In Response

"What the problem is"

I had a comment to my "Three Finger Point Back" post that I felt compelled to answer...not calling anyone out, but I'm not sure I ever addressed those questions in such a way here.

My first suggestion for improving this country is accountability. If we would hold people accountable they would be hesitant to act as they please. This means that despite the fact that a president is treated like royalty we have to realize he's a public servant. I think one of the problems is that our system doesn't provide a proper check and balance. If candidates didn't have to raise so much money to campaign would they be so easily swayed by contributers? If laws were written in more simple (and short) terms wouldn't congressman bother to read them in full? My friend we ARE in an elite fucked up status. Think of it like reparations, Japanese victims of Internment camps got them...Native Americans are getting them, yet the people who were the free labor for an entire country haven't? Companies exist and families are rich still because of slavery. The country as a whole became so great because of it...a land built on free labor. I don't care if people don't know what to do with them, if I'm wrong I'll apologize even if the person I'm apologizing to is too angry to accept it. The main problem with America is that we won't acknowledge our faults and we hide behind the "greatness" of the country. Americans as a whole never openly admit that we did something wrong. As in some of the cases I pointed and you asked if we should be the worlds benefactor - my philosophical answer would be why not. What happens in other places will effect us. We get involved when we know it may hurt us. We get involved when something conflicts with our interest. Helping to improve conditions all over is in our interest. I think about John Nash from A Beautiful Mind...if we do what's best for the group we can all win. America, instead has been chasing the blonde forever. If we had been proactive on several fronts we wouldn't have spent as much money or sacrificed as many of our own lives to restore order later on. The intellectual answer would be - we don't have to, however, we shouldn't use others for our benefit, especially since alot of those we have used in the past are now bigger problems (Iraq, Osama, etc.) in the present. Right now America is caught up in issues of Morals, but we think about what's on T.V. and in video games as opposed to what we are doing in the world and how it will impact us later...if anything we should be selfish in that manner. I'd like to make the world better on principle...but I know that if it isn't than any children I have will exist under a more serious version of the threats all of us face now. America used those we see as terrorists now to serve our needs then. The result: we trained, funded and armed people then created the conditions for them to hate us. We got what we wanted cause it caused Russia to collapse...as a result people the world over can more easily acquire weapons - from guns to Plutonium. I remember my Teachers, when I wouldn't stand for the anthem, would ask where else in the world I would live...doesn't matter cause America has effect the world over. On top of that my family still lives here and I couldn't abandon them. We're talking about a country that would love to arrest Bobby Fisher cause he went to a country we had a problem with to play chess.

You mentioned that people the world over risk life and limb to come here...well citizens who have found a means have also left here because of the nature of this country. Despite the fact that only one of the smallest minorities are truly from "here" alot of those people who try won't be allowed in. If your a cute little cuban boy we might spend tax dollars and protest for you, but don't be a boat full of Haitians. This is the most arrogant, self-centered and egotistical country in the world...from top to bottom. We consider 9/11 one of the worse tragedies in history when most countries all over the world have had to deal with "terrorism" for decades. The P.L.O., The I.R.A. how many terrorist organizations have existed in the world. How many have we funded because their current agenda suited our needs or wants at that moment. We are the Supreme elite fucked up status. When the rest of the world told us not to go to an ill-advised and unsubstantiated war we flipped them the bird and went. When Hitler was tearing Europe a new asshole we didn't do anything until something happened to us. Worse than what we do the world over is probably what we do to our own citizens. Children getting life sentences, Tobacco, a known killer, is not illegal while weed which has medical uses is. We deny people rights in court because the system is backed up. We place quotas on how many people should be arrested each month but not how many need to graduate from school. We are scared of our own children, which means we fear our future. Our president the lowest approval rating of any since WWII (save Nixon during Watergate) and he is still doing as he pleases...at our expense. I could call this the worst country in the world because we have the potential to be so much better than we are. We just don't because of our own greed and ignorance, than we look at the rest of the world as if from some higher position to judge them when in truth we can't even control ourselves.

Tainted Love

"The higher up, the Berry tree the sweeter grow the berries, the more you hug and kiss the girl, the more she wants to marry."

Ahh yes due to the overwhelming response of the last post, I figured that even more deserving of it's post than me giving my aunt the finger on Christmas eve would be Valentines. The day that makes more people question their self worth than any other. The day that is Stereo Surround sound for loneliness. In my life, if I leave out those elementary school valentines, I have celebrated and been with someone ONCE (Uno, for valentines...and we broke up a few months later. If you think valentines sucks try being a hopeless romantic on such a day. I would watch dudes give the same old gifts over and over. Despite my wonderful ideas, I never had the chance to put them into action. While I'm speaking of the same old let me go into some history of Valentines. You may wonder what the pic above has to do with this holiday...so glad you asked.


This little fellow is THE poster boy for shotgun weddings. If shotgun weddings were a file on your computer cupid is the appropriate icon. First of all I'll state the turning of angels into babies is a load because they were they messengers of GOD. That's like turning the burning bush into a honeysuckle. It just doesn't pack the same punch. So why is it appropriate for cupid to be a baby. Because in the day there was no "Child Support Enforcement" and it would bring shame on a family to have an unwed mother. Cupid is basically like saying you got got punk! In a shotgun wedding the father usually wields the tool until the tie is bound. Cupid represented the pregnancy that would force a young couple to marry. His arrow is like the shotgun pointing at the man who has been targeted and put into an "actionable" position. Cupid is old school child support! I'm sure that behind him is the angry father with his hand on the hilt of a sword, eager to discuss the nuptials. Keeping this in mind he seems like a bad icon for a holiday based on love. "You gon' buy them roses punk!"

Suffice it to say that at this point in time Valentines means nothing to me. Holidays may have their own meaning, but to us they are built off of our memories. So if your old man gave you the business end of a lit cigarette for X-mas every year than it would make sense that it's not a popular day for you. I had taken to the mantra of making everyday Valentines, however, that was just a denial of the fact that I usually wouldn't be with someone on that day. I actually used to take bets with myself to see what would happen to end a relationship I had going before valentines. I have broken up with people within days of valentines. Now it's at the point that if I am with someone and they celebrate the day I'll have to make conscious reminders to myself to do something. I already know that I will not (NOT) buy any roses, but thats a personal issue between me and roses. Also I can't stand helium ballons, unless I can suck out the Helium and talk to people, especially answering phones. My thing is I love to give gifts, but I want it to be something that when people see it they know I gave that gift. I love to get people the thing they love but can't find. I once went to a street fair with a girlfriend and she remarked how she love this certain ring. We went to her place and I promptly made an excuse ran out and put some money down on that joint. I can't remember how much time passed before I gave it to her, but she remembered it...and thanked me well. I have bought my mother movies that she loved but couldn't find or think of on DVD. I got her a native american looking anger in Mexico and it stands out among her collection. I hate giving a gift that anyone would have given. Which is why I often scowl at young lovers in the hallmark section on St. V's. No my lad get some parchment and write a poem or a note or re-rewrite someone elses poem. Here's a quote for you,"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." see that was easy. Much better than roses are red and violets are blue. So to bring this to a close here is an excerpt from a joint I wrote which I think is fitting to the topic.

"Muscles tense he released and caught me
Cupid marked me, he shot me and scarred me
with a lethal hit and the pleasure of it
was like a warm death and I couldn't resist
But time brings change, nothing stays the same
as the arrow was removed pleasure became pain..."

Happy Valentines!!!!

Tainted

"All I want for Christmas is booze."

I have an issue with just about every holiday. Sometimes justified, sometimes selfish, regardless there are issues. Come tip-toe through the disfunction.

Christmas - Alright I have some historical and factual issues with Christmas, but the biggest problem I had was Santa Claus. See, being that I lived in a relative "hood" I had a lot of questions...
1) We don't have a chimney so how does he get in?
He comes in through the Keyhole.
2) Where do the Reindeer go?
They park in the alley.
3) Is Santa Black or White?
Depends on the family.
4) Then what's up with those presents in the closet?
Shut up and go to bed.


My main problem with Santa Claus was the fact that despite how good I was, I didn't always get everything I wanted. The issue with this was the fact that I understood when my mother would say that she couldn't afford to buy me something but, Santa was magic right? Why wouldn't he get me what I wanted? Eventually I found out that there was no Santa Claus and this is where my it fell apart. I felt like crap...all that time my mother was buying me all these toys and I know she was scraping and just making it, yet I had been complaining about not getting what I wanted. She should have been getting all the thanks and praise, but I was pissed at some fat man who dressed like a Biohazard trash bag cause I didn't get all that I wanted. I would have never felt like that had I known she was providing my gifts. At that point I swore that I could never tell my children that lie. I don't want them to be the ones that ruin Christmas for their classmates, but I can't lie to them.






Thanksgiving- Perhaps I should pre-empt this by saying that my birthday is Nov. 29th, this means that I'm usually a few days after Thanksgiving. Just consider trying to celebrate when everyone is still in a Tryptophan induced coma from left-over turkey sandwiches. Plus people have just come over for a holiday so they tend to forget that my birthday is coming up. Add to this that my Grandmother's birthday is the 27th and it's easy for me to be forgotten about by family in general. Now I like it cause I don't care as much if people remember my birthday and it's a sure good meal. My other problem was that I noticed how hard Christmas got marketed. Before we could thaw out the turkey people were already on to Christmas. I used to want to yell at advertising firms, "Calm down and take it one holiday at a time." I mean give people some time to eat their turkey and praise the day of my birth before we start showing It's a Wonderful Life.




July 4th - My issue as a child was my family didn't want me playing with fireworks. My issue now is that people set of fireworks from May until the end of July. Alllllllll damnnnnnnnn nighttttttttt. I want to run outside and shove all their firecrackers into an undisclosed location and light them. I'm sure I'd be able to sleep over the sounds of pain. I did used to enjoy going to the harbor for the Fireworks display. I wouldn't watch them though. I'd watch people set off firecrackers and get pulled out and locked up by the cops. Good times. I think next year I'll get a Air rifle and a directional mic to deal with all those who want to use up their goods after midnight. The directional mic is so I'm sure to hear the results of my shot.



Halloween- Besides that fact that Micheal Jackson's situation has ruined Thriller for me. I NEVER got to trick or treat. See, my grandmother watched the news alot and the whole poison candy thing ruined it for me. This is also the reason why I never had a Starter Jacket...she was nervous when I got a leather. Now the other thing that compounded this was the fact that because of this she didn't want to give out candy either so we became "that" house on Halloween. If only to pour salt in my wounds by the time I was old enought to not want to dress up or trick or treat...they wanted to give out candy and they wanted me to do it. I damn near had a fit when those words were first spoken. "You want me to WHAT?!?!?!" Let's just say that while I'm a polite son and grandson this episode did not last long. That's like asking a Death Row inmate to give a stand-up comedy performance. I'll tell you this those first few Tricker Treaters got real lucky cause I was tossing away candy like a senators son at a strip club.

Damn Holidays.

"Three fingers point back"

"This is the greatest country in the world"
Random Redneck

Before I start I will say that though I plan to be more interesting than Chris Rock on Bill Maher friday night...this is all motivated by gas prices. I remember when I got my ride in '02 it cost $20 bucks to fill it up. Now it costs me over $30 with gas already in the tank! Perhaps it's just my general displeasure of the situation, but I swear gas doesn't last as long anymore. I feel like I'm buying coke and I'm getting mostly cut...but I digress.

Being that America is always right and is the best thing since bloodletting, I figured I'd go over some high points in our history.

1763 - 1775 Here's a fun fact since people love to talk about how terrorists fight dirty...did you know that we (as a nation) pioneered guerilla tactics. For centuries throughout history when nations went to war on land the two sides would meet up on a field, hurl some projectiles and then the armies would go at it. When Americans fought the "Red Coats" they said the hell with that. While the british were lined up and marching single file, American troops hid in the foliage and took them out. The British found it quite unsporting.

1692 During the salem Witch trials the founders of this great land became afraid of witches. During this time many people were killed. The thing is they were killed in the most ignorant fashion..."We're going to hold you under water, if you die it's cause you're a witch, if you're not than God will save you." I'm not sure if I would call that sporting.

1492 - 1895 (or so) I'll just say that in 1492 there were about 12 Million Natives in this land, 4 centuries later 237 thousand. I was really hoping that the Shinnecocks would get to take the summer homes of the rich and famous...

Too far back for you, then here...

1979 - 1989 The C.I.A. invests $2.1 Billion dollars to support the Anti-Soviet Resistance in Afghanistan. We trained what Regan called, "the valiant and courageous Afghan freedom fighters." We taught them how to use guerilla tactics against a larger, well armed force. Of course our purpose was to help facilitate the fall of the U.S.S.R. Now boys and girls guess who was apart of those freedom fighters.

1980's America backs Saddam and Iraq against Iran. We gave this cat money, information and (Drumroll please) weapons. I find it rather weird that just about everyone we give weapons and money to ends up using them against us. Did I mention that even though we helped Saddam we still gave weapons to Iran hoping they would release Western Hostages.

I find it interesting that we still can't admit to our participation in events around the world and the way that they have come back to bite us. Saddam originally wanted to control the oil in the Middle East, when we helped him his actions served our interest. Once he did something that we didn't like we brought up the history of what he did to Iranians and his own people...we don't mention the fact that he did this while we supported him.

Bin Laden and those that fight with him were trained and funded by us when it served our purpose. When we were done we left them with a war torn land that couldn't be farmed. They figured, "We have weapons and training" and became a nomadic force fighting anywhere people of the islamic faith were fighting. Imagine if we invested some interest in these people after we got what we wanted from them. If we had spent a portion of what we did to aid their land post-conflict, would there be such a massive force in the world right now?

Too bad this great nation not only lacks the balls to admit to it's past, but it won't even challenge a public servant who is screwing up all over the world. I just think, people were going to impeach Clinton for lying about a blow-job. We should just support the current prez in a continually failing military operation based on a lie. What a country.

Hand Holding

"One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor"

So as you may or may not know I think the majority of Americans are pussified, lazy people who can't rely on themselves. Not to mention that we want to do as we please and be free of all consequences. Some of these things are shown in simple ways while others cover important areas of our lives. I already chronicled my disdain for Viagra and the other "get right" pills on the market, however, these are just a drop in the bucket.


Yes the ultimate cop-out pill my friends...Chaser. This little dandy will allow you to drink like every day is a night in Vegas without worrying about the residual effects in the morning. I'd like to thank the makers of this product for sparing drunk assholes everywhere their God given punishment for living it up the night before. I may not be the average person, but not only have I never had hangover...I don't drink like I'm trying to get one. I mean when you need one of these I don't think most people are thinking about having a few cocktails. This is "who's dick is this?" type of drinking. I don't want to even start thinking about people running around with this, some x and a couple viagras. I may never be able to go to a club again. Every night will be like an episode of the "Real World". Things are meant to have consequences. I hate fat free things cause, hell, you shouldn't be stuffing your mug with a whole bunch or garbage in the first place. I hate Chaser with a passion cause we need balance, I don't want that stupid drunk from last night walking around the next day like nothing happened. Hangovers are the type of things that make people say, "Damn, I need to slow down." What am I left with, will I have to take a Video Camera around documenting the stupidity of their previous nights actions as the only consequence. I forgot, drinking is already a crutch for acting stupid. They say that fear checks the angry spirit or in other words knowing there are consequences makes us consider our actions. Well what happens when we wipe away consequences? I figure that even if you don't drink like you just lost your job, house, wife and got beat down by your children...having a hangover is your body telling you something ain't right. I had a bartender explain to me that your better off drinking straight booze than any drink that has sugar in it. I know for a fact that if you're at the bar that person that keeps ordering sweet drinks is most likely to dumb-out before the night is over. When you put straight booze to your mouth the smell of it will hit your stomach and let you know you need to chill. At this point I don't know what will be the next consequence taken away, but I'm already afraid to hear about it. Since I'm usually optimistic I'll look at it this way: there wil be alot of drunk people telling me they love me and I can probably put my drinks on their tab, plus in the morning they won't feel like crap so they probably won't be as pissed about it.

Bad, Bad Things

"Run everybody he's got a Playstation2 and he'll use it!"

So once again I have a beef about something. My general concern is that old white politicians should not be allowed to do anything with my entertainment...in any form. As I'm sure some of you know Mrs. Clinton and others are now attacking the video game industry because of the Hot Coffee mod that allows you to play a sex mini-game. Now while I don't think that children should be playing such a thing, I also don't think that the company should be attacked for having it. Technically they only had the ability for the mini-game and someone unlocked it and put the mod(ification) online for others to download. So heres my rant...all of these people should be beaten with a bag of silver dollars. For anything of this nature I think parents should know what the deal is. As a young lad I remember asking my mother to buy me things all of the time. I can never think of one instance where she just up and purchased something without knowing anything about it. Keeping in mind that as a young man I may have gotten ahold of something my mother wouldn't want me to have but, nothing that cost $50. You could always get liquor by pulling the wino move. I guess perhaps you could find a junkie or someone and pay them to get you a game, but it's still kind of wild for me to think that someone who is too young to purchase the game has enough money to cover the cost and then pay someone to get it for them. Perhaps I'm just old though. I do know this it sure is a lot easier to blame someone who makes video games than it is to take on the porn and gun manufacturing industries.

My other beef is this, I own that game. I think people forget that it's not just a whole bunch of 10 year olds sitting around playing video games nowadays. I grew up on video games like 50 year old white men did baseball. I was getting thumb blisters from Mike Tyson Punch Out! before I had a wet dream. When I go to the store there may be some underage people there, but there are even more grown ass men buying video games. While I don't play or purchase like I would have when I was 18, (well actually when I was 18 I was running the street so much I didn't own a system at that point) I still do play and Pacman won't cut it anymore. I want to come home sometimes and kill some fictional characters that I will imagine to be my executive director. I want to prove that the Ravens just need to change their play selection and they could score more on offense. I used to be thrilled with Super Mario Bros. but playing those games now would be like restricting my self to the Disney movie library...which by the way is getting more risque so that parents aren't bored out of their skull when they take the kiddies.

I ask all of you to donate your silver dollars to my bag so that I can proceed to beat down politicians and parent groups (who should probably be at home kicking it with their children anyway). Do something about the increased cursing on Daytime Soap Operas. Do something about gun manufacturing. Hell if you want to see how easy it is for children to come up on something inappropriate without spending a dime; go to Google do an image search for "Couple" and look at the first entry that comes up. That's not child friendly. Hell I find more garbage by accident than on purpose. Well...it didn't take me long to find the Janet superbowl nipple shot. However, I'm tired of watching people expend all their energy towards easy targets instead of doing something about the actual causes of violence and depravity in the world. My biggest thing is there is a rating system meaning that it's illegal to sell people under certain ages certain games...so why are people blaming companies..."It's Havard Law's fault I got sued that's were the lawyer of the guy I beat up went to!" It's a sad day when pimple faced teenagers on the internet who want the cheerleaders in Madden '06 to have bigger breasts approach the situation more logically than a Senator. Hell, there's a stable of kids who wouldn't spend dime one on the game because they don't think it's advanced beyond the first installment! These cats want more content. If this is how things are going to be then I'm suing the President...you heard me. All those unintelligible statments have lowered my I.Q. and I deserve retribution...furthermore he should be banned from talking ever again. I also have plans to sue any t.v. network or station and written publication or digital media that features: Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Alan Keyes, Puffy, Lil' Kim, Anyone hosting a show on B.E.T. or M.T.V. and anyone who says the confederate flag is all about Heritage and has nothing to do with hate.

Adeo

"I'm having a mid-life crisis at 26...well almost 27."

So I have been thinking more andmore about myself as of late. Myself and my future. I'm almost in the middle of the day as opposed to the twilight or dawn of my life. I do feel old though. I know I've had lot's of experiences and been through various stages of my life, yet I understand that I'm really at the begining of things. I'm unmarried, have no children and actually don't own anything. I'm a clean slate...technically. I have my accumulated wisdom, my imagination and my artistic sense. I have principles, a sense of chivalry and an overall gallant nature. This is not getting me anywhere as far as my employment is concerned. I am an upstanding dignified low-paid human services worker. This post is not meant to be a rally for an increase in wages of people in my field...they should though. I am somewhat depressed by the fact that I can't use any of my good qualities to improve my standing. I could be an asshole and go to school and improve my status but my nature can't do much for me. I can build and friends and that is a great thing. I can establish a family around myself but, society in general won't recognize my character. Maybe after I die people will say I was a nice person, but for now it just doesn't get me anywhere. And it's not just me, it's anyone of a pleasant nature. I know plenty of people who are just amazing and that's not going to get them anywhere. What I'm saying is reputation seems to not mean much anymore. I've been told that I have a good reputation and it made me wonder what does that mean to me? Where will it get me. Even if I don't want to use it in such a manner I couldn't. There was a time when a good reputation could carry you a ways in life. Now it can make you a mark for someone to try and take advantage of. I would like to live in a world where my word means something to more than just me. I want to do something great that will be recognized. The only new horizons seem to be bogged down in politics. I don't want to have to deal with all of that. I know that we must all endure trials, but some of these assholes will make me famous for murder. I want to affect a change that will echo throughout the world. The type of change that makes people evaluate their own lives. Not the type that they show on the news after ten stories about killing. I don't want to be the "collecting shoes for Iraqi children" story. I want to express my worth in the world...in an effective way. I want people to feel what I know can radiate off of me even when they hear about what I did...or do. I hate the fact that I can think of several horrible things to do and become infamous or well known than I can positive things to bring about change. So I open it up to you...my avid readers what great thing is there left to be done? Keep in mind I don't like the Prez enough to teach him how to speak and read (cause I'm sure he can't read well).

A late twenty-something love

"We fittin' to make a change up in here!"

So my cousin got married this sunday. When I say my cousin I don't mean someone in my family that I don't know. This is the cat I played G.I. Joes with and took several beatings together. It meant alot to me because of the history and the fact that he is only 3 months older than me. I learned alot sunday and I will share with all of you.

• My mother can be brainwashed. We started talking about my cousins and myself. Four of us (handsome young brothers) were born in 1978. One has a child and one is now married. The subject of age came up and we argued for like 15 minutes about how old I was. It seems that my Grandmother thought we would all be 28 this year and she conviced my mother of this. After about ten minutes they had me doubting my own age. Then finally I got through to them (with a calculator) that I would turn 27 this year. My mother maintains that granny convinced her. I say she was there and she should know.
• My Cousin is THE MAN. This dude did not have a conventional wedding at all. It looked like it would be but this cat came down the aisle dancing and not just that they came out to "All I need" by Method Man and Mary J. Blige. I almost let of a shot from my seat. Not only that but all the groomsman danced over to the bridesmaids. The cherry on top is the fact that this cat was introduced into the reception while "I'd rather be with You" by Bootsy Collins played! This cat is related to me for sure.
• Don't park in the lot by Pier 5 Hotel. I paid 21 bucks to park for about 4 hours! That is ri-goddamned-diculous.
• Children love me. My younger cousin has two children. I had yet to see the youngest and someone put her on my lap during the ceremony. She was with me the rest of the day. No matter what happened she gravitated back to me. I don't know what it is about me but the kids love me. I have dubbed her "Krumbsnatcher".
• My mother wants me to get married and have kids. It's becoming evident. I told her not until I'm 30. She asked if I had prospects and I gave her a smirk and asked "what type of prospects?".
• I love weddings. I haven't seen Wedding Crashers but I understand the principle. To my regret I had to leave early cause of an early work day the next day. It sucks worse because I was earning mad points with my cousins daughter following me around all day. I coulda been knee deep in bridesmaids dammit!

Fire Good!

"Somethings wrong with the Flux Capacitor!"

Too my EXTREME dismay. Our internet is down at the office. I am back in the dark ages. I keep getting the urge to call someone on my cell so that I know the world still exists. I had to go to our parent organization to post this (in between pretending that I was working, I think this desk is by the directors office for a reason). I feel like I'm back in the dark ages again. So while I attempt to make fire you guys enjoy an old post...or not...I don't know, not having internet access makes me confused.


2.23.2005
Off the back of the lorry
I am stealing english slang. I love slang of all types but I have a special place in my heart for the limeys. I have taken to saying crikey (sp) in lieu of cursing. It's just a good word. I also have the urge to burst out at work and say something like " These geezers treat me like a tosser, holding up me reddies. Old bill can't get in on this one, guv. The blokes make me wanna get tooled up and leave em with claret all over their knickers, wearing a Chelsea smile. I thought about this cause this comedian was talking about getting robbed in a place your not from and slang making it hard to understand. "Word is bond kid, run them Jew-els for the ion start spitting and turn your cabbage into coleslaw." I recall when I was at Morgan (MSU) people couldn't tell where I was from because my love of hip-hop and my grasp of the english languge had seasoned my speach. In fact they only figured out where I was from when I kept saying yo. I didn't realize it was such a "Baltimore" term. I am aware that we can have a whole conversation just using yo and a few other terms. "Yo, you know son from up the joint that run with the lil' yo's, not yo from down the hill, money that used to mess with shorty - the stallion." Because I can speak properly I have a greater appreciation for slang. Similar to foreign languages, slang words can speak a whole sentence. The best example is the word "What". Commonly a question, it can be a threat an expression of surprise or disbelief and truly more things than I can think of now. I used to get into debates with people who would say that their use of proper english made other black kids tease them. Their point was you shouldn't be teased for speaking properly. My problem is they would refer to slang as improper speach. Slang is as old as speach. When people developed words other people would shorten or create new words that gave a more ready description. In fact slang definitions of words make their way into the dictionary after some periods of usage. For instance the meaning of cool that pertains to me (and What!) as opposed to the one that is a measurment of temperature are both in the dictionary. When cool was first used in this manner it wasn't accepted. It would have been considered improper. Welcome the slang. Except for the word "hot" it sounds like a sleazy agent from the 80's or something. "You're hot babe!....sniff"

Another Workday Fun Post!

"I'm taking a meeting."

As it grows closer to football season (excuse # 504) I find myself less and less interested in the goings ons of the place that pays my salary. So here are some things I have done in the past to make my work day speed by.

Dishwasher

Old Country Buffet

This was fun, while I recommend that you don't eat there it was safe for me cause I got to know who to trust. Plus my man who got me the job eventually became a cook so we would place special orders...more cheese in the macaroni sir! In order to pass the time at this job we did all of the following:

• Used our free food privilege to make sundays and shakes with special additives like Kahlua and Bailey's.
  
• Indulged in less, how do I say it...oh yeah - legal activities when taking out trash.
  
• Spray the girls who worked the floor with our hose.
  
• Shut down the equipment to have a battle (lyrically speaking).
  
• Stare down customers who came to tell us about a mess their child had made.
  

Group Home Tutor

SAFE Managment

This job was okay but I didn't like the lack of uniformity about how they dealt with the clients. I always dig working with young cats though. The thing is the oldest residents were 17 and didn't know I was 18. Another thing if you work with inner city youth that hate math...convert it to drugs or dice, muhfukkas can add, subtract, divide and multiply real quick on that note.

• Apply sleeper hold to the residents (they liked it what can I say?).
  
• Show the residents they did not corner the market on insults and snappy comebacks.
  
• Ask who did one thing and find out every bad thing that happened all week (snitches!)
  
• Let them crack on each other until I got bored with listening.
  

After School Program Staff

House of Mercy

I loved this job 5 - 10 year olds. All I had to do was help them with their homework and keep them busy. This was one of the most fun jobs I ever had in my life. Plus some of the teachers at the school where I picked them up from were fine so I enjoyed that aspect of the job as well.

• In the winter I would pull the childrens scully down over the face as I let them in the door. After a month there would be a line of 25 children with their hands clutching their hats as they entered.
  
• Dodgeball! Before you think I'm cruddy, I didn't throw it that hard it's just that most of them didn't have the foresight to consider my ricochet skills. If you think I'm mean than I'd like to implicate my accomplice at the time seen here (the taller cat - BTW he steals prom keychains and candy from young people).
  
• Wrestling once again. With the girls I just talk to them and get them to do their homework. The boys always wanted to play or just DO something so I'd promise to "L" them out after they finished their homework. The funny thing is they would run off, do their homework, I'd "L" them out, then they' go get their friends and come back like - "Mr. Rahsaan do him too." - "Yeah, do me!" Gotta love the kids.
  
• One of my favorite, yet most draining, activities was making children dizzy. Grab them by the ankle and wrist spin them around and around, then put them down and watch them try to keep their balance. I remember this girl named Dawn would always ask me to let her go so she could fly. I explained to her everyday that if I let her go she wouldn't fly - for long anyway. She had too much faith in my ability to believe that. She would try to convince me everyday that if I let go she would fly and that was that. I never did let her go, but I enjoyed the debate.
  

I'm Lazy so Bush does the Talking

"One ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One ring to....One ring to rule them, one to bind...Look there's one ring o.k. America."

Ahh yes what better way to end the week by poking fun at the nations leader! Honestly this is something that's actually too easy. Despite the fact that he has reeked havoc in the lives of people all over the world, he's no Sauron, or Darth Vader, hell he's not even a whiney Anakin. He's like a Dark Helmet or something. George Bush: The Accidental Apocalypse. Well here are some wonderful moments from Fearless leader. Enjoy my lazy ass copy and paste skills!!! (if you you think this sucks well I'm suffering through a staff meeting so that's punishment enough.)

There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, it's probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on ... shame on you...It...fool me... We can't get fooled again." --- George W. Bush, Oct. 8, 2002

"The senator has got to understand if he's going to have -- he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road." --George W. Bush, Feb. 17, 2000

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." --George W. Bush, Sept. 29, 2000

"The woman who knew that I had dyslexia -- I never interviewed her." --George W. Bush, denying a magazine article's claim that he suffers from dyslexia, Sept. 15, 2000

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." --George W. Bush, Feb. 21, 2001

"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case." --George W. Bush, Jan. 30, 2000

"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?" --George W. Bush, Jan. 29, 2000

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." --George W. Bush, May 14, 2001

"If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign." --George W. Bush, Feb. 16, 2000

"I've coined new words, like, misunderstanding and Hispanically." --George W. Bush, March 29, 2001

"Actually, I -- this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about -- when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me." --George W. Bush, May 31, 2000

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" —George W. Bush, in Jan. 2000

"The relations with, uhh — Europe are important relations, and they've, uhh — because, we do share values. And, they're universal values, they're not American values or, you know — European values, they're universal values. And those values — uhh — being universal, ought to be applied everywhere." —George W. Bush, at a press conference with European Union dignitaries, Washington, D.C., June 20, 2005

"I think younger workers — first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government — promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 4, 2005

"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the Mother in me." —George W. Bush, Washington D.C., April 14, 2005

"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table." —George W. Bush, Brussels, Belgium, Feb. 22, 2005

You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

I have a record in office, as well. And all Americans have seen that record. September the 4th, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I will never forget." —George W. Bush, Marlton, New Jersey, Oct. 18, 2004

Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —George W. Bush, Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (Go here and listen to this one -listen to audio)

But there is nothing that I get more pleasure from and nothing that sums up Bush more than this:



I think there should be a special new phrase made up for the look on his face.

Pardon me while I Geek Out

"Being a good fiend is like being a good photographer. You have to search for the right moment." -- Vegeta


Brother Omi mentioned Dragon Ball Z a few days ago and I surpressed my geek urges, but after admitting them monday (and the fact that the uncensored episodes have been airing) I don't have to hold back anymore. This is the greatest animated series ever! O.K., there I said it. Judge me if you will. Rain down insults upon my head, I care not! This is the only series (that made it to America) where people grew up, had babies, died and so forth. This is the only series where people grew and changed. Where the bad guy could eventually become a valued friend. Not to mention people get their ass kicked. One of my favorite things about this show was despite the hero being generally heroic...he was as dumb as a bag of rocks. His first master had a thing for porn and his wife was a nag.

This series has brought forth one of my favorite bad guys of all time Vegeta (who's name means, I believe, Vegetable in Japenese). This cat was royalty, hella strong and had a Napolean complex. Killer of his partner, beating up on kids even trying to take out the only other of his kind left in the universe. Vegeta is *ahem* Hella bad. Forever dogged by the fact that someone who was supposed to be inferior could surpass him. Eventually he puts all his schemes of domination aside to just try and out do the hero. This is a cocky son of a bitch. Even when he became a semi-friend to the "good guys" he would still get on their asses on a regular basis. He married one of the ladies, had a son and still remained an arrogant prick who couldn't wait to show up the hero. He's like your asshole friend, you need him to get things done but he'll rip you in a second. Despite most animated series in the end he admitted that he was never as good as his rival because he wasn't selfless.

Nothing like watching animated characters experience growth.

Akira Toriyama put some weird things in here. The main Characters name means Cloud, his son's name is Rice. One families name all has to do with underwear. The name I love most though is that of an attack, one of the strongest and heavily trusted...The Kamehameha...if you don't know you gotta do a Google search on that.
The other thing I got from watching Dragon Ball Z was that Americans are pussies...So much crap was cut out or changed to make it T.V. friendly.

No blood, no cursing and nothing dealing with sex but also dumb things like:
A character named Mr. Satan was changed to Hercule
Instead of calling the underworld Hell they changed it to H.F.I.L. Home for Infinite Losers (Which is kinda funny).

While we cringe at all these "horrible" things...the Japenese don't have all the issues on as large a scale as we do. As a matter I think we have the sheltered girl syndrome: Y'know what I mean the girl that was never allowed to do anything and couldn't hang out or have a boyfriend...that's the one dudes targeted on those half days off from school. Then all of the sudden she's got like 5 kids and everybody knows her name. When I think about it you see more in regular T.V. from around the world than you do here. We cut out violence yet have the most murders. We restrict sexual material yet there's mad pregnant children. It's a wonder how all of our protection just doesn't work...See look how thought provoking DBZ is.

Now having gotten that out of my system we may continue with the regularly scheduled program...unless someone brings up Metal Gear Solid then I'll geek out again.

Burning Questions

"There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots."."

Seeing as how I have always been curious and Google can't solve everything (I'm not ready to admit that it may not be worthy of deification yet). I pose these question to the general blogging public.

1. Why do I need I.D. to get I.D.? (If I had I.D. I wouldn't need I.D. - Mos Def)
   
2. Who thought it was a good idea for Pras to have a solo album?
   
3. What the hell is a Holla back girl?
   
4. Do any of Michael Jackson's people ever say, "Yo, you tripping now dude."?
   
5. What's up with Bubbles?
   
6. Why is Jermaine so greasy?
   
7. Why do guys honk at women and keep driving?
   
8. Why am I more attractive when I have a girlfriend?
   
9. Why are all these young girls built like that? (is it Similac?)
   
10. If you're not gay or metrosexual...what's left?
    
11. Does the staff of G.W. Bush admit to themselves he's a dumbass?
    
12. Why am I fixated with the word bi-aaaaatch!!!?
    
13. Voulez vous couchez avec moi?
    
14. Why can't I get insurance money back if I never have an accident?
    
15. Why doesn't sprint just hire pimps instead of customer service reps?
    
16. How can gas STILL be so high?
    
17. When Bush has that dazed look on his face what is he thinking?
    
18. What good is Aquaman?
    
19. Why can one of the Wonder Twins only turn into water?
    
20. Do white dudes really think flat butts are sexy?
    

Rock Out

"I love Rock and Roll, put another dime in the Jukebox baby!"

I have professed my love for Rock n' Roll before on this blog. In addition I have gone over the fact that Chuck Berry and Jimi Hendrix are the easiest reasons why people should never call it "White" music. So I now present some of my favorite songs in the genre.
*Disclaimer, don't bash me and ask how come I didn't put on a certain song...this list is really infinite and no one wants to read all that.

"Castles made of Sand" Jimi Hendrix
This is a good song and a great message, while the majority of the songs seems to be from a negative standpoint and have people losing out, the last verse flips it around. It's like saying what's reality will always win out, good or bad. (I wanted to keep it to one but I gotta mention "Angel")
"And so castles made of sand, fall in the sea, eventually..."

"Mouth" Bush
This song speaks to something I've known all my life, a womans tongue can be the sharpest sword. Something many men have come to learn and even studies on child behavior confirm. Boys hit each other, girls strike for the heart without even yelling.
"All your mental armor drags me down/we can't breathe when you come around/all your mental armor drags me down/nothing hurts like your mouth"

"Welcome to the Jungle" Guns and Roses
This is one of the best It's-crazy-around-here-so-watch-your-back-songs. I love it in GTA: San Andreas, however, the best placement of this song has to be in "Lean on Me" Fair Eastside had some issues and you knew it as soon as you heard this song in the beginning. Pretty good description of any hood. (gotta mention November Rain)
"If you got a hunger for what you see/You'll take it eventually/You can have anything you want/But you better not take it from me"

"Fortunate Son" Creedance Clearwater Revival
This song has been misused as some sort of patriotic anthem when it's nothing close. It talks about how all those patriotic people are usually "privledged". Most of us can identify with this song. I know I have a great mother, but in the sense of this song, "I ain't no fortunate son".
"It ain't me, it ain't me/I ain't no senator's son/It ain't me, it ain't me/I ain't no fortunate one"

"Summer" Alien Ant Farm
Great song about not being able to work it out. You messed up and despite your good intentions it's over.
"Tried to give you summer, but I’m winter/Wish I could make you spring, but I fall so hard"

"Under the Bridge" Red Hot Chili Peppers
This song is the one that even the people who called Rock music "white people music" liked this song. This was the one that people in the hood knew about. I'd be surprised if anyone that reads this has not heard this song.
"I don't ever want to feel, like I did that day/Take me to the place I love, take me all the way"

"The Warmth" Incubus
This is the "there-are-bright-spots-song" I'll let it speak for itself...
"So don't let the world bring you down/Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold/Remember why you came and while you're alive/Experience the warmth before you grow old."

"Bullet with Butterfly Wings" Smashing Pumpkins
It was hard for me not to put Disarm on here, but this song has one of my favorite titles. It describes quite well what this song is all about. This is a song I speed to, this joint I want to mosh to. If my life is a movie, when this comes up in the soundtrack I'll be breaking things...then I'll break down.
"Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved/Despite all my rage I’m still just a rat in a cage"

"Whatsername" Greenday
I am a sucker for ballads and songs that put me in a certain moment or state of mind. I have found myself thinking about an old flame and wondering what was going on with them at the moment. This song takes me there.
"I made a point to burn all of the photographs/She went away and then I took a different path/I remember the face, but I can't recall the name/Now I wonder how whatsername has been"

"Jeremy" Pearl Jam
I always credit this song with documenting Columbine before it happened. This is a good example of how elders don't listen to what youth are saying until something happens. This was the warning.
"Clearly I remember pickin’ on the boy/Seemed a harmless little fuck/Ooh, but we unleashed a lion..."

"Dream On" Aerosmith
As I tell my clients no that's not "Eminem's song" he sampled a great band. While Aerosmith has a lot of good songs (Sweet Emotions, Love in an Elevator, Janie's got a Gun, etc.), but this one was always one of my favorites (besides Walk this Way for obvious reasons).
"Sing with me, sing for the year/ Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears /Sing with me, if it's just for today /Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away"

"Iron Man" Black Sabbath
How could I forget Ozzy. This is a sick story...I love it. A hero sacrifices himself for humanity is subsequently ignored and then...well peep it...
"Now the time is here for ironman to spread fear/Vengeance from the grave kills the people he once saved"

"We will Rock You" Queen
Though people look at me funny when I say I'm listening to Queen, or ask what "she" sings...everyone one knows at least the beat and chorus to this song. Used in a million stadiums and by me at open mics without bands. This in the top 10 list of "That was a great idea!" for simple yet killer songs. Stomp, Stomp, Clap. (many great songs, but I love to mention "Fat Bottomed Girls")
"You got mud on yo’ face/You big disgrace/Kickin’ your can all over the place"

What's a song that has to be on your list?

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

"No one's really gonna to be free until nerd persecution ends"
Gilbert Lowe (Revenge of the Nerds)



I've already flown my freak flag, but now it's time to put up the geek flag. Despite the cool demeanor and slick wardrobe...under it all lies a geek. I partially blame my mother, because of whom I have seen more black and white/science fiction movies than anyone my age should have.

*This should be a point on the list but in case a geek should come across this: the quote from revenge of the nerds is appropriate because even though all geeks are not nerds...the interests of nerds 99.9% of the time qualify them as geeks. BTW

1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d!

1. I have been in the theatre for every Star Wars movie (even though they are almost a year older than me), this includes the Special Edition re-releases. I can also identify every update, extra scene and revision in these films.
2. All of these terms make sense to me: FPS, NPC, 42, pwn3d, All your base are belong to us, l33t, trolling, YHBT.
3. I have a definitive post on why the Alien is better than the Predator.
4. It is a viable option for me to quit my job and earn money on a spree of gameshows...including Jeopardy, right Myisha? (ask her about my dominance)
5. I can name at least 10 creatures that fought Godzilla and I know who Godzuki is.
6. I know The creators ofMighty Morphin Power Rangers are just biting out of Voltron and Ultraman.
7. I know that in Army of Darkness the phrase Ash was supposed to say was "Klaatu Verata Nikto", I also know it comes from "The Day the Earth Stood Still", I also know the reason it was said in that movie.
8. I can sing at least 3 songs from the animated versions of The Hobbit and Return of the King. I also know that The Lord of the Rings anime was done by Zaentz Prod. and Ralph Bakshi whereas the others were Rankin Bass.
9. I think Rankin Bass kicks ass.
10. I can tell you that Leslie Nielson was the Commander in "The Forbidden Planet".
11. ...and the guy who made the Robby the Robot in that movie was hired to make the Robot for the Lost in Space T.V. Show.
12. I know that Clint Howard (Ron Howards older brother was in an episode (The Corbomite Manuever) of Star Trek. He was also in five episodes of The Andy Griffith Show.
13. I can do the hand gesture Spock does when he says "Live long and prosper."
14. When people ask me to do things I can't or don't want to do I say, "Damn it Jim I'm a doctor not a..."
15. My Grandmother knows Eric Braeden as Victor from "As the World Turns" but I know him as Dr. Charles Forbin.
16. I think that Artificial Intelligence will led to the destruction of Mankind...Colossus: The Forbin Project, I, Robot, The Terminator, and The Matrix agree with me.
17. I hate that Imhotep is "The Mummy" in those movies.
18. I like Mighty Joe Young more than King Kong.
19. The place from Deep Impact where the lottery winners got to go would in real life be Mt. Weather. It's all about whats beneath the surface.
20. No one believes me about capturing pieces en passant, but it's helped me win some chess matches.
21. I think the T-shirts here are cool.
22. I never liked AOL.
23. Ctrl+Alt+Del is my equivalent of going nuclear.
24. Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z is the best animated series ever.
25. I built one of these when I was in the 4th grade, but not at or for school.

Bringing People Together

This T-shirt worn by my man Abdul got praise from Thugs, Homosexuals, White, Black, Lower, middle, to upperclass and any other group of people you can think of. It brought a tear to my eye.

Top 10 Hip-Hop Moments

"...cause who I'm talking bout ya'll is Hip-Hop."
Common

Being a longtime fan of Hip-Hop and an Emcee since my teen years I have several moments in my life that stand out because of Hip-Hop some good, some bad. Here is my personal top ten list of memorable Hip-Hop moments.

10) Virgin - I had written rhymes before and recited them, but the first time I freestyled was bourne from frustration. We would cut school to blaze and three cats could beatbox, but only my current wingman would freestyle, one day after he stopped I just jumped in thinking if I messed up at least I tried. Well, I went on a 4 minute rip across a distance of more than 200 yards. Somebody said I reminded them of Blackthought and figured...I had to be o.k. then.

9) FAB - 5 - When I attended Morgan I quickly realized that most of the people there were from N.Y. and Conneticut with a few Southerners thrown in and very few Baltimore natives. On top of that most of the cat's there hated Bmore. So FAB - 5 (Heltah Skeltah and O.G.C.) came to perform one year and I go down with my crew. At first I'm pissed cause there's all these Morgan heads acting like it's an Opera and not a Hip-Hop Show...then I notice all of these cats in the front are pumped and going crazy. I get up there to find about 15 dudes that I grew up with and I mean dudes who lived two and three homes down from me. It made me glad to be from here.

8) Harbor Circle - If you are at least my age and you rhymed in Bmore you should know about the Harbor Circle Cipher. A spot where pan flute bands and clowns entertain tourists in the day this used to be a place where every weekend you could catch some of the best in Bmore. After it had died down (when I was really getting good), me and some friends are downtown and end up rhyming at the circle. Some dudes who were well known at the time join in and eventually we notice their rhymes turn towards the battle side of things. One by one we shred these cats and when we were done they just dapped us up and left. This was when I knew me and my peoples could rhyme.

7) Bohagers - I went to see The Roots, Common, Buckshot and Evil Dee Perfrom at this club on S. Broadway and when I got in I not only got in the front but, out of 200 people I found I knew 50 in the main area. We had a massive cypher before the show started and the show itself was murder. Hearing all those cats rock to the Clones beat was the joint.

6) BEEF - One of my big issues with Hip-Hop is there aren't as many real lessons in it anymore. I remember picking up Edutainment in high school, knowing it was one joint I had to own (and managed to keep to this day). Well when I heard the song Beef made me think about meat in a way never had. Since I had gave up pork a year or two prior...dropping beef became real easy after that song.

5) Tupac "Tribute" - I was going to this club on Friday, Sept. 13th, 1996 and as I passed by the 7-11 on the corner me and my friends were told that Tupac had died. We were shocked by it especially cause it seemed like bullets couldn't kill him. We go into the club and after a few minutes the D.J. announces the news. Then he says here's a "Tribute" to Tupac and this asshole plays 10 Biggie songs in a row. I never thought I would see something that cruddy.

4) Artscape - I have already had my Artscape post but, it ranks up there in my Hip-Hop moments cause it's the first time I got to see Tribe and while it's the third time I got to see Biz it was the first time I got to see him really rip on the tables.

3) Breaking In - Me and my crew went to Morgan one year to see K.R.S. and Common perform. They ripped and we got to speak with them afterwards. Not only was it a good show but it was the first time I got chill with some cats I respected after a show and they were very cool...this is the bridge to my #1 moment.

2) Beat Box - I go to the Harbor with about 5 cats from around my way and through associations we end up about 50 deep. There was some concert going on and we saw the Mayor of Rap City - Chris Thomas. Then who to our wandering eye should appear but Biz Markie...dudes rushed him and he ended up sitting down in front of the Gallery to chill for a minute. People tried to get him to rhyme but he wouldn't, he did offer to beat box if someone else wanted to rhyme. So Biz and a local cat are going back and forth on the beat and dudes are rhyming. I'm in the back and when my peoples realize this the start pushing me to the front. I'm getting pissed cause all these dudes start claiming various parts of N.Y. (For the uninitiated due to the drug trade running through N.Y. and Bmore used to have some beef issues, plus I hate when dudes can't accept where they come from and want to claim another city). So I jump in just as the beat switches to Biz and straight murder with a Bmore reference laden rhyme. I can't even remember what I said but I know I had a line that made Biz's eyes light up. I will never forget that day.

1) Tramps - As a result of meeting K.R.S. and Common me and my crew got put on for the Temple of Hip-Hop show at Tramps. Not only did we get to perform but I got to meet and see, K.R.S. and Common (again), Big Daddy Kane, The Cold Crush Brothers, Biz Markie and in the crowd I meet Black Thought and Jeru the Damaja. The only down side was because of the combination of Bidi, cig, and weed smoke, I eventually got too dizzy (I fought for a while) and had to leave. This was the greatest Hip-Hop show that I have ever seen in my life.

Any personally memorable Hip-Hop Moments?

Sports Rant

"That's Ri-goddamn-diculous!"

As a sports fans and an intellectual type person (I could read) I have a several issues with the current state of sports and the reporting that goes along with it. Before I get into that, I will say Stephen A. Smith (above) and Stuart Scott should rebel and create their own sports network...clearly two of the blackest black men in the field...I'd call it the B.S.N.B.!!! (Black Sports Network- Bi-yatch!!!)

• I'm with T.O. I don't care about all the angry fans who when I hear them say shut up and play it sounds like "Nigga be glad we letting you do something." I have two words to say to all those who say he's under contract. Troy Brown. This man not only put is body at risk, but he was the ultimate team player by going both ways last year. He also didn't get to make some incentive bonuses because he was splitting time. Then they dropped him just to pick him up later with a smaller contract. I say go for yours T.O., I hear alot of working class people complain and they usually reference, "He's making millions of dollars...". So the hell what, let your job not give you a $1.00 an hour raise you think you deserve and we'll see if you just "Shut up and work!". Besides, he makes millions, but how much money do they make off of him? (Doing the Ray Lewis dance was messed up though, son.)
  
• I like Ricky Williams - I don't care why he left, it's his life...the majority of people that are mad are fans, teammates and old sportscaster who can't play anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't be mad at a man who has realized that he wants to control his life and took steps to do so. I've quit a job so I could sleep late. Then for those who say he's only coming back for the money...Hell Yeah, if he had found a job where he could make $8.6 million he'd be fighting you, me and everyone you know for an application

• Sports media is like the kid who used to instigate fights in school...Examples:
  

1) Keyshawn Johnson (while with the Bucks) is asked who is the best coach he ever played for...he says Bill Parcells. Media says, "Oooh, he's dissing Jon Gruden!"...meanwhile Bill Parcells is recognized as one of the greatest coaches ever.

2) Randy Moss is asked who is the better quarterback his current (Kerry Collins) or his former (Daunte Culpepper). He says that Daunte is more mobile and physically gifted, but in the end (like a real teammate) he says he'll take Kerry Collins. Media says, "Ooooh, he's ripping on Daunte, no way Kerry is better!" meanwhile the unwritten rule is stand by your man.

3) Stephen A. Smith asks Donovan McNabb his opinion on Brett Farves comments about Javon Walker...he says it was unprofessional and he wouldn't have done it. For the next few days media says,"Ooooh, Donovan attacked Favre!" No he didn't he answered a question about his opinion...and another pro-sports rule is you don't talk about teammates contract.

Sports media needs to man up or something, then they cry when people do anything to them.

• I love touchdown celebrations. I think if you work that hard to score you should get to do a damn dance if you want to. My problem is guys who do it are called showoffs and all types of names by the media and the only or main reasons I know about "The Fun Bunch, The Ickey Shuffle and Billy "White Shoes" Johnson...is because I've seen them a million times on Sports Center. They always say just shut up and play and you'll be recognized, well tell that to Marvin Harrison, Torry Holt or Jon Ogden who has been to the Probowl for close to a decade and only gets local Geico Commercials.
• People who gripe about the size of contracts...especially NFL ones. The important phrase in an NFL contract is "Guaranteed Money". An NFL contract works like this...you get signed, you get a bonus which is money you earn upfront every year and then what you are paid throughout the season. The first year is always the least amount and the last is the most. If you play every game, make every practice, training camp and workout; you could make all of the money. The only thing is since teams have to make other moves they usually come and ask players to renegotiate their contracts to make cap space. This means your salary goes down. So in actuality those gigantic contracts that we hear about almost never pay out in full. The most enlightening aspect is that at anytime your team can break your contract and drop you.

Just an Example

"From the master or for office niggas is sick of running..."
Talib Kweli

Since he just got out of a halfway house here's a rant about my man and the law....

Jamal Lewis is my man...not because I'm a Ravens fan. Not because he's gone over the 2000 yard mark or set the single game record. Not even because his first name is my middle name (it means beauty BTW). But because he is the perfect example of a charge that scoops up lots of black males...Conspiracy to (fill in the blank). Before I get into the ramifications of the charge itself, as a Ravens Fan and a black man that was some bullshit. Hit a brother with a 4 year old charge for basically saying "yeah" on a cell phone...anyway. A conspiracy charge itself requires the least proof of any form of charge. There don't have to be written documents or a lot of physical evidence. Best believe that most of the people reading this could get caught up in some kind of conspiracy charge. This is ever present in my mind as I work with young people and some of them hustle. This type of charge really only has to show that you had the means and possible intention to commit a crime. In his case it's crap because the crime didn't actually happen (four years ago) and because the "witness" was in jail...if you from the hood you know what it means when the witness is in jail...someone wants their sentence shortened. These two factors already piss me off, then I would hear people talking about how if he wasn't rich or famous he would already be in jail...hey stupid if he wasn't rich or famous they wouldn't have brought the charges up 4 years later...notice it was right after he earned the rushing title. Anyway...I know people who were legitimate criminals and because they couldn't be caught with enough evidence to put them away for their crimes they were hit with (drumroll please)...consipiracy charges. It's like hitting gangsters with Tax evasion except you don't have to have any money. Then (I usually get pissed when I hear about public opinion) people are saying that he shouldn't have plead guilty if he didn't do anything. Obviously these folks have never heard of "Cop or rock". Basically you cop a plea or face the full penalty that can be imposed if found guilty. I actually have a client that took an attempted murder charge (something he didn't do) the difference was he sat in jail for over a year waiting to have a trial (postponed 4 times) and was told that if he plead guilty he would get out in three months...so he plead guilty. My issue with Lewis' charge is that it was acknowledged that no drug deal ever went down! He was charged with trying to help his friend set up a drug deal...for years ago. If they pursued these types of charges on every level I would be in jail for 500 counts of conspiracy to commit assault. I don't understand the rationale of putting a person in jail for "almost" commiting a crime. Then of course they add on all types of other charges; using a cell phone to set up a drug deal and blah, blah, blah...just like my aforementioned client who they not only hit with attempted murder but also shooting a handgun in the city, possession of a handgun, and about 5 other charges. It was like they had a handful of darts and just threw them all at once like something was bound to stick. The real thing is that alot of people without his financial resources or support system (he is a cash cow) get hit with these types of charges all the time...some are doing things, some are just in the position to get hit with them. They don't have the money to fignt the charges or a lawyer who can work out a good deal. I'm happy that the brother is out and that he'll be running all over your favorite team this year. Conspiracy charges suck.

Shut up!

"You're lips are moving, but I don't know what you're saying."

Here are some things that I am tired of hearing. They are just stupid comments, questions or things of the like that I feel when said should entitle people with the right to physically assault the speaker, enjoy!

When homeless people ask for change why do people tell them to "get-a-job". I know people who don't stink, aren't dirty and have a phone number and address who have trouble finding work. If the same guy walked into their establishment these people would not hire them. Stop saying that. Try something original like "go to a soup kitchen", or just be rude and say "Fuck off". Something that makes sense. Think of it this way even sweat shops go hire immigrants instead of rounding up homeless people.

Commercials using the wrong songs...I mentioned once before about how they used 16 - tons for a coal intiative commercial. I remember when Wrangler had a commercial showing all these American flags and they play the opening lines of "Fortunate Son" by Creedance Clearwater Revival...
Some folks are born made to wave the flag
,ooh, they're red, white and blue.
And when the band plays "Hail To The Chief",oh,
they point the cannon at you, Lord,

What they fail to play are the next lines...
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no senator's son,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no

Stop using these songs for the wrong damn themes...if you have to write a jingle or something.

At my job we help young people find employment, ages 16 - 21 (and up really). The executive director keeps griping about why these young people can't hold jobs longer than 12 and 18 months. Why...they're young...I used to quit jobs on principle at that age. I, at more than one job have either been at lunch or at a desk and realized I didn't want to work there anymore. If I was at lunch I wouldn't go back and if I was at my desk I would get up and leave. I've done the Harlem Nights move to a job, "Yeah, I ain't never coming in to work no more, take it easy." I think the problem is most of them aren't even 20 and they don't have bills to pay...a tragic syndrome of youth (enjoy kids!).

Did you buy anything in Mexico? This statement is asked at several borders, replacing Mexico with whatever country, but no one ever tells. Most people only go to buy things and no one starts admitting at the border. Yes officer I have several cigars, some tequila and a mexican immigrant in my trunk, no it's right next to the weed and the coke...from what I saw alot of californians almost don't answer the question. This is one that should be greeted with a long..."hey stupid" kind of stare.

On the D.L. is pissing me off recently, see this is what happens when uninformed older/white people hear a phrase and run with it. D.L. or down low meant you are sneaking...how it strictly means that a black man is having a gay affair behind his wifes back is beyond me but it pisses me off. I can't listen to the song from the Pharcydes first album anymore, I can't say it and thats hard. I came up through the 80's but I got my speech patterns in the 90's On the Down Low is part of that and they took it away...I don't think dude was trying to re-coin the phrase when he wrote his book either.

I've covered hatin' in an earlier post...but to re-emphasize I "HATE" the phrase, yes I'm a hater...Piss off you stupid blighter (english accent)!

Is ______ There? No even though you called their cell phone they are not here as a matter of fact you're imagining this whole conversation. I actually have started telling people who ask me this, "No I'm not here, do you want to leave a message for me?" If you know the person, know that you have their cell number...why call with unsurety..for real if you're not the person why are you on the phone attempting to engage in a dialog?

"Do ya'll mind..." I do a lot of open mics and I hate when people ask the crowd is it all right or do they mind if they do something...even when I want crowd participation I'll pick someone I know get them to do whatever it is and suggest that the crowd join in (people don't perform well under pressure). I have an urge the next time someone says one of these phrases to stand up and yell, "Hell yeah I mind!" If I ever see someone follow my urge they'll be my new best friend.

Stuff that used to work...

"Let me hold the ball lil' man, I ain't gonna take it."

I was just thinking about things we used to do that would get you punched in the grill these days. As bad as somethings may have been we at least knew hot to follow rules...most of the time.

Snatch Pops - Remember this you'd have something like some chips or something and someone would take them and and yell snatch pops. Meaning that them taking them was all good and you really couldn't do anything...definite punch in the mug today.

Line jumping - Honestly this move didn't always work. You're in line and your man wants to get in so you let him jump in front of you and then out of courtesy he lets you jump in front of him. At one point in time this used to seem logical but, the older we get it was less so.

Letter B - This used to be my favorite game. Everyone one bet in and then if you say a word that begins with the letter B any participants get to hit you until you say "letter B". My favorite thing to do was to wait until the end of the day when everyone forgot we were playing and get my hits in. One time I had a well placed shot to the diaphram on this "tough guy". That's one place that will produce tears. Can't play this game anymore.

"My Cousin..." - For some reason in Baltimore back in the day, everytime someone wanted to jump somebody or take something from you they always brought up their cousin like so..."Yo, you look like the dude that beat up my cousin" or "Somebody took my cousins shoes and they was about that size." This only worked for a little while...by the time I was eleven and a stranger started talking about their cousin you either ran or started swinging...depending on the odds.

"Taking the Loss" - The cruel cousin of Snatch Pops, this is where you have some food in your hand and someone smacks your hand and makes you drop it. I have seen some fights over this but mostly people just waited to get revenge.

"Fag Tag" - This only happened when I was in middle school with a lot of white kids, but if you recall some shirts have what looks like a horizontal belt loop on the back. These were called fag tags and promptly ripped off of your shirt. Would not work today.

"Bus Co-Op" - I kind of miss this one, but I remember back in the day when the bus was crowded and no one was into the gentlemanly practice of giving the ladies a seat, girls would just sit on your lap...some of the finest times of my childhood.

"Slow grabbing" - This one is hard to do cause of lack of opportunity, really dudes usually have their sites set higher now. Those wonderful school dances were a coming of age. When the D.J. would slow things down and you'd find that special girl and ask her to dance...then you'd spend the rest of the dance seeing where you could get away with putting your hands. The last time I did this I had a full two-handed grab going and didn't know it until a third party came and moved my hands. I guess it was a muscle memory thing.

"Trading" - Oh how I miss this, when people would trade lunch, toys or whatever else there was. The only downside was when your mother got pissed cause you weren't concerned with the cash value of what you traded away.

"Truth or Dare" - Now people may still do this, but it's a whole different level nowadays or rather at this age. This used to be the ultimate "let's get it started" game. I used to always be so nonchalant and so amped for this one. I did have a list ready in my mind though. I wouldn't bring this game up if I had a gun pointed to my head now. For one I keep my business out of the street. Two, I'm not a horny young boy anymore, I'm a horny young man and we use different tactics.