The mother of invention

"I'm financially embarassed at the moment"

I'm broke...not meaning I have no money, I'm responsible adult broke. Basically I have money and all of it has to go somewhere. I remember being little and seeing my mother with money I'd ask her for some and she'd say it wasn't actually her money, it belonged to bill collectors and they just hadn't got it yet. I understand now. I am familiar with that feeling of how much money you'll really get on payday. Luckily due to hook-ups and the like I can not only survive, but still have fun during this time. This is a guy who (pre-bills) was unemployed for a whole summer and kept the same $40 in my pocket. I still managed to have ridiculous fun though. I left town, went to clubs, drank and lived it up and it wasn't until the end of august that I even broke a twenty. I know how to live it up while poor. I will say that as the responsibilities of adulthood loom over me more it's sometimes harder. I don't for instance need to blow $50 at a club, but the things I want do cost more these days. It's always at times like this that I think back to my last few luxury purchases and hang my head in regret. Not for long, however, I figure if I had the money now I'd probably spend on something I wanted anyway. I'm the type of person who doesn't enjoy having money as much as spending it. It feels good to have a knot in my pocket, but that's because I'm thinking of the things I can blow it on. Just like I'm only really good at saving money when I have something in mind to eventually spend it on. At times like this I start running down the unread books and doorman hook ups I have. Plus I'm running on Sunday and then it's football so that will kill some time. I find that during any period of broke pockets the most important thing is to get through as fast as you can. I cook some of my best meals when I'm broke. I believe that all presidential candidates should have to live for two months without money...rather any substantial money. The world would be a better place. So off I go to have fun with minimum funds.

Dead End

"Le comédie est fini"

Over the last few days it has become very clear that I will not be at this job long. Right now I just don't know which shoe will fall first. On one hand we have things that have gone wrong that my boss could write me up for to make herself look good. We have a disput with the funder over a move that we don't want to happen, so actually it's one director vs. another both of whom are over my immediate boss. If one isn't happy the contract can be pulled. If the other is happy than we aren't. Basically there are alot of things going around that could all bode ill for my employment status here, or rather the existance of this place. Than if I get a response from the resumes I'm about to send out I'll probably just bounce. While I have concerns about new employment, bills and what will happen to my clients - I otherwise don't care. It's like a bad friend who threatens to not speak to you anymore. You just kind of shrug and pray they keep that promise. The funniest part of all is that I kind of don't care. I'm not afraid of being out of work. I don't care even if I should get fired. I'm just tired of dealing with this whole place. I actually looked up the price of a plane ticket to brazil (for my new career as gigilo and lounge singer). The only thing that bothers me is that it seems no one is considering our purpose in this whole thing. I feel like a soccer mom,"Won't someone please think of the children!!!". Anywho, the thrill is gone here it's anhedonia when I cross the door step in the morning. Nothing new, except for stupid ideas and suggestions. I'm tired. Smell ya later.

It's been coming

"Dammit Jim I'm a doctor not a fuel gauge!"

Soooo....today I was running late. This always happens cause when I wake up and for some reason assume I can lay in bed for a few minutes before I get up. So I get here and I have to take some youth to an orientation. This means I have to get the "Hulking Behemoth"...the van. I hate, I hate, I hate this damn van. It's old, you can't lock the doors, it smells and it goes through gas like it's leaking. The other perpetual problem is since we don't often use it alot of times we get it and it needs gas. The final nail in the coffin is that I always end up driving it. This is another downside to being the only man in the office. There are alot of things that I end up having to be the one to do. It would be alright, but it's not just physical labor. I swear making yourself required may bring some security, but it makes you the number 1 candidate to do things. Now I have been waiting for this mobile junk pile to run out of gas on me and today was the day. I looked at the gauge and I knew it was low, I knew it wouldn't make the two trips they wanted me too. So I grab the youts and head up MLK. If any of you know anything about Baltimore MLK is large but its not a very long street. So about 4 (longer) blocks up I notice that it's not responding as much when I hit the gas. My heart sank as plunged the pedal further down, the van sputtering and gagging. I made it up one more block and I knew I had to get off MLK cause them kids wasn't going to help me push that shyt. I turned a corner and made it another block before I pulled over and cut her off. Now pay attention cause this is where Capt. Dumbcomment comes in. I call tell them whats up. Here go the stupid comments: try to make it to the gas station. Dammit this big rusty bitch got around that last corner on fumes and prayer and that took 2 1/2 minutes! Yes 2 1/2 minutes to turn a corner, you shoulda seen the dirty looks I got. Then people are trying to convince me to get to a gas station. I almost said something like, "fuck off, ass clowns". Ain't no way I'ma be stuck on the Howard st. bridge in a stalled out van. I hate that van like Capt. Hook hates Peter Pan. I'm not allowing people to speak to me for the rest of the day.

Behind the Blog: The Early Years

"I don't think about risks much. I just do what I want to do. If you gotta go, you gotta go."
Lillian Carter

Now, lets take some time to look at the steps that have brought the Anhedonic cat you've all grown to know and love (or just laugh at) to where he is in his life. While I do think things through, it's because of experience and wisdom more than knowledge. Let's just say having blisters all over the palm of my hand is the way I learned the iron gets hot. So now let us take a stroll through recollection and see some of the things that has shaped me into the twisted individual I am.

1 year + When we lived in an apartment in Texas I once knocked out the screen in the window and climbed outside. Me and my trusty Dukes of Hazzard car were going for a walk. This is actually one of my first memories. So after a brisk jaunt through the complex I went home. The problem being that all those doors looked alike and I didn't know numbers and letters. So I picked up a newspaper wrapped in plastic inserted my car into it and started banging on a door Eventually my mother picked my up from behind and whisked me home. Ahh...exploration.

2 years + In the middle of our apartment complex there was a nice sized swimming pool. One day as I walked my mother to do the wash. I made up my mind to impress her with my swimming ability. With a quick shout of "Look Ma!" I made a beeline for the pool and jumped in the deep end. Of course I had never swam in my life. Thankfully my mother was a champion swimmer in the Airforce. This was also when I learned that your mother shouting the word "Boy" can function as cursing.

4 years After moving to Bmore My family quickly learned that I was an unusual child. For one thing I was very literal. Telling me to do things like, "Throw this glass in the sink" resulted in alot of broken glasses and a policy change in how I was given instructions. This might be the reason my grandmother still details every step of what she is asking me to do even though I'm an adult. I also used to run with my head down until I hit the porch doors so maybe she thinks I rattled something.

5 - 6 years Most of the fights in my life have been with people larger than myself (Bully issuess). Well one time I was saved from fighting. There was some teenager (asshole) who thought it was funny to stick his air rifle in the ground and shoot a clod of dirt in my face. I did not see the humor. I didn't consider that this kid was almost twice my size I was just mad. So He promptly got a punch into the best place I could reach. No not the nuts, but the place I find most fun. The diaphragm. Luckily my aunt realized that it was best to pull me on in the house while dude stood there trying to get his breath.

9 - 10 years I have mentioned this before, but...look I really used to like the movie "A Christmas Story" and during that time we had an old refrigerator with coils at the top. One morning as the movie was on before I had to leave for school, I happened to be looking in the fridge and I got to wonder...you know the pole scene and all. Well lets just say I sounded just like that kid as I called for help (except for the crying and screaming) I was saved and my mother made me go to school anyway. For the record I was not really thinking, it was an impulse...shut up.

21 years This is a big forward, but it's a good illustration. One fine payday I walk to this club spot that has been many things but was at this time (and still is today) called Gordon's. Someone I know was having something and I had no plans so I went. The event was o.k. but I really wasn't in the mood and there weren't that many people. So I end up chilling at the bar and kickin it with the two female bartenders. So I'm ordering drinks and I realize I should have something different. So I started asking them to suggest things. Since most of the people were upstairs I was able to hold their attention and they started getting into it. They would suggest I would give a thumbs down or try the suggestion. Before anyone thinks that I was getting suckered by the cute bartender, I paid for about $30 in drinks that night, I easily drank $60 or more worth of booze. The bartenders really got into it and started thinking up drinks to see if I had tasted them before. They even made up a drink and named it after me. Don't ask me what was in it. As I stumbled my ass home I knew it was a bad idea...but it sure was fun.

Horizon

"It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day"
Johnny Nash

I feel...good. For the first time in a while I'm starting to feel good about what's coming. Don't mistake me. Alot of things still suck, but my overall feeling about the future is lovely. I'm getting up with good people. I have some projects on the horizon. I'm starting to get moving on the music tip and my boyish charm is holding up. What more could I ask for. Besides unlimited funds, a vacation with the woman of my choice and the Ravens in the playoffs...alright forget that it'll throw off the idea I'm trying to convey. Now, if you can assist with any of it than by any means do so. I love this feeling. It's further down on the list than knowing when you get off a woman you want to see is expecting you. It's not as good as realzing that your whole life is about to change, but it's great. Within this anticipation is the possibility for all of those things. Personally I have always loved the moments before. The cruddy part of me wants to compare it to waiting for a practical joke to come to fruition. Knowing whats coming and savoring each moment before. As I like to say, "I'm rolling it around in my mouth." and I love the taste. It's almost as good as the moments after. I find anticipation and realization two of the most intoxicating (and on the flip side sobering) feelings one can experience. I have things that I could bitch about (in abundance), but for this moment I don't even feel like it. I'm going to enjoy my little sugar high. I just need for the Bengals (as much as I'm enjoying them) and the Steelers to lose, give my Ravens a chance. Everyone enjoy your weekend.

Working with Youth for Dummies

"Youth is not wasted on the young. The young know how truly dreadful youth can be. Their youth is wasted on everyone else, that’s the horror. The young have no authority, no respect. "
Anne Rice

Ah yes the wonders of working under a federal grant...it sucks pretty bad. The worst part about my job is that I help youth and I work under adults who always try to "cool" things up. Just look at the name of the program. These are some of the worst experiences you can have. and I'll go into some of my pain with you all.

• Club Night - This seemed like a good idea at the time. I, knowing what clubs in Baltimore are like knew I would hate this. I spent the entire night like a priest at a catholic school dance seperating people, "Leave room for the lord". The difference is that these aren't kids dancing close and grabbing ass. This is dry humping on the floor. After the first two I refused to go to anymore. Since I have heard tales of sex in the bathroom. Dudes having asthma attacks and other patrons basically like, "fuck him!". The funny thing is the people who's idea it was weren't there.
• Slang on flyers - This is a horrible idea. If you are older than 35 than do not attempt to use slang that you don't know about. This has ended up in mispellings like for one dance "Shake your boddie". I know what it should say, but for real just give it up. You may have been hip at one point in time, but no longer. Even I at 26 (almost 27) don't try that nonsense. I mean I am from the age group that had D.L. taken from them so I can't even trust the slang I do know.
• Poetry Slams - Look for certain segments of the community poetry is cool. However don't think just because Def Jam has a show on HBO that all the kids love it...they don't. Hell they won't really come to a hip-hop event cause we won't let them in high or drunk. Plus I don't like to play bullshit...but hey what do you want?
• The R.V. - This is a rarely working machine that is used for recruiting young folks. The theory is that if we pull up in it and blast "music the kids like" then they'll come in droves. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Just because you play some Tupac don't mean kids will want to get their G.E.D. Plus they know what you're trying to do and they don't think you're cool.
• Naming Ceremony - Everytime it's time to have an event someone tries to come up with some "cool" name. For some reason they think if it sounds cool that kids won't figure out they're coming to learn something. They are not fooled by titles. The worse part is that these names end up sounding like some Japanese show -"The super happy fun time Job readiness class".

Adults suck.

Celebrity Amber Alert

"Like Behind the Music for Magicians"

Harry Potter, amazing tales of wizardry? No my friends, a story of child abuse. Think of it this way: an evil wizard kills your parents and scars you physically. So what do those protecting you do...send your infant ass to abusive family members who never liked your parents and take it out on you your entire life. Your "chosen" ass lives in a closet under the stairs, washes and cleans like an indentured servant and are constantly reminded how lucky you are that they took your orpan ass in. Then what happens, but you find out that you are accepted into wizard school. Not only that, but that you have a fortune in some wild bank run by goblins and everyone is treating you like a celebrity...but no one really wants to tell you why. It seems like every thing is going well, you've made new friends and you're doing things you like. Then drama starts to occur and it seems like it's all centered around you...and you have no idea why. It seems like someone wants to kill you and no one will tell you straight up whats going on. So you manage to reveal the culprit and find that you are a target of the same person who killed your parents...and it seems like he can't be killed and will come for you again. Then you go home again to abuse and downtalk. So you return to school the following year and here we go again. People are getting paralyzed, you're turning up with special powers and now people are suspecting you. So you work through the situation and and find out...it's the same dead guy that killed your parents trying to kill your ass again. You knock him out the box almost dying in the process, but you make it through. Of course no one has told you anything straight up. People keep dropping hints and shit. So you go back home...again. This time you're older and when another family member tries to rip on you and your family you snap and blow her ass up. Of course you face serious trouble for this, but things work out. Then you find out that someone has broke out of jail and is trying to kill you, again. Then you almost get killed on the way to school. You go around for another school year with no one telling what the hell is going on and knowing your life is in danger. On top of that your fame still can't get you on the field trips to town...sumumabitch! Then you find out the person who broke out played a part in your parents death. Now you're pissed off. You make up your mind that you are going to kick some ass this time. You track down the culprit and find out...he is the only person left that knows something is willing to tell you and he didn't do anything to your parents. Of course you save his life, but you can't prove he isn't guilty so he has to take off. Leaving you in a place where someone always wants to kill you and no one will tell you what the hell is going on. This cat needs child protective services or something. He is obviously part of a cycle of abuse that will continue. Help him if you see him.

Knots...Landing

"Still tied up..."

Here is the breakdown from yesterday's post.

The unimportant thing now is that the Ravens lost this weekend...it just sets the tone.

Sunday night I was drifting off to sleep after 11:00pm and I had the sense of a presence, I couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not when I saw a figure standing in my room. When I realized that I was actually awake I jumped out of bed with my fist cocked about to deck this "intruder"...that's when my cousin announced himself. I assume "the guy in the basement" let him in because my cousin (his sister) was asleep. He talked for a few minutes, but I didn't hear much cause I was still steaming and considering whether or not I should hit him anyway. He was my "locked up" cousin for the last few years and he got out about a month ago. We talked alot while he was in jail and I know he has been waiting to see me. He could have picked a better time and method though.

I got up and was on time and everything. I got in and things did not seem right I was concerned, but I let it go. Mistake, when I came in this morning the place had been broken into and ravaged. The DVD was gone and a "borrowed digital camera". The worst part of it all is that all fingers point to "The Brats". The really messed up part of it is I had talked to the local cop and he was trying to get the oldest of them registered as he was going to turn 16 soon. I suspected it was his crew and someone came past while the officer was taking the report and said they saw some kids throwing things off of the roof. It sucks cause just the other day I was thinking about how I could reach shorty and help him out. Now cause he has a record his prints will probably show up and he'll go down again. I really wanted to help shorty out too. This is not the first time that my place of employment has been broken into...it really sucks to be hit by those you exist to serve.

Knots...(and not Don)

"(Insert pacing figure)"

Weekend was good...Ravens lost...almost punched someone sunday night from out of my sleep...got up early...dressed....in the office early....something is different...things are moved...spideysense tingling...something is gone...something borrowed...something costly...something that should have been returned already...who will catch blame?...why couldn't I have been on vacation?...Sucks...not a new thing...if I close my eyes I can be standing in the sun...too bad I need to see...They come in battalions...I'd prefer a single spy...dammit, dammit, sonofabitch...going to sit for about 10 minutes...then I'll start moving...I hate today already...

Selling on Out

"George Bush Loves Black People!"

Hopefully my readers won't hate me and Humanity Critic won't throat chop me...I'm doing it for the money! I have a plan to get rich and famous. I'm going to become Bush's black friend. I'll go to meetings, dinners and things with him. I'll be seen with an arm around him and my hand on Condi's ass. I'll denounce Kanye West (while secretly hiding his C.D.) for his outburst. Just being his friend means I'm sure to get some high ranking position that I'm not qualified for and all types of inside investment tips and things. The downside is, I'll lose all of my friends, my current readers and I won't be able to show up anywhere that I think is cool to be. White republicans will probably buy me drinks, though. I won't be able to go to any more concerts of artists I like. I'll get all the Toby Keith tickets I can stand (which is one, but I digress). Just think about the possibilities, I'll find out all types of secrets and good stuff. If someone tries to discredit me and dig up something from my past, they'll find some arrests, non-profit work, and an HBCU. I'm the perfect spokesman. I'm the type of black person they said to dislike. I'll go on the talk show circut and become more loved by mainstream america than Wayne Brady.

That being said I can only do so much before my true colors shine through. So, after I stack a nice bankroll, I'll quit and repent. I'll go on talkshows again and say that it was all a lie, Condi said she wanted to scream my name and then Bush pulled me in! They offered me money! All of my friends will come back saying they knew it couldn't have been true. I'll give an exclusive to H.C. talking about how Bush violated his guide to having black friends. I'll knock off every famous beautiful woman who hates Bush. I'll tell Larry King that he laughed and said "Fuck the National Guard!" before regailing me with tales of his A.W.O.L. activities. So, to all of you out there try not to hate me too much, I'm doing it for the money and the chance to show him up later on. B.T.W. I'll be going by R.J. during this period.

Solo

"The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself."
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

So I'm alone...a solo artist...the lone ranger. My boss has been out and may come in on friday. My other co-worker leaves early on tuesday and works in another building on thursday. Not to mention that I also have to take on the responsibilities of my boss, but every damn thing broke, the copier/fax, my computer and I'm compelled to strangle...someone. I almost want to go raw and buy a beer and sit at my desk in my boxers drinking. Perhaps that's a bit extreme, I'll just undo my pants and take my shirt off. Now it may seem like a momentary disruption to have my computer down, well it's not. If I lost my job today I might have to spend the next day saving things to disks and what not. I get a lot of things done on my computer at work, mostly personal things. I'm floating through these days. Being alone means I can't leave out to get certain things done, basically if a phone call or email won't do it - than I can't do it. I'm broke, but that doesn't matter cause I couldn't go out to get lunch anyway. I'm depressed cause of some turmoil in my life (translation: the Ravens lost on sunday night). I'm sitting and looking out of the window at the usual goings on some of which I covered in this post. I am reminded that I don't want to be like one of these old dudes out here. These cat's are sitting on the same steps everyday, drinking beer and ch-ch-chillin'. No work, no jobs, and I can't say that any of them have a real "family". Everyday these dudes are out here, kicking it. These dudes I can't really respect on the other hand another variation of these dudes are what I call the supermarket playas. You may have some of these old men in your city. These cat's are all retired and basically chill outside of the supermarket getting money from old and young ladies to ride them and their groceries home. All most all of these dudes drive cadillacs...it's like Crenshaw for the retired. They throw on some slacks a shirt and and a hat, park their caddy and kick it with their homies. I can respect that. Besides I plan to sit on my porch in my twilight years and tell young people how they messing up and young wanna be playas what they doing wrong. Think of the old dudes in the barbershop from Coming to America. "He whopped Joe Louis' Bernard Hopkins' ass!"

Anyway I can't front I'm not comfortable with myself right now. I'm not happy with my job. I'm not happy with my money, I'm not happy being single, I'm not happy with the world. On top of all that I'm stuck at my job by myself. However when I go home tonight I really have nothing to do and that pisses me off more than anything. I remember I used to have no free time. Having a whole bunch of free time just sucks. I'm about to write out my life and start coming up with things to do. Things to push me further. Right now I feel like those dudes chilling on the steps and it's driving me crazy. Perhaps if large groups of people didn't irritate me so much I could just go out and be happy. I can't though. Someone alway ends up saying or doing something that reminds me why I stay home most of the time. I wrote on someone's blog that I was going to start picking women up at Barnes & Nobles to drink coffee and read books for free. If none of this goes right then I'll plot my world takeover. Just in case I'm accepting applications for generals in my army...my secretary of pain position is reserved for the jello enthusiast.

Dammit

"Ha HA"

I did a whole long winded post about things that I need and want on the sane side of my brain. and I try to post it and lost the whole thing. This is Nelson Muntz, he represents my whole interaction with computers this week. Not to mention the fact that my boss is out so I had to assume her responsibilities and I have been basically solo in the office all week. Yeah, I know bitch, gripe, complain. I guess it's easier when I talk about the world and everyone can relate instead of when I just yap about my own issues. Dammit.

Les Enfants Terribles

"Children may or may not be blessing, but to create them and then fail them was surely a damnation"

Lois McMaster Bujold, "Barrayar", 1991


The above image is from City of God, basically showing a younger boy being initiated into the "gang". What you don't see are the two people he has infront of him, of which he has to shoot one. Those two were children, one his age the other younger. It's those children that I want to talk about. While drugs were being sold and a gang war was going on there was a group of young children who were basically living lawless. Raiding stores, robbing people and commiting any type of crime that they could. I have found a variation of them in the blocks surrounding my job. Two of them are the younger cousins of some of my clients. In regards to their family they are the ones everyone is waiting to see killed or arrested. The mother of those two (she has a total of 4 children) had a nervous breakdown not long ago. The situation is not unique and this is the problem. I see these boys all the time when they should be in school. I hear from their cousins and a friend of mine in the area their exploits. A rash of cars broken into. Homes broken into (a brand new Glock stolen from one), grown men beat down. All I can think is these are the children of the 90's. Families who don't know what to do with them. Schools that can't wait until they turn 16 so they can be dropped from roll. Cops building cases so the first time they are caught for a crime of circumstance they can be charged as adults and sent away. I have already posed the question what will the children of double aught buck be like ('00 don't mind my old miner terminology). I'm not sure I want to find out. I myself walk a thin line with these boys. I see them enough that we speak, but I don't trust them and would be willing to lay one out if it came to it. That's not really even my style, however, with each passing year it's not the rawness of young people that increase - it's the number of young people who are raw. I knew someone like them growing up, I didn't know 10...not until late middle/early high school. I used Les enfants terribles not because of the play or movie but from a video game. In Metal Gear Solid the phrase was coined from two clones produced from a great soldier who were taught to be the best. I wonder if in a sense it isn't almost the same type of situation. These cats are more advanced in several ways. They are willing to do more and have been through more than most people I knew coming up. They have less fear and less support. More people are willing to accept that they will be killed or go to jail. I can't help but believe that we are creating these "enfants terribles". They are in the proper environment to grow up into criminals and killers. They will probably end up having children as well, children who will be a step ahead in the same game. As we ponder our progress I see more regression. What's sad is that though I work in a field that's created to "help them", none of them are old enough for me to do anything for them. I have to wait a year for the oldest and 4 for the youngest. I can't help but think what difference a year will make.

Soooooo.....

"Stop laughing at me!!"

Me and my computer here at work are having some issues. So much so that I'm not even on it while I type this. First of all it just seems dirty to type a post on another computer. Something about do it on the computer that's provided for me to do work on is just soothing. So if I should get the problem taken care of today I'll post something, if not I'll be like the dudes from Office Space taking the Fax machine out into a field.

More Helpful Hints for Dudes Who Suck

"The Art of Easing"

Having already produced three other entries in this series I was inspired by MidLife Crisis to forge on in my journey to improve the quality of dudes for the ladies. Plus, watching you fumble around makes my beer taste bad.

Nosce te ipsum - Know Thyself - To quote a friend of mine, "he can't beat me at being me". Simply explained - don't try to out do other people in an effort to win attention, that's like placing a bet against the mob...the fight is already fixed. Do you. Whatever that is. True, not all the ladies will be interested, but such is life. By trying to out perform someone in their own arena you serve to set yourself up to look stupid.

You Must Learn - Nothing comes across better than knowing. The name of the person who said that quote. What type of wine goes with this meal. Who performed the original version of that song. That shirt is a cotten/linen blend right? Whatever it is knowing is helpful. Knowing what to do about that car trouble she is having. Knowing where she can get that information from. Most importantly, know that you don't know. Nothing is worse than someone stretching beyond what they know. Once again you're setting yourself up to look stupid. The wise man knows he knows nothing at all. Roll with your strengths.

Down the Rabbit Hole - So many dudes try to create a false experience. Knowing that women like to hear shit. I love you. I've never felt this way before. Blah, Blah, Blah. Avoid this bullshit in the end it brings you nothing but drama. Of course we must recall a guiding principle...women talk to each other. Not all of them, but more than we do. Someone will see through your non-experience and realize that all you are is a dick and talk. Some won't care, quality ones will.

Omitting and Lying - A true man does not have to lie. O.K. unless your girl is a police detective and you are planning a surprise party then maybe. In that instance though she's even harder to lie to. Make things known. If this is how you roll make it known. Firstly lying is hard to keep up with anyway. Second of all most people lie from fear. Don't be a pussy. Say what you feel. She either has to take it or leave it. After being tossed around the majority of the ladies will appreciate knowing where they stand. It's one thing to not mention something, however, an angry lady will not respect the subtle distinction. I find the take it or leave it attitude works best.

Know your level - If you prefer chicken wings to an actual meal than ignore all of this. Know the level of woman you are seeking out. Just because your woman of choice is not sitting on some steps in the middle of the hood doesn't mean she is not the main ingredient in a Chicken Box. Bell Biv Devoe said it best "Never trust a big butt and a smile". Do some investigation. One of the best methods (unless your target has been reading MidLife's recent posts) is to let them talk. The average person can't stand silence and will reveal intimate details about themselves if you only give them a chance.

Cavet Emptor -Let the buyer beware - Seek out more than ass! Getting ass is easy and can be done. The thing is something always comes along with it. Some type of drama can easily be imported into your life when you casually accept all the ass that you can get. Pick and Choose my friend. Actually try not to shop in the bargin bin at all. I used to tell my clients if you were to get a girl pregnant and would then be upset that SHE, in particular, is pregnant don't sleep with her. Condoms and clean bills of health do not protect you from the wrath of a woman. Much less the wrath of a crazy woman. Yeah she'll be just as passionate when she watches to see where your car is parked with that aluminum bat clenched in her fists...I hope you don't have any pets. I had a co-worker who was a player and could pull the ladies with ease. His choices however caused his car to spend a lot of time in the shop. The only good thing about getting involved like this is that friends like me can laugh at you when you ask me to call you in five minutes and say I need a ride...."who is this?"

In the Aftermath

"When sorrows come they come not in single spies, but in battalions."
Shakespeare


Over the past few days we have seen all types of pictures of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Beyond lost lives and property another thing has been lost. Perspective. The way people view the government, the way the world views America. All of these things will come to affect us in the future. One positive thing to come out of all of this that I hope will remain is the attitude of the media. The media has been very critical and unforgiving towards the government in it's handling of this situation. Wolf Blitzer even mentioned that the majority of the people we are seeing are "so poor and so black". On Real Time with Bill Maher it was mentioned (well alot was mentioned) that money that would have gone directly to helping preparing the Gulf Coast for incidents such as this had been cut. The most profound perspective is that of the rest of the world. Right now America looks weak and impotent. The greatest country in the world unable to properly help it's own...before or after the fact. Hell, atheletes got into the region to help before the government did. On that note, for the uninitiated I just have to mention my utter distrust of the Red Cross. Not to mention that there are several smaller organizations that aren't getting much support...or press. Not only in the direct area but in the cities that some of the evacuees have been shipped to. I hope that more people will start asking critical questions about the lack of proaction and the slow reaction to this situation. I hope that people will consider that the national guard should have been in the country to assist with evacuations beforehand instead of sending people who aren't full-time soldiers into a war. I hope people realize that most of the people who were still in the area and didn't evacuate were too poor to do so. I hope people will not just get through this and after things are rebuilt and consider it a strong moment in our history. I hope that people will learn to look towards the future. Where are we vulnerable? What are we doing in the world that may cause backlash? I hope that people will become involved in their lives on all levels.

Consuming Us

"Yes, we marched on the Federal building. Five hundred of us, young brothers, full of outrage...They were hiring that day. The brothers came with outrage; they left with jobs."

-Kalinga (I'm Gonna Git You Sucka!)

I constantly think about, well the current status of things. Like with gas prices soaring why are people not kirking out and siphoning off of city trucks...hmmmmmmm...not a bad idea. They say that money is the root or evil, but I'm wondering if it doesn't also produce complacency. I just think on a personal level, how many times have I been pleased just thinking of a recent purchase. How often has the ability to buy something made me feel content with myself. Even when I look at the place of black people in America. How many of us think things are cool cause we can work, own and purchase things. Have we truly become a part of the pre-Fight Club mentality? My life will be complete when I buy the couch with pea green stipe pattern! The sad truth is we all have to spend most of our time doing something we hate just to finance living...even if it's not comfortably. So my thought is, how do we upgrade ourselves? I know we need to. This doesn't even come from watching the masses. When I look at those who I know to be intellectual people despite any wisdom they may offer many of them maintain a morose undercurrent. As if in another time they would have taken up a sword, rallied the village and deposed the ruler of the land. Now there doesn't seem to be that sort of immediate satisfaction at hand. We have become desensitized to protests. Even when they make the news. It may seem sad, but even extreme violence doesn't affect us quite the same. When was the last time something horrible happened and your whole neighborhood was ready to just up and go somewhere to do something. Our modern day tragedies and calamities are usually good water cooler talk. Something we can debate about. Even our government seems lethargic in it's responses. As a whole our greatest solution seems to be to throw money at something. This may be helpful in terms of resources, but it still removes us from the situation. For instance I need my brakes done (two weeks ago for real!) so I'm about to go pay someone to do them. I should have all the tools and knowledge and just do it my damn self. The same holds true for many things thought. I have a problem call the cops, something happened get a lawyer. We can't even settle a difference or defend ourselves without worrying about getting sued or locked up. What plenty of rich people have learned is that money may take care of many things, but it still won't fill you. It doesn't make you better, smarter or more good looking. You can get women, but you know you're really buying them in essence. I think my point is all of this outside reliance and validation is dulling the human spirit. Those who may ponder such things are slowly going mad because of it. Those who don't are softened just the same. They may not realize it until it's thrown in their face. I guess the challenge now is how to use our intellect to force change in the world. Should we employ and army of hackers and investment bankers. Should we all become corporate take-over specialists. Why not, I can filter my need for bloodshed to Playstation2. In the meantime my and my army of hackers will be waiting.