Bored Room

For those who are required to attend meetings and dread every minute of it...Rahsaan's Rules of Order. BEAR IN MIND...Some of the topics listed below will cause you uneeded drama if you are not on point.


You don't have to prove how smart you are. The worse thing about a meeting is length. Even worse is when a long meeting is made longer because every person at the table wants to give a dissertation on every single agenda item. Hey stupid! If you're really smart you would understand short and to the point...I'm eating lunch after this, move it along.

Supreme lateness. If for some reason you are late...first off make a call beforehand to let people know you will be late and when you enter hold your head high. You had a reason to be late so don't slink your way into the room. If you are addressed speak loudly and throw bass in your voice.

Grub On. The best part of a lot of meetings is when food is provided. Take advantage! They spent the money and if the meeting is during the right part of the day you can avoid spending your own money on lunch. If you you have sandwiches put one in between two plates and take it with you. If there are bottle drinks, drink one and take one with you. If anyone looks at you funny...ask them to pass you some napkins or something (with or without food in your mouth).

Find the Sense of Humor. So that your don't lose I.Q. points from listening to people ramble on, find the person in your meetings with a sense of humor. Either the person that will joke or will listen to them. It shaves minutes off of the meeting. Plus if the person directing the meeting is full of shit you have someone to share this with, without worrying about the Brown-Nose effect.

Be Annoying and Unusual. I personally do certain things because they are not proper. For instance I wear shades all day and night. Honestly, artificial lights bother my eyes and give me a headache. This does not stop me from enjoying the fact that I'm wearing them in a Managerial meeting. I also lean back in my chair, doodle, and all other types of things that would suggest that I am not paying attention. My favorite is the short answer. When the Executive Director is going on and on about something he doesn't like and wants changed, Blah blah blah yackety smackety, tall cool glass of O.J. (that's the overdub in my mind). I respond with a simple "O.K.". He goes on a 15 minute rant that would send have most employees placating him with solutions and I respond, "O.K."

Don't be a Bobble Head. There is an old syndrom...some say brown-nose, some say apple polisher. Me, I call thoses afflicted Bobble-Heads. The directors words cause the slightest vibration and these poor people go into head nodding gyrations and their mouths start spewing forth statments like, "Yes sir I'm on top of that, Yes ma'am will forward that information, Yes sir we've already started that." The problem is they usually aren't, won't and haven't. The good thing about bobble heads is that when it all comes down they usually don't know whats going on and when cornered their gyrations turn to full blown convulsions. They also make good fodder for you and the person with humor.

Talking to Stupid People. Despite what we were taught in school education and performance are not all that get people jobs. Alot of people (including myself) have gotten jobs because they know people. The problem is people have hired me because of my intelligence while some people recommend people from their church or extra-curricular activity. This leads to stupid people holding important positions. When talking to one of these people I recommend kicking up your vocabulary and throwing in latin phrases. "Our modus operandi has been to form a symbiotic relationship with an organization. Basically creating a foundation of trust through felicitous practices ensuring future partnerships." Suck on that stupid.

Show up Administration. Because I am a the frontline staff with the most knowledge of the system and seniority to boot, I often have to go to managers meetings when my own cannot attend. These meetings basically revolve around fear of the Executive Director. Alot of mumbling, hesitation to answer, and basic pussy-footing. This makes it my duty to offer any information (minus the fear in my voice) that I have when the "managers are stumbling". Nothing looks worse than frontline staff showing managers up.

Disagree Freely. There is a syndrom of scraping and bowing in alot of meetings. So often when someone in charge says something stupid no one wants to challenge it. Do so with bravado. If it's stupid you can't sound bad if you attack it logically. It also sends the message that you are not a yes man. Plus the look on everyone's face that you have dared to contest the mighty dragon is priceless.

Suggestive Signals. Often we are required to speak to people who we don't like and think are stupid. This combination means you end up repeating yourself when you would rather just call them and asshole and keep walking. Since you haven't put in your two week notice yet, here is how to entertain yourself while you still have to speak with them. You can: yawn while they are talking to you. Make any and all pointing gestures with your middle finger. My favorite move (sorry ladies I have no equivalent for you) is the Package Grab. When I am speaking to some silly assclown I do a basic nut grab as if it's the period in my sentence. If they notice, so what. If they don't I have entertained myself.

More Helpful hints for Dudes who suck...at sex.

Because I can't stand to see the ladies suffer or hear tales of fumbling ineptitude on the part of men. Here are some things all guys should know and make use of.

Explore the neglected areas. Breastfeeding babies will reach for breasts and unless your girl is 90% breast there are other areas of her body that she will appreciate getting attention. A brief recommendation: crevices are sensitive! The bends of the arms and legs. I also recommend a light stroke over the pelvis - from hip bone to hip bone. Lightly, and don't get carried away. Gentle wind and rain can wear down a mountain young grasshopper.

Investigate. Perhaps it doesn't sound sexy...but find out what a woman likes. Nothing is worse than thinking your turning a woman on then finding out she doesn't like what your ex girlfriend used to love (stop the routines fellas). I'm not saying have her fill out a sexual questionnaire, but do explore...that's why we have conversations. Which leads me to my next comment...

Check for Reciprocity. If you want some "special attention" make sure your partner is with it before you give it. It sucks to have a confused look on your face while your mouth is glistening. Don't go down 'til you know if it's coming back around.

...For Her Pleasure. The "I got mine" attitude will cause you to miss out fellas. Just think of it this way; you are going to come. Matter of fact a man's best moments are because it took longer to come. If a woman is "pleasured" it bodes well for you. Women tend to reciprocate more than men. Plus if this is not your girl keep in mind - women share market info more than men. A woman who has had a good sexual experience can be your best advertisment. If it is your girlfriend then once you break up she will have little problem telling you and others that you never took her to Nirvana. Trust me go for hers and you will get yours.

Involve Her. Make it an experience. As much as possible have ambience (but not too much - too much is corny), foreplay and let your fingers do the walking. Pretend you are washing the car. Unless you have sandpaper for hands, sharp nails, or a very strict woman - involve her whole body. Even midstroke - don't get into it and forget about the rest of her body. In general dudes only need one stimuli. Women have more, take advantage of this. Think of it as hosting a party...if everyone (body part wise) has a good time it will be a better party.

Foreplay. I saw this movie that described sex as making a fire. The first thing you need is kindling. Foreplay is the kindling. You have to get the kindling going before you can *ahem* throw a log on the flame. Here a some more metaphors: She's a car engine and it's winter, warm her up before you drive. Think of it as dynamite, foreplay is the fuse and the fuse has to burn away before there can be an explosion. God dammit just trust me and do it.

Excercise your self. I have mentioned it before, but the Tao of Sexology. Get it, read it, memorize it, love it. Do the exercises!!!! Ladies and your ego will thank you.

Protect yourself. I know bareback riding can be fun...but be real fellas. Think about it this way, you can get rid of some S.T.D.s. You can't get rid of a baby momma. A disease may hurt but getting the wrong woman pregnant can kill. Don't go by her word. In a world where contraceptives fail and some woman live off of Child Support...don't throw your dick on the Crap Table.

Damn Jack Daniels. While we may have some sex because of drinks, but they can hurt you. I remember once me and my girl got up for lovely encounter and beforehand we were having drinks with friends. What possesed me to have a large glass of Captain Morgan's is beyond me but I remember the shades started to twirl and I laid down, the next thing I knew it was morning and my girl was still sitting there with the "Motherfucker" look on her face. If you say "I'm not going to pass out!". Think of it as your dick is your drinking buddy make sure he's sober enough to walk out with you.

Hit vs. Grind. This is the best advice I can give you (an elder gave it to me once). Once a girl asked me and my friends if we were always trying to "knock it out". We said yes and she shook her head. Our logic was no woman in the midst of passion ever yelled out, "Softer! Slower!" Gentleman let me tell you: Grind don't Hit. I'm not advocating a total stoppage of hiting - from some positions hitting is the way to go. However, I recommend a good missionary grind. Think about a womans anatomy...at the points were your bodies meet a good grind is the stairway to heaven, the escalator to Nirvana, the Elevator to Valhalla. (Love in an elevator, Livin' it up while I'm going down!).

All men should be allowed to...

Certain things cause divisions and issues so I would like to express my opinion on some things that should be acceptable on behalf of men:

• Draft Day - I will be watching the draft tomorrow and I consider it a requirement. I need to know if my team is doing the right thing! Plus I gotta see what every other team is doing so I can begin formulating my picks for next years betting pool. Think of it as research that will provide me with money to take you out...later.
  
• N.F.L. - I've done the math and if I watch every game including 3 playoff games and the Superbowl that is a total of 48 hours. That's not much time for the ladies to sacrifice so that a man can reclaim his testosterone which is slowly siphoned off during the course of each day.
  
• ESPN - Ladies if you espose the virtues of ESPN you can cut down on the need of your guy to watch sporting events. It's like sports crack. One hit can do you good for a while.
  
• Scratching/Adjustments - Look, male genitalia has issues. For all the ladies that hate this, I suggest you tie a string around your waist and let one end hang between your legs. Take a hot dog and two boiled eggs, put the eggs in a sandwich bag and tie the string around them. Then put on a pair of boxers and walk around all day. Unless you learn how to move objects with your mind there will be some adjusting. Live with it, we do.
  
• Leaving the Toilet seat up - It's not a requirement but we do it for the same reason you want it down. Ease and Comfort. Besides as a guy I look before I leap. Answer a question, do ladies back into the bathroom with their eyes closed?
  
• Minimizing foreplay - Now, I appreciate the value of foreplay (especially since the Tao of Sexology) but ladies should realize that with an average man the time for sexual activity is reduced by equal the amount of time of arousal plus the time of foreplay. Unless your man knows special exercises you may sacrifice one for the other. (se)x = ^+4(play) - time taken.
  
• Lack of Understanding - Ladies if you think you are having a problem with your man and the only thing you can say is, "I feel as though" If you can't give an example, a situation or a description - we can't help. If you can't explain, I can't change.

Helpful hints for dudes who suck

Here are some common wack things that make me laugh at dudes when pusing up on the ladies. All of these things come from real life situations I am privy to or have witnessed, regardless of how stupid, desperate or wack they may seem.

Things to avoid:

Asking to come over just to sleep - that seems too desperate and the ladies know they will probably wake up with your sophomoric, wandering hands in places they were not invited to be. Falling asleep over a womans house is something that should just happen. If you have to ask you are pathetic.

Don't sweat the pretty girl - The natural habitat for a really good looking women is surrounded by 10 dudes. Don't be one of them. She is not picking a basketball team so you just look like a sucker. Act like the grand prize not a constellation prize.

Be Cool - She cancelled - be cool. Things change - be cool. Be like water my friend. As a matter of fact the only times to not be cool involve property damage, STDs and husbands.

Deal with guys she knows - if you should feel that you have competition, the worse thing to do is to act salty towards him. Personally, I love it when people do this to me. It means they see me as competition and don't know how to deal which makes my job much easier. Embrace the dude. If he acts salty you win points. Plus his reaction lets you know if you're dealing with someone who knows what he's doing or someone just blindly fumbling for panties. There is nothing worse than a grown man acting like someone stole his G.I. Joe men.

Ease up - there is nothing worse than not knowing the difference between persistant and annoying.

(This was funny to hear about) Don't specifically request dates before the evening - You want to see a woman during the night, so I have no idea why this guy was so adamant about telling this woman she "owed him a date before 10:00". I don't know what that's about. Unless he's a werewolf, then I understand fully.

(This one was just sad) No mention of virginity - So this sister once told me a guy said he was a virgin and he wanted her to be his first. We were 20 years old. First off not many guys are willing to mention that they are a virgin and none who are (should) use it as leverage to get ass. If you really are a virgin you only bring it up right before sex. When I say this I mean after meaningful dates and long walks and shit. Not one night stand sex. Not before a "hook up". That's an I-may-have-cried-in-front-of-you-already type of admission. My reply when she asked what I though was...He's not a virgin, he has no game, and he's fucking wack.

Stop Calling, Dammit - No matter how interested a woman may be she does not want to hear from you 15+ times a day. That suggests that you have no life and will always be calling her and trying to get all up under her. Read a book, take a walk, feed your own life before it jumps the fence and runs away.

Don't fool yourself - When I am interested in woman I tell myself whatever anyone can do with someone sexually has already been done with her. Save yourself some disallusionment. Meaning don't let another guy fuck your head up because he may have been with her at one point in time. If her name is on alot of bathroom stalls and local sports teams have a special nickname for her - I'll leave you to deal with that how you see fit.

Beware the friend zone - Despite what you may think women actually enjoy sex. If it is something your interested in make it known, subtley. Don't do a Jimmy from South Park, "So I'd like to put my penis in your vagina." Do ,however, make sure she knows that you are a man with fully functioning genitalia. Oh...if it's been three months and she hasn't said she wants to wait you're probably in the friend zone.

Rhymes, Memory and the Virginia Incident

I am very pleased right now. Before I left town I was going to perform this song about Baltimore at the Tuesday spot. It's routine for me to run a rhyme down in my head before hitting an open mic, but when I tried this one I had forgotten parts of it. I forgot like 12 lines between the last two verses. I tried all types of tricks like writing them backwards to see if I could jog my memory. I hope other emcees go through this, when you can't remember that one line that bridges the whole verse. Or you forget how a verse starts and remember everything else. I went through my (current) rhyme book and couldn't find a printed copy and I couldn't find the last book I revised it in. Some may say why don't you have a written version in your rhyme book? Greyhound sucks that's why. I went to Virginia for a conference in '02 and because I boarded the bus at a stop coming back I couldn't tag the bags. When we got to D.C. the "throwers" sent us back to get tags for the bags, while waiting in line - one of them came and got us because the driver was ready to go. For some stupid reason I left my bookbag with the rest of our things and when we returned to Baltimore it was not there. On the way down I had to take my bag from and mug down some latino dude who "thought it was his bag". Even though he was never on the bus and I saw him with three totally different bags and hour later. Greyhound sucks. The content of my bag: two rhyme books, all my trinkets from YO! centers across the country and 30 C.D.s. It breaks my heart to even think of it but included was one of my Queen joints. The one with Bohemian Rhapsody, Princes of the Universe and Flash Gordon's theme song. Not to mention my Mos Def, Californication...Ugh! I have to stop listing them under pang of death. Anyway within those two rhyme books were the first of several full songs I had begun writing which were marvelous. My B'more song being one of them. What's so good about this song you ask. The average city salute in Hip-Hop can be summarized as follows: if you come here we will fuck you up and/or kill you. Shit is raw here and it's worse than you ever thought. My song was a recollection of all the good things past and present about Baltimore. I figured I had already done verses listing good reasons to leave town, let me do a song about why I love it here. Anyway today I found a Zip Disk that said rhymes and when I loaded it at work it contained that and a few other songs I had forgotten about. Sooooo...I will be rocking this joint tonight. I'm considering getting the band to play "My Minds Playing Tricks on Me". BTW someone told me the Ghetto Boys were recording an album together. If so I hope it shows their maturity and not their ability to fit in with the "young guys". Hooray Zip disks!!!

WTF????

I have recently been on the verge of kirking out. There is this poet named Olu and for some reason everyone associates me with her. My main man does it to irk me but more and more I find people saying things like, "Your friend Olu", or "You know, Olu, Your girl". Perhaps because we both have locks that are jive long. I have no clue, but it is pissing me off. For those who missed, according to my new rules I probably have 4 or 5 "friends" (replace with fam), 20 "associates" ( replace with friends), and 240 "acquaintances" (good as it is). I really don't need the perception of closeness with someone when it's not there. Baltimore is too small for such things to be in the air. This topic made me think about some "associations" from the past.

Swad and the Muslim Girl - I forgot this girls name and I don't feel bad about it cause we hung with a bunch of people back then. Anyway everyone would either sleep over someones apartment or Swad's house. So this group of muslim girls started hanging with us and it was clear one of them had an interest in Swad. Soooo...one day when someone is pissed the present Swad with the fact that they know he slept with "muslim girl" cause she told him. He denies. Now I know most of you are like yea right. I know Swad and I know he didn't sleep with her because:

1. The brother is picky.
   
2. I know his crud (things worse than that) and he denied this to me.
   
3. Girls were always on him and doing dumb shit like this.
   

The hilarious thing is a little bit after this I got up on Dave Chapelle talking about dudes trying to make other dudes believe they didn't sleep with a particular girl. "Motherfucker I'll kill you - PLEASE believe me, Please believe me." The hardest charge to beat.

Kwofi (Frontor) and every girl he ever came in contact with - This involves me because despite how much I can talk, I know alot of boisterous people and I tend to fade in the backround which I like. I say this to say; people will forget me if they meet me amongst my friends unless I do something to stand out. Anyway, I'm at this club a little while back (got in free, Thanks Goldie!) Me, Swad and Warren are chilling at the bar (we didn't pay to get in so that means more drinks!) There weren't many sisters there so I took interest in the ones that came in. One of Kwofi's old girls/girl he dated (I don't know) comes in and I'm tipsy so I start spitting at her (in a subtle manner of course). Swad takes interest and starts prompting me with shit like " Ask what her tattoo means, tell her to show you the WHOLE thing." Anyway it becomes obvious that it can be on. Until one word Pops into my head: Kwofi. Thanks alot Kwofi, your general weirdness and ability to fool women into thinking that you are normal is ruining the dating pool.

Me and random cats - For some reason 500 people know me and I don't know any of them. About 20 times I have been talking to someone and they mention someone offhanded like, "You know so and so." I say no I don't and they begin describing this person only to have me say, "nope, don't know em". For some reason this person knows my name and where I hang and used my name for something, while I remain oblivious to their presence. Which leads me to...

R.O.P and a million Emcees - Rites of Passage (R.O.P.) was my group. We rhymed and had a core of 5 members but up to 20. People dug us so they always tried to claim association. It has been so bad that I've been talking to an emcee and they say, "Yeah, I'm part of R.O.P." The fact that I have never seen them amusing me I proceed to further entertain my self. "So you know Kev, Trey, [yup] Keymah, Swad [yeah] and Rahsaan (Rahsaan = me). " Yeah Rahsaan's my man. My response is next time you see him tell him I said what's up. "Okay". Dummy.

Wendell and Female Clients - It has happened to me but for some reason my co-worker has a larger amount of young women/girls at our job who want to get in his pantalones. I actually had to tell a young lady to leave him alone one day. My exact words were "You're making this a hostile work environment." There are girls that he has said not to register because they were trying to holler at him somewhere. His first response is usually "Oh no." Wendell is hiliarious. The look on his face when some girls busts out with "Damn, I'm waiting for Wendell to stop fronting and give me some" is priceless.

Marcus Jerome Boyd Jr.

This "blog" reminded me of someone I knew who, though it has never been confirmed, most likely took his life.


Marcus was (literally) one of my first clients at my current job. He was three years younger than me and while he shared traits with alot of my clients he was someone I could speak with and get through to. Marcus most was the type of cat you could be cool with until he started drinking. I don't believe I ever saw him drunk but the stories where something bad happens to him always involved him drinking. He had two daughters when he became a client so he was at a point where he was thinking about life differently. This was one of my clients who gave me a reason to shoot down the administrators who loved to bitch about seeing me outside smoking. My office is small so to have an indepth conversation with someone you can't really be in the building. Instead of saying, "Hey let's talk about how your life is going." I just say I'm going to have a smoke, come on outside. Once outside most clients just start spilling the beans. Anyway Marcus was the main one. I knew he wanted to talk about something because he would say, "Yo you trying to go smoke?". The other thing I loved was Marcus liked to play chess so this gave me a chance to participate in "youth development activities" (translation: Escape from paperwork). One thing I will always remember about Marcus was being at a Believe campaign and he was trying to get the number of another client (who I will admit here is fine, for work purposes I wear my "older brother glasses" when looking at these girls). He was intrigued because she said she her man would have to vote. I loved the fact that he was interested in a woman who was pushing his perspective. Things began to break down with Marcus in '02. He couldn't live with his parents anymore and he got beat up by his baby-momma-boyfriend (he was drunk at the time). He moved in with his sister and his younger brother and there was some drama over his niece. He came in to the center one day and before I knew who it was I felt the tension coming off of him. I asked him to smoke with me and I saw the signs of a fight on his face and arms. He went through a story about how his niece is passing notes with some boy about having sex and he got mad. The bad thing is he was the only one bothered by it and drama ensued, ending with his little brother and his friend jumping him and pointing a tool at him. At the time he was in a training program so I told him we would help him find a place to stay and he should focus on his training. He said he didn't understand why bad things happened everytime he was making progress and I dug into the quote bag and pulled out, "If something is in your way it means your going somewhere." I added on my if you weren't doing shit nothing would be able to hold you back. We worked out some logistics and I encouraged him not to give into negative feelings. Before he left he told me that he was glad I was his advocate (one of 7 times someone has expressed appreciation for me at this job - the pay should be better as well). Instead of living at the place we arranged, Marcus went to live with his aunt close to my neighborhood. He started doing well with his training and just seemed happier overall. I remember him giving some money to another member who was having payroll issues. It made me feel good to see him trying to help someone else out. A few weeks later he began to start having trouble getting to the training on time and he eventually got dropped. I worked with him and tried to help him get back into security but as is the case finding a job can be hard, especially without an inside connect or alot of experience. Some time passed and I didn't see Marcus for a minute. I was told that he had gotten drunk and basically kneeled down in the middle of the street, yelling about how he didn't want to live. The next day I was told that his parents checked him into a mental hospital, a few days after that I heard he had escaped and no one knew where he was. Just a couple days after that another client called me and said they had found his body in the habor. There was some debate as to if there was foul play but I doubted that after another client of mine and a friend of his said Marcus had suggested they "jump of the bridge and end this". He was broke up because he hadn't taken him seriously and said he should have talked to him about it. One of the hardest things I have done was to watch his father cry as I thought about the fact that Marcus had two daughters who would not see their father again. I felt like I had failed. There had been so many problems and I had always seemed to be able to say the right thing to help him stay on track or to shake off feelings of despair. I always wondered why he didn't come to see me. I thought maybe if I had worked harder for him he would't have done such a thing. This is one of two subjects that can bring tears to my eyes. I recently had a training about grief where we were asked to write down the names of 4 people close to us, living or dead. We seperated the names and then had to throw them away and tell everyone why we could let them go. Marcus was the first one I threw away. He taught me that despite everything I do I can't save everyone. All I can do is put forth my best effort and in the end I have to be able to let them go. Marcus was a measure of my growth at this job in more ways than one. His death was turning point in my life. I have had family and people I knew die, but he was the first death of someone I really talked and spent time with. He was also the first of my clients to die but he wouldn't be the last. He died a few days before I turned 24 and the night of his vigil I meet my ex-girlfriend for the first time. I won't forget Marcus but I can let him go.

Theatrics

Sooooo...my cousin/landlord called me last night to see if I would like some help with my B.G.&E. bill. Which basically means he has someone else who needs a place to stay. I have been trying to reach him to express that while freeing up funds may seem good, another person in the house will not be. This is on top of my wonderfully hectic day today. The beautiful thing about young people is that everything is a crisis that must be resolved NOW. I am scheduling a time to kirk out and/or go postal. The sad thing is I'm so busy I keep pushing it back. Perhaps next week will be a good time to lose my mind for about 15 minutes. I think if I could just break some stuff or say flip over someones desk I might feel better...at least for a few minutes. If anyone would like to volunteer their desk for flipping I will travel to take up an offer. I will not however clean-up afterwards. That would kill the fun. At least I have a training this afternoon. Basically a chance to spout my opinion and not enter any data into the system. At least it's wednesday. I'll play "Wild Horses" and wait until it's time to leave.

Do you know the Muffin Man?

One of my various claims to fame was as a Muffin Man. If you went to Morgan you know the Muffin Men. Some people tried to call us the Hot Dog men but the classic people know the real name. We used to set up on Hillen Road and sell muffins, hot dogs, juices, candy, and various other things. The most important factor was as chill/information spot. At that time in my life my friends would call me and I could give them information on 30 events happening in 3 or 4 different states. I was plugged in. Now my consistant answer when people ask me what's going on is - I dunno. The other thing about the Muffin Men of my era was picking up girls. Now for those who don't know it can become hard to meet women at Morgan. If a girl leaves the dorms, by the time she hits the other side of campus so many guys have tried to talk to her it's hard to even say hello without her throwing up her defenses. Well the Muffin Men had a slight edge in this war. We were disarming, a bunch of charming young guys (salesmen at that) who kept the spot live, even in the winter. The rep was that we were killing half of the female population of Morgan...which I can't say is a lie. I can say I wasn't. I never talked to any girl at Morgan while I was a Muffin Man. The funny thing is it built a rep up for me. So many people for morgan live here now or were from here that people who can't identify me any other way remember the "quiet one". The bad thing is I can't take advantage of this rep without destroying it. The quiet guy can't go on rampages, running through women on the scene. It's the kind of rep that I can just feel good about. When someone doubts my integrity I can just say to myself, Morgan people know. I do not miss the money mind you but I do miss the feeling of being a part of something. I was the one that knew what was going on. During that time I knew the guy who wrote all of the Lyrics for the MTV remake of Carmen (the Hip-Hopera). I knew alot of people who were into things, not that I don't know anyone now but then I was a fixture somewhere. Here I'm the fixture that people want things from. No one brings me information. I have been considering my employment options and my Group Home thing seems like the move but now I want to be able to travel so I know I need someone trustworthy that I can leave in charge of things. In every job including my Muffin Man stint I have been reliable. I am always the good child ( I need to do a post on the good child syndrom). The Muffin era was not a good time fiscally but I did have fun. I enjoyed working with everyone I was with and I was in a fun enviroment. This is what I need again. I've looked for some positions but I realize I need to hit my network, word of mouth jobs rock.

J.O.B. (Just O- Bey)

So on my first day back I find out that after June 30th only three people will continue to work in my office. Upside - I am one of them. Downside - I AM ONE OF THEM. For some reason our highly intelligent *cough* executive director feels that a work force development program for out of school young people (dropouts) does not require a recruiter, a job coach or literacy instructor. Well not all of them anyway. The 2 large centers will maintain literacy instructors and the 3 smaller sites will send their clients to the big center for class. This means that these young people will go from having class in their neighborhood to having an over crowded class somewhere else. Not a smart move. No job coach means that if you want a job we will be sending you to another center for assistance. In effect our center will just turn in to a bus stop for case managment. I may have neglected to mention that we will still have the same recruitment and retention goals as before. So basically this whittles us down to really 2 people to deal with 200+ on a monthly basis. Sucks. Right now I wish instead of coming back from Cali I would have stayed in Mexico and had my mother wire me the money that came as a result of selling off my personal belonings. I could be learning Spanish right now. Donde está el administrador estúpido? Oh, he's in Baltimore. Another bad thing about this is I won't have Wendell (our recruiter) to relieve daily tension. Wendell is two years younger than me and the oldest man I know. I have joked but am actually serious when I say, if I ever have a show Wendell will have a segment called What the Fuck?!?!? He will be for me what Lewis Black is for the "Daily Show". When Wendell isn't here I have to go upstairs and pick with the literacy instructor. When she gets pissed I calmly explain that once Wendell returns I can leave her alone again...most of the time. Another thing this means is that I will have to work SO much harder than I do now. Can we say - time to get the book idea together. And release a C.D. and some other things. Anyone need a resume done...I'm really good. Twenty bucks and up. I also write poetry for those starcrossed lovers whom words escape. I write them in Caligraphy as well. Basically, it's time to make money another way. The stupid people are taking over, they are exerting their will. "Danger Will Robinson, Danger!!!"

Eastcoast Depression

I have formulated a theory. Now that my travels have taken me across the country and I have seen the way various people live, rowhomes build tension. I'm saying this because I live in Baltimore but if you notice most east coast cities (especially those with alot of violence and issues) have some form of rowhouses. It's not so down south or out west. Everyone has a little more space around them. Rowhomes make your house into an apartment. Inside, you hear all your neighbors issues. Out front, you neighbors are chillin' on the steps - with their issues. Out back, hello again - neighbors here. When I was little I used to climb out of my window onto the roof of our kitchen (I love roofs) and guess what... neighbors in the alley. You can't escape. You have to get up and flee all residential areas to get away from people. That's why I love parks. Even if people are around you just have to take a few steps to make them vanish. I think that the negative energy amongst people in such a small area builds up and causes a change in everyone. I'm reminded of those movies in the suburbs where everyone has problems and no one really knows. Rowhomes don't offer that privacy. If the couple next door argues, you know. If the old man next door drinks too much, you know. There is no secrecy or privacy. If you are like myself you become rumor. I don't know the people in the neighborhood I live in now, one or two maybe but not well. So I am "that guy with the dreads that lives in the corner house". I go to work and come home, I leave out and come back. You may catch me cutting my grass but that's about it. Along time ago I learned what just "chilling" around the way can bring and the trouble it can get you in. Even if you don't do anything you're loitering in the eyes of the police. Trouble. I never liked apartments and have never lived in one since I was three years old. I don't like the idea of people beside below and/or above you. It seems though that I still can't escape that scenario. In addition to my theory I was greeted by the sight of a FAMILY on my couch. I say family because there was a husband, a wife and two children. I don't know any of them. It's not a good feeling to find a strange family sleeping on your couch. This will require some dialog when I return home. I should hope they won't be there on my return. Never the less I have made up my mind to begin searching tax lien/forclosed homes. I will purchase and quietly move. Perhaps 3 people will be given my address, not sure yet. I may have neglected to mention this is the communal living aspect of rowhomes. It's just that here you live together and everyone acts like they own things individually. I REALLY miss the west coast right now. I need space. My own. I'm trying not to be furious that people are staying at MY home right now. I know that is not the way to deal with this situation but patience wears thin. If I moved in with someone and only kicked out enough to cover the cable bill I wouldn't randomly invite people over without some prior conversation. Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, I came home to this from the calm blue ocean.

San Diego (reprise)

If anything San Diego has helped me to further understand that Hip-Hop in B'more sucks. It's sad that I found C.D.s of people I know when I can't find them here unless I track down the actual person. The D.J. (while not an example of the whole) played alot of great music. Songs that I hadn't heard in a while, the new Common joint and songs I had never heard. I know our Hip-Hop scene is faaaarrrr from the best but it does suck to be reminded of this. I also have to mention that I love San Diego's taste in cars. I saw at lest twenty five '69 Mustangs while I was there. That is more than what I have seen in my lifetime in Baltimore. Sweet. Pardon me I also saw Napoleon Dynamite while I was out there and it has infected my dialog. I miss the sun. It is cloudy here and it seems like it is more cloudy than I have ever seen it. I will say I'm somewhat depressed with the lack sun and...well having to work again. I'll be drowning my sorrows in some open mic events and whatever else I can find. There is one thing I know, I have to make money and travel. Staying here it feels like I'm missing out on too much. At the least I got to experience life for a few days in a place with a woman who was not annoying or messy (re: housemate) . I feel this would be an appropriate time to thank my host. So thank you...Josephine (Ha-ha). As a personal message I think I may call you Josephine in all internet references. Just my sick brand of humor.

Cuando en México

So...Mexico is interesting. I will say that it does put into perspective our "hustlers". Hustlers here are commonly drug dealers. Hustlers in Mexico are (everyone) the real thing. People doing whatever to make some money. Children juggling at the border,Women with babies strapped to them bumming money, people selling: food, leopard skin blankets, crosses, Aztec carvings, Dodger blankets, gum, puppies...I think you get the point. Basically these people were hustling whatever it was in order to get your money. The vendors, also, were excellent hustlers. My host said, "Find what you want and decide how much you want to pay for it." Like that. Sob stories, guarantees, jacked up prices. The good thing is you can work the prices down. Just remember it's Mexico and 25 pesos is $2.50 - The price is negotiable. I will admit that I am not the best price negotiator. I'm good at working out services. My comfort comes in knowing that I still got what I have for less than what they initially asked and less than it would have been in the states (In the states - sounds like I actually travel the world or something!!!). I picked up among other things a dope belt buckle (I never mentioned the buckle fetish did I) and silver bracelet with the aAztec calender on it. In summary...Mexicans know how to hustle. They also have a thing for dudes with lock. I heard rastaboy and Bob Marley so much I'm starting to think that's my name.

Beach (non-spring break infested portion).

La-ovely.

Should be in my backyard

Koi Pond from the Japenese Friendship garden in Balboa Park - SD, CA.

When it's over...on a few fronts (debriefing)

So I now sit at my desk typing...once more. Having left the sunny shores of Califas behind me for the warmer than when I left yet dismal skies of Baltimore. I must say I do have more than the usual "trip hangover". Most of the time I have been in a place where the people I know all returned with me. I usually just miss people I have gotten to know over a short period of time whereas know I have left someone that I have known for years and are sure to not see again in the immediate future. It's a different feeling alltogether. I am reminded of a letter from a movie I like and now I am left to wait for another hurricane to spin me around and around. No doubt that flying is adding to my sluggish return to the mindstate of being at home. More often than not I go on road trips so there is the long distance to cover which allows me to gradually slip back into Baltimore. Taking a plane means that over a short time I have left the comfort of a vacation across the country to driving down the streets that are...home. Riding through the streets of the area known as "Down the Hill" is not the type of sight that you want as a homecoming. It also doesn't help that my ears popped like hell when I landed and I still can't hear up to maximum yet. Since it sounds like I'm writing a novel let me sum up San Diego-

Downsides:

1. Not many black people and the one I got to actually meet was not cool because he was threatened by my presence as he is smitten with my host.
   
2. It wasn't home so I didn't know alot of people (naturally).
   
3. I only stayed a week.
   
4. Jet Lag
   

Upsides:

1. Great weather.
   
2. Laid back populace.
   
3. Many cool sights.
   
4. I loved the layout of the city.
   
5. Went to mexico (there is something inherently cool about going to a different country like I travel from B-more to D.C.).
   
6. I was the most sharp dressed person (re: upside #2).
   
7. Beaches rock!
   
8. I am now planning future purchases from Mexico - with a better bargaining strategy.
   
9. Balboa Park (much better than Druid Hill).
   
10. San Diegos poorer neighborhoods are like our middle class ones.
    
11. Better restaurants.
    
12. Great Host - I can't put enough emphasis on this one. I usually don't have a "host" per se when I travel and it's good to know that in the future any other host will be judged against my recent one (high standards). Even in times when she had to work her friends and family held me down to a point beyond what I deem as just being civil. The only thing about my host's friends that could have come close to being annoying was that I almost had to assert myself to pay my own way. That is never a bad thing. This is the first time that I can say that I will really miss someone from out of town. I know this is biased because I already knew them, but I love people who are open and I miss their presence severly. In this case it is more so because I know it is a matter of money before I can see them again. In addition the situation may not be the exactly same and I would accept that. My zen nature wouldn't allow otherwise..."The world is like a mirror you see? Smile and your friends smile back." Japanese Zen saying.
    

All in all I had a wonderful time. It did suck that I found out three positions will be cut (not including mine but what affects one affects all) this is news however for another post.