A.Slim Dictionary

COMPARATRON - One who always draws comparisons between themselves and others. Regardless of their personal effort or situation the question always remains "why did they...". forever attracted to whats offered to someone other than themselves.

DAILIES - one who only thinks far ahead enough to secure themselves with the necesities of the moment. Once these concerns are taken care of all concerns of the future are laid to rest...until the next day when the search continues again.

DIGITAL THUG - one who attacks or aggressively expresses their point in internet chat rooms and message boards. These individuals will curse, type in all caps, randomly insult and do various things they do not have the cajones (balls, minerals) to do in person. Most of these individuals will not address things in any fashion in person.

EXADRO (add boy or girl as a title) - one who exagerates, or prevaricates. Making more out of a situation or purposely misleading others to detract attention from their responsiblity in a situation. Also one who exagerates to lend more importance to themselves.

FRONTOR (fron-tor) - a person who fronts extremely, placing them on the level of a futuristic robotic exoskeleton created by military minds for the express purpose of fronting on people. See also: Kwofi, half my clients.

LOSER BOY(or girl) - One who consistantly loses. One who does not come through on the things they say or promise (may have frontor qualities). This person forgets, breaks things, loses things, breaks their word/promises, leaves things behind, borrows your things and loses/breaks them, avoids responsibility, and generally loses.

LOWER CASE G - a male who thinks he is a player, pimp or ladies man. This individuals "game" however is not advanced enough to lock in the average girl much less garner the interest of a woman of substance. The antithesis would be a Captial G.

LOWRIDER - a young male with talent and potential who targets younger silly females to woo. This person may initially peak the interest of females of standing, however, once a lowrider reveals his stripes these females will deride him leaving him with no option but the often foolish unsuspecting young girls to deal with.

PLAYSCHOOL (cats, yo, dude, etc.)[see and speak = speak and spell]
- An individual that does not heavily associate with another, interaction is usually limited to exchanging cordialities. There is not necessarily any animosity between the two in question, but there is no formal alliance.

ROLLER - one who indulges in the abuse of various substances. Frequently mistaken with a pothead or a lush, rollers may pop pills (including but not limited to: e pills (extasy), oxy (oxycontin [oxycondone], percadan, percocet, vicodin,demoral, valium, xanax, and others) or indulge in syrup (cough syrup most frequently containing codeine.) Rollers may indulge in ANY mind altering substance regardless of what you expect from the person.

SCROTUMUS - A person (most often male) who exhibits all the negative qualities of the male scrotum, including but not limited to negative smell, behavior, look, and reputation.

YOUNG WAR - A young person who exhibits quality traits despite their youth. A youth who garners respect of those older them them.

WELL TRAVELED ROAD - A young permiscuous woman. One who has many random sexual encounters. Your friends probably have a story about her so don't be to proud...you did not conquest her she just added you to the list.

DUSTY TRAVELER - This man is on the list of a Well Traveled Road (see above). More than likely he thinks he accomplished some feat. He is foolish.

Mi nombre la guerra ingeniosa

In the often inexplicable, quite amazing, slightly unprecedented adventure that is my life; one of the most interesting things is my name.

Rahsaan Jamal Goldsboro

I often joke that my name is a war in the middle east. At the least it's fueding neighbors. Arabic first and middle, jewish last. My first name is a quest, I have been searching for the last 5 years for a definitive meaning and have been unsuccessful.

I'm not just joking about some of the tension around my name. Once I was to go on a tour of the F.B.I. and they called to speak with my aunt (who set it up) and questioned her about the gentleman with the arabic and jewish name.

I do know that my middle name means handsome or beautiful.

My name sakes are Rahsaan Roland Kirk (who died the 360 days before I was born, Dec. 5, 1977) and Ahmad Jamal, two great jazz artists.
Kirk changed his name after receiving instruction in a dream. He also began playing several horns at once because of a dream he had. I mostly just dream about vampires.

This was sent to me by a helpful stranger:
One place you can look is on the liner notes to Rahsaan's lp "Rahsaan Rahsaan", he speaks about the name Rahsaan and how it came about. This is the first lp where he added the name Rahsaan.

In the liner notes Rahsaan says: "The name Rahsaan deals with my religion, which is the religion of dreams and spirits. It is the motivating power of my life. Last year on the day before my birthday , I dreamed of a lot of people saying Rahsaan Rahsaan. "

I have been told by a Hebrew Israelite that my name means The Head. A Spanish lady says it means reason (that would be without the benefit of ever seeing it since reason in spanish is Razón.

Another interesting thing about my name is that for some reason most people can't pronounce it. I mean people who hear it. People with college degrees who read it. Family members. I won't go into all the wonderful spellings I've seen or the pronunciations. Most of the people who pronounce it right already knew someone with the same name.

So what everyone knows me by...most cannot spell or pronounce and no one knows what it means.

The following events all occured on my birthday, Nov. 29th, further confirming the middle eastern connection.

1947 UN Gen Assembly partitions Palestine between Arabs & Jews.

1978 UN observes "international day of solidarity with the Palestinian people," boycotted by US & about 20 other countries.

Technically

Anhedonia

The Suck-O-Meter

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Unknown

This is a measure. A measure of dealing with people. I hear people often say you shouldn't judge others and I think that's a crock of steaming feces. It is a natural thing to pass a judgement on someone. Otherwise you wouldn't call anyone your friend because there would be no determination between them and others. The danger, I believe, is to condemn others to your judgment of them without allowing room for the possiblity that they may actually change or grow. Sooo...

THE SUCK-O-Meter.

The meter came about in an epiphany I had. I realized that everyone including myself sucks. We may not suck horribly but there is something about everyone that someone else won't like. The basis of the meter is that you find out in what ways and how much people suck, then you allow them to suck that much. The standard is based on your preference and what you are willing to deal with. Now, if the person should start to suck beyond their alloted realm, you give them distance in which to exercise their suckiness until it receeds to an acceptable level. If the level of suckiness does not receed or infact increases than you keep a space between you and said person. You must however, allow a chance for redemption (at some point). There is no need to seek out the person for this chance, let them come to you. On the other side you have to realize that you suck as well and try to keep your suckiness to acceptable levels. Should a person redeem themselves in your eyes, so be it. If not they just suck too much to deal with. I give this helpful tool to the world use as you will.

B'MORE...Lovely view, dirty water...but it's the place I know, live and love.

This is a Phoenix...my favorite mythological animal. It's quite appropriate as it represents something being destroyed and rebirthing by the means of its destruction.

This is a brother Dobaleing (doe - bah - lay) it is a sign of respect most especially demonstrated to ones elders. My man Kwofi is the artist responsible.  

Pleasure

Per the title of this blog I have not found pleasure in much lately. There has not been a woman lately that has truly taken my attention. Music used to cure my ills but I have issues with people on the scene at the moment which does not help. I still write but I have no production so even when I write something decent I can't finish it. Physical vices have not called me as much. I can drink but I don't like to sit at home boozing. I need something different. Possibly a three week excursion into the wilderness with a para-military force on my trail. Something, anything beyond working and talking to the same people. Perhaps if I had a crush on someone I'd feel better. Sounds funny but I've wished to have a crush for a minute. The last 10 women I've been with have been attractive some have been somewhat interesting, but not exciting. There hasn't been someone I have to force my self off the phone with. There hasn't been anyone that I yearn to see. I have a high sexual drive so to have someone I'm sleeping with can sustain me for a moment but, that only lasts so long. I need someone whose thoughts I want to explore. Someone who I can speak with about the things I bitch about in my mind. I'd love someone who would challenge me even, I've noticed that when a woman digs me it seems they'll agree with my sentiments just to be around me. I'd love someone who didn't always agree with me just so I can know they actually have taken in what I said, even if they disagree. I would like to be involved with a grown, adult, thinking woman, with independent ideas and opinions. Even if they don't agree with mine. I don't even want to get into a love life retrospective, but that may be a good idea for this blog. Everytime I think back I remember things that don't remain at the forefront of my thoughts. I need some sort of stimulation. Nowadays when I think about women my next thoughts are marriage and children. I'm getting old for one, but I also need something real, something real-life. The problem is I can't find grown women who are not involved to fit my profile. For a long time I thought dealing with older women would let me deal with someone who was mature. WRONG. I've often heard that you attract people who are like you, but I can't believe that cause I don't act immature towards people. I hate immaturity to much to display such a trait. I easily commit, I am very loyal and honest. Perhaps you attract people who have your negative qualities. If that's the case I should end up with a bunch of procrastinating women who smoke too much and like to be away from people. Is it this hard to find interesting women or have my friends dated the ones that would interest me and made them ineligible? Perhaps I should search on college campus' for out of state women. I'd have to start with mentoring programs, and other "make the world better for others type of organizations". Then I'd have to see which ones actually go enjoy themselves later. I need someone who understands that as serious as life is, if we don't celebrate we got nothing to fight for. I need a real woman. No - I'll amend that I need a woman that is beyond real. I need a woman who would have the balls to approach me and still maintain her dignity. A woman who can attract me more with her words than her body (despite being sexy). I need a woman who will feed my imagination.

Politics

I am ready to introduce legislation for a holiday I call "Slap Day". On Slap Day, you can open-handed slap any politician who has done something to negatively impact your life. The bad part about this is there would be a waiting list to slap the president. My problem with politics is that we place all this responsiblity on one person and expect our communities to change without us actually doing anything. Then you factor in how people get elected. They need money to be seen and present their ideals. They get money from special interest groups...whose interests they represent. So by the time you see a politician they are basically tainted already. For example: Our last mayoral election, Charlie Dugger was running. I have met this brother and I'm familiar with what he does and the causes he's involved in. Because these causes are those of low income families he did not have a lot financial support. Needless to say while he was on the ballot he was not familiar enough to get elected. Politics need change, for instance if we sent our leaders to war instead of thousands of soldiers, I'm sure leaders would be alot more honest.

Another thing, if any one reads this and you are not registered to vote, when you do register as either a republican or democrat. I learned the hard way the the usage of the english language and the way it's applied vary heavily. I'm registered as an independent. One fine primary election day as I strolled to the polls ready to do my civic duty, a funny thing happened. I was told that I could not vote at THIS election. I inquired as to why and was told that for someone who is registered as an independet to vote there must be an independent candidate running. My first words were, "So as an independent I must depend on someone else in order to vote." Which is basically the case. [yet another reason why the english language is hard to learn.]
In my mind independent denotes someone or something that stands on it's own. When I registered I figured this would mean that I was not connected to any party. Unfortunately the reverse is true. Registering as an independent means I am more dependent than a democrat or republican. Ain't that a bitch.

Youth & Audio Clear up

I left this on the audio post but for clarity's sake:


No matter how long we exist, we have our memories. Points in time which time itself cannot erase. Suffering may distort my backward glances, but even to suffering, some memories will yield nothing of their beauty or splendor. Rather, they remain as hard as gems. – Anne Rice

And since I'm quoting her here's a good one on youth:

Youth is not wasted on the young. The young know how truly dreadful youth can be. Their youth is wasted on everyone else, that’s the horror. The young have no authority, no respect. [Side note: Being young is a lot like being an employee.]

Change

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
King Whitney Jr.

You know that song, "Every Day is Winding Road", well my days are the same worn highway and the only thing that changes are the potholes. I have been working the same job for more than 3 years and I abhor routine. I used to quit jobs every 6 months. Sometimes I'd line something up first, but there have been days I stood up and realized I didn't want to be there anymore and just quit. Bills and fiscal responsibility have curbed this reaction but the instinct is still there. I love what I do, not who I do it for. Even worse is I'm in the field I want to work in. I have all sorts of ideas about how to improve these systems but, responsibility without authority is the bane of my existence. I watch people do the same stupid things with these young people, that pissed me off when I was their age.
Everyone keeps trying to do the same thing and expect different results. Then they use the wonderful phrase: think outside of the box. I would like it documented, no one who says this does it. If so they would come up with a better (or at least more original) phrase. I have ideas that I am working on to get me out of this job, Born Universal Truth, I feel torn. I know I have good ideas and that I can't stay here and implement them (re: Authority sans Responsibility). On the other hand I feel like leaving my job is leaving my clients in the hands of assholes. I'm feel like someones father, but I'm to young to have children this old. I need to fall in love with a spanish speaking woman, sell all my possesions and move to Tiajuana. Then I might be able to forget some of this. I'm not sure how many Tequila shots it takes to forget your past but I'm almost willing to try.

I wear my sunglasses during work hours...to piss people off. 

Look into my eye.... 

Anhedonic Ravings

Rational men adjust their vision to the world around them while irrational men adjust the world to their vision and thus all change is made by irrational men – George Bernard Shaw (German Play-wright)


I have always had trouble adjusting my vision, hell it's my vision. Why should I fit myself into a notch when I can carve one out. I have made it a goal to not make all the concessions that people say you have to make in order to do something with your life. I never cut my hair. I don't chum around with assholes I really don't like, and I don't conform. I wear sunglasses inside (honestly, artificial light hurts my eyes) and I enjoy how much it bothers alot of people. I never understood why people want everyone else to do/not do certain things. I always figured everyone will do what the hell they want anyway. You can give them advice but, I rarely expect anyone to listen. I actually am very used to making sense and being ignored. It comes from being somewhat soft spoken and being around people who raise their voices to be heard. I won't yell the truth at you. When everything else fades truth remains so why force it on people. I'm content that when you realize what the truth is the voice in your head will sound like me. That'll be annoying enough so I'll spare you now.

This is hazy like parts of my path, or me on a late night.