). Sitting on a concrete slab in January with the air conditioner going S-U-C-K-S. Then to make it more fun, you're going to sit in this cell for hours. When I say hours I mean get locked up at noon and you might be out after midnight...maybe. Then you see the commisioner who says what's what and then you go sit in another cell for I don't know how long. The second cell is worse cause you know when they let you out you're going home and it takes forever. So you finally get to go home (carrying your shit in a clear plastic bag minus lighters or nicotine products) luckily in Bmore nothings far so I was able to walk home at 3a.m. really pissed off and cold. But it doesn't stop there boys and girls, the real fun has not yet begun. You still have a court date. Nothing like having your fate in the hands of a tempermental person who is basically running shit. Better hope the judge is having a good day. So your summons says arrive at 8:30, but so did everyones. So you sit in a wooden bench anticipating your name being called and when they do your damn heart is in your throat. Now I know what charges usually yield what sentence, but nothing is worse than not having control when your freedom is on the line. In one of my court appearances the judge actually laughed at the description of what we were said to possess. Didn't make me feel any better. The worse thing about it is I'm the type of person who has argued with cops so that natural resistance is still present, it's just the thought that the judge is passing a sentence tempers it. However since I never really got caught doing much I was able to feel one of the best feelings in the world. Leaving court knowing you're done. Pay my fine and leave. Ready to cause havok once again amongst the populace. At least when you get several blocks from the court house. I would recommend to my readers that if you have to get arrested, do it in the city. Counties take things more serious and have more time to deal with you. Especially whatever county it is in Virgina where Kings Dominion is...bastards. Counties like to penalize you more monetarily than cities. Why the hell you arrest someone for having weed and then conduct an analysis to see what it is. I think knowing what it was facilitated the charge. Damn $250.00 testing fee. Did I mention to hell with Kings Dominion? Have fun and party safe kids!


Hey Ma! Revisited

"If I get up out of this bed!"

A while back I wrote a post about my mother, hoping to shed more light on the sickness of my mind. I would be remiss to follow up on this segment. Darth Vader is the representation cause she introduced me to Star Wars and is one of the main people I can get into a geek conversation about it with. Plus she's the Darth Vader in my life and the only living person I still have some fear of.

Dealing with Children - I mentioned before that my mother always taught me to speak to children like adults. Since they are learning from you, if you talk baby talk that's what they will learn. Well, my mother had some other unique ideas about dealing with the youth. When she was younger my cousin was going through a biting phase. She bit people what can I say, I never did it. My mother kept saying, "ya'll need to curb that now." Well one day my mother had to take something from my cousin and my cousin bit her...so my mother bit her back. My cousin stood there stupefied for a minute and really didn't know how to react. My mother walked way and said,"Hurts don't it?"

Dealing with Me - My mother believes in the pecking order. I have been informed at various ages that "I will always be her baby/child." There fore I always have to stay with her when we are out. When I was little she held my hand and walked at my pace. Now, she grabs my arm and makes me walk at hers. She briefed me on the positions I am required to take when walking with her or any other woman. Between people and her purse and between her and cars. When she first told me about the car thing I asked what was the use. My concern was that it would just mean that if a car is coming I'm sure to be hit. "Exactly" she said, "I raised a good shield, didn't I?".

On another hand my mother is very understanding during the years when I was a viable target for police and couldn't catch a cab (wait, I still can't) she held me down. I have seen her fuss at police on my behalf and when we needed to catch a cab she made me stand back while she hailed them down. Gotta love it.

Dealing with People - This is one reason my mother still causes some fear in me. My aunt used to have a boyfriend named Curtis. Well one day the four of us are sitting in the living room and Curtis is playing around with my aunt. I can't even remember what the hell he was doing, but my aunt kept telling him to stop. All of a sudden I hear this loud ass thud. I look up, my mother is sitting back down and Curtis is clutching his chest trying to catch his breath. As soon as he could speak he told my mother, "I was just playing" my mothers response (from behind the T.V. guide), "I don't like when people play with my sister like that." I figured then I don't want my mother seriously mad at me ever in my life.

Dealing with Drama - I used to have a lot of issues...I don't mean Psychological, those came along later in life. I mean asthma and a large number of injuries (I was clumsy and curious). I must say that the only time I ever saw her running and slightly out of sorts was when I got hit by a car...good story in itself. So I get hit by a car, my mother comes running out out the house. I blacked out so I didn't know what was going on. I ask my mother, "What happened did someone get hit by a car?" - her response. "shut up and stay on the ground boy!"

Or how about during a sleep walking episode, I wake up downstairs scared unsure about what was going on. I start yelling for my mother. She wakes up and says, "You was sleep walking, come on up here and go back to sleep." I swear my mother telling me to do something cuts through any fear.

How about my mothers favorite quote for your sob story. You whine and complain and my mother says look {index finger and thumb rubbing together} you ask what's that...she says the smallest violin in the world and it's playing for you. Every now and then my mother calls me a wise ass and I let her know it's genetic.


That's what I get

"Pain don't hurt"

I am of a mind that pain does not really hurt. I mean it hurts, but...let me explain. Pain is your bodies method of letting you know that something is wrong. Once you know whats wrong you have to correct the situation. When I recognize the problem I can ignore the pain...in most cases. Right now I am not in pain...I am a little sore though. This can all be traced to the fact that I did not go running all summer like I usually do. This combined with the fact that I ran a mile and then hit the weights afterwards has left a brother a little sore. This is not the bad part. The thing is I'm targeting my legs more than anything so this is where I am most sore. To the delight of anyone who wants to laugh at me my stiffness is only visable when I walk down steps or first begin walking. I look like an old man. I knew I should have ran this summer. The weights thing is never an issue, it's like riding a bike you might not start where you were, but you can get back there. With running it just sucks to run out of breath at a place where you know you would have been going strong in the past. So I am now petitioning for a female massuere willing to work in exchange for humorous comments and unique insights. I haven't had any takers yet. Now I'm about to buy me some ankle weights to keep on throughout the day to help keep up the progression. It sucks starting out, but its good to know what I'm doing....ahhh, getting back on point.